Here’s some excellent and hilarous short personal ads. Enjoy.

Check out these Russian guys doing something called parkour, which we weakly describe as “urban climbing crossed with running,” but recognize that we’re totally selling it short.

See what you can do with this. (Sound.)

We don’t know where this is from, but it’s funny as hell. (Click for full size.)

(If you know, tell us, and we’ll provide proper attribution.) It’s from Penny Arcade, as we probably could have surmised had we bothered to read the copyright thing on the right. Thanks, Tom!

Sometimes, despite the challenges presented by the prototypical size differential between mammals and invertebrates, it occurs that spiders eat mice.

Star Wars in 30 Seconds, Re-enacted by Bunnies.

(Keep watching for the outtakes. The third deleted scene makes us very, very happy.)

Here’s the best damn cover of Rocketman EVAR, complete with a parody of it from 30 years later.

Its name was Oolong. It’s dead.

Check out this (huge) panoramic photo of Paris; there’s also an annotated version. (Via MeFi)

…to your piece on the side.

Creepiest. Cards. EVAR.

Joey deVilla has been doing a daily Advent Calendar bit since, well, the beginning of Advent. Two of his finest entries recall one of my favorite DOS games and the best damn calculus tutorial EVAR.

Anything from here, though it does make us happy that “Barbie part jewelery” is something the world contains.

Louis Wain was a painter. He painted cats. Then he went crazy, but kept painting cats. The way in which his late-onset schizophrenia was manifested in his art is pretty fascinating.

Celebrity Pantomime.

The Onion: Rest Of U2 Perfectly Fine With Africans Starving. Heh.

Or, our apache kung-fu is too strong for you, grasshopper.

We have no idea how long Dirty Harry will be standing in for Chet Donnelly, but we do sort of enjoy the fact that the image size totally screws up his layout.

First, an excerpt from the Scientology-themed South Park ep. Very funny, made moreso by its complete adherence to actual CoS doctrine.

Second, this weird item at BoingBoing from the WaPo in re: some enormous crop-circle type decorations in New Mexico marking the location of the CoS’ archive vault.

Finally, this 1983 Penthouse interview with L. Ron, Jr., which I suspect was part of the source material for Troy Schulze’ Me-Sci-Ah.

JWZ found a site answering the question “How Hard Is It To Shoot Off A Lock?” Answer: Very, unless you’re using a shotgun slug.

However, we note after consulting with Senior Heathen Shootin’ & Lawyerin’ Correspondent Triple-F that the test is sort of stacked against pistols via round choice. A jacketed hollow-point or ball round isn’t meant to penetrate anything but, um, soft targets, whereupon it’s expected to expand. Rifle rounds are typically fully jacketed and NOT meant to expand, so all things being equal you’d expect such a round to go through more stuff than a bullet engineered for expansion. At the same time, all the rifle rounds used are smaller in diameter than the larger handgun rounds.

The test remains valid in a mythbusting sense, though, as movie gunmen would typically be loaded with “normal” pistol bullets like those used, not some armor-piercing round. (A bullet meant to go through stuff is less useful for stopping bad guys than a more traditional round.) We’re just curious about the corner case of a hard-alloy or fully-jacketed pistol round from a large caliber, high-velocity pistol.

Mostly because we’re very, very geeky. So geeky, in fact, that we sent email asking this version question. Watch this space for a follow-up.

Create your own warning label.

Untitled States will allow you to create amusing signs of your own.

(Here’s a nasty one we made we’re too nice to actually post here.)

Granted, all consumer marketing is garbage and lies shoveled into the media in a foolish attempt to generate demand for crap people don’t need. Still, it’s hard to imagine something more hamhanded and absurd than Hitachi’s The Hard Drive Is The New Bling.

Smiley face contact lenses.

Time-lapse figure drawing, via BoingBoing.

Achewood has a Wiki of its own as well as a fairly comprehensive Wikipedia article. (Via — and we’re not making this up — TotalFuckingArmageddon.)

When Muslims Attack! Excerpt:

Know your muslims! Some muslims can be relatively harmless, like the reclusive blue-crested muslim which only attacks when provoked, or the northern spotted muslim which just imitates the colorful patterns of its more aggressive venomous cousin. But watch out! There are thirty-eight species of man-eating muslim and they are all hungry for freedom, including the saber-toothed pipesian, the hinderical alzabo with its terrible fire-breath, and the fearsome malkinite chimera, which has the head of a lion, the wings of a winged lion, and the body of a much bigger lion eating the first two lions. The only way to defeat it is to trick it into saying its name backwards, which will cause it to vanish in a puff of liberty.

