Yes, that glorious time when we review some of the truly bizarre search strings that have brought the huddled masses to Heathen Central. January brought us these gems:

“giant gator”

Where? You go get Boudroux, and we’ll get the shotgun! Maw, we’re eatin’ tonight!

“anubis”

AKA “Jojo the Dog-faced God.” Technically a “heathen” search, we reckon, but a bit literal for our tastes.

“slutty women in buffalo ny no pros”

Dude, you’re in Buffalo looking for sluts. Don’t get all picky on us NOW. Also, this isn’t PointlessSexWithGrossPeople.com, so you’re kinda out of luck.

“hermione has boobs”

Allah Akbar, my man.

“independent fundamental baptist churches neat seabrook tx”

Um.

“hide town jeff miller”

He’s not here. I think he’s taking a Mexican nap.

“pope evil”

Well, he *was* a Nazi. But he’s not here, either. What part of “heathen” don’t you understand?

“badger paris hilton”

We think it’s more properly referred to as “beaver,” but whatever.

“horny heathen”

Aren’t we all?

“hypnotized lizards”

Not THAT horny, though. You’re sick, dude.

“real yetis”

See above re: Buffalo. Though the one about lizards may apply, too, depending on your intentions with said yeti-americans.

“precis caucasian chalk circle”

Ah, the obligatory “Please do our homework for us, Mr Heathen” search. No.

“houston theater naughty sexy comedy”

See above, re: “Hide Town”

“hdancn”

You bet your ass.