No, really.

Simple: Just consult the Mens’ Wear Dog.

And now, that something is wrong with you, too.

Just what it says on the tin.

These make me laugh.

This one’s my favorite:

Have you seen @big_ben_clock?

Source, per the bottom of the graphic, is Poorly Drawn Lines.

Performing, obviously, Santa Claus is Coming to Town.

(Hi, Frazer.)

A Verizon developer outsourced his own job to China so he could have more time to surf the web.

JWZ has posted information about the creepiest, weirdest kitchen ever. There is a milk jug with nipples. That lactates. I am not making this up.

The truth — about SCORPIONS!

Animals with Misleading Names.

Apparently, there’s one in Jackson, Mississippi. It’s extinct and all, sure, but still: volcano. Wacky.

(Via BoingBoing.)

Yann Frisch will blow your damn mind with his astounding slight of hand. Seriously. Make time.

Mrs Heathen has refused for years to allow us to acquire a leaf blower, even to the point of agreeing to do any and all driveway sweeping required as a result.

Now I know why. She’s a sharp one, that Erin.

Well, naturally.

This cat plays the Theramin. Your argument is irrelevant.

(h/t: @jaylee on Twitter.)

Stop it. You’re kind of freaking me out.

It turns out Michael Caine has a series of acting lessons you can watch on Youtube.

Next time, perhaps, he’ll check the ice thickness first.

Just go read it.

These are awesome.

Just go look.

(This post is SFW, but other entries on Kadrey’s Tumblr are not, btw.)

Florida Wildlife Officials Rule That Kids’ Gator Pool Parties Are Unsafe.

h/t: The Mant.

This brilliant Etsy store (no, really) kinda reminds us of something we can’t believe is still online, which I first mentioned over a decade ago.

I can’t stop laughing at this cartoon gif diptych.

(h/t: a random Tumblr.)

Michigan J. Protocol.

This is really one of those times when I don’t know if I should shit or go blind. SFW.

When in Kenya, it is important to be very very careful when interacting with the locals.

Seriously, this guy has skills. Key aspect: Getaway car.

Via MeFi.

Apparently, when he was a child and yet already too large for the school bus, Andre the Giant was regularly driven to school by a friend of the family: Samuel Beckett.

No, really.

Wow.

But, then again, how many of you would really want me to know how to make and pour my own lava?

But with a voice like that, you can’t really blame the cameraperson.

Gobble Gobble Gobble Gobble Gobble Gobble Gobble Gobble Gobble Gobble Gobble Gobble Gobble Gobble Gobble Gobble Gobble Gobble Gobble Gobble Gobble Gobble Gobble Gobble Gobble Gobble Gobble Gobble Gobble Gobble Gobble Gobble Gobble.

Specifically, our money. Other countries have perfectly attractive currency. Why can’t we have cool looking money? I mean, sure, people might quibble about Obama and FDR (though it’s not hard, I imagine, for even a die-hard Teabagger to admit the historical significance of Obama), but putting a cool graphic of American accomplishments in the 20th Century on the $20 bill is genius. Not to mention way cooler looking than what we have.

Here’s another thing: In common circulation, our currency honors no one and no concepts any younger than FDR, who graces the dime. Common paper money honors nobody more recent than Lincoln. Sure, Grant’s on the $50, but ATM culture ensures we mostly never see anything but twenties and hundreds — and Grant’s only marginally more recent than Honest Abe. (Yes, currency nerds will note that McKinley, Cleveland, and Wilson used to be on bills, but not in recent memory.)

Not to take anything away from these seminal and significant 19th century figures, but shouldn’t we stretch a bit and think about the incredible contributions of 20th century Americans? Who not extend the honor to our scientific or literary or artistic heritage, even? Who wouldn’t want to pay for dinner with a Faulkner, an Armstrong, and a couple of Jimis?

If you’ve ever wondered how to stage an invasion of the Magic Kingdom, well, now you know.

Wildebeests.

Behold the WALL OF RUXPIN!

Hear the word of Batman.

Over at NothingsGonnaStopMeNow.com, there is a Flash-based video game based on Perfect Strangers.

It is awesome.

I am not making this up.

Be careful when picking up hitchhikers, because they may turn out to be John Waters.

What wind does to your face, not so much.

Anatomy of a Wasp.

…but how did they miss the fact that this video includes what amounts to a riff on “incarcerated person playing blues behind bars”?

Werner Herzog leaves a note for his cleaning lady.

Rosalina. Woman.

You constantly revile me with your singular lack of vision. Be aware, there is an essential truth and beauty in all things. From the death throes of a speared gazelle to the damaged smile of a freeway homeless. But that does not mean that the invisibility of something implies its lack of being. Though simpleton babies foolishly believe the person before them vanishes when they cover their eyes during a hateful game of peek-a-boo, this is a fallacy. And so it is that the unseen dusty build up that accumulates behind the DVD shelves in the rumpus room exists also. This is unacceptable.

There’s more. Go read the whole thing.

Homeopaths in their own words.

I don’t know for certain, but I’m assuming this is an example of Rule 34 being true for things I can’t even begin to articulate. SFW, oddly.