Man walks through physics building at UT. Man finds stack of freshman physics homework assignments (“How have lasers affected your life?”).
Man peruses, discoving that freshmen involved are drooling idiots of the first order. Man adds his own comments, then scans said papers for display on the Internet before replacing them.
As our friend Biff might say, “AWETHOME!”
Rep. Louise Slaughter (D-NY) sent ol’ George a letter on the subject wondering exactly why a guy with no journalism experience or credentials had a White House press pass under a pseudonym despite being employed only by a GOP mouthpiece, not a news organization. Other than to pitch softball questions to Scott, that is.
Well, there’s one more bit. “Gannon” has withdrawn to private life based on a bit of investigation by the blogosphere. It appears he didn’t care for some of his domain registrations being made public we guess.
Cory Doctorow explains why you should care about your carrier’s policies toward your phone/handheld/device/etc.
The GOP’s contempt for written law is, at this point, old news. They’ve trotted out the “no judicial review” bullshit on all sorts of things, including but not limited to gay marriage bans. However, now they’re getting even scarier. Read more here.
Here’s the real fun bits:
Section 102(c) of the Illegal Immigration Reform and Immigrant Responsibility Act of 1996 … is amended to read as follows:(c) Waiver.(1) In general. – Notwithstanding any other provision of law, the Secretary of Homeland Security shall have the authority to waive, and shall waive, all laws such Secretary, in such Secretary’s sole discretion, determines necessary to ensure expeditious construction of the barriers and roads under this section.(2) No judicial review. – Notwithstanding any other provision of law (statutory or nonstatutory), no court shall have jurisdiction —(A) to hear any cause or claim arising from any action undertaken, or any decision made, by the Secretary of Homeland Security pursuant to paragraph (1); or (B) to order compensatory, declaratory, injunctive, equitable, or any other relief for damage alleged to arise from any such action or decision.
Because this is what we really need: a government agency totally above the law in all respects, and with no possibility of review or restraint from either other branch of the government.
Fred Clark reminds us about the meaning of jubilee. Think the Falwells, et. al., care as much about this as the bits about gay people?
Great Moments in Cleavage History, half-pint division.
It’s a good question. SFGate’s Mark Morford give it some ink:
My SO, she is not alone. This exact same scenario, with only slight variation, is happening throughout the nation, right now. Are you using a PC? You probably have spyware. The McAfee site claims a whopping 91 percent of PCs are infected. As every Windows user knows, PCs are ever waging a losing battle with a stunningly vicious array of malware and worms and viruses, all aimed at exploiting one of about ten thousand security flaws and holes in Microsoft Windows. Here, then, is my big obvious question: Why the hell do people put up with this? Why is there not some massive revolt, some huge insurrection against Microsoft? Why is there not a huge contingent of furious users stomping up to Seattle with torches and scythes and crowbars, demanding the Windows Frankenstein monster be sacrificed at the altar of decent functionality and an elegant user interface?
Excellent question. Why do most people just put up with this crap? The answer may be in a quote I heard years ago, attribution unrecalled: the greatest damage Microsoft has done to the computing industry is the degree to which they’ve lowered people’s expectations. They’re a marketing machine, not a real tech company, and it shows in both their market share and their product quality.
The Fafblog Social Security FAQ makes it all clear.
This morning, Writer’s Almanac reminded me that, had he not died in 1992, today would be Richard Yates’ 79th birthday. Until recently, Yates was the great unsung voice of postwar American literature; for years, I was the only person I knew who’d read him, and I only did because he was the guest writer one semester when I was at Alabama.
Dick’s work is strong, though, and on the strength of that — and some advocacy from modern-day literary heavyweights like Michael Chabon, Richard Ford, and others — his collected stories were published to great acclaim (Salon review) and success in 2001. He’d like that, but not for reasons of filthy lucre. As he told Andre Dubus once, all he really wanted was readers. At least now he’s got some.
