In what can only be described as an attempt to legislate away spontaneous generosity, a group of young adults were arrested in Tampa Sunday for feeding the homeless without a permit.

Jon Carroll’s readers are concerned about the prospect of ejaculations preventing cancer, among other issues. He offers counsel.

Read what security expert Bruce Schneier has to say about national ID cards, TSA-approved luggage locks (i.e., with a backdoor key), how to steal an election (hint: make sure there’s no paper trail) and related issues you ought to care about.

All charges against Capt. James Yee, a Muslim chaplain previously on duty at Gitmo, have been dismissed.

Recall that initially they were accusing him of out-and-out spying, then backed off to improperly handling classified material, and then did their best to fuck him with adultery and pornography charges, as the heavy stuff wasn’t going to fly. (The prosecutors made noises about how they couldn’t seek a court martial because of “national security” concerns, which sounds an awful lot like ass-covering to me.)

Now even those charges have been dismissed and expunged from his service record, which says to me that either (a) the Army was wildly off-base the whole time, or (b) they weren’t but still managed to bollocks-up the investigation to thoroughly that they couldn’t win even on even the reduced charges. Both of these possibilities have very disturbing implications; either they’re going on witch hunts, or they’re incapable of handling cases and investigations.

It occurs to me that both could be true. I need a drink.

Rather then try to describe this, we will provide the following quote and encourage you to read the rest:

“He was crying and asking me why the bunny was being whipped.”

Alabama, home to our alma mater, now has an official spirit: Clyde May’s Conecuh Ridge Alabama Style Whiskey. And thank God for that.

Supreme Court Justice Scalia visited my hometown to give speeches at a local Baptist college and Presbyterian high school. While there, as usual, he bullied the press via Federal marshals.

Dr. Hunter S. Thompson will be writing a book on the 2004 Presidential campaign.

On September 11, 2001, Condi Rice was scheduled to give a speech on the much-ballyhooed missile defense system.

The 9/11 commission would like very much to see that speech, but the White House has now declared that the transcription thereof is classified.

This week, as the worst fighting in months rages in Iraq, President Bush is still categorizing the insurrection as the work of those who hate freedom as opposed to those who, say, just don’t want US there. Then, having explained the situation is as much detail as we apparently deserve, he went on vacation.

Terrorism may not have been the DOJ’s main priority pre-9/11, but we can rest easy knowing they’re continuing to spend millions to fight the scourge of porn currently available to consenting adults nationwide.

After stonewalling the 9/11 commission for months, fighing the extension tooth and nail, and doing their level best to keep Dr Rice from testifying, it should come as no surprise that the White House is saying that atheir vetting process may well prevent the commission’s report from being released this summer, and that it may well not see the light of day until after the election.

A woman is up on felony charges in Newport News for receiving oral sex from her (male) partner. Granted, they were in a car at 3:00AM, but the law being applied here has nothing to do with public indecency (which is a misdemeanor).

“Teen who posted own photo [on the Internet] charged with child porn.”

There is now such a thing as a robotic underwater lumberjack.

Actually there are probably several — the rise of tagging in Houston; the wholesale sucktasticness of Internet Explorer; the cancellation of Angel; etc. — but the one we’re concerned about right now is gas prices.

I’ve seen a couple references to “record gas prices” in the news, and even in blogs. The fact of the matter, though, is that gas is NOT anywhere near a high point, and the reason is inflation. Dollars are worth less today than they were 25 years ago. According to InflationData.com, gas is currently at about half its 1981 high of an inflation-adjusted $2.94.

Of course, we still need to get this guy and his minions out of 1600 Pennsylvania. That he’s not to blame for this doesn’t ameliorate the blame he does shoulder for a thousand other “points of light.”

Low Culture points out a distressing yet inescapable conclusion.

Man stopped at airport with seal head in luggage

Some college kids found that their local Diebold ATM had crashed, exposing them to its Windows XP base as administrators. (More photos.)

Worried yet? Read this.

(Via MeFi)

That Tennessee county seeking to “ban homosexuals” has backed down in the face of outrage.

A county in Tennessee is attempting to enact legislation allowing them to prosecute gays for crimes against nature; perhaps someone should point out Lawrence v. Texas for them. Of course, it should come as no surprise that this is the same county that held the infamous Scopes trial.

England’s Channel 4 has a great message for the FCC. (Via Blog-Fu)

Two NY ministers have been charged with crimes for marrying 13 gay couples.

I’m sure the prosecutors are very, very proud of themselves.

Those nutbirds over at the American Family Association — with whom I have the misfortune to share a home state — didn’t like it very much when their gay marriage poll turned in numbers contrary to their stated position, so I doubt very much they’re happy with the results of their Presidential Poll. Heh.

