LOL Dallas.

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Jones has fired Wade Phillips after yesterday’s delightful Cowboys collapse (this week, it was Green Bay’s turn to whip the gimp).

It’s of course his prerogative, but note the stat box in the linked story. Phillips leaves with a cumulative record of 34-22, or about .607. That’s stronger than any coach since Barry Switzer (’94-’97, .625 record), and matches St Landry’s career numbers. Sure, a 1-7 start and a five-game slide is bad news, but — and I can’t believe I’m defending the Cowboys here — they were losing close games until Romo got hurt; it’s only after then that we see margins bigger than a TD.

Of course, with 38-year-old Kitna in as the de facto first string, it’s gone to hell. And it’s not hard to see why — they didn’t give him any playing time at all in 2009, and he apparently didn’t take a snap this year until Romo went down. That’s called putting all your eggs in one basket, and while it’s still Phillips’ fault, it’s also epidemic. How often does Peyton’s backup see playing time? Or Eli’s? Or Favre’s?

So, sure, my hatred for the Cowboys loves this move. They’ll bag an unspeakably shitty season, stay out of the playoffs again, and do it while burning a metric ton of money. Without Romo and with a temp for a skipper, there’s no way they’ll bag more than 2 or 3 wins before Christmas. (Their next 8 include the Giants (6-2), New Orleans (6-3), Indy (5-3), and Philly (5-3) twice, with only Arizona (3-5), Detroit (2-6) and the Redskins (4-4) tossed in to even it out.)

But me loving it doesn’t make it smart.

Maddow on the Right Wing Lie Machine

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Herein Rachel Maddow explains how we got to a place where lies and rumors are treated as fact in the self-confirming world of the well-funded right-wing media.

It’s not just the fringe accepting bullshit like “Muslims are exempt from Obamacare” or “Obama is smuggling muslims into the country” or “the Presidential trip to Asia costs $200 million a day.” Actual elected officials are encouraging and spreading these things that are easily disprovable, and that they know to be incorrect, because it’s politically useful. Facts have no place on the right.

So much to love here

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The Onion completely nails the Cowboys’ collapse:

IRVING, TX — As the Dallas Cowboys struggle with a 1-6 season, sports fans nationwide have been saddened by the bad fortune that has befallen the franchise long revered as one of the NFL’s crown jewels, and known throughout the football world as America’s Team.

Actually, the U.S. populace immediately confirmed, the Cowboys’ pathetic collapse has brought with it nothing but pure joy and happiness.

“It’s really been tough to watch, especially for a team that had so much potential heading into the season,” Appleton, WI shopkeeper and longtime Packers fan Erik Hoyer said. “Ha! I was almost able to say that with a straight face. Honestly, this Cowboys team has made watching football more fun than it’s been in years. They can’t run the ball, they can’t defend anything, and they’re imploding so bad that their owner doesn’t even know how many games they’ve played.”

“I can’t think of a better team for this to happen to,” he added. “I literally can’t stop smiling.”

Go read the whole thing. It’s delicious.

The GOP: Made of Lies.

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The right wing is freaking out over the idea that Obama is spending $200 million a day on a trip to India and Asia. By the way, the war in Afghanistan? That costs about $190 million a day.

The problem? It’s a complete lie, yet another example of the right wing echo chamber. They don’t care about truth.

Fortunately, at least some members of the media are paying attention, and breaking it down. The White House won’t (and shouldn’t) disclose actual costs and security measures on the trips, but Anderson Cooper pulled up figures for Clinton’s trip to Africa several years ago. Adjusted for inflation, that longer trip to more countries (6 countries in 11 days vs. Obama’s 4 in 9) cost the taxpayers some $5.2 million a day.

But the damage is largely done, just as it has been done countless times before. Some right-winger fabricates some piece of bullshit — say, death panels, or go back further to the Swift Boat horseshit in 2004 — and gets it into the media conversation from pundits and hacks like Limbaugh and Savage and Beck, and then gets quoted by party hacks like Michelle Bachmann, and a good chunk of our halfwit nation buys it and never hears the truth.

That’s how the GOP plays. They do it over and over; they do it far too often to claim innocence here. They are the party of open mendacity. This is what it means to be Republican in 2010.

Life in Space

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Check it out:

Unsurprisingly, falling asleep can take some getting used to. Just as you are nodding off, you can feel as though you’ve fallen off a 10-storey building. People who look half asleep will suddenly throw their heads back with a start and fling out their arms. It gets easier with time. One Russian crew member is renowned for doing without a sleeping bag and falling asleep wherever he ends the day. Anyone still awake after bedtime would see his snoozing form drift by, slowly bouncing off the walls, his course set by the air currents that gently pushed and pulled him.