Here’s a few bits about Dick worth reading, even if you’ve never been exposed to his work.
Want more? Some of his books are in print again.
SALEM, South Dakota (AP) — The mix of nude dancers, orange juice and black-and-white independent films wasn’t in Bob Rieger’s original business plan.
The WaPo has a bit on the ongoing life of — and BOC appreciation of — the More Cowbell SNL sketch (4.5mb). Reproduced to stave off link rot:
Blue Oyster Cult, Playing Along With ‘More Cowbell’ By Paul Farhi
Washington Post Staff Writer
Saturday, January 29, 2005; Page C01
There was something missing the other night when Blue Oyster Cult, the ’70s stadium rockers, kicked into their signature song, “(Don’t Fear) The Reaper,” in a gig at the Rams Head Tavern in Annapolis. Fans of the band, and of “Saturday Night Live,” knew exactly what the song needed: More cowbell. Ever since April 2000, when “SNL” first broadcast a skit parodying “Reaper’s” recording session, the 29-year-old rock anthem has been inseparable from the humble cowbell. And perhaps from Christopher Walken’s portrayal of “legendary” record producer Bruce Dickinson, who repeatedly pleads in the skit for “more cowbell.” In fact, a kind of cult has sprung up around the Blue Oyster Cult bit and its two magic words. “More cowbell” appears on T-shirts, coffee mugs and buttons, and the spoof is still discussed and debated on Web sites across the Internet. It has become a stock witticism in clubs and bars as bands begin to play (indeed, one group in Upstate New York named itself More Cowbell). Snippets from the skit pop up regularly on the radio. When the cable entertainment channel E! named its 101 Most Unforgettable ‘SNL’ Moments last fall, “Cowbell” ranked among the top five. For those who’ve never seen it, the sketch’s hilarity probably defies a printed description (it’s best to see it for yourself at mknx.com/v/cowbell.wmv). Suffice to say, Will Ferrell, who wrote the skit, plays a band member named Gene Frenkle whose specialty is the cowbell (and whose shirt fails to cover his flopping gut). Walken, ever intense, is the producer who is determined — good taste and common sense notwithstanding — to get more cowbell into the song’s recording. He urges Frenkle to “really explore the studio space” while whaling away on his cowbell — which Ferrell does, in a breathtaking bit of physical comedy. Despite the obvious irritation of the rest of the band, Walken’s Dickinson persists. “Guess what?” he says between takes. “I got a FE-ver, and the only prescription . . . is more cowbell!” Walken, an actor who has specialized in portraying the slightly unhinged, has described the six-minute sketch as career-defining. “People . . . I don’t know . . . I hear about it everywhere I go,” he told the Orlando Sentinel in October. “It’s been years, and all anybody brings up is ‘cowbell.’ I guess . . . you never know what’s gonna click.” Among the more amused viewers of the bit are the actual members of Blue Oyster Cult. “We didn’t know it was coming,” says Donald “Buck Dharma” Roeser, co-founder and lead guitarist of the group. “We all thought it was phenomenal. We’re huge Christopher Walken fans.” He adds, “I’ve probably seen it 20 times and I’m still not tired of it.” Roeser says the TV sketch accurately portrayed the look of the band in its mid-’70s heyday, but took some artistic license with a few details. For example, “SNL” player Chris Parnell, portraying the group’s lead singer, is referred to in the skit as “Eric.” That presumably would be a reference to longtime band member Eric Bloom, but it was actually Roeser, not Bloom, who was in front of the group when it made “Reaper.” And while there really is a record producer named Bruce Dickinson, he had nothing to do with the recording of the song. (Dickinson did work on some of the group’s later releases.) What’s more, the cowbell skit is presented as an episode of VH1’s “Behind the Music,” a real show that chronicles the lurid rise and fall of real-life bands. But Blue Oyster Cult never really was a “Behind the Music” kind of band. “We did our share of drugs, but we never really [expletive] up,” Roeser says. In fact, after a break in the mid-’80s and a few lineup changes, the group (featuring three of its members from the 1970s) has toured continuously, and plays about 80 to 90 dates a year. Roeser said people still ask the band about poor Gene Frenkle, whose image appears in a still frame at the end of the sketch with the words “In Memoriam. 