Whereas the prior example was satirical in nature, this one’s subversive.
So, who’s at Gitmo, really?
Read this to find out. Here’s a tidbit I didn’t know: many if not most are there on scant real evidence, as they were turned over to US forces by rival Afghanis with little or no documentation. Don’t like your neighbor? Tell the Yanks he works for Osama!
Ah, the Army
“Thanks for your service, son. Sorry about your arm. Now pay up for your lost body armor.”
John McCain is a jackass partisan hack
Dept. of Very, Very Wrong Valentines
First, we point you to perhaps the only source for hardcore slash Harry Potter Valentines.
Second, we simply point out the most inappropriate valentine EVER.
Hey look! Geeky AND Rude!
What. The. Fuck?
From MSNBC:
Feb. 13, 2006 issue — In the latest twist in the debate over presidential powers, a Justice Department official suggested that in certain circumstances, the president might have the power to order the killing of terrorist suspects inside the United States.
So now they’re down not just on checks & balances, judicial review, the separation of powers, and due process, but also on the whole idea of a trial. Excellent. What country is this again?
The Bush War on Science Continues
By now, everyone who’s paying attention is aware of the NASA story wherein a 24-year-old political hack tried to get references to Intelligent Design inserted into discussions of the Big Bang, and further attempted to change all references to said Bang to “Big Bang Theory,” etc.
We’ll just point out that it came as no surprise to us to learn that said jackass is an Aggie.
So wrong, yet so fantastic
BoingBoing presents some interesting Asian condoms for our amusement.
Holy Crap! Specter may have a soul after all!
First, we have this crack in the GOP veneer, via UPI:
WASHINGTON, Feb. 5 (UPI) — Sen. Arlen Specter, R-Pa., chairman of the Senate Judiciary Committee, says President George W. Bush’s warrantless surveillance program appears to be illegal.
Things Realized When Watching the Super Bowl XL Halftime Show
If we are ever 62-year-old rock icons, we won’t wear midriff-baring t-shirts no matter how fit we are.
Is there NOTHING that can get this guy impeached?
A newly released memo makes it very, very clear that Bush was determined to invade Iraq from the get-go despite his assurances to the contrary. Remember “We are doing everything we can to avoid war in Iraq?” MeFi does.
They still hate “Fair Use”
Now they’re going after non-dilutive usages of brands in art; a bill that’s passed the House already would prohibit, among other things, some famous paintings. Read more here. Remember, trademarks are meant to prevent marketplace confusion, not give exclusive rights to a given word or image. (Via MeFi.)
What deregulation and lack of a real FCC gets us
The End of the Internet? From The Nation. Read it.
Sometimes you browse the web. Sometimes the web browses you.
The following are actual, no-kidding search phrases typed into Google or somewhere that led actual visitors here in January.
- Frankly, given the parameters, we’re pretty sure you can skip it.
- “thank you note gluten-free gift”
- Possible alternative titles for this site.
- “cirque de heathen”
- No idea what they’re looking for, but the last item probably means they think RMS is a terrorist.
- “signature terrorist spam security spoof emacs”
- In which someone looks to us for evening plans, and wisely.
- “alice s tall texan”
- In which someone looks to us for fashion advice, and badly.
- “2006 is velvet outdated?”
- Only since October, but it’s not like we blog about it (plus, we’d spell it right).
- “matrimonial intercource”
- Now you’re just being nosy.
- “jelly-fucking”
- Stop it. You’re scaring us.
- “rexella van impe sexy”
- Not here, unless you count being touched by His Noodly Appendage.
- “nsfw hentaivideos in blogs”
- There’s so much wrong with this we don’t know where to start.
- “leviticus insest”
- We’re leaving the snarky comment on this one to our attorney.
- “cuban beastilty”
- We think it’s a good idea, too, but do they listen to us?
- “advance shipping notification xml”
- Yes, yes, a thousand times yes.
