I’m all for being safe, but bullshit like this scares the hell out of me.

Yvonne, she gots a lizard.

It may just be that I’m unemployed, but this just makes me giggle. Imagine a whole cube farm with this page loaded.

But it makes me laugh, and The Unemployed like to laugh.

…but I can certainly find better stuff to do than this. Taken alone, this may be the best indictment of homeschooling I’ve yet heard.

…the idea of these people seems oddly compelling.

It looks like I just joined the dot-com downturn. By “looks like,” I mean the regional president of my employer just closed the Houston office, which means I’m — and I love this phrase — “at liberty.”

It was fun while it lasted.

Excellent analysis and background on the culture of the Taliban in today’s San Francisco Chronicle.

We’ve all heard the jokes about Chevy selling the Nova (“no va”) in Mexico, about Pepsi’s ill-fated “bite the wax tadpole” slogan in China, and some of us even remember Reebok’s stunningly ill-reserached sneaker name (hint: do not name women’s footware after rapist demons). Some of these may even be true. Scott Ian has a different – but related – problem.

CitySearch.com still has an interactive view-from-atop-the-WTC page. It’s kind of creepy, and kind of sad, but worth a look. It’ll be quite some time before you can see this again in the real world.

There’s a reason we have three branches of government here. Check out what’s being proposed in the wake of September 11, and make sure your congressional weasels know how you feel.

Number 1: bin Laden supporters include photos of their man pulled from the ‘net with insufficient attention to detail or source – to wit, they appear to include Bert in the background, suggesting they’re cribbed from the by-now-tired meme of Bert-Is-Evil (via BoingBoing).

Number 2: Memento. If you haven’t seen this film, do so immediately. I know I’m late to this party, but it’s been a long, long time since I’ve been as impressed by a film as I was by this one.

Number 3: Online techno/dance tracks via GrooveTech.com, courtesy of longtime Heathen Rob. Check out Derrick May, Colin Dale, and Aril Brikha via their searchable, streamable archives.

We have Agent Mantler to thank for this.

This is funny.

Concerned about the bandwidth implications of hosting the previous entry, I went over to my hosting company’s site to figure out my quota. I got a little surprise. It appears they also host the site for The Bingham Group, a firm until recently run by Mark Bingham. Bingham was on United Flight 93 — the one that crashed in Pennsylvania — and is thought to have been the leader of the group of passengers who overpowered their hijackers after hearing about the events in New York.

You think for a minute or an hour or a day that you’ve gotten past this thing, that you’re too far from it, and then you discover you aren’t.

This is something you might remember if you grew up in the 80’s. (Careful: 22MB mpeg)

You’re in luck.

Kansas state legislator Kay O’Connor has, bizarrely, voiced her opinion that women’s suffrage is a mistake — this while speaking at a League of Women Voters meeting.

I’d like to take this opportunity once again to thank Kansas for reminding the rest of the country that idiots are not unique to the South.

Go on. You know you want to look.

The good folks at The Onion have returned from their 9-11-imposed hiatus with an issue devoted to WTC-related topics, including the sidebar headline “Jerry Falwell: Is That Guy A Dick Or What?” They, like Jon Stewart and David Letterman, remind us that laughter is theraputic. Enjoy. And don’t miss the TV listings.

Ethan Coen, in addition to being one half of a truly extraordinary filmmaking duo (with his brother, Joel), is apparently also a poet; his dirty limericks appear in Nerve this week.

(Excerpted from his upcoming book The Drunken Driver Has the Right of Way.)

The Times reports evidence of a fairly wide conspiracy to create fake identies for terrorists — and murders to supply said. Chilling.

As a Southerner, I have more than a passing familiarity with kudzu, the ubiquitous vine transplanted to the American South in an effort to combat erosion. Like most other such efforts, it backfired — in the lush heat and humidity of Mississippi, kudzu’s growth can be measured in feet per day. It’s been called “a vegetable form of cancer,” among other things, as it overwhelms surrounding vegetation and cloaks buildings and cars in a green net of vines.

Of course, now it turns out that you can eat it. And by “you,” I mean people other than me.

The good folks at ESPN have given Dr Hunter S. Thompson a bully pulpit for some time now — he’s got a column that runs on Mondays that still shows flashes of the brilliance that punctuates his career. And, of course, he’s by no means silent on the events of last week.

Read this, and you never need listen to a politician speaking after a tragedy again.

I’ve become a one-trick pony in the wake of last week’s attacks, but there suddenly doesn’t seem much to be clever or witty about. Bear with me.

Last night, on his first program back after last week’s horror, David Letterman opened with a long, serious monologue about the situation. It’s very, very good and very, very strong. If you’ve got a good connection, go right now over the CBS site and check out the area for The Late Show. There’s a clip (RealPlayer) available under DaveTV – Big Show Highlight; I have no idea how long they’ll keep it up, but try and see it. If you can’t for some reason, at least read this unofficial transcript someone posted at the Well, purportedly from alt.fan.letterman. It appears to be accurate, but it’s definitely a weak sister to the actual clip.

Suck‘s 30 October 2000 column about the bombing of the Cole is both prescient and compelling, especially the discussion of Marshall’s book.