1950-2000.” Roeser breaks into a laugh. “That’s a total fiction,” he says. “They made up that character.” Fact is, there is a cowbell on “Reaper.” If you listen closely to it on oldies radio, you can make it out in the background. But it was an afterthought. The song was recorded without it, and was added as an overdub at the last minute. According to former BOC bassist Joe Bouchard, an unnamed producer asked his brother, drummer Albert Bouchard, to play the cowbell after the fact. “Albert thought he was crazy,” Bouchard told the Asbury Park (N.J.) Press in 2000. “But he put all this tape around a cowbell and played it. It really pulled the track together.” During its show at the Rams Head on Thursday night, the five-member group dusted off its hits from three decades ago, including “R.U. Ready 2 Rock,” “Burnin’ for You” and “Godzilla.” Then, after a long guitar preamble, it snapped into its set-closer, “(Don’t Fear) The Reaper.” The familiar sweet notes swooped and soared, drawing the mostly middle-aged crowd back to its headbanging youth. Of course, it could have used . . . well, you know. © 2005 The Washington Post Company
Widely blogged but still cool: these pix of Tiger Woods shagging balls into the Gulf from atop Dubai’s tallest hotel.
(If the link rots, here’s the shots in order:
If anyone knows the photo credit, I’ll happily run that, too.)
Mike points out something that ought to make everyone’s blood boil about how we’re treating our wounded troops.
Heironymus Bosch Action Figures. (If that’s not enough for you, they have them for Dali as well.)
Via jwz Go vote for your favorite.
We’ve seen this part before, which is the bit about the guy who makes a computer keyboard out of an old typewriter as a gift for his wife, as she finds manual keyboards easier on her hands than the new electronic kind. What we missed the first time around was another of this guy’s projects: The Humphrey Room Inconveniencer. I’m so very sorry this idea didn’t occur to me in college, and that I didn’t do it to Mike back when I had a pass key.
Some German guy has written a number of stories about Roy Orbison wrapped in cling film. In fact, there’s no way to describe it at all, so here’s a sample:
It always starts the same way. I am in the garden airing my terrapin Jetta when he walks past my gate, that mysterious man in black. ‘Hello Roy,’ I say. ‘What are you doing in Dusseldorf?’ ‘Attending to certain matters,’ he replies. ‘Ah,’ I say. He apprises Jetta’s lines with a keen eye. ‘That is a well-groomed terrapin,’ he says. ‘Her name is Jetta.’ I say. ‘Perhaps you would like to come inside?’ ‘Very well.’ He says. Roy Orbison walks inside my house and sits down on my couch. We talk urbanely of various issues of the day. Presently I say, ‘Perhaps you would like to see my cling-film?’ ‘By all means.’ I cannot see his eyes through his trademark dark glasses and I have no idea if he is merely being polite or if he genuinely has an interest in cling-film. I bring it from the kitchen, all the rolls of it. ‘I have a surprising amount of clingfilm,’ I say with a nervous laugh. Roy merely nods. ‘I estimate I must have nearly a kilometre in the kitchen alone.’ ‘As much as that?’ He says in surprise. ‘So.’ ‘Mind you, people do not realize how much is on each roll. I bet that with a single roll alone I could wrap you up entirely.’ Roy Orbison sits impassively like a monochrome Buddha. My palms are sweaty. ‘I will take that bet,’ says Roy. ‘If you succeed I will give you tickets to my new concert. If you fail I will take Jetta, as a lesson to you not to speak boastfully.’ from the first such story
Accordian Guy also enjoyed the Fox Smackdown, and has a transcript and a Quicktime versionto boot:
Fox News: We were noticing all the snow in Washington, boy it’s really coming down! I hope that doesn’t put a crimp in anybody’s plans. Look at that gorgeous shot of the White House… Judy: Well I, I have a feeling that maybe it should put a crimp, or at least something should put a crimp in the plans of the White House to have such a very lavish inaugural at a time of war. Fox News: Really? Judy: Yes. What I’ve noticed is the worse a war is going, the more lavish the inaugural festivities. When Franklin Delano Roosevelt was President, during a time of war, of course as you know, he had a very modest inauguration and a very tiny party where he served chicken salad, or where chicken salad was served. And that was when we were winning a war. Fox News: Right, but, well, no, I, look, I mean, the President has, has addressed this, hasn’t he, he said that this is a, I believe the quote was that we’re celebrating, we’re celebrating democracy, we’re celebrating a peaceful transfer of democracy. What’s wrong with doing that? Judy: Have you noticed any peace or any transfer of democracy in Iraq? If you have, you’re the first person to have seen it. Fox News: Well, I’ve noticed the elections coming up, and, to be honest… Judy: They don’t seem very peaceful. Fox News: ….I didn’t want to argue politics with you this morning. Judy: Oh really? I thought I was allowed to talk about what I wanted to talk about. Fox News: You certainly, you certainly have that right. Let me ask, let me ask you this: what, I mean, what — what should they have cut back on? I mean we… Judy: How about $40 million. Fox News: All right, well… Judy: May I say something? May I say something? Fox News: Sure. Judy: We have soldiers who are incapable of protecting themselves in their humvees in Iraq. They have to use bits of scrap metal in order to make their humvees secure. Their humvees are sitting ducks for bombs. And we have a president who’s using $40 million to have a party. Fox News: What would you suggest for the inauguration? How would you do it? Judy: How about a modest party? Just like FDR. I’m sure you’ll agree he was a pretty good President with a fine sense of what’s appropriate and what’s not. And during a time of war, 10 parties are not appropriate when your own soldiers are sitting ducks in very, very bad vehicles. Fox News: Well, don’t you think that the President has, has given his proper respect to our troops? I mean yesterday, as far as I can tell, the festivities opened with a military gala, they ended with a prayer service. There does seem to have certainly been a tremendous effort over the past couple of days and more than that to honor our troops! Judy: Well, gee, that prayer should sure keep them safe and warm in their flimsy vehicles in Iraq. (emph. added) I’d rather see that money going to them, rather than to a guy who already is President, for the second time. Quinn on the ropes. The lesson to be learned: don’t shoot off your mouth when your brain is full of blanks. Click to see the video. Fox News: All right, well, Judy Bachrach, I think we’ve given you more than your time to give us your point of view this morning. Judy: Thanks for having me on.
There are several, but here’s the best one:
THINGS I’D PROBABLY SAY
IF THE BUSH ADMINISTRATION WERE JUST
A WEEKLY TV SHOW AND I WERE
A REGULAR VIEWER.
By Eric Maierson “Now, see, you can’t just go and do something like that. That would be illegal.” “Boy, someone’s gonna get fired for that.” “Wasn’t that the one who made all the mistakes? Why is she getting promoted?” “Come on, in real life you’d never get away with something like that.” “They really expect us to believe that?” “Am I the only one confused here?” “Does this make any sense to you?” “Why is this still on?”
Or, at least, wherein we point you at someone else’s tribute. David Edelstein at Slate gets it right, and smacks down the McNews for their absurd reduction of Carson’s style and legacy:
Sometimes it’s easier to begin an appreciation by saying what a person emphatically was not. Consider this passage about Johnny Carson from an editorial in USA Today, which is wrongheaded on nearly every count:But what made Carson so unusual wasn’t just his success, but how he achieved it. His monologues were not biting or cynical, as is often the case with today’s TV. His conversations with guests put the focus on the interviewee, not the interviewer. He didn’t win laughs at the expense of others, like Jay Leno does in his “Jaywalking” segment, which shows people unable to answer easy questions. If anyone was the butt of Carson’s humor, it was Carson himself.You’d think that Carson was some sort of egoless saint of television, when at his peak he was precisely the oppositeÑwhich is why, of course, so many millions of us watched him so faithfully and took the news of his passing, at age 79 from emphysema, so hard.
