“Lightning Bolt! Lightning Bolt!“

I have a well-documented thing for certain rear-engine air-cooled German cars, so it’s no surprise that I find this to be an abomination. Well, to be honest, this is much, much worse. You may shriek in horror now.

Leonard Nimoy sings about hobbits. No, really.

The folks at Soul Train are assholes.

Actually, there’s more to it than that. A fifteen-year-old California high school student took issue with their choice for their annual lady-of-soul award, viewing Ashanti as a less worthy candidate than his favorite contender, India.Arie. So, like any teen with time on his hands, he started a petition at PetitionOnline.com and circulated it to his friends, figuring at most he’d get 100 or so signatures.

Well, it got more interesting than that. He got more than ten thousand. Soul Train was unaccountably threatened by this act, and their webmaster sent the kid an abusive email for daring to question their judgement. Furthermore, they posted said mail on their site (you’ll have to go to the kid’s site to see screenshots of it), though eventually they removed it in favor of the two diatribes currently on their front page — which include references to “white-owned BET,” apparently their windmill du jour, as well as commentary about how anyone has time to organize petitions in a post-9/11 world (presumably, though, finding time to honor artists in the first place is Just Fine for any Red-Blooded, Soul-Train-Loyal American). Additionally, they cast aspersions on this kid based on his “foreign-sounding” name, and seem to view his opinions as meritless since he’s not black. What the Fuck?

Wow. Way to go, Soul Train! For these actions — i.e., having a very silly and very public fit because a FIFTEEN YEAR OLD disagreed with you — we present you with the first annual NoGators Award for Shockingly Stupid Corporate Behavior! Don Cornelius, come (get?) on down!

Gone crazy? Change your name and create your own community, population 1.

So should you. Especially Rick.

Ladies and gentlemen (and Tom), it is the distinct pleasure of NoGators Internet Entertainment to present the Best Picture Ever.

The courts have ruled that the detainees in Cuba have no rights, at least in terms of any recourse through the US courts for being detained indefinitely without charges or access to counsel or even the formal POW label. This is freakish and bizarre. Bush, et. al., would be screaming bloody murder if some other country held our citizens this way, but it’s suddenly just fine if we do it. So much for rule of law.

Go here to read the NYT editorial that begins:

The Justice Department all but told a federal judge this week to take his legitimate concerns about civil liberties and stuff them in the garbage pail. The Bush administration seems to believe, on no good legal authority, that if it calls citizens combatants in the war on terrorism, it can imprison them indefinitely and deprive them of lawyers. It took this misguided position to a ludicrous extreme on Tuesday, insisting that the federal courts could not review its determinations. This defiance of the courts repudiates two centuries of constitutional law and undermines the very freedoms that President Bush says he is defending in the struggle against terrorism. The courts must firmly reject the White House’s assertion of unchecked powers.

It appears that whole “checks and balances” thing we learned about back in junior high may not apply after all, at least if the Bush Justice Department has its way.

Salon reported today that the Operation TIPS hotline — you know, so you can report suspicious activity by your shifty neighbors after they complain about your stereo? — is actually ringing at America’s Most Wanted. The ACLU has a great press release as well.

Think carefully about this. Fox is involved in domestic, citizen-based spying? I mean, the whole citizen-spying thing was creepy enough, but just exactly what sort of message are we sending by having ratings-whore John Walsh’s televised detective magazine involved?

Where are we going, and why are we in this handbasket?

In response to the new South African HIV+ muppet, our friends at Modern Humorist have prepared a list of more potential new Sesame Street residents.

Note: Jokes about the third muppet on the list are neither funny nor welcome. Heh.

Don’t Link To Us! is a compendium of brain-dead sites who seem to think we need their permission to link to their sites. Just to be clear, linking happens by including the address of the site you’d like to link to in an HTML link tag, like this:

|*|< a href="http://www.nogators.com/" >NoGators< /a >|*|

which gets rendered on the page like this: NoGators

Links are the essense of the web; free linking is how it got to be the place it is. Promulgating the notion that we need permission to commit this basic act is willfully stupid; these firms deserve our ridicule.

The Sun is reporting that LAX security confiscated the two-inch plastic gun from the G.I. Joe doll a woman was taking back to England for her grandson. Gosh, I feel safe.

Tiny dogs in kimonos. No, really.

It’s good to know that in the fast-paced, herky-jerky world of the Internet, some things stay the same. Ladies and gentlemen, I once again call your attention to a little gem called For Sale By Mental Patient. Enjoy.

Judicial Watch’s process server was threatened with arrest by the Secret Service for attempting to serve Cheney with papers related to its lawsuit over Halliburton’s accounting practices. This is, of course, illegal. And yes, they’ve served at the White House before, but I guess it was different when a Democrat lives there.

What BadAss are YOU?

Senior NoGators World Political Correspondent Ear O’Corn provides today’s story about a guy out of work, unemployed, and living with his mother.

We keep hearing about the Harken deal and what may or may not have been insider trading. Nothing will come of it, of course, and perhaps rightly so. But Christopher Caldwell in the New York Press has something to say about the pattern of opportunities Shrub enjoyed, and how that is potentially much more troubling than his fortunately-timed stock sale:

What kills the President is that every time Harken comes up, Democrats get to retell the story of how he made his money. And this, basically, is the story of the spectacular unfairness with which moneymaking opportunities are lavished on the politically connected. It is the story of a man who has been rewarded for repeated failures by having money shot at him through a fire hose. It is the story of a man who talks with a straight face about having “earned” a fortune of tens of millions of dollars, without having ever done an honest dayâs work in his life.