TSA: Now even MORE obnoxious

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Because people are justifiably uncomfortable with the “naked scan” aspects of the new backscatter x-ray machines in airports, and because more than a few have wondered at the health implications of these things, there’s a growing backlash. People are insisting on a manual patdown instead of the x-ray, as is their right.

Well, the jerkoffs at TSA have decided to make the patdowns more intrusive, and the clear implication is that they want them to be more uncomfortable, more degrading, and more humiliating so that you’ll be a good little drone and take your x-ray dose like they want you to.

Fuck. That.

Here’s a counterplan: Let’s all refuse the scans. Sure, it’s annoying to have some halfwit pawing your junk, but we’re not the ones who’ll spend 8 hours a day doing the junk-pawing.

So let’s try to put an end to security theatre. Let’s take back our rights, along with our dignity. Let’s remember what Ben Franklin taught us, that those who sacrifice liberty for security (or worse, the illusion of security) deserve neither. Let’s find our balls, and then make them touch ‘em.

Word.

Not that any of the Tea Partiers know this, mind you.

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Over at Kos: Four questions for Republicans, and four answers for undecided voters (click through for en-linkened sources):

Questions:

  1. What was the average monthly private sector job growth in 2008, the final year of the Bush presidency, and what has it been so far in 2010?

  2. What was the Federal deficit for the last fiscal year of the Bush presidency, and what was it for the first full fiscal year of the Obama presidency?

  3. What was the stock market at on the last day of the Bush presidency? What is it at today?

  4. Which party’s candidate for speaker will campaign this weekend with a Nazi reenactor who dressed up in a SS uniform?

Answers:

  1. In 2008, we lost an average of 317,250 private sector jobs per month. In 2010, we have gained an average of 95,888 private sector jobs per month. (Source) That’s a difference of nearly five million jobs between Bush’s last year in office and President Obama’s second year.

  2. In FY2009, which began on September 1, 2008 and represents the Bush Administration’s final budget, the budget deficit was $1.416 trillion. In FY2010, the first budget of the Obama Administration, the budget deficit was $1.291 trillion, a decline of $125 billion. (Source) Yes, that means President Obama has cut the deficit — there’s a long way to go, but we’re in better shape now than we were under Bush and the GOP.

  3. On Bush’s final day in office, the Dow, NASDAQ, and S&P 500 closed at 7,949, 1,440, and 805, respectively. Today, as of 10:15AM Pacific, they are at 11,108, 2,512, and 1,183. That means since President Obama took office, the Dow, NASDAQ, and S&P 500 have increased 40%, 74%, and 47%, respectively.

  4. The Republican Party, whose candidate for speaker, John Boehner, will campaign with Nazi re-enactor Rich Iott this weekend. If you need an explanation why this is offensive, you are a lost cause.

Oh, and odds are, you got a tax cut under Obama, too. But never mind that.

There’s so much suck here I can hardly stand it

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Balko has more; it’s yet another tale of goofball prosecutorial tomfoolery and law-enforcement vendettas against pain management people.

In this particular case, a Bush-appointed US Attorney is actively persecuting a third party for questioning her prosecution of a pain specialist.

Yeah, you read that right. She’s brought charges against someone for criticizing her, and has further managed to get the court to rule the whole thing is too sensitive to be public. How chilling is that?

The whole imbroglio started under Bush, but — as I noted when he was making those power grabs — the Executive branch almost never lets go of power, so the abuse has continued under Obama’s watch.

The case is now in front of SCOTUS. Balko quotes Jacob Sullum:

This level of secrecy, which the Associated Press says “has alarmed First Amendment supporters” who see it as “highly unusual” and “patently wrong,” is clearly not justified by the need to protect the confidentiality of grand jury proceedings. The 10th Circuit decided to seal even the Reason/I.J. amicus brief, which is based entirely on publicly available information. More generally, the gist of the case could have been discussed without revealing grand jury material, as Reynolds’ Supreme Court petition shows. Although the court-ordered redactions make the 10th Circuit’s reasoning as described in the petition hard to follow at times, the details generally can be filled in with information that has been reported in the press (which shows how silly the pretense of secrecy is). Furthermore, one of the main justifications for grand jury secrecy — that it protects innocent people who are investigated but never charged — does not apply in a case like this, where the target of the investigation wants more openness and it’s the government that is trying to hide information. As Corn-Revere argues, such secrecy turns the intended role of the grand jury on its head, making it an instrument of oppression instead of a bulwark against it…

I’d like to show you the Reason/I.J. brief defending Reynolds’ First Amendment rights, but I’m not allowed to!