- “hunter s. thompson avocado yoghurt wheelchair”
- Actually, we’re pretty sure what he does is Hatha, but you’re still in the wrong place.
- “mike dorman anusara”
- You know search engines log these things too, right?
- “state beastiallity laws”
- Honestly, it’s level 6 that’s a real pain in the ass.
- “level 4 taxing dhtml lemmings”
- Must be after that Freedom Porn.
- “porno quebeqois”
- No he can’t, and you’re a jackass for saying so.
- “screw liberty the president can damn well do what he wants”
- As the aforementioned Preznit would say, “Bring ’em on!”
- “muslim hotties”
- No, we will not do your homework for you.
- “alienation in ionesco s rhinoceros”
- And a Merry Christmas to you, too.
- “penthouse playmates advent calendar 2006”
- No idea here, but it makes us giggle anyway.
- “hong kong airport cling film tamper luggage”
- Eric, is that you?
- “240 dollars worth of pudding”
- At least it’s not IIS.
- “apache server garthbrooks”
- She’s probably be cute, if she weren’t a Seminole. And a Troll.
- “fsu female wow world of warcraft tallahassee girl”
- Frankly, we were never much of an authority. Late bloomer, you know.
- “cocksucking women/hattiesburg ms”
- If you keep searching at work, you may need a new “jop” soon
- “blow jop sex”
- We’re sure it’s out there, but do you really want to know?
- “how do echidnas urinate”
- Dept. of Misplaced IBP Referrers, Pt 1
- “review for full circle by c. mee in houston tx”
- Dept. of Misplaced IBP Referrers, Pt 2
- “troy schulze scientology
- Erin, we think we know where your dreams are coming from.
- “matthew mcconaughey pic texas handcuffs naked bongos oct 1999”
- Sure, some of ’em are, but that’s true of any place we’ve been.
- “huge boobs louisville”
- Dept. of Unclear On The Concept
- “uncopy cd”
- Just stop being a smartass and mop up the fucking milk, ok?
- “it is fruitless to become lachrymose over precipitately departed lacteal fluid”
- At least somebody’s looking into it.
- “presidential impeachment howto”
- As God is our witness, we wish we knew.
- “where to find oscelots for purchase”
So, should we worry about this?
The Onion Remains Awesome
Their take on the impending RIM shutdown:
Doubtless of questionable taste, but still funny
Real Ultimate Power!
What’s not to love about a Ninja Catapult? (Via <a href=http://gridskipper.com”>Mister Gridskipper.)
More proof that foreigners are funny
Der Speigel on TFSM: “Mein Gott, ein Nudelmonster!“
Porter Goss Is Clearly On Crack
Either that, or he’s a principle-free hack who cares nothing about his country and everything about his party staying in power.
We know this because of this story, which opens with:
WASHINGTON — CIA Director Porter Goss said Thursday that the disclosure of President Bush’s eavesdropping-without-warrants program and other once-secret projects had undermined U.S. intelligence-gathering abilities. “The damage has been very severe to our capabilities to carry out our mission,” Goss told the Senate Intelligence Committee. He said a federal grand jury should be empaneled to determine “who is leaking this information.”
Um, Porter? What makes you think AQ doesn’t suspect we’re listening in? Isn’t it pretty much a given than communications would be intercepted in wartime? Don’t they, as a matter of course, have to assume that we might be listening, especially given the very-prosecution-friendly character of the FISA courts illegally circumvented by this Administration? How, exactly, has disclosure of this program damaged our intelligence gathering capability? We see clearly how it’s damaging to your boss, to whom you are indebted politically, and to others involved in the clearly felonious affair, of course. Maybe that’s what you meant to say.
Alas, he continues:
Goss complained that leaks to the news media about the surveillance program and activities such as reported CIA secret prisons abroad had damaged his own agency’s work.
Emphasis ours. Sweet God in Heaven, this hack is whining about the fact that people now know the CIA maintains a gulag system.
But he’s still not done.
“I also believe that there has been an erosion of the culture of secrecy and we’re trying to reinstall that,” Goss said.
