Our cousin is still an idiot. At least he’s leaving the House.

Full text of letter, in case the Jackson paper loses it:

September 25, 2007

Pickering’s TV act would suppress artistic freedoms

Someone from the Department of Human Services needs to visit 3rd District U.S. Rep. Chip Pickering’s home immediately. His children are in danger. I am not exactly sure of the details, but apparently his household televisions are on at all hours of the day, switching uncontrollably to programs that would otherwise be locked out by a V-Chip.

Rep. Pickering has apparently exhausted his options and introduced the “Protecting Children From Indecent Programming Act.” This bill would make the FCC take action for any broadcast with even a single “obscene” word or image.

While I applaud Pickering’s efforts to act as my legal guardian, I already have a father, and he introduced me to an amazing tool in the battle against the television demons – the remote control. Amazingly enough, when faced with inappropriate programming, I can use this device to either turn off my television or change the signal in such a way that another “channel” is shown on the screen.

Certainly, he has tried the remote control before going so far as to introduce legislation aimed at suppressing artistic freedoms. I am positive he has even tried to manually turn the television off, set the Parental Password so his children would be safe to watch television while he apparently has plopped them in front of it and left them, and even gone so far as remove the televisions from his home.

In the interest of these poor children, something must be done to ensure they are no longer exposed to this obscenity that comes on television at hours past what most parents set as bedtime. Please. Won’t you think of the children?

Emily Evans
Hattiesburg

(No, we’re not kidding. His father is more (in)famous, but they’re both our cousins; our great-great-grandparents are (were) Chip’s great-grandparents. Thanks for the heads-up, Triple-F.)