Crypto-maven Bruce Schneier (founder & CTO of Counterpane Internet Security) breaks it down in this edition of his excellent Crypto-gram newsletter.

Longtime Heathen EGH points out that enterprising parties have opened Afghanistan’s first Irish pub. Of course, Afghans aren’t allowed in, but at least thirsty, dipsomaniacal foreigners can tie one on. Who’s up for a road trip?

American citizen and Intel engineer Mike Hawash has been arrested, but not charged with any crime, for reasons the government refuses to disclose. Yes, I know there’s a material witness law. But this shit scares the hell out of me.

We Know Something You Don’t Know.

No, not the wrestler, I mean Rube. The folks at Honda have a commercial (300k Shockwave) involving a Goldbergian sequence of events, all done with car parts. This is supposedly done without CGI, though clearly some of the parts have been altered (e.g., off-center weights added) to encourage proper behavior. (Thanks, Mikey.)

This war was all about Weapons of Mass Destruction — or, as I’ve heard them retitled, “Weapons of Alarming Nomenclature.” We were sure Saddam had ’em, but he wouldn’t give ’em up. Well, dammit, we’ll just go in and get rid of him and the WAN all at once, right?

Now we’ve won, which comes as a surprise to precisely nobody (except, perhaps, the Iraqi information minister). We’re in Baghdad, Tikrit, and everywhere else. We’ve found cache after cache of firearms and the like, but no WAN whatsoever, unless you could some fertilizer. So where are they?

You know those new Tablet PCs? The ones that appear to take all the arbitrary restrictions and instability of Windows and combine them moderate portability, but without a keyboard? ZDNet UK has a really hilarous and scathing review of one.

Tom sends us Airtoons.

Check out the games Schadenfreude Interactive plans to introduce this summer! My favorite: Nazgul Thunder 2003, though Age of Ornithology looks promising. (Warning: intensely geeky.)

By now, we’re all used to rampant “security” measures that don’t actually make us any safer — the weird pantomime we all do in airports now is only the tip of this particular iceberg, frankly, but it’s getting worse. Thank God someone’s paying attention. Privacy International has posted their Stupid Security competition “ winners,” and it’s pretty rich.

Closely related and also important — especially in these PATRIOTic times — are the Jefferson Center’s Muzzle Awards. (The link is to their home page; they seem to be a bit overwhelmed at the moment, but give it time.)

Posters from 1950’s & 60’s Mexican horror movies make US contemporary efforts look bland.

Salon has coverage today of the strange bedfellows opposing PATRIOT and its ilk.

The GOP is trying to make the temporary, rights-abridging PATRIOT Act permanent. This is important folks: we ought not be giving the government rights they could easily abuse because they smile and say “trust us! we need these to prevent terrorism!” Write & call your congressperson and let them know how you feel. PATRIOT got slammed through the first time in the wake of 9/11; don’t let them get away with it this time.

Sunday, Erin and I went to see Pearl Jam. Today, in a spare moment, I went over to their site to see what they were doing online. Since I started working for my current music industry client, I’ve become more interested in how bands and labels handle marketing and online technologies.

At the PJ site, I found something really cool. They’ve got a “satellite” site at PearlJamBootlegs.com devoted to selling recordings of every show on the current tour. They’ve done this before — remember a couple years ago, there were dozens of brown-wrappered live records in all the record stores — but this time around, it’s different. The “bootlegs” aren’t available in retail outlets at all; it’s just online. And when you buy a given show, you can download the unmastered MP3 of the show immediately. These MP3 files are online and available the day after the show; the CD itself ships 7-10 days after. This isn’t technically challenging, of course, but I’ve never heard of anyone else doing it.

How do you enjoy tea and honey in zero gravity? With chop sticks, of course.

This time, though, my favorite bit isn’t political:

The Brunching Shuttlecocks offer us this handy Geek Hierarchy. Don’t miss the questions at the bottom.

A fine selection of patriotic posters submitted for your enjoyment by a phalanx of attentive, devoted Heathen readers. Learn from their example! Why, one of them sent me a check today for LITERALLY HUNDREDS OF DOLLARS.

Men, by and large, don’t have to worry about this sort of thing. We rent tuxes, we look like penguins (or dashing british spies, if we’re lucky), and we buy nothing. However, the nightmare that can be Bridesmaid Dresses — potentially hideous, frequently expensive, invariably unflattering garments worn once and stashed away — has (you guessed it) inspired a site that many might consider mandatory reading for any nuptual-planning young ladies among the Heathen readership.