Besides, BoingBoing has already done the “clever” part for us; we’re just giving directions:
Over on “fair and balanced” Fox, one of their partisan hacks got a bit of surprise when she asked Judy Bachrach what she thought of the incredibly lavish inaugural balls.
Here’s a fine list of the 50 Most Loathesome People of 2004.
MediaMatters gives us a rundown of the conservative and progressive commentators included in the coronation coverage yesterday.
Now they’re after Spongebob Squarepants, whom they view as somehow encouraging tolerance of homosexuals.
Jesus, would you please talk to these people?
Sony admitted it was wholly wrongheaded in its digital music strategy, and that it had let Sony Entertainment stifle innovation from its Electronics division — which is precisely why they’re not even an also-ran in the portable digital music market after having invented the whole notion of portable, personal music in the eighties:
Sony admits MP3 error
Yuri Kageyama in Tokyo
January 21, 2005
SONY missed out on potential sales from MP3 players and other gadgets because it was overly proprietary about music and entertainment content, the head of the company’s video-game unit said. Ken Kutaragi, president of Sony Computer Entertainment, said he and other Sony employees had been frustrated for years with management’s reluctance to introduce products like Apple’s iPod, mainly because the Sony had music and movie units that were worried about content rights. But Sony’s divisions were finally beginning to work together and share a common agenda, Mr Kutaragi said at the Foreign Correspondents Club in Tokyo. “It’s just starting,” he said. “We are growing up.” Sony officials have rarely publicly said the company’s proprietary stance was mistaken. Mr Kutaragi, who has long been viewed as a candidate to lead Sony, was unusually direct in acknowledging Sony had made an error. Sony’s music players did not initially support MP3 files and only played Sony’s own Atrac format. Sony’s technology innovation had been “diluted”, Mr Kutaragi said “We have to concentrate on our original nature – challenging and creating,” he said. Once the powerhouse of global electronics, with success exemplified by its Walkman, Sony has lost some of its glamour lately, losing out in profitability and market share to cheaper Asian rivals. Mr Kutaragi – known as the “Father of the PlayStation” for making the game machine a pillar of Sony’s business – said the new PSP, or PlayStation Portable, handheld will grow into a global platform for enjoying music and movies as well as games. The Associated Press
Wanna snort some kittens?
Jenna Jameson is working with Wicked Wireless to provide moantones.
PJ over at Grokaw points out just how stupid you can be and still be referred to as a “tech industry analyst.” Basically, every professional geek’s worst fears about illiterate marketing droids are fulfilled in the works of folks like the ones she cites.
“Hey, check out this Transgenic Art.”
Sounds inflammatory, doesn’t it? Well, take a look at this. Short version: documentaries (about, e.g., the civil rights movement) made years ago are being removed from circulation because the filmmakers cannot afford to re-clear the excerpts included therein.
Hey, Frank, dig this:
MEMPHIS, Tennessee (AP) — Defense attorney Leslie Ballin called it the “jury pool from hell.” The group of prospective jurors was summoned to listen to a case of Tennessee trailer park violence. Right after jury selection began last week, one man got up and left, announcing, “I’m on morphine and I’m higher than a kite.” When the prosecutor asked if anyone had been convicted of a crime, a prospective juror said that he had been arrested and taken to a mental hospital after he almost shot his nephew. He said he was provoked because his nephew just would not come out from under the bed. Another would-be juror said he had had alcohol problems and was arrested for soliciting sex from an undercover officer. “I should have known something was up,” he said. “She had all her teeth.” Another prospect volunteered he probably should not be on the jury: “In my neighborhood, everyone knows that if you get Mr. Ballin (as your lawyer), you’re probably guilty.” He was not chosen. The case involved a woman accused of hitting her brother’s girlfriend in the face with a brick. Ballin’s client was found not guilty. CNN
Boing Boing points us to this MP3 of the outgoing voice mail message at the Mississippi State Tax Comission from yesterday.