Henceforth, she will be known as Officer Badass

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Off-duty cop Feris Jones was getting her hair in Brooklyn done on Saturday when a thief became very unlucky:

The gunman ordered the four people there […] to place their belongings in a black bag, the police said. He then ordered them into a bathroom in the back while he searched the shop for more worth stealing.

In the bathroom, Mr. Browne said, Officer Jones pulled out her revolver. She whispered to the other three women to lie down and gave the proprietor her cellphone and told her to call 911. Then she stepped out of the bathroom, identified herself as a police officer and ordered the robber to drop his gun, the police said. He refused and opened fire from about 12 feet away, Mr. Browne said, shooting four times in quick succession.

One bullet whizzed past Officer Jones’s head. She fired back, emptying her five-shot revolver. One shot knocked the gun from the man’s two-handed grip, piercing his right middle finger and grazing his left hand, according to the police. Another shot hit the lock on the front door, jamming it. The gunman tried to flee, Mr. Browne said, but could not get the door open. Finally, he grabbed his gun, kicked out a lower panel on the door and crawled out. Officer Jones followed him out the door to see which way he was running.

Winston Cox, 19, was eventually apprehended in a Brooklyn motel after police tracked him via his blood trail to his mother’s home.

The story does not say, but I really hope Officer Jones blew the smoke from her barrel as Cox ran away.

This is bad. Do not support this.

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Apple has released the guidelines for its new “Mac App Store,” and they’re basically the same as for the iPhone: an iron hand controlling the whole process, no guarantee of placement, a 30% cut to Apple, and a whole lot of rules that limit content.

Walled garden crap like this is objectionable on a phone, but Apple’s getting away with it because of how fragmented the market has been. Walled garden bullshit on a real desktop platform is complete and utter horseshit, and deserves to be denounced from every quarter. Seriously, Steve, fuck this. It’s obnoxious and controlling, and could seriously damage your platform.

Christine O’Donnell: Still a buffoon

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The Washington Post covered her most recent debate, wherein it became clear that she did not understand that separation of church and state is part of the First Amendment:

Republican Senate nominee Christine O’Donnell of Delaware on Tuesday questioned whether the U.S. Constitution calls for a separation of church and state, appearing to disagree or not know that the First Amendment bars the government from establishing religion.

The exchange came in a debate before an audience of legal scholars and law students at Widener University Law School, as O’Donnell criticized Democratic nominee Chris Coons’ position that teaching creationism in public school would violate the First Amendment by promoting religious doctrine.

Coons said private and parochial schools are free to teach creationism but that “religious doctrine doesn’t belong in our public schools.”

“Where in the Constitution is the separation of church and state?” O’Donnell asked him.

When Coons responded that the First Amendment bars Congress from making laws respecting the establishment of religion, O’Donnell asked: “You’re telling me that’s in the First Amendment?”

Her comments, in a debate aired on radio station WDEL, generated a buzz in the audience.

“You actually audibly heard the crowd gasp,” Widener University political scientist Wesley Leckrone said after the debate, adding that it raised questions about O’Donnell’s grasp of the Constitution.

This woman wants to be a Senator. Seriously.

Update: TalkingPointsMemo has video.

Foobawl

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So, GOOD for Alabama?

Ohio State looks crappy, and Auburn needed 60+ to put a Mallett-less Arkansas away.

Bad for Alabama, but still awesome? Spurrier’s Cock(s) got stuffed by Kentucky in a match that included some game management tricks right out of Les Miles’ playbook. Bama would be bolstered by SC continuing to win, but at the end of the day we just can’t support supporting South Carolina. Go Wildcats!

Next up: the postgame from the Alabama homecoming game.

Other Note: Today’s best game was probably the “Houston Bowl,” a back-and-forth affair between Rice and UH that Rice eventually won by the skin of its teeth. Heathen HQ are collectively stupid for not attending this one; by all accounts, it was some fine football.

Must. Have.

