Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope..

Estonian rapper (yes) Tommy Cash brings us by far the weirdest, most freakish video I’ve ever seen, and I say that counting Peaches’ “Rub”.

Stay with it past 2:05 for sure.

(NSFW, btw. As is the Peaches video I mentioned but did not link.)

This is best possible cover of Evanescence’s “Bring Me To Life”, and possibly the finest thing on the Internet to exist ever.

I mean, seriously.

The future is now: Scientists wireless transmit high speed data through pork loin.

Just what it says on the tin.

GAZE UPON THE WONDER OF THE ENDLESS SPIRAL TRAIN.

Ask not for whom the marmot screams. The marmot screams for you.

There is, apparently, at least one way to skin a watermelon.

The Slow-Mo Guys got one of those enormous water balloons. One of them got in it, and then they filled it up until it popped.

Let’s Get It On

(SFW.)

“Hey, let’s put a red-hot sphere of nickel on a jawbreaker and see what happens!“

It is, of course, but one episode in a series; other “victims” include gasoline, a watermelon, a ribeye, and fireworks. Bookmarked, obviously.

Koalas make weird noises when they’re pissed off.

This is the best bedtime story EVER.

(Via Mefi.)

PSA: Should you masturbate during the solar eclipse? Funny or Die asked the experts. Critical reading!

So I put a cat in your CAT….

I really, really, really don’t know quite what to make of this woman bathing her opossom.

There’s more.

Via Agent Q.

The guy behind LiarTownUSA is just a really wonderful sort of crazy.

How Hunter Thompson disposes of Christmas trees.

Apparently, the duty of Argentine presidents to serve as legal godfathers to all werewolves is enshrined in the country’s constitution.

No, this is not a joke.

Update ah, but debunked.

TABLEPANTS! TABLEPANTS! TABLEPANTS!

Here are two industrial robots having a katana fight.

This is awesome.

These are terrible cats.

Go watch Law & Order: KFC RIGHT THE HELL NOW.

Related.

If you don’t love this, I’m not sure we can be friends.

Another example in video and the subsequent bit the pic set is from.

Country Recess Children’s Whiskey

Upcoming movies, probably.

BUG JUGGLER.

“Say touch is love. Now close your eyes.“

Apparently, Germans can’t say “squirrel”, but it’s fun to watch them try.

WHERE IS YOUR GOD NOW.

Clever birds operate automatic door.

As you do.

(No, seriously, this is amazing.)

GAZE UPON ITS BIZARRE GLORY!

“The 600 series had rubber skin. We spotted them easy.“

(Confidential to Charlie: Don’t skip this one.)

This kills me.

Someone is Kickstarting a game called Bear Simulator, in which you are the bear. It’s a FPB, or “First Person Bear” game.

There’s video.

As of this writing, they have 26 days to go, and have raised almost $23K of their desired $29,500.

…from the 20 Best TED talks!

Heh.

Goddamn, I love Animals Talking In All Caps.

No, seriously.

Also, read isn’t quite the right word. There are no words in it, which just makes it more awesome.

Every time I think the Internet has gotten weird enough, somebody has to go and raise the bar.

Heathen, I give you 50 Cent dubbed over a Jehovah’s Witness signing to deaf people about how important it is that they not masturbate.

(Widely linked, earliest h/t to R. W. S.)

Aganetha Dyck is doing some interesting things with bees.

PinaColliding operates under two assumptions:

1. Escape, by Rupert Holmes, is a great song; and

2. Should there fore be in every movie.

Like, say, Lord of the Rings, or The Departed.

Guys, I’m sorry, but it turns out crocodiles can climb trees. Govern yourself accordingly.

WHAT IF Rick James had become THE HULK?

This excellent and exhaustive MeFi post includes a wealth of links to some old National Lampoon recorded comedy bits, including the (to my mind unequalled) Mister Rogers spoof (with Christopher Guest!) that sent us all into hysterics when we listened clandestinely at Boy Scout camp 35 years ago.

Considering the era, this stuff was immensely transgressive comedy; take a while and sample. It’s fucking hilarious.