Q: What do the following people have in common?

• Kobe Bryant
• Elizabeth Taylor
• Jay Leno
• Nick Carter
• Stevie Wonder
• Barry Gibb
• Diana Ross
• Chris Tucker
• Larry King
• Maury Povich
• Deepak Chopra

A: They are all on Michael Jackson’s defense witness list; it’s like a Love Boat/Fantasy Island episode gone horribly, horribly awry.

Presumably, each will testify that Michael never rogered ’em up the back door, not once, despite ample opportunity. (Except for Gibb, who will rant about growing up on the streets of Sydney, naturally (extra points if you get the ref (HDANCN?)).)

We may, of course, be certain of at least one question that will not be asked:

“Mr Wonder, did you see anything out of the ordinary at Mr Jackson’s ranch?”

I’m here all week, folks. Try the veal.