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Tom Waits recorded some music with the Preservation Hall Jazz Band:

On November 19th, Preservation Hall Recordings will release 504 limited edition hand-numbered 78 rpm vinyl records featuring two tracks by the Preservation Hall Jazz Band with very special guest Tom Waits. Proceeds from the sale of this very special project will benefit the Preservation Hall Junior Jazz & Heritage Brass Band.

Mr. Waits traveled to New Orleans in 2009 to record two songs with the Preservation Hall Jazz Band for the critically acclaimed project Preservation: An album to benefit Preservation Hall and the Preservation Hall Music Outreach Program, “Tootie Ma Was A Big Fine Thing,” and “Corrine Died On The Battlefield,” Originally recorded by Danny Barker in 1947, these two selections are the earliest known recorded examples of Mardi Gras Indian chants.

The two tracks will now be packaged in a special limited edition 78 rpm format record, each signed and numbered by Preservation Hall Creative Director Ben Jaffe. The first one hundred records will be accompanied by a custom-made Preservation Hall 78rpm record player as part of a Deluxe Donation package.

Said “deluxe” package is still only $200, and will be available to the first 100 purchases on November 19 at Preservation Hall at 10AM central, or online the day after.

I think I’m about to go buy a plane ticket, as the nice lady at the shop just told me she believes the deluxe edition will only be available onsite. SWA has roundtrips for about $130 for that Friday…

The Mystery of Free Public Wifi

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So, this is sort of delightful and hilarious.

If you travel at all, or take your laptop (or phone, these days) into places that may have a wifi network you can use — airports, hotels, coffeeshops, conference centers, etc. — you’ve seen the everpresent mystery network “Free Public Wifi.” Maybe you’ve even tried to connect to it — I never have, since it looks obviously fake to me, but I have always wondered why it’s there.

Well, NPR has the story. The gist it this:

When a computer running an older version of XP can’t find any of its “favorite” wireless networks, it will automatically create an ad hoc network with the same name as the last one it connected to -– in this case, “Free Public WiFi.” Other computers within range of that new ad hoc network can see it, luring other users to connect.

The hilarious part of this is that the notion of this mythical network has spread based entirely on this bug for years now, but nobody actually knows where the original, valid “Free Public Wifi” network was. It just lives on, a digital zombie, in the memories of a million out-of-date Windows laptops. Here’s a more detailed walkthrough of how the network ID has spread; it really is “viral,” just nondestructive.

Bonus: It’s not the only one. If you see ad-hoc networks out in the wild named things like “dlink” or “linksys,” they’re probably the result of the same bug.

Happy Us.

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Five years ago today, we threw one hell of a party, for the best reason ever.

Happy anniversary, baby. I love you.

erinandchet-wedding.jpg

What magazines used to be like

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The subtitle of this piece is “down the ladder from Playboy to Maxim,” and that about sums it up. Consider that, once upon a time, the best markets for fiction in the US were the “big four” magazines: The New Yorker, The Atlantic, Esquire, and — yes — Playboy. Hef’s mag ran stories by Steinbeck, Vonnegut, Hemingway, Styron, Nabokov, Cheever, and others.

Imagine that in FHM. Hell, imagine anything longer than 200 words in one of those lad mags.

Charlie Stross Bursts Your Bubble

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Herein, he explains why, barring some pretty enormous (i.e., almost magical) developments w/r/t energy production and storage, not to mention propulsion systems, nobody is going to visit that new planet. Possibly ever.

tl;dr? Basically, people have no damn conception of just exactly how far apart things are in the universe, and what kind of energy it takes to move anything of consequence.

(Via JWZ.)

Roll Tide: The Grey Lady Edition

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Tomorrow’s story is already posted in re: the absolute skullfucking Alabama gave #7 Florida tonight:

Alabama does not want any thoughtful dialogue on the national championship race. The Crimson Tide has played poorly on the road and won. It has played with a rebuilt defense and won. It has played without its Heisman Trophy winner and won.

For those watching top-ranked Alabama, it is becoming harder not to end the discussion on half of the national championship matchup, fast-forward to January and put the Crimson Tide in the Bowl Championship Series title game against any of a half-dozen challengers who would all look like underdogs.

A bit later, we come across a fun stat:

Alabama safety Mark Barron, linebacker Courtney Upshaw and defensive lineman Marcell Dareus were particularly hard to handle for the Gators, who gained only 79 yards rushing and were held without a touchdown for the first time since Oct. 1, 2005.

Widely noted by now, of course, is that Alabama QB Greg McElroy has not lost a game in which he started since he was in middle school. That’s a nice run.

Roll. Tide. Roll.