The Devil You Know

A brief discussion on The Well lead me to consider my favorite devils, Satans, Lucifers, etc. IMDB is your friend.

First, there are the comedy devils:

  • Mel Blanc (various WB cartoons)
  • Trey Parker (South Park, 1997)

Then we’ve got traditional-film-treatments:

  • Lon Chaney, Jr. (Devil’s Messenger, 1961). There’s something inevitable about this.
  • Donald Pleasence (The Greatest Story Ever Told, 1965), 20 years before he chased that slasher over and over.
  • Robert Judd (Crossroads, 1986). Nobody remembers him; Judd died before the film was released, but his Legbah/Scratch was pleasantly over the top. Plus, he threatened Ralph Macchio, so what’s not to like?
  • Viggo Mortensen (Prophecy, 1995, opposite Christopher Walken). It’s probably best not to remind Aragorn of his past work.
  • Gabriel Byrne (End of Days, 1999). Of course, Arnie wins in the film, but we all know that if he can survive the whole of the Chicago mob chasing him as a compulsive gambler and dipsomaniac, one slurring commando wouldn’t have stopped him.

A few are Just Plain Weird:

  • Danny Elfman (Forbidden Zone, 1980). I think we like it better when he just writes movie music.
  • John Ritter (Wholly Moses, 1980). I never saw this, but there’s pretty much no way it’s not freaky.
  • Harvey Keitel (Little Nicky, 2000). You know, Keitel playing the devil ought to be scary.

In this corner, we have the combination category of Remakes-or-Women:

  • Elizabeth Hurley (Bedazzled, 2000). It’s possible Hurley didn’t totally embarrass herself here, but not likely; her 1967 antecedent was Peter Cook.
  • Jennifer Love Hewitt (Devil and Daniel Webster, 2001). This is sort of a sick joke, given Walter Huston’s work in the 1941 original.

And now, the winners:

  • The official Heathen Filmed Satan Champ is, of course, Robert De Niro (Angel Heart, 1987). I’ll never forgive Liz for making me watch the last 15 minutes of that film first.
  • Heathen passes the TV prize to Roddy McDowall (on Fantasy Island, season 4 “The Devil and Mandy Breem.”). Damn you, Roarke!
  • Finally, the “Thank God I’m Legal Now, Let’s Make a Movie!” Porn Devil winner is, of course, Traci Lords (New Wave Hookers, 1985). We’ve never seen this, of course. But we’re sure we’d like it.

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