Cactus, a 40-year-old tortise at the San Francisco Zoo, had surgery recently to remove half a pound of bladder stones; as the turtle normally weighs only eight pounds, this was sort of significant. The veterinarian patched Cactus’ shell with fiberclass, not unlike a surfboard.

As we Heathen are decended from pseudo-country veterinarians, our first response would have probably been unworkable. However, “flush him and give the kid a new one” will work just fine for non-endangered non-zoo non-mammal animals owned by children, just so you know. Or so we’re told.