An erosion? This Administration is the most secrecy-addicted one in recent memory. They want everything locked up, and everybody in the dark, so that no one can tell what laws they’re breaking. They view oversight as a problem, and behave accordingly; that’s the whole point behind the domestic spying issue — there exists a court to oversee these sorts of surveillance operations, but Bush & Co. decided not to bother with it. The culture of secrecy is the problem, Porter. And you are part of that problem.
(Thanks to Triple-F for the tip!)
The AG is guilty of perjury
And in re: more serious matters than a blowjob, too.
In January, he testified before Congress and under oath that “it is not the policy or the agenda of this president to authorize actions that would be in contravention of our criminal statutes.” By that point, however, he had already approved the warrantless domestic spying plan in direct violation of US law. Q.E.D.
Russ Feingold’s letter prompted the normally lapdog Post to cover this. Let’s see if it goes anywhere. We do, however, wonder just how far these people will have to go before the media actually wakes up and realizes the degree of contempt the Administration has for the rule of law, checks and balances, and the principle on which this country was founded.
Via ThinkProgress.
Dept. of Contempt for Oversight and Rule of Law
From NYT via Captain Telescope:
WASHINGTON, Feb. 1 — The Bush administration is rebuffing requests from members of the Senate Judiciary Committee for its classified legal opinions on President Bush’s domestic spying program, setting up a confrontation in advance of a hearing scheduled for next week, administration and Congressional officials said Wednesday.
As RN put it, “it’s legal because we say so, and for reasons we can’t tell you.” Er, no.
The SuperBowl ad you won’t see
Quiet Agent, an online job search firm, gives us this gem.
We guess he just had his fingers crossed or something
Remember how Bush said all that about reducing our dependence on foreign oil in the SOTU?
Yeah, he didn’t mean it:
Administration backs off Bush’s vow to reduce Mideast oil imports
By Kevin G. Hall
Knight Ridder Newspapers
WASHINGTON – One day after President Bush vowed to reduce America’s dependence on Middle East oil by cutting imports from there 75 percent by 2025, his energy secretary and national economic adviser said Wednesday that the president didn’t mean it literally.
Dept. of Lying Republicans
Fitz thinks they’re holding back on email evidence in re: the Plame affair. Does this remind anybody else of certain gaps in certain tapes?
Dept. of Honest Republicans
No, really.
In a talk at Duke Law School, Ben Ginsberg, who was Chief Counsel for both Bush campaigns, said:
Just like, really, with the Voting Rights Act, Republicans have some fundamental philosophical difficulties with the whole notion of Equal Protection.
There’s video. Via MeFi.
Atrios on contraception, abortion, and cognitive dissonance on the right
Ever notice that the pro-life folks also tend to go apo-goddamn-plectic when we talk about easy access to contraception? Doesn’t make much sense, does it? Just go read this.
Well, there was ONE part of the SOTU we enjoyed
This one, when Bush tried to slam Congress for their refusal to gut Social Security last year, and in response the Democrats present stood and clapped. GOP response? Stony silence. Beautiful.
Olbermann continues to smack O’Reilly like a rented mule
Watch. It’s fantastic.
How much do we love that these exist?
Heathen, we give you the “cereal faucet.”
.- — ..- … .. -. –. .-.. -.– / — -… ..-. ..- … -.-. .- – . -.. / …. . .- -.. .-.. .. -. .
Western Union no longer sends telegrams. (Via JWZ.)
You’ll have to be be content with facsimiles via email or post.
.–. .-. . … ..- — .- -… .-.. -.– –..– / – …. .. … / -.. — . … -. .—-. – / .. — .–. .-.. -.– / – …. . / … .. — ..- .-.. – .- -. . — ..- … / . -..- – .. -. -.-. – .. — -. / — ..-. / – …. . / … – .-. .. .–. .–. . .-. –. .-. .- — .-.-.-
Dept. of Brooking No Opposition
