The good news is that our new PowerBook is on the truck en route to us now.

The bad news is that this truck is in Shanghai.

Both Engadget and Gizmodo are rightly (a) impressed by the Glide TwistTogether LED lamps and (b) shocked at their price. Still, they’re awful damn cool.

A buzzing mini-helicopter alarm clock.

GI Joe View Master Reels on the web. And not that tiny-molded-plastic, no-fuzzy-hair, COBRA-fightin’ bullshit imposter crap, either (sorry, Frank); this is about the real deal GI Joe from the early 70s.

Thanks to overgenerous grandparents, we had most of the toys pictured. We’re pretty sure that tower is still in mother’s attic, for example.

This discussion of radar detectors gives us the warm feeling of validation, since the Valentine has been the official fuzzbuster of Heathen Central since about 1998 or so.

We’re sure that this is the best damn guitar amp in a toaster money can buy. Period.

But we really like the idea of magnets strong enough to require warnings.

Beware – you must think ahead when moving these magnets. If carrying one into another room, carefully plan the route you will be taking. Computers & monitors will be affected in an entire room. Loose metallic objects and other magnets may become airborne and fly considerable distances – and at great speed – to attach themselves to this magnet. If you get caught in between the two, you can get injured. Two of these magnets close together can create an almost unbelievable magnetic field that can be very dangerous. Of all the unique items we offer for sale, we consider these two items the most dangerous of all. Our normal packing & shipping personnel refuse to package these magnets – our engineers have to do it. This is no joke and we cannot stress it strongly enough – that you must be extremely careful – and know what you’re doing with these magnets. Take Note: Two of the 3″ x 1″ disc magnets can very easily break your arm if they get out of control.

Yours for only $75 each.

“Convertible Lumberjack.” He turns into a werewolf, natch.

We’re not sure we’d laser-etch our new PowerBook, but this one sure looks awesome.

One of these, or damn near anything from here.

Takayasu Tanaka, 2005 Yo-Yo Champion.

Breast Implants May Soon Carry MP3 Players.

Ziploc bags are not toys, even if they’re really, really big.

Metafilter points us to the Island of MIsfit Games. We totally want some of these.

We Heathen are gadget people. No surprise there; we have a blog, for crying out loud. It should therefore come as no surprise that we have, over the years, had a metric shitload of personal digital devices into which we twiddled or scribbled or download the personal, trivial equivalent of the Library of Congress over the years. (Yes, we even had a Newton. Three, in fact. Two of them we still have; the third we traded for some massages several years ago. No, we are not making this up.)

What finally pulled us away from the Newton — which, despite its awful debut, finished life as a spectacular and useful device we’ve still not seen the equal of — was a combination of factors:

• Steve Jobs came back to Apple and killed the Newt because it was a John Sculley project, and he hated Sculley; nobody wants to use an orphan. (Newton geeks, do not bother me with the no-doubt still “vibrant” online community of die-hard Newton afficianados who make the Comic Book Guy look suave and urbane. We do not care.)
• The Newton, great as it was, had moved in the opposite direction of the market — instead of small, syncable, and cheap, it got bigger, more expensive, and ditched desktop sync. The latter was a serious, serious flaw — backup is one thing, but desktop access to personal data is key.
• The rise of the Pilot, which was all the things the Newt wasn’t — i.e., small, syncable, and cheap.

We first used a Palm between our last two Newts in about 1997. Now, 8 years later, we stil use one. This article is a great summary of the history and development of the platform, including its origins with GRiD and Tandy (!) before Palm became its own firm, under the care of US Robotics. (We really wish we still had the first Pilot we used, with THAT logo in it, before 3Com bought ’em.)

(Local PDF copy, in case that one goes away.)

Office Guns, for all your workday ballistic needs.

A Cellular squirrel seems like a fine idea.

Via BoingBoing, we present the LapJuicer: a fruit-juice-extracting device designed for use by, um, adult entertainers at work.

The red beast (file foto) is being repaired even as we speak, ending a 9 month fallow period wherein it quietly and forlornly leaked expensive synthetic oil onto Heathen Central’s garage floor.

How much? To preserve topicality, we will state only that current estimates are, roughly, 3.5 wedding cakes, but that includes an annual service, oil change, new spark plugs, miscellaneous maintenance and a new battery in addition to fixing the aforementioned oil leaks (yes, plural). It may remain a bad idea executed very well, but at least it’s OUR exemplar thereof. Vroom Vroom.

