Here’s some crap we’ve been meaning to post. Now that we’re done with work for the evening and Mrs Heathen To Be is out art-car-painting, we’ve settled in with the new NIN (verdict so far: “Eh, but then again how long could YOU be that angry?”) and some Knob Creek to Take Care of Bidniss. To Wit:

• Here’s a fine gallery of pulp covers; where else will you find the cover art for “5 Beds to Mecca?”
• You know how we keep pointing out what evil goatfuckers this Administration is? Yeah, well, here’s more.
• If you’re anything like me, that last one left you pissed off, so go ahead on and smack this guy around a bit.
• Every single one of you ought to buy and wear one of these.
• Something about this was inevitable: Cooking for Engineers. The recipe representations rule.

Warren said so.

But then again, it would be imposible to have such a list of Things That Don’t Exist.

BushFish.org.

The Self-Referential Aptitude Test

How ’bout this timeline clock?

Enjoy the De-Animator.

Real quick-like, ’cause then we gots to go buy Tiger and some shoes.

1. Virtual Stapler, for all your virtual staplin’ needs; and
2. Getting in Touch with your Inner Al Swearingen, a seminar by frontier phrenologist Dr. Philo Elihu McGraw.

Enjoy.

Ol’ Diz points us at two of the flat-out weirdest advertising images we’ve yet seen:

• One (Diz’s post here); and
• Two (Diz speaks to it here.

To round out this buggy delite, we figure we’ll go ahead and post this, just in case #1, above, instilled in you a burning desire to kill spiders.

“Our Hero Battles Twenty-Six Alphabetised Terrors.”

How To Make A Ring Out Of A Quarter.

Ol Triple-F points us to the Ten Worst Album Covers of All Time, or at least what Pork Tornado considers them to be.

We’ve given it thought, and have a hard time arguing with his selections. Particularly No. 7.

IFuckedAnnCoulterInTheAssHard.blogspot.com.

Dude falling.

Raising Nancies.

A celebration of non-penetration.

Remember “doing a Lynndie?” Well, now there’s “doing a Schiavo.” Enjoy. But if you do, you’re goin’ to hell. (via)

We pointed out earlier the cool and somewhat creepy fact that satellite imagery of Heathen Central is available online. Turns out, we’re not the only ones who think this is at least slightly creepy; some images have been obscured to frustrate terrorists or attackers who might target somewhere like this or this; what’s odd is that a certain 5-sided DoD structure southwest of these two didn’t get similar treatment.

Ol Diz has a whole category of Guest Popes lined up until those Cardinals get their little conclave done; our favorite should be easy to ascertain.

Just because we here at Miscellaneous Heathen are, paradoxically, Christian in nature does NOT mean we cannot be amused at Rude Pundit’s use of the phrase “batshit insane Jesus babblers,” especially when used to describe folks like Roy Moore and the Family Research Council.

He’s talking about the, well, batshit crazy Jesus babblers who are now all up in arms about the “out of control” judiciary who refused to keep the Florida state vegetable drawing breath. It is difficult to overstate how wrong these goons are when they start this crap. Ol’ Mr Pundit puts it this way:

See, the difference is that the legislature and the executive branches are elected, by majorities (allegedly), and thus the majority of the nation has a voice through those branches. The judiciary exists, ideally outside the realm of elections, to give the minority a voice. The logic’s simple: the majority will always have a voice through elections. But there’s others, up to 49.9% of the population, who’d like to be considered as part of the nation. And, sure, sometimes the judiciary will piss off the other branches, but, fuck ’em, welcome to the Republic, you know? Isn’t this basic civics class? Didn’t we all learn this back in middle school? Admittedly, the Rude Pundit was taught the Constitution without a Bible present to coordinate the articles with, but, still, and shit, this ain’t brain surgery. Hell, it ain’t even temperature taking.

Check out BoingBoing on the subject of Unintentionally Suggestive Comic Book Covers. Example at right.

JWZ points us to Google Sightseeing, which is darn cool.

At least some people find Google’s satellite integration a touch creepy.

See?

(Shut up. It is too a blog.)

On the heels of Mr Diz’s bit below, we find this delicious smackdown in response to more blathering from Paul Graham. You have to be sorta geeky to get the context, but the actual bitchslapping is accessible to all.

Make sure you download and print out the bracket, so that you can be prepared for the conclave office pool. (Local copy here.)

A linguistics blog provides for us an excellent (and hilarious) summary of language jokes on the Simpsons.

Or, at least, that’s what we take away from the web site of Belinda Bedekovic, Croatian remote-keyboard virtuoso. (Don’t miss the press pages, where she’s pictured with Steve Vai in an article that also name-checks Joe Santriani and Robert Fripp.)

“The big pole with the fabric on it? Yeah, that should point UP.”

It turns out, there is no punchline: Worst. Video. Evar.

Heathen Central from Space (Actually, it’s a little off — Heathen Central is closer to one block west of the arrow.)

