Over here at Heathen Central, one aspect of modern life that never fails to amuse is the sheer existence of the Lifetime network. I mean, what’s NOT funny about a network so full of “colon” movies? You know the type: <Scary Title> : The <Minor Celeb> Story. Even better are those titles on the “Baby Monitor: Sound of Fear” pattern. You don’t even have to watch these things to know they’re bad; you’ve got all you need in the title (and, perhaps, the highly-tauted presence of Meredith Baxter-Birney).

All this being the case, then, it should come as no surprise that this page seems to us like complete self-parody.