In a development sure to excite German metal fans everywhere, it appears that some wealthy Indian youths are using scorpion stings to get high.

I mean, damn, can’t they just do bong hits like everyone else?

Hey, kids! See if you can find the unfortunate — and hopefully inadvertant — historical reference in this fishwrapper headline!

The Sinclair Group has ordered its seven ABC affiliates not to air Friday’s Nightline, which will consist largely of the names and photographs of men and women of the US Armed Forces killed thus far in Iraq.

The ACLU filed suit a few weeks ago challenging the FBI’s methods of obtaining some business records, but provisions of the act itself prevented them from announcing the suit.

“It is remarkable that a gag provision in the Patriot Act kept the public in the dark about the mere fact that a constitutional challenge had been filed in court,” Ann Beeson, the ACLU’s associate legal director, said in a statement. “President Bush can talk about extending the life of the Patriot Act, but the ACLU is still gagged from discussing details of our challenge to it.”

(WaPo story; use nogators@nogators.com / nogators for access.)

IKEA Claims Another 10,000 Lifestyles.

“For me, it started slowly,” Westin said. “I had Poang — it’s a form of chair — and I just couldn’t seem to get rid of it. That led to a lot of other things I’m not particularly proud of. I indulged in Leksvik, Branas, even a Svingen. If you don’t know what those are, consider yourself lucky.”

This story about the birth of Marcia Gay Harden‘s twins includes pronunciation guides for the names of two of their three children.

Or, more accurately, Slate wonders, and we agree.

Restaurant Magazine has announced its ’50 Best Restaurants in the World,’ and for the second year running, Thomas Keller’s French Laundry took the top prize.

Other US notables include five New York establishments, none of which are surprising: Gramercy Tavern (No. 11, also singled out as a great value), Daniel (12), Jean Georges (18), Balthazar (40), and Craft (44). American cuisine matriarch Alice Waters isn’t neglected, either, but we expected her influential Berkeley bistro Chez Panisse would come in higher than 37 (or at least higher than LA’s Spago, at 35). Our Jackson office will be pleased to note the inclusion of Charlie Trotter’s eponymous eaterie in Chicago (32), which also has the distinction of being the only listed American restaurant not in California or New York.

It’s not news that Bush has finally agreed to testify in front of the 9/11 commission. What you may not know the conditions for said testimony, among them:

• Bush and Cheney will appear and be questioned together;
• Said questioning will be behind closed doors;
• No transcript or recording will be made; and
• Neither official will be under oath.

But don’t worry about that last part. Scott McClellan has already assured us that they will “tell it exactly how it happened.”

Right, Scott. Right.

Wired News reports that Diebold may face criminal charges in California over its touch-screen voting machines.

Diebold KNEW it was breaking the law in California.

Timmy the tortise, who found fame as a ship’s mascot during the Crimean War, passed away at his Devon castle home, where has lived since the late 19th century. He was 160.

In what can only be described as an attempt to legislate away spontaneous generosity, a group of young adults were arrested in Tampa Sunday for feeding the homeless without a permit.

Jon Carroll’s readers are concerned about the prospect of ejaculations preventing cancer, among other issues. He offers counsel.

Read what security expert Bruce Schneier has to say about national ID cards, TSA-approved luggage locks (i.e., with a backdoor key), how to steal an election (hint: make sure there’s no paper trail) and related issues you ought to care about.

All charges against Capt. James Yee, a Muslim chaplain previously on duty at Gitmo, have been dismissed.

Recall that initially they were accusing him of out-and-out spying, then backed off to improperly handling classified material, and then did their best to fuck him with adultery and pornography charges, as the heavy stuff wasn’t going to fly. (The prosecutors made noises about how they couldn’t seek a court martial because of “national security” concerns, which sounds an awful lot like ass-covering to me.)

Now even those charges have been dismissed and expunged from his service record, which says to me that either (a) the Army was wildly off-base the whole time, or (b) they weren’t but still managed to bollocks-up the investigation to thoroughly that they couldn’t win even on even the reduced charges. Both of these possibilities have very disturbing implications; either they’re going on witch hunts, or they’re incapable of handling cases and investigations.

It occurs to me that both could be true. I need a drink.