Jesus Fuck, Nicky, what the hell was that? You beat the everliving tar out of #9 Clemson, and then look like a goddamn AA squad against a non-conference private school like Tulane that’s presumably hampered by actual admissions requirements? You go three entire quarters against their D without an offensive TD? Sure, the punt return team bagged two in the first half, but special teams points shouldn’t be the backbone of your offense, dude. ESPN used words like “listless” to describe the Tide on Saturday, and that’s being KIND. 172 total yards (to Tulane’s 318), four allowed sacks, and two — TWO! — missed field goals will NOT make the faithful happy about your gold-plated contract, Nicky.

Good Christ. A win is a win, but the Alabama-Tulane game was a fucking embarrassment in every other way that mattered. I’m frankly shocked the Tide didn’t drop in the rankings this week, instead of rising (2 spots, to 11 — HA! — in AP; only one notch in USAT, to 16). Good thing Saban’s got another non-con next Saturday before the big Georgia game. Some folks need some ass whippin’ at practice these two weeks.

Speaking of which: Georgia’s still only number 2, behind perennially-fellated USC despite the fact that the Trojans were OFF this week while Georgia played. At least the pollsters are split; Georgia got 23 first place votes to USC’s 33 in the AP poll. Ohio State drifts south this week on the “strength” of their weak win over Ohio, and in the final shakeup it turns out the AP and USAT agree on the top ten: USC, UGa, Oklahoma, UF, OSU, Missouri (ha!), LSU, Texas, Auburn, and Wisconsin.

Oh, and the fucking Irish won their opener. Ick.

9 thoughts on “Yuck.

  1. Given the rest of the content at Heathen, your college football round-up is kind of like crib notes for nerds on “How to Speak ‘Guy'” at the water cooler. Keep it up, I like.

  2. That having been said, the Tide always plays to the level of the team, even if it’s beneath them. So how do we get rid of this tradition? That’s the question.

  3. Mizzou is a joke. They lack a defense.

    I fixed your post. Miz barely beat the Illini, and don’t play a ranked team until 10/18. Last year, they gave up 20+ points in 9 of 14 games, and 10 or more in all but 2. Sure, they beat a demoralized and freshly de-coached Arkansas in the Cotton Bowl, but I’d like to see them play a whole SEC team, with a real SEC defense.

  4. Oh, and Patrick? Saban’s gotta beat that tendency out of them. Fuck that. There is no time when sloppy is ok.

  5. Aren’t the Irish playing Michigan next? Didn’t they lose 38-0 to them last year? Perhaps Michigan will tell them where to find the now-empty pot o’ gold. Perhaps not. Besides, the win over San Diego was just as ugly as Tide’s (if not more so).

    At least the leprechaun wasn’t straining to do pushups that game…

  6. Actually they beat the snot out of Illini, and the the Illini came back and scored a couple in the 4th. Mizzou is playing without three starters. I expect them to be in top 5 by years end. We play a little defense in the Big XII and a helluva a lot more offense. Any team that rolls up 600 yds Offense is impressive. That QB formerly of Southlake Carrol is first round pro material. They are lucky they play in the Big XII North though CU is pretty good this year and KU and KST are pretty solid as well. One last thing, when you score 45+ pts a game giving up 20 usually is ok.