Why this is necessary may not be clear to you, but fortunately she lays it out for us:

Your yoga teacher may bow to her class saying, “Namaste” (“I bow to the divine in you.”). Postures have names such as Savasana (the Corpse Pose) and Bhujangasana (the Cobra or Snake Pose). References are made to chakras or “power centers” in the body, such as the “third eye.” The relaxation and visualization session at the end of yoga classes is skillfully designed to “empty the mind” and can open one up to unwholesome spiritual influences. As Christians, we are instructed to “be transformed by the renewing of your mind” (Romans 12:2). Yoga’s breathing techniques (pranayama) may seem stress-relieving, yet they can be an open door to psychic influences, as is the customary relaxation period at the end of a yoga session. Before becoming a Christian, I remember numerous instances of “traveling outside my body” during yoga relaxation periods. I wonder who – or what – checked in when I checked out? (Note: While Christians cannot be “possessed” since the Holy Spirit resides in your re-created human spirit, one may be “oppressed” by demonic influences.)

Um, right.

Of course, this isn’t just quasireligious frippery; it’s quasireligious frippery from someone with an agenda. The author is the founder of PraiseMoves, and will happily sell you books, tapes, etc., so you can free yourself from the spiritual dangers of Yoga. And put money in her pocket.

Your search – “sound recorder compositions” – did not match any documents.

And yet, oddly, there’s this.

Gigazoom. Cool.

We’re pretty sure this one is the winner: nnnngnnggh, which is (of course) Terri Schiavo’s blog.

Amusing photos of an arctic encounter.

(Just so you know, we tried really hard to work in a joke about “cartesian bears,” but couldn’t quite get there.)

We here at Heathen are not uppity; we admit publically we attended public schools in Mississippi, of all places. It was therefore no surprise for us to discover that we’d missed an entire chapter in the history of space flight: The Old Negro Space Program.

L’Amour, a short, bitter film. Enjoy.

Llama Llama Duck.

Some folks do. Check it out.

Agent Rhymes-with-Schloachim provides a handy guide for destroying the Earth, should the need arise. Filed for future reference.

Agent Lindsey provides this little video that may well make coffee come out your nose. Heathen, we present Karaoke for the Deaf.

“Cunnilingus is a dialectic like any other.”

(Young-Hae Chang Heavy Industries strikes again.)

About this Jeff Johnson story, he says:

We don’t link to a lot of fiction, but this Jeff Johnson piece is some sort of unholy mixture of George Saudners and that scene Mamet wrote for the movie version of Glengarry Glen Ross.

Read.

The rest of the piece on perpetual business travel isn’t nearly as good, but this segment is grand:

Next, hotels; If you have any say in the matter, try to stay in Marriott affiliated hotels. The Wingate Inn and Quality Inn are both alright, but the Choice hotels (Comfort Suites, Sleep inn, etc) would be great, if they could somehow merge them all into one. As it is, Comfort suites have great bathrooms, but the chairs are awful, and most of them won’t let you smoke in them, and you have to light up your joint in the rental car, then you get all paranoid about taking it back to the rental place and having them smell it, so you just spray the hell out of it with air freshener; then you think that the guys at the rental place do this all the time, so they know what it means when a car comes in reeking of fake banana air freshener, so they’ll get onto you about it, and charge your company for you smoking in their car, then your boss calls you up and asks what this was all about, because he knows you don’t smoke cigarettes, so you have to make up some story about picking up a hooker, and she lit up in the car, but your boss turns out to be a pentecostal preacher and insists that you don’t do that in the future, or at least have her smoke in the hotel room where they charge you less, but you can’t do that because the whole hotel will know you’re smoking the funk because you got that hydro from your cousin, and you can smell that stuff two states over, so now you’re just fucked. The Sleep Inns have sucky bathrooms.

Looks like the guy responsible for spamming my blog earlier doesn’t being called a spammer:

Hi – Sorry for the appearance of spam, but that wasn’t the case. I post everything manually, and only to blog entries that are relevant. There is a great revolution in media happening, and I am working hard to make it happen faster. Replay Radio is a great way to get the TiVo experience for radio, and I think everyone agrees that TiVo is cool. Podcasting is cool, too, and we will have a free Podcasting client soming soon as well. Again, please accept my apologies for the appearance of spam — that is simple not the case. Best Regards, Bill Dettering Applian Technologies Inc.

In other words “it’s not spam, because I say it’s not spam! Stop calling me a spammer!”

Presumably, he thinks this because he has some other definition of “spam.” Well, we think different. The formal acronym for spam is UCE, or unsolicited commercial email. The comment was an unsolicited attempt to sell his product, so as far as I’m concerned that qualifies. Q.E.D.

Go away, Bill, and stop spamming my blog.

Yesterday, we posted about our radio woes. Last night, we got comment spam from some people about Replay-Radio, which is a product of these jackasses. We urge you to avoid these useless, goatfucking spammers as well as any products these incompetant boobs may offer. The net has no place for spammers.

Gun safety lesson goes horribly awry. Remember, accidental discharges are much more common with unloaded weapons.

See? This is an unloaded gun. . . this is a Glock .40. 50 Cent, Too Short, all of ’em talk about the Glock .40. I’m the only one in this room professional enough that I can carry a Glock .40 . . . BANG!

Is it freedom? No. It’s because, for at least some people, the answer to “I’m too fat to use a regular toilet” is not “Sweet Christ, I’ve gotta go to the gym!” but “Hey, why don’t I just get a big-ass toilet instead?” (via)

“Someone keeps stealing my letters!“