You’ve reached the Mississippi State Tax Commission. On Monday, January the 17th, the State Tax Commission offices will be closed in observance of Robert E. Lee and Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.’s Tax Commission offices will reopen on Tuesday, January the 18th. Office hours are from 8 until 5. Thank you, and have a safe and happy holiday.
We can’t verify that the message itself is real (though the accent is authentic), but we have verified that yes, Robert E. Lee’s birthday is also a state holiday, and is observed concurrent with MLK’s birthday. What better way to honor the progress we’ve made than by honoring a man who fought to preserve slavery on the same day we honor Dr. King?
So. Fucking. Proud.
A Las Vegas weatherman has been fired for describing yesterday as “Martin Luther Coon Jr. Day” during his forecast.
How can you NOT want to click something called “Virtual Toad?” (Especially when it’s an in-progress VR recreation of the late, lamented Mr Toad’s Wild Ride attraction from Disney World.)
We’re not sure what he means by the title, but we’re taking it as incontrovertible proof that Crispin Glover is batshit crazy. Or something.
Frank Rich points out what a fucking joke the program’s swan song was:
NEW YORK One day after Tucker Carlson, the co-host of CNN’s “Crossfire,” made his farewell appearance and two days after the network’s new president made the admirable announcement that he would soon kill the program altogether, a television news miracle occurred: even as it staggered through its last steps to the network guillotine, “Crossfire” came up with the worst show in its 23-year history. This was a half-hour of television so egregious that it makes Jon Stewart’s famous pre-election rant seem, if anything, too kind. This time “Crossfire” was not just “hurting America,” as Stewart put it, by turning news into a nonsensical gong show. It was unwittingly, or perhaps wittingly, complicit in the cover-up of a scandal.
There’s more.
The venerable Paris Review has posted most of its interviews in PDF format for your perusal. The subject list includes heavyweights Truman Capote, Dorothy Parker, William Styron, Ralph Ellison, T. S. Eliot, and many others. Enjoy.
These are cool. The artist removed people from photographs and restored them by tracing/drawing, creating a weird sort of empty presence.
Slacktivist is, as always, more polite than the Heathen, but that’s no surprise. The president lies; that’s also no surprise. He lied about Iraq, and he’s lying now about Social Security now, which even the SSA itself says will be fine until at least 2042 (more on this here). Fred says:
George W. Bush lied. And George W. Bush doesn’t care that he lied. And he doesn’t care that you know he lied because he knows that more people will believe his lies than not, which was what yesterday’s forum on Social Security was all about.
Fred also points us to a decidedly more Heathenesque quote, from Kevin Drum, who is angry at both the President and our lapdog press:
What should a responsible press do when faced with a president who baldly lies over and over about stuff like this in a blatant attempt to scare the hell out of people? Somebody needs to figure it out, because people like George Bush have no incentive to stop lying if the press lets them get away with it.
Word.
(* With apologies to Fishbone.)
Hasbro has introduced Darth Tater. (Via BoingBoing.)
In 1994, it was a cinematic and cultural touchstone, the film of the year if not the decade in many senses.
This Dodge truck commercial will never be on your TV, but it’s worth giggling at anyway (1.3MB Windows media).
Need some geeky quotes? Try the Quote Database.
You know those fancy Sony Aibo robotic dogs? They’re pretty cute, if in a “more money than sense” sort of way. Anyhow, it appears that someone at Sony (in Paris, oddly) actually asked the question “So, will these things fool an actual dog?” in a way that we find curiously amusing. (If the link rots, try our local copy.)
