ILoveKarlRove.com makes me vaguely uncomfortable. However, read on, since a bit down the page she holds forth on the, er, “humpability” of the Democratic candidates.
Senator Kerry seems to get the worst treatment:
The minute he rode the motorcycle onto Jay Leno’s set, Kerry nixed any chance of nabbing red-hot, under-35 poontang again in this lifetime. Gas up the Suburban, and godspeed to the local T.G.I. Friday’s for Mudslide Nite, Senator – ’cause soccer mom snatch is the only cocktail left on your menu.
Of Rep. Kucinich, she says:
No doubt the ladies love Cool Denny, what with his elegant bearing and rakish, rugged good looks, but I’m troubled by his veganism. If he won’t eat meat, will he still eat ME? Rovey knows just how I like my oeufs whipped up – scrambled and shirred and over easy, and I just don’t reckon I could go without now. Once you’ve had Rovey’s bacon, fakin’ just won’t do.
But the finest lines are reserved for Ambassador Moseley Braun:
Well, I can’t really comment, because I’ve never surrendered to the sweet strains of Sappho (at least not without a few shots of Jaegermeister and a Delta Kappa Epsilon running a video camera, and The Chipster swore to me that he destroyed every copy of those tapes so you can’t prove ANYTHING!), but I’m sure with a couple of roofies and a Phranc album on the turntable, I’d likely pick her over Hadassah Lieberman.
Hard to argue with that.