ShaveMyYeti.com. Make sure to finish.

The parody site Panexa.com is apparently so well done that it fooled CafePress. Don’t miss the disclaimers, particularly those about squirrels. Said section begins:

PANEXA is a prescription drug that should only be taken by patients experiencing one of the following disorders: metabolism, binocular vision, digestion (solid and liquid), circulation, menstruation, cognition, osculation, extremes of emotion. For patients with coronary heart condition (CHC) or two separate feet (2SF), the dosage of PANEXA should be doubled to ensure that twice the number of pills are being consumed. PANEXA can also be utilized to decrease the risk of death caused by not taking PANEXA, being beaten to death by oscelots, or death relating from complications arising from seeing too much of the color lavender. Epileptic patients should take care to ensure tight, careful grips on containers of PANEXA, in order to secure their contents in the event of a seizure, caused by PANEXA or otherwise.

Screenhead also points us over to where-are-they-now review of some key female icons from Saturday mornings, ca. 1978 or so. Included are, of course, Electra Woman and DynaGirl.

Dr. McNinja is a doctor. And a ninja. And knows Batman. And has a gorilla as a receptionist.

And he hates lumberjacks. Enjoy.

(Via Gawker’s Screenhead.)

Random Facts About Vin Diesel. Our favorite so far: “Vin Diesel is Bill Brasky.”

Yoda got the mad dance skillz.

TikiBar TV — on the Intarnet!

Via Majikthise, it’s the Snow-Monkey Cam. Sure, it’s in Japanese, but MONKEYS. In the SNOW. Besides, you may need something light after the last entry.

Who needs a nanny when you’ve got the Babycage?

The “offal quiz” link is fixed now.

Gridskipper wonders how well you Know Your Offal.

“Why don’t you be Santa’s little helper and shut your damn Pie Hole?” (Flash)

Sample 1: KISS MY ASS, BITCH, I’LL BE A DUANE’S!; and
Sample 2: In which Trudeau has a little homage to Hunter.

Merlin Man’s 5ives has a real winner today:

Five rules from the NPR drinking game

1. Nina Totenberg reads a transcript (1 drink)
2. oboe is heard (2 drinks)
3. Malcolm Gladwell reference (1 drink)
4. Scott Simon cracks himself up (1 drink)
5. Daniel Schorr mentions Watergate (3 drinks)

As it happens, under certain circumstances, the perennial “giant snake vs. hungry alligator” contest will in fact turn out a draw, but too late to allow either succor or comfort to the six-foot gator or 13-foot python, who burst in the effort.

(Geekiest possible joke on this story: “See what syntactically meaningful whitespace gets you?”)

Shiman is back with War of the Worlds in 30 Seconds Re-enacted by Bunnies.

Gridskipper points out the wonder of the 105-story Ryugyong Hotel in Pyongyang. Construction was suspended in 1989; since then, it’s stood as an enormous abandoned building in an otherwise short, squat city. The best part? It’s apparently not on any official maps, on the grounds that the Somebody Else’s Problem Field must be working. Definitely check out the Gridskip links.

Dangerous Squid gives us this excellent mashup of Cheney’s RNC speech and everyone’s favorite iconic coke kingpin. (Original link here.)

Update 4 Oct 2005: We been slashdotted by Crooksandliars.com, who linked directly to our local copy last night. This caused our colo to have a mild freakout and contact us, creating a genuine freakout until we figured out why this 18GB/month site served 70GB since last night. The local copy has therefore been removed. Sorry.

Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: “Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed.” “OH NO!” the President exclaims. “That’s terrible!” His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands. Finally, the President looks up and asks, “How many is a brazillion?”

Highlander in 30 Seconds Re-enacted by Bunnies.

Via JWZ.

Two bronze sculptures pee into their oddly-shaped enclosure. While they are peeing, the two figures move realistically. An electric mechanism driven by a couple of microproccesors swivels the upper part of the body, while the penis goes up and down. The stream of water writes quotes from famous Prague residents. Visitor can interupt them by sending SMS message from mobile phone to a number, displayed next to the sculptures. The living statue then `writes’ the text of the message, before carrying on as before.

If you find “rock, paper, scissors” insufficiently varied, and are yet still bored by the “rock, paper, scissors, Spock, lizard” improvement, then MeFi may be able to help by pointing out the RPS-15 and RPS-25 variations.

Yeah, they like it like that. (2.5MB MPG) Mrs. Heathen To Be: “That may be the best thing I’ve ever seen.”

The Onion: Project Manager Leaves Suicide PowerPoint Presentation

Sure, it’s a day late, but head on over and make your own message anyway.