(Link)

I’ve just discovered One Thousand Blank White Cards, an improvisational card game. Check it out here and here and especially here. I have this feeling this is going to happen at my house sometime soon.

I’m not sure I can follow all of this guy’s ideas, but some bits are weirdly compelling.

So I rebuilt most of the site, including the Heathen templates, mostly to divest myself (finally) of some awful cut-and-paste code I started using before I had a clue about stylesheets. The HTML under all this should actually make sense now. Feedback encouraged.

No, really.

Which is to say not jokes about comic geeks, but jokes for comic geeks.

This whole site is great, but it’s this one that really kills me.

This whole site is great, but it’s this one that really kills me.

First, this: I had a great weekend. My brother got married. I was best man. It was a fantastic, wonderful, incredible experience, and I couldn’t possibly be happier about it. My new sister-in-law just rocks, and she makes my brother happier than I’ve ever seen him. It’s great.

BUT: Last night, at their fabulous enormous beautiful reception at the Country Club of Jackson, Mississippi, their band did not show up. No calls. No messages. Nada.

So, if you happen to be in the market for a Motown/R&B act in the Mississippi/Alabama area, there are a number of fine options. However, you should avoid at all costs a group called 24-7, whom Aubrey’s father reserved through Frasco Entertainment in Jackson.

Did I mention that my little brother and most of his friends are attorneys?

Anyway, we all still had a good time, but good GOD, to not even SHOW UP to a wedding gig. . . wow.

Thai officials have their collective knickers in a twist over an advertisement for a bar in Philadelphia.

This article from Business 2.0 has been passed around a bunch lately, but it’s really worth reading. The Columbian cartels have apparantly gotten tech-savvy, and have IT infrastructures that would make most Fortune 500 firms jealous. And of course: they’re in an intensely competitive business with high regulatory pressure and absurdly complex supply chains; their business domain is an IT consultant’s dream because they’ve also got a license to print money.

Stop for a moment and think about how much taxpayer money is being used to fight these guys, and how futile that is. Not because the Columbians are rich, but because the market wants their product despite decades of this “War on [Some] Drugs.”

Overheard in a mail forwarded to me yesterday:

This nation has come a long way from its origins, 226
years ago today, when our rights were being violated
by an unelected, mentally deficient, hereditary dictator
named George.

Fly your flags proudly!

In the wake of Bush’s selective condemnation of those responsible for the recent spate of corporate meltdowns, it’s come to light that he himself has some skeletons in that same closet.

The Supremes are at it again.

Hunter Thompson is my hero.

But my brother might.

So the girlfriend has moved to Houston, and we like this a lot. We’ve found her an apartment, and she just bought a car — coming as she did from DC where they have wild things like subways, she didn’t need one before. Wacky.

The vehicle of choice turned out to be a Hyundai Elantra, brand spankin’ new — it had like 12 miles on it when we rode away from the lot. In the past, I might have cast aspersions on Hyundai, but after driving the Elantra against the Honda Civic and the Toyota Corolla, I’d say Japan Inc. needs to seriously re-evaluate their low end. The Elantra is nicer, better equipped, more powerful, and has a better warranty than either of the other two cars, and does so for thousands less. Also, at least with the dealers we spoke to, the Hyundai folks are decidedly less weasely, and that’s always a plus.

Anyway, it was during this process that I overheard the most amazing conversation. Erin needed insurance before we could leave — Texas state law and her lienholder agreed on that — so she phoned the Allstate agent known to the salesman. As best I recall, this is how the side I heard went:

Erin: “Yes, I’d like to get a quote for some car insurance.” “A new Hyundai Elantra.” “No, I didn’t have a car before this, so I don’t have any insurance.” “Because I just moved here last week from Washington, DC.” “No, not Washington state; Washington, District of Columbia.” “No, it’s not a state, it’s the District of Columbia, but it’s like a state.” “It’s not another country. It’s part of the US. It’s the capital. Congress meets there.” “Just put DC in the state blank, okay?”

By this point, the car dealer and I were in stitches; Erin would have been, too, if she hadn’t been so horrified. Sigh.|*|

The Justice Department is arguing that US citizens it decides are “enemy combatants” have no right to an attorney or even a hearing, and that the courts have no authority to review these determinations. Police state, here we come!

Charlotte’s Goat, part two: The NYT has a nice long piece on transgenic goats that give spider silk in their milk, and what can be done with it. Fascinating stuff.

but that in no way detracts from the coolness of Powersof10.com.

Mikey the Shiv brings us Triumph the Insult Dog’s take on Attack of the Clones.

Reuters reports that the most popular paper in Bejing is running an Onion story as actual fact.|||||*|

This guy has it covered.

Hey, let’s make a gauss rifle at home!

My Tivo captured “El Vaquero de la Ciudad” for me last night. I’m not sure what algorithm is at work there, but it certain believes I’m game for watching 20-year-old Spanish-dubbed Travolta vehicles. I guess it would help if I’d do some thumb-voting, but it’s more fun to see what random stuff it’ll capture.

Joe Blow Glassworks. For all your ray-gun needs.

I just want to remind everyone that I don’t make these up, I just point them out. It’s sort of a cultural commentary role.

Samsung Means To Come.

This is without a doubt my favorite activist group.

There’s a lot to love about this diagram.

The labor implications of this are, of course, dire for those who make their living plucking chickens.

Villain Supply.