- “What, you mean you gave away all the other shitty cars already?”
- May it be known that our stored profile mandates midsize and NeverLost, and that therefore the Lincoln is a total accident presumably based on local inventory issues. We once got a Volvo station wagon under similar circumstances.
- How we can tell Detroit is doomed, pt 1.
- Even working on a platform designed to be a Jaguar initially, they still manage to make it feel cheap, half-assed, and plastic. The mealy-mushy button feel we associate with American cars — and have heretofore assumed was due to lack of attention to detail — is present in enough quantity in the LS to make us think it’s deliberate.
- We assume this is because most Lincoln drivers are fat old men, but still
- The seats, covered in cheap leather, are like bench seats on the bottom and crappy buckets on the top, thereby creating a wholly new category of uncomfortable seating.
- How we can tell Detroit is doomed, pt 2.
- While this is clearly an attempt to compete with, say, the 5-series BMW, the overall fit and finish is a joke. The car has 10,000 miles on it, but some buttons are already falling off. Only so much of that can really be attributed to “it’s a rental.”
- Love that American car transmission!
- Despite having a beefy V-8, the automatic tranny in the LS provides virtually no way to exploit the power and torque available in a hurry. You end up with just as much transmission lag and jerk as you would in a mid-80s Buick.
- How we explained the LS to Mrs. Heathen
- “It’s like a BMW as designed and built by retarded Detroit schoolchildren. For their grandfather.”
- How we can tell Detroit is doomed, pt 3.
- Our boss showed up with a rental car this week, too, having started the trip in Orlando. His car was apparently created by some lameass division at GM that thinks people might accidentally come to a Chevy dealer and be confused enough to buy their knock-off of a PT Cruiser instead of the real thing.
- Dept. of Dubious Achievements in Ergonomics
- Despite being about the same size as any 4-door sedan, somehow the Lincoln folks managed to make visibility in the LS as bad as it was in our grandmother’s yacht-sized Mark V.
- The LS: Safe for the BeGutted
- Whenever we turn the LS off, the driver’s seat moves back and the steering wheel retracts and tilts up. This is all well and good, but there’s PLENTY of room to get in and out without this little bit of fat-man-accommodation theater; frankly, it just makes the LS look even more ridiculous.
- So: squishy ride, sloppy transmission, uncomfortable seats, and a nameplate that makes people want to ask about your grandchildren…
- All this for forty grand. Right.
Miscellaneous Heathen
Hold to the now, the here, through which all future plunges to the past.