We freely admit that in the past we’ve disparaged gimmicky add-ons like Hertz’s NeverLost system as yet anther tool to transfer money from marks to cons. However, our recent business travel experiences have showed us the error of that assumption. The NeverLost system works astoundingly well, and even manages to recover pretty rapidly if you make a mistake and get “off route” on your way to some location. (When that happens, it figures out where you are and plots a new route based on your current location.) It also keeps track of locations you’ve asked for during your rental (not unlike your browser’s history), so going back to the client site (e.g.) is a true no-brainer even if it’s twenty twisty miles away.

We’re not sure we’d use such a thing at home much, but in a strange city, having trustworthy navigation aids on hand is remarkably freeing. NeverLost actually interfaces with Yellow Pages info, so you can search for damn near anything. Need a mall? No problem. How about an office supply shop? Done. True, Hertz costs a bit more than the other guys, and NeverLost is only available on midsize cars and up — and adds $9 a day to your bill — but flexibility and convenience are frequently hard to come by on business trips, and NeverLost manages to deliver both with aplomb.

We should do our cooking in one of these.

For years, we’ve threatened to make something like this, but four bucks is a bit too much for a joke. (Via BoingBoing)

We totally need a remote controlled Nessie for our float trip.

When Apple released the iPod Shuffle, we were, well, underwhelmed. We already have three conventional hard-drive based iPods at Heathen Central (an original 5 gigabyte model; a 2nd-generation 15 gig used by Mr Heathen; and a 20 gig U2 edition Mrs Heathen To Be got for Christmas), and frankly didn’t see the charm.

For long, complicated reasons, however, Apple recently offered to send us a 1 gig Shuffle for free. Not being fools, we said “Sure!” Said schwag/bribe arrived today, and we are compelled to admit our opinion has changed: Shuffle? Very cool.

As at least occasionally gym-going folk, the Heathens have noticed that full-size iPods are, well, at least occasionally unwieldy in workout situations. They’re big and heavy, and not unfragile, as they’re built on hard drives. The Shuffle, on the other hand, weighs almost nothing (0.78 oz, vs. 5.6 for the “conventional” models), but holds plenty (ours is the 1 gig, which will hold about 240 songs — or 20% of the capacity of our original 5 gig, which was even then an absurd amount of music to carry around, let along use in the gym).

The real coolness, though, happens in the one area I could see being a problem: what to put on it? We knew it would “fill itself” on plug-in with a random sampling of one’s music library, but with a wildly eclectic library, that’s sort of fraught with peril (we do not wish to transition from Van Halen to Miles Davis while on the elliptical). What we did NOT realize is that one may instruct the Shuffle to fill itself from any arbitrary subset of the music library, and that it can easily switch between subsets with every docking event.

Add to this the mundane but entirely useful ability to store and transport any type of file, and we think it’s a keeper. Especially at “free.” But probably even at a C-note.

C’mon. Is there really any reason we shouldn’t have a Red Dragon Torch Kit? We think not.

We mean it. When Mrs Heathen To Be sees these, we suspect an order may happen.

BoingBoing points out that there are now iPod vending machines.

Don’t you need one of these?

Apparently, a certain Dell flatscreen monitor and the Apple 20″ Cinema Display use exactly the same LCD (a Phillips model). It sort of begs for a head-to-head, doesn’t it?

Fortunately, Engadget can point us directly to one. The verdict? No material difference, except in price. The Dell? Sometimes as low as $350. The Apple? A cool grand.

It’s apparently now available.

Must. Restrain. Self. We do, however, wonder if Mrs Heathen To Be thinks this would make a fine addition to the Registry.

Amazon is selling the Canon Digital Elph S410 for $249, which is (notionally) about $200 off. This is a 4 megapixel camera just shy of the top-end for its year. It’s also accessory-compatible with the prior Elph generations (batteries, memory cards, etc.).

Presumably, Canon is trying to clear the channel for the new SD500/400/300 Elph line, which are nicer — bigger LCDs, higher resolution — the SD500 is a SEVEN megapixel point-and-shoot) — but which also use the (more expensive) Secure Digital storage medium, so we’re happy to take last year’s model on the cheap.

Who DOESN’T need a Solar Death Ray?

Contact lenses that also function as blood glucose meters. How cool is that?

We here at Heathen Central are getting married; this is not news. Also not news, if you’ve seen us lately, is the fact that we need to lose a bit of weight before we take wedding pix. To that end, we’re getting back on the old exercise train.

Great. There is almost nothing as boring as exercise. Well, exercise qua exercise is boring; exercise that happens when you’re doing something fun is different — but also takes longer, making it less practical for very busy people during the week. Enter the iPod!