While we’re busy in Iraq, it looks like the Taliban is rising again in Afghanistan.

Have we really learned nothing? Had we supported Afghanistan after the Soviets left, there’s a good chance the Taliban would never have come to power. Instead, we abandoned our erstwhile allies as soon as our enemies lost interest. I’m sure that did plenty to make the locals love us.

Are we really committing the same error again?

The Sons of Confederate Veterans — an organization that I’m told once concerned itself primarily with history, but now seems to be completely dominated by racist goofballs — are busy opposing a statue of Lincoln recently erected in Richmond. Bragdon Bowling, Virginia division commander of the SCV, spoke at the protest:

“They have no concept of history and how it might be the wrong place to put the statue,” said Bowling, whose great-grandfather John Stephen Cannon fought for the Confederacy. “As a Southerner, I’m offended. You wouldn’t put a statue of Winston Churchill in downtown Berlin, would you? What’s next, a statue of Sherman in Atlanta?”

Thanks, Bragdon. I think people might have been getting the idea that the South wasn’t full of bigots and slack-jawed yokels; I’m glad you cleared that up for us.

Dan Gillmor’s column from Sunday’s Mercury News makes some familiar but compelling points about the War on Terror and its companion, the War on Privacy and Liberty.

The Bush administration’s attitude, assisted by a Congress that long since abandoned any commitment to liberty, is that government has the right to know absolutely everything about you and that government can violate your fundamental rights with impunity as long as the cause is deemed worthy. You, on the other hand, have absolutely no right to know what the government is doing in your name and with your money, unless the information is deemed harmless by people who have every motive to cover up misdeeds. Bush and his people have turned secrecy into a mantra, and too few people recognize the danger that poses to our freedoms, much less our pocketbooks.

Pray he’s wrong. Work to prove him wrong. Nothing will make him happier, or us safer. (Via BoingBoing.)

Democratic Presidential candidate John Kerry spoke recently in Georgia, where he was introduced by fellow veteran and former Senator Max Cleland. Read his remarks and you’ll recall what actual statesmen sound like; he pulls no punches when it comes to chickenhawks like Tom DeLay. (Via Salon)

Wired News coverage of the privacy debate at the Computers, Freedom, and Privacy conference in NYC. It looks an awful lot like those supporting things like TIA are saying, basically, “you can trust the government not to misuse this information.”

Um, right. That doesn’t even pass the risibility test.

As it happens, oil and water do mix after all.

North Dakota has actively decided to retain its law against unmarried couples cohabitating. Ah, tolerance.

But this list of the 100 greatest hoaxes ever is still funny. It’s been widely blogged, but it’s worth a link anyway. I am, however, amused that the Allegra Coleman stunt at Esquire a few years back didn’t make the grade (though Suck certainly covered it in their inimitable and lamented style back in the day).

Edwin Starr has shuffled off this moral coil during a period of time when his most famous song is certain to enjoy more airplay than usual. He was 61.

I know most of you hit the Onion every week anyway, but I just wanted to make sure you didn’t miss this.

The Total Information Awareness plan proposed by the Bush administration and (so far) somewhat stymied by Congress is still alive. We’d do well to let our Congressweasels know what we think of this thing. The point isn’t whether they’ll mean to abuse it; the point is that we shouldn’t let the government have more power that they could abuse.

Presumably, he has something against a certain Irish-American family, I guess.

I don’t know if it’s the mullet or what, but you just know this guy’s a counterprotester, don’t you?

A former Reagan diplomat shares his views on how Bush has mishandled this entire affair.

Morocco has made a rather unusual offer of aid to the Coalition.

Jerry Haleva is happy he never gave up his day job now that his work as a Saddam Hussein impersonator has dried up.

. . . since I would no longer be wasting water in my whisky.

The Feds have 44-year-old Andrew Carlssin in custody for rampant insider trading; apparently, he turned $800 into $350 million with 126 trades. His story? Not insider trading — no, that would be wrong. Instead, he’s a time traveller from the year 2256.

Carlssin declared that he had traveled back in time from over 200 years in the future, when it is common knowledge that our era experienced one of the worst stock plunges in history. Yet anyone armed with knowledge of the handful of stocks destined to go through the roof could make a fortune.

Enjoy.

1. 26 Feb 1998 Clinton Threatens to Drop Da Bomb On Iraq
2. 18 Jan 2001 Bush: ‘Our Long National Nightmare of Peace and Prospertity is Finally Over’

Complex Ontological Metafiction For People With No Friends

You know, I’ve read some of those.

