BoingBoing reports that a new land speed record has been set for couches. Excellent.

We first encountered the tale of the Cement Cuddlers some years back, and were pretty certain we’d posted about it here, but vigorous grepping suggests not. Enjoy.

I had been thinking for a long time about making cement filled teddy bears. I wasn’t exactly sure why. At first it was just a perceptual curiosity I wanted to experience, and I wanted others to experience. I liked the idea of someone being handed what appeared to be a fluffy stuffed animal, only to have it go tearing through your relaxed fingers like a lead meteor.

The Christmas shopping season seemed an ideal time to get them on the shelves of Los Angeles toy stores, so late in November, members of the Los Angeles Cacophony Society gathered in my backyard to gut several dozen plush toys and replace their innards with Portland’s finest.

We called them, “Cement Cuddlers”.

Click through for the whole story. It’s brilliant.

Back during the war, Donald was all about the jimmy hat.

This, described as “Nightmare Before Christmas meets City of Lost Children.”

Student denied degree because of MySpace photo. The photo in question is also pretty innocuous, too. We suppose it’s no surprise that the Internet provides new and more annoying ways for people to be douchebags — it’s been happening for 20 years on Usenet; no reason it shouldn’t spread to asswipe college administrators.

Peace out, H-dawg. We know you be balancin’ mad books in heaven:

POYNETTE, WI—Foul play is suspected in the death of an accounts receivable supervisor for a regional office-supply company, sheriff’s deputies reported Tuesday.

Herbert F. Kornfeld, 34, was an alleged accounting gang leader considered by law enforcement to be a key player in a series of ongoing office worker turf wars. He was found dead Monday morning in the third-floor copy room of Midstate Office Supply, his employer of 12 years.

Sigh. Take a moment to read Kornfeld’s first major work, “Keep Your Fucking Shit Off My Desk.”

That poodle thing was made up, too. We kinda wish it was true, though.

Stupid poodles.

If you notice your fancy aquarium live rock receding, you might have a six foot worm secretly living in your tank. Ew.

Apparently, some con artist managed to sell a whole bunch of sheep to Japanese folks by giving them weird haircuts and insisting they were poodles.

JWZ points out the story of the Alameda-Weekhawken Burrito Tunnel. Go. Read.

Both via BoingBoing:

• Best praying mantis picture EVAR (bigger Flickr version); and
• “Mursi tribeswoman with iPod and AK-47“

Enjoy.

Go check out Lisa Bufano. This piece, “Four Legs Good,” has the double-amputee artist dancing on exaggerated Queen-anne stilts as prosthetics.

(Via Table of Malcontents. )

No, really.

Jeff points us to the law of Conservation of Ninjitsu, which is awesome:

In any martial arts fight, there is only a finite amount of ninjutsu available to each side in a given encounter. As a result, one ninja is a deadly threat, but an army of them are cannon fodder.

This can apply to Elite Adversaries other than ninjas; vampires, for example, are particularly susceptible to Conservation Of Ninjitsu, as are werewolves, Special Forces commandos, and Super Powered Robot Meter Maids. Zombies seem to be exempt from this; they’re mainly dangerous because they travel in packs.

Don’t let bod-mod envy ruin your entire day, a view of future reality-TV from Lore Sjoberg. It’s the last bit that’s the best.

Check out his counsel to Robin over the years:

Robin: “Where’d you get a live fish, Batman?”
Batman: “The true crimefighter always carries everything he needs in his utility belt, Robin.”

There’s more, of course. It reminds us of something LawyerHeathen wrote on our dorm wall 15 or so years ago, also a quote from Batman: “It is difficult to think clearly when strapped to a printing press.”

Word.

BoingBoing wants you to know how to cook pancakes with your heroin works. Sure. Why not?

But since MeFi has covered it again, we might as well: In December, 1976, a film crew working on The Six Million Dollar Man discovered that the “hanging man” prop in one corner of the funhouse in a run-down amusement park was actually the desiccated body of a train robber killed in a 1911 gunfight named Elmer McCurdy.

Over at Majikthise, pointed out by this dude.

It is apparently possible to combine “deep fryer” and “goldfish enclosure” in a sustainable way.

BoingBoing points us to an absolutely pitch-perfect parody of This American Life. Enjoy.

(Incidentally, TAL is going to be a TV show on Showtime.)

1. Cutting hair with a butane torch.

Enjoy.

Squirrelflinger.

Ze Frank has finally delivered the remixes and video to Ray.

Sometimes, we really love the Intarwub.

You don’t really need more than that, do you? Here you go. (BoingBoing link; SFW.)

Primordial Horror Made Flesh

Dude, check it out. Not recommended for combination with hallucinogens.

Mike points out what may be the best damn play idea we’ve ever heard: a stage show based on Point Break wherein the part of Johnny Utah is cast at random from the audience each night.

Holy crap, we wish we lived in Seattle.

Check it out. (Safe for work.)

BoingBoing points us to a very cool Interstate map done in the style of subway maps.

Via BoingBoing, check out this 1943 Disney Employee Manual.

“Promise her anything, but give her SynthCoke. Only your wallet knows fuh shuah.”

Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. (Via BoingBoing)

Here’s two things we’re pretty sure we don’t need:

• Pocket-sized disposable single-serving shots of liquor;
• Beer for Dogs

Carry on.

Years after Mil Millington’s Things My Girlfriend and I Have Argued About hit the web, we get Things My Boyfriend Says.

Jeep wins. Check this out!

Running from the Camera. (Via MeFi.)

Check it out:

How To Argue Like A Jackass

The Straight Dope answers the burning question “When the zombies take over, how long till the electricity fails?”

(Yeah, it’s from 2004. It’s still great.)

Japanese exercise/language training videos:

Stay with it until the third iteration of the exercise girls. SFW.

From our far-flung Chilean Heathen, Cat in a Bottle.

Turns out, it wasn’t an accident that Wonder Woman always seemed to have a kinky subtext. I mean, GOLDEN LASSO, for crying out loud.

Matthew Barney and Bjork On The Phone With Ikea.

No, really.

Really, what’s not to like about a project to place an enormous banana in geostationary orbit over Texas?

How long can you last?

From SNL this week:

The worst part is that we’ve now got an earworm for a joke song.

Gawker’s Birmingham-native editor has a bit of fun at his adoptive city’s expense, inspired by the Mississippi: Believe it! campaign.

Britney’s hoo-haa (we’re pretty sure at this point we can’t call it her “good girl”) got lots of press last week.

This is the best bit. Vulgar and, as advertised, rude as hell, but hilarious if you’re the sort of Heathen we think you are.