Dept. of Other Cool Sites

NoGators will be taking a little Christmas Break, but we don’t want to leave you, our faithful readers, in a lurch. Therefore and in accordance with the prophesy, we provide the following list of other amusing blog sites you may enjoy in our absence:


Oh, and don’t forget your monkey stuff.

Greatest Hits, so to speak.

I know I’ve linked this before, but what with the new movie coming out and all, I thought I’d toss it out again. Of course, before I didn’t have a link to a site covering the entire album from which this little ballad is taken.

Update: Senior NoGators Insurance Fraud Analyst Triple-F points out that the last link has already expired, damn it. Oh well. Take our word for it; it was very cool.

No worms required.

We’re Christmas shopping here at NoGators, and it occurs to us that an oft-neglected category is spice. The good folks at Penzey’s have a number of gift boxes that any number of folks on your list might enjoy, particularly if they don’t live in some enormous concrete jungle with all manner of weird seasonings available at any hour of the day or night. And you won’t need a stillsuit, either.

We get letters…

…and people ask “Mr NoGators Man, where can we, the concerned public, go to learn about Strom Thurmond? Why, we know he’s old as the hills, and we know he’s all about segregation, but isn’t there more to this ancient political sphinx?” Well, yes. My attorney offers us Stromwatch.

Remember those Rankin/Bass TV specials?

You know the ones from the seventies — the puppetesque stop-motion holiday shows, like Santa Claus is Coming to Town and Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer. Well, we here at NoGators just had a screening of “Santa”, and got curious about the credits, so off to IMDB we went. And oh, what we found.

As it happens, Rankin and Bass did some other things I’d never heard of, most notably an adaptation of Tolkein that can best be described as a liberal reading, apparently. The cast for it, however, is kind of staggering.

Oh, good lord.

Sen. Trent Lott (R, MS, plastic-haired weasel) on Strom Thurmond’s 1948 presidential bid, which ran primarily as pro-segregation and anti-civil rights:

Lott said, “I want to say this about my state: When Strom Thurmond ran for president, we voted for him. We’re proud of it. And if the rest of the country had followed our lead, we wouldn’t have had all these problems over all these years, either.”

I want to go on record as a native of this same state: I’m ashamed of our past, ashamed that my fellow Mississippians voted this way in 1948, and I’m ashamed of Lott for continuing to make us look like unreconstructed hicks.

At last, a reliable signifier of evil.

We all know that the TV world is rife with evil twins. This curiosity has never been adequately explained by science, and yet evil Spocks, evil Willows, and even evil Carl Kirsts surface with alarming regularity. How, we wonder, can we discern the evil twins from their more law-abiding and pure-hearted siblings?

I am pleased to announce that we here at NoGators Labs have located a resource to help you in this dreadfully important pursuit. The folks at this site have noticed that nearly all evil twins sport goatees, and have photographs to prove it. (My favorite: the evil Olsen twins.)

Get out your #2 pencil.

And take this geography literacy quiz from National Geographic. After each question, they provide data on how many folks in each of a few countries answered correctly.

If you’re like me, you’ll be horrified that only 20% of 18-to-24 year old Americans can find Afghanistan on a map.

Dept. of Wasting Your Time

As an experiment, I’ve reimplemented a Palm game called Dopewars using PHP. You can play it online right here at NoGators. In fact, I encourage you to play it. I’ll add a high-score list directly; right now, I’m still making sure the game probabilities are reasonable.

Alabama 31, LSU 0.

Sure, UA can’t go to a bowl game or officially win the SEC, but my alma mater can force LSU to its first shutout in 72 games, and its defense can create the only 4th-and-30 I think I’ve ever seen. Roll Damn Tide.

“Roll the dice to see if I’m getting drunk!”

Today, 4 friends of mine came over and played Risk: 2210. At two o’clock in the afternoon.

This is the worst moment of realization about the economy I’ve had yet. It’s also a bit of a geekapoolza wake up call, too, but I’m less worried about that.

It’s still okay to be a geek, right? The culprits? I’ll never tell. But their names rhyme with Fom, Barl, Lyric, and, um, Schloachim.

Dept. of Stuff You Should Do

So I’m not a theater critic anymore. Sue me. At least I’ve got my own bully pulpit right here at NoGators.

By now, my affection for the folks at Infernal Bridegroom Productions is reasonably well documented, so it should come as no surprise that I’m impressed with their latest show, A Soap Opera.

Starting tonight (last night, if you count the preview), they’re staging a little play by a guy named Ray. It was originally performed by him, his brother, and the rest of their band way-back-when in 1975. For reasons beyond my understanding, no one has done it since — truly shocking, because this show is a hell of a lot of fun. Half concert and half musical, this hour-long piece is a fast-moving and often hilarous romp — and it’s plenty loud, too. IBP regular Cary Winscott is the Starmaker, the biggest star in the world, capable of turning even the most ordinary man into an overnight sensation. His onstage persona must be seen to be believed; there is a cape involved. Tamarie Cooper is his long-suffering wife, and is as shockingly demure as Cary is flamboyant.

Backing the Starmaker is an all-star band of IBP and local-band heavyweights (including IBP Associate Director Anthony Barilla playing, as my girlfriend noted “3 instruments and the accordian!”). Even if you don’t know from theater, even if you’re scared of that area east of George R. Brown, and even if you can’t get up off the couch because of Tuesday, go see this show. November 8, 9, 15, 16, 22, 23, 29, 30 at the Axiom, 2524 McKinney, behind George R. Brown Convention Center.

Special Opening Weekend (11/8 & 11/9) Retro Rate – $5.99
Remaining performances – Fridays at 8:00 $12, Saturdays at 8:00 $15, Saturdays at 11:00 $17 (Late Saturday shows include live bands on the club stage after curtain, which means more loud rock and roll for your money!)