British comment on our sudden interest in “international law.” Presented for your review.

Fan-damn-tastic Doonesbury.

Gangrule.com, a history site for organized crime in America. This should tide you over until the Sopranos come back.

I’m glad I don’t have my filter on “auto” yet. Here, for your enjoyment, is the unedited text of said message:

From: “Estella Silvstedt” poben@headhunter.com
Date: Wed Mar 26, 2003 3:38:29 AM US/Central
To: chet@well.com
Subject: Iraqi peasant shooted an Apache with a rifle when he saw US Navi soldiers raping his goat – Real animal intercource
– Young Dog lovers
– Horse’s cocck blow jop http://muvuhoun.horsejaculation.info/

|*|

But Scalia will have nothing to do with it. Slate has a nice bit of coverage of the matter of Lawrence v. Texas, currently before the Supreme Court. The facts aren’t really in dispute: in 1998, responding to a false report of a break-in, Houston policemen entered an apartment to discover two men engaged in a sex act — an act that is illegal for homosexuals (but not heterosexuals) to commit in Texas. The men were arrested, and have been fighting the case ever since. Frankly, the fact that Harris County continues to pursue this case staggers me: what are they thinking? What is the State’s interest in what goes on between consenting adults behind closed doors?

Well, as it happens, Scalia thinks there is such an interest, based in part on moral disapproval (!). On the issue of why this law covers only gays, not hetero couples:

“It’s conceded by the state of Texas that married couples can’t be regulated in their private sexual decisions,” says [defense attorney Paul] Smith. To which Scalia rejoins, “They may have conceded it, but I haven’t.”

If this doesn’t scare you, you’re not paying attention. Our own sterling governor, Rick Perry, has deemed the laws “appropriate” in the wake of this case, unconcerned that people like Lawrence must register as sex offenders as a consequence of their conviction. Fortunately, the American Bar Association disagrees.

More coverage at: Salon CNN Houston Chronicle

The first postwar Iraqi reconstruction contract has already been awarded. Said multi-million-dollar contract was awarded without a bidding process, but that’s not a problem, right? I mean, we trust the government not to engage in conflicts of interest or anything like that, right?

Horseshit. It went to Halliburton, a firm headed until 2000 by one Dick Cheney.

The Daily Show’s coverage of this just about sums it up. (9Mb Quicktime)

Massive radio holding company Clear Channel has been organizing pro-war rallies as well as events to help those confused about, say, their Dixie Chicks records figure out what to do with them (burn, smash with tractor, etc.). They own news stations. They’re creating events for their news stations to report. Wow.

In other news, according to the Soundscan-based chart at Billboard Magazine, the Dixie Chicks are still at number 1.

Four-term NY Senator Daniel Patrick Moynihan died on Wednesday. He was 76. Like many other things he predicted — the fall of the USSR, the rise of unwed mothers and the resultant inner-city problems — I’m sure he saw this coming.

I love the Onion. This week, US Forms Own UN.

WASHINGTON, DC÷Frustrated with the United Nations’ “consistent, blatant regard for the will of its 188 member nations,” the U.S. announced Monday the formation of its own international governing body, the U.S.U.N.|*| “The U.N. has repeatedly demonstrated an inability to act decisively in carrying out actions the U.S. government deems necessary,” U.S.U.N. Secretary General Colin Powell said.

Also this week: An excellent Point/Counterpoint and Bush Bravely Leads 3rd Infantry Into Battle

This is how it starts. Office Depot has decided that it will only carry computer products that carry Microsoft’s approval (via a “Designed for Windows XP” logo), starting in May. This means Microsoft is deciding what Office Depot will sell. Microsoft is already working hard to create the appearance of “flexibility” in their new home computing line while actually restricting behavior and reducing functionality to comply with new “digital rights management” schemes.

We’ve seen inklings of this in the past; for example, recent versions of Windows Media Player stored digital music files in a proprietary, restricted format rather than MP3 by default, resulting in some rather surprised users. Without any exception I’m aware of, DRM schemes completely obliterate any fair use opportunities; they instead place all control with the content producers, and none at the consumer level.

Be careful what you buy, kids. Remember, there are plenty of other options that interoperate fine with existing Wintel networks and applications, with more coming soon. Microsoft is expensive and restrictive, but it’s not your only choice.

Jamie Zawinski, one of the original Netscape programmers (and therefore a rather wealthy guy) has purchased and remodeled a night club in San Francisco. Said club’s site is full of amusing bits, but I only found the bit about the ATM today.

Maybe that means something. Anyway: The Gulf War Drinking Game.