It’s theoretically possible to be happier about football, but we’re not sure how

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Alabama had a creampuff (41-7 over Louisiana-Monroe) this weekend, but these results are worth a cocktail or two:

  • Auburn over LSU (7-3) in a solid example of SEC football toughness;
  • Florida (for whom we have little love) squeaking by Tennessee (for whom we have much, much less);
  • No. 11 Michigan spanking the everliving FUCK out of overrated No. 2 Notre Dame 47-21 — in South Bend, no less.

Honestly, we have no idea why ND always gets rated so highly in the late summer, only to get smacked when they bother to play real teams. They squeaked by unranked Ga. Tech (14-10) in the first week, legitimately beat Penn State (another poll darling), and then got their asses handed to them today. And they don’t play another ranked team until USC in late November. Between now and then, they’ll entertain such powerhouses as Purdue, Stanford, UCLA, and the Armed Forces Trifecta. W.T.F? If they stay ranked, it’s only because Lou Holtz has some deal with the devil.

The tickets to “Pretender Island” are ready for the Irish and the Miami Hurricanes, as ESPN put it. (The Canes dropped to Louisville, of all people, 31-7.)

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