Fafblog Interviews Condi, sort of:

RICE: First of all, we don’t send prisoners off to be tortured, Fafnir. We just transport prisoners to countries where torture happens to be legal and where they happen to end up getting tortured. FB: Well that explains everything then! It’s all just a wacky misunderstanding, like that episode a Three’s Company where Jack sends Janet off to Uzbekistan to get boiled alive by the secret police. RICE: I’d also like to point out that whenever we send a prisoner to a country that routinely tortures prisoners, that country promises us NOT to torture them. FB: And then they get tortured anyway! RICE: Yes, they do! It’s very strange. FB: Over and over again, every time! That’s gotta be so frustrating. RICE: Oh it is, it is. FB: So the first time you kidnap a prisoner an send him to Saudi Arabia you’re like “don’t torture this guy” an they’re all “we totally won’t” an then they go an torture him an you’re all “ooh Saudi Arabia I told you not to torture him!” an they’re all “oh we’re sorry, we promise next time” an then you go “well you better” an you send em the next guy an they torture him too an you go “oh man Saudi Arabia you did it AGAIN!” RICE: The president believes in the value of patience, Fafnir. He’s not going to let a few dozen innocent torture victims come between him and his favorite third-world dictators. FB: See after the first coupla hundred times that happened I woulda registered a complaint with customer service. RICE: But the real point is that these accidental torture missions are vital to the war on terror. Remember that these aren’t just prisoners. These are known Muslims with names very similar to suspected associates of other Muslims. FB: They’re just the sorta key players that could lead us to Hosama bin Blaben and Musad al Zarcotti! RICE: Exactly. And by subjecting these high-profile non-targets to not-torture in nonexistent secret prisons, you can bet we’ll stop a lot of pretend terror.