You can gets lots to listen to on an iPod, but what I really want is NPR. Of course, NPR is radio, not MP3, and the shows we like come on at times inconvenient to working out, so we have a bit of an issue.

Fortunately, the invisible hand of the market has produced TWO solutions to this quandry. If we want to listen to NPR on our own terms and not be bound by the tyranny of broadcast schedules, we can:

1. Buy a Griffin RadioShark, which is sort of like a Tivo for radio.
   Pro
   • One-time cost ($69);
   • Can record anything on the radio (ATC, ME, TAL, WWDTM, etc.).
   Con
   • Must remember to set and use;
   • Will still have to listen to the gawdawful local inserts during the morning and evening news shows. NPR’s programming we like; however, we invariably change channels when the local idiots start jabbering.
2. Get subscriptions to the desired programs over at Audible so that we can download what we want when we want it.
   Pro
   • Pick and choose, with no need to set a device or futz with reception issues;
   • Presumably better audio quality;
   • NO LOCAL INTERRUPTIONS — just a pure network feed, which is frankly all we want from any network. Local == crap.
   Con
   • Ongoing fees to the tune of $12-20 a month;
   • Potential DRM issues with the files;
   • Limited to programs that deal with Audible.

Looking at it this way, it sorta appears that spare computer + Radioshark + cron job to push ’em to the server (for consistent access from wherever we want) is probably the answer.

We do, however, admit that there is something wondeful about the phrase “gas-powered blender.”

We here at Heathen HQ are doing everything we can to restrain ourselves from buying a 512MB Tiki Drive, solely on the grounds that it’s two weeks ’til our birthday.

It’s a damn good thing that this knife block isn’t actually for sale, because, trust us, otherwise we’d be registering for that bitch in a mother fuck.

We mean, if certain people would let us.

(Alt link here.)

Hasbro has introduced Darth Tater. (Via BoingBoing.)

You know those fancy Sony Aibo robotic dogs? They’re pretty cute, if in a “more money than sense” sort of way. Anyhow, it appears that someone at Sony (in Paris, oddly) actually asked the question “So, will these things fool an actual dog?” in a way that we find curiously amusing. (If the link rots, try our local copy.)

Teddyport.

If only we’d heard of these before Christmas!

TV Cream gives us the Top 100 Toys.

Teach your children to be hapless corporate drones with the Cube Playset.

Nope. Not even if we get it for Christmas. Besides our well-documented aversion to board games, there’s just no way on God’s green earth you’re gonna get us to play Sock Full Of Bees.

Up to now, Sony Electronics — the godfather of portable audio! — has been at best an “also-ran” in the portable MP3 market. Why? Not because of crappy hardware or high prices (though these help); no, it’s worse than that. Sony also includes Sony Entertainment, which makes records (sort of). Consequently, Sony Electronics wasn’t permitted to create a music player that just plain played unrestricted MP3 files; in order to pay your music on one of Sony’s devices, you had to convert it all to ATRAC3 or somesuch, and use their goofy software that tried to keep up with how often you downloaded your tunes to the device. Basically, they were trying to sell a device that was a real pain in the ass to use, but were competing against Apple’s iPod and the myriad of copycats who saw no problem with supporting plain old MP3 playback and transfer.

What’s really fucked up about this is that, if my understanding is correct, Sony Entertainment is seriously the tail wagging the dog here; Sony Electronics contributes way more to the bottom line, and yet still somehow ended up being the RIAA’s bitch.

But only up to now; Sony Electronics has finally admitted its players suck, and has released a firmware upgrade to allow them to play MP3. New players will have MP3 capability built in. Of course, given the strength of the iPod brand — it’s clearly the heir to the Walkman — it will be difficult for Sony to regain its position in the market; this little imbroglio almost certainly cost them millions.

Put all 65,000 New Yorker cartoons on it. We, too, wonder if it’s possible, and if it is, we wonder how long it will take us to justify the expense.

The Audio Shaker. Watch the video.

Quick! To the Batphone!

BoingBoing reports that Sprint isn’t actually intending to leave the Treo 650 crippled after all. (BB points to this O’Reilly page.)

There is now a blood glucose monitor cartridge available for the Nintendo Gameboy. Cool. (Via Boing Boing, which has a link to an interview with the inventor, too.)

Sprint is said to be crippling the Bluetooth capabilities of the new Treo 650; we are not pleased. It’s nice to have a wireless headset, but the killer app of Bluetooth is the ability to use your phone as a wireless modem with your laptop. I do this now with the Powerbook and my Sony T610 from TMobile, and I certainly won’t be moving to a phone that won’t let me do the same thing.