In other news, this purports to be a reasonably recent table of the tallest buildings in the world, though it’s at least partly out of date (Texas Commerce Tower in Houston isn’t called that anymore). I can’t vouch for its accuracy, but I assume it contains a bit of fact.

The BBC has this story that includes both pre- and post-attack 1-meter satellite shots of lower Manhattan. (via MetaFilter)

I’ve gotten this from several of you. It’s a photo page of world reactions to the Trade Center bombing, and it’s genuinely moving. As a child of the Cold War, the Kremlin’s flags at half mast was a particularly resonant image for me.

The events of 11 September are undeniably the most horrible for our country – and the world – in recent memory. On the Well, people have been posting that so-and-so’s checked in, that this person or that person are okay, and even though I don’t know them I breathe a sigh of relief.

The people at MadeByNick.com offer this photo as a show of online unity, for whatever it’s worth, and I figure it can’t hurt.

Giant Flounder Penis (yes) provides us with key assets for doing business in the New Economy: to wit, the Mission Statement Generator.

The scary part is that they’re not all obviously jokes. Somewhere, there’s an MBA hitting the “reload” button over and over…

Aerial photos of Burning Man. Cool.

Jon Carroll does not lie.

NoGators Senior Political Correspondent L. Payne. sends us this. Enjoy.

There’s a reason why there was never a French version of MacGyver.

This is just plain wacked.

If you don’t — or even if you think you do — check out this story in the New York Times. It’s an excellent rundown of why we need them, what the privacy concerns are, and how you can protect yourself from abuses.

After I posted the prior entry, I emailed my brother to tease him about his firm being the 23rd most frequent visiting domain for us here at NoGators. In reply, he says:

I’m proud to be 23rd. And, with a renewed faith in America and solid belief in the ideals that make this nation strong, I know we can move to 22d and then maybe 21st before we know it! This, my friends , is your call to arms! Only a can-do attitude will survive the treacherous slings and arrows of internet visitation placement but we can win! Go! Fight! Win!

Okay, kids. You know who you are. Shouldn’t you be writing briefs or something?

I’ve just reviewed the Nogators stats for August, and something weird shows up. I’m used to seeing all manner of ISP originating domains, but #12 on the hit parade last month was gov.au. Who are you?

My pal Kelly works for PopNYC, a hip online shop in the up-and-coming (read: scary) meatpacking district in NYC. They’re very cool. In particular, I’m blown away by their Aniluxe, a toy they did for the Cartoon Network. Roll your own Mojo Jojo animations with a 1940’s-era animation machine!

Houston-area attorney and crank John Worldpeace (his name was Kenneth Wolter until 1988) is running for governor of Texas. Oh boy. He’s also enlisted the aid of a telephone solicitation firm, so every few days I get another long burst of screed on my answering machine. He’s also actively endorsing non-nutjob Houston mayoral candidate Chris Bell, who in turn is trying to get Worldpeace to stop drumming up votes for him in his phone messages. I can’t imagine why.

Oscar-winning documentary-maker and guitar player Ry Cooder is being shaken down for $25,000 by our lovely government on account o’ him spending time and money in Cuba — while making the Buena Vista Social Club, which of course subsequently won all sorts of awards (I’m guessing director Wim Wenders is also being fined). It seems you still need permission of the US government to spend money there. Never mind all that claptrap about bringing people together, or illustrating what a fool’s errand the embargo is, of course. Wow.

Scientists have discovered that certain types of brittlestars heretofore believed to be blind due to a wholesale lack of eyes (go figure) are in fact all eyes. Somehow, they use the beadlike crystals that make up their external skeltons to create one big compound eye. Neat.

One of you – at least – had a birthday this Monday last (August 27). If I’m not mistaken, you’re now 32. Any Heathen or Knaves in the greater New York area might wish to seek out a certain Australian and buy him a pint, or at least a walker. Enjoy.

Someday, eruptions in the Canary Islands could create enormous tidal waves that threaten much of the Atlantic coast. This may be the first actual reason to consider the midwest as a vacation spot.

Correction: Longtime Arrant Knave Joe M., late of Iowa, writes:

I can’t be more adamant here….there is absolutely no good reason to visit the midwest. I would take death by an enormous wall of water over waking up one more day in this godforsaken hell hole. Please inform the rest of the Arrant Knaves.

We stand corrected. NoGators regrets the error.

Filmmaker Kevin Smith has written a pleasantly sweet comic recounting how he met and first kissed his wife. It’s running in the New York Times, of all places.

Can you imagine Dubya in this picture instead?

By now, we’ve all gotten used to the weird fundamentalist thrashes foisted on the Afghani people by the Taliban; this time around, they’ve banned the Internet, which I figure means precisely squat in a country with virtually no technological infrastructure. Though I’m sure it will help with their educational trouble.

But Iran isn’t Afghanistan, and moderate forces seem to be making progress there. Of course, they’re still working through their issues with dogs.

At the risk of being culturally insensitive: Wow.

I thought we were in a bad way — until I read about Austin-based Agillion. They raised $45 million 2-1/2 years ago — and are currently in bankruptcy with debts exceeding $23 million. Their total sales? $146,000. They win. Now I feel much better.

How on earth can Alabama governor Don Siegelman not realize that comments like “If God had wanted you to wear earrings, He’d have made you a girl” make him like an uneducated backwoods cracker? Link.