From Salon: N.Y. City Man Forced to Give Up Monkeys.

May 7th is No Pants Day.

You just can’t make this shit up.

Precis: a woman, charged with vehicular manslaughter, insists she’s innocent since she could not have been driving as she was blowing the driver, who was indeed thrown free of the car on impact and was found with his pants in the lowered position.

It gets better:

Assistant State’s Attorney Maureen Platt said the defense is flawed. “His pants could have been down because he was mooning a car he was drag racing,” Platt said. “His pants could have been down because he was urinating out of a window. His pants could have been down because he wasn’t feeling well.”

Maybe that’s what Ms. Platt does when she’s not feeling well. No, we refuse to speculate on whose pants she lowers at such times.

Apparently, a “fictionalized” TV series based on the adventures of two Department of Homeland Security employees is on the way for next fall. It will, of course, feature a solidly pro-Bush slant, since it’s got the Administration’s approval.

I was pleased to see this editorial supporting gay marriage run in the Baylor student paper. Of course, it goes without saying that the authors may now face disciplinary action for disagreeing with university policy.

The cat thing now works. Mea culpa.

This is long, but read it anyway. The folks over at Mykeru.com have a great rant today about Bush, the proposed Amendment, and the non-answers of Scott “At least Ari was occasionally funny” McClellan. They wrap up with this:

The Bush “Defense of Marriage Amendment” is nothing more than the use of force of law and co-opting of the Constitution in order to force a religious doctrine on people who, for one reason or another, don’t share that particular religious mindset. It’s a restriction on the rights of people to do as they see fit provided that they do no harm, that makes previous acts of unholy self-righteousness, such as Prohibition, seem positively secular in comparison. It’s the Blue Law from Hell.

House Speaker Dennis Hastert has stated that he will not introduce any measure extending the 9/11 panel’s inquiry despite repeated requests.

Can you say “must protect Administration?” I knew that you could.

Oxford engineering student Matthew Richardson was approached about delivering some lectures in Beijing — on global economics. Undaunted, he accepted the gig despite knowing “next to nothing” on the subject. Textbook in hand, he flew to China and delivered the talks to whom he thought were basic students — only to discover they were in fact advanced PhD candidates.

As it happens, there are two Matthew Richardsons. One is an engineering student in Oxford, and the other is one of the world’s foremost authorities on international financial markets. Ooops.

Nestle has announced a curry-flavored Kit-Kat. Somebody alert Eric.

The Feds are stepping up their pursuit of the porn business. Oh boy.

Why is it that the “small government” and “personal responsibility” party is all about LIMITING rights — such as whom we can marry, what we can put in our bodies, and what we can watch, read, or surf on the Internet? This porn crusade couldn’t be about election-year politics, could it?

On the other hand, I’m more than supportive of some kinds of porn regulation, assuming said regulation is limited to “while the vehicle is moving.”

This Administration’s ongoing attempt to have ideology trump science is having a bit of trouble this week, since the Union of Concerned Scientists (a group of 60 influential researchers, including 20 Nobel laureates) issued a statement today condemning the practice of distorting science to serve policy goals. (NYT story; nogators/nogators works). More coverage at Wired news, pleasantly registration-free and chock full of background links.

The US Dept. of Education has declared about 200 TV programs ineligable for grant-funded captioning as a result of a sudden and drastic narrowing of what they term “acceptable.”

The Department of Education is refusing to reveal the names of the panel members whose opinions determined the caption grants and also won’t disclose the new guidelines. By every appearance, the government has changed its definition of what constitutes a caption-worthy program. But it’s keeping the new rules secret. Palm Beach Post Op-Ed

There rest of that op-ed is online, and the National Association of the Deaf weighs in here. The list of approved and disapproved programs makes for interesting reading, too.

Madge is dead.

The rest of the world — mostly, countries poorer than us — needs help with information technology. Of course, they have no money to buy software, so you’d think the UN’s logical point would be “hey! How about this Open Source stuff? Can’t we use that?”

Not if the US has anything to do with it. Advocating the use of Free and Open Source Software (FOSS) might get in the way of somebody making a profit at some point, you see, so we can’t be suggesting people actually use what they can afford right now. Jesus.

On March 22, Dudley Hiibel will find out.

Possible captions include:

• “Paris Hilton practices with her new Courtney Love Realdoll Ventriloquism Kit™.
• “Embattled Courtney Love, the 90’s own Yoko Ono, seeks career advice from similarly talented Paris Hilton.”
• “No, Edgar, the cropped portion contains no hoo-hah action.”
• “Paris Hilton finally finds someone who looks more stoned than she does.”
• “You see, Paris, you take hold of the elbow and twist a little, and the vein just pops right out — oh, shit, is that a camera?”

