The BBC has a story running that begins:
A man in the US state of Florida was arrested after he allegedly used his pet alligator to hit his girlfriend. David Havenner, 41, faces misdemeanour charges of battery and possession of an alligator, said the authorities.
We wish to make clear that while certain Heathen staffers are in fact Floridians, at no point have they threatened Chief Heathen with any sort of reptile. Also, this is in no way related to occasional-Heathen Yvonne, who gots a lizard.