A Native American group is having a hissy fit over Andre 3000’s performance at the Grammys, and have gone so far as to suggest their Image Award nominations be revoked. They’ve also filed a complaint with the FCC. It’s apparently the “most disgusting set of racial stereotypes aimed at American Indians…ever seen,” a statement which presumably lets the Washington Redskins off the hook entirely.

CBS has, of course, already apologized in accordance with their new all-apology, all-the-time policy. Still left for CBS to apologize for: “CSI: Miami” and the whole idea of “Survivor.”

This summer markes the 100th anniverary of Bloomsday, which you have to be pretty damn geeky to even understand. You see, James Joyce’s Ulysses takes place on a single day. The day in question is June 16, 1904, making this summer a wonderful opportunity for literary celebration, or at least an excuse to swill an awful lot of Guiness at highbrow events.

But never mind that, at least in Dublin. The Joyce estate is preparing to sue over any public readings from his work, however, thanks to (you guessed it!) copyright extensions brought on by EU legislation. Under the original copyright, Joyce’s book passed into the public domain 50 years after his death in 1941 (i.e., in 1991). The EU-mandated extension put it back in the bottle in 1995, and the estate intends to keep it there (EU copyrights are death-plus-75, not 50). So much for shared literary history. You’d think they’d see this as free marketing.

Florida’s excellent sunshine laws ensure essentially any document created by government is available for anonymous public review unless specifically exempted by statute. Unfortunately, an audit conducted by 30 Floriday newspapers discovered that nearly half the agencies surveyed were unwilling to comply when requests are made by “ordinary citizens” (i.e., made by people who did not identify themselves as journalists or attorneys). Stonewalling and intimidation ruled the day in 43% of the case. In a particularly egregious example, Broward county administrator Roger Desjarlais told a volunteer “I can make your life very difficult,” and then used the Internet to obtain the volunteer’s cell phone number to enable additional harrassment.

Desjarlais defended his actions, saying that the volunteer raised suspicion when he declined to explain who he was. Officials across the state had similar misgivings about volunteers who came into their offices. They cited a number of arbitrary reasons for their suspicions, including the volunteers’ hair length, casual dress and, in one case, “the look in his eyes.”

This next bit is priceless:

Mary Kay Cariseo, executive director of the Florida Association of Counties, said people need to understand that making a public records request can be threatening to public officials. “You’re not looking at e-mails to do something good,” she said. “You’re trying to find something. You’re trying to dig something up when we’re trying to be good public servants and run our governments.” That’s a key reason why the public records law exists, said Sandra Chance, executive director of the University of Florida’s Brechner Center, a nonprofit organization that studies and serves as a resource on public records law. The ability to inspect government records lets the public police the officials they bankroll with tax dollars.

Bingo.

Of course, “security” had to raise its head in the litany of bullshit excuses for not following Florida law; it’s the catch-all reason for fuzzy-headed beaurocrats everywhere:

In a post-audit interview, Taylor County Superintendent Oscar Howard said his district was hesitant to produce his cell phone bill because the volunteer wouldn’t give his name. “He could have been a terrorist,” Howard said. “We have to ensure the safety of children.” Howard couldn’t explain how a terrorist might use his cell phone bill to harm children.

Neither, of course, did Howard explain how giving a name — or even showing identification — would deter or prevent terrorists from obtaining his oh-so-sensitive cell phone bill. The rest of the nation would do well to adopt sunshine laws like Florida’s — especially if we do so on the Federal level, and hold our elected servants to the same standard. Of course, THEN where would Cheney hide his cronyism?

Greedy car dealer duped by teen. Sure, it’s all over the web, but damn, this is hi-larious. “You’re the banker? Sure. Deliver it to a high school? Absolutely!”

My job may be sort of underperforming right now, but at least my coworkers cannot feed me to the lions.

Aside to M: Do not view this as a challenge.

For years now, I’ve been ranting here about the gradual erosion of our civil liberties in the name of “security.” Now, though, it’s finally gone FAR TOO FAR.

As any fool can see, James Brown was clearly denied his right to ‘Do Process last month when he was arrested for spousal battery. If it can happen to JB, it can happen to YOU.

Thanks, I’m here all week. Try the veal.

Josh Marshall of TalkingPointsMemo.com covers a story (UPI, but still) noting that indictments are coming in the Plame Affair — indictments apparently meant to shake loose folks further up the food chain.

And in an election year, even.

Pentagon Cancels Internet Voting Plan

Wired News has a story on the steps the OMB is taking to eliminate top scientists from its pseudo-peer-review process in favor of those hand-picked to support the administration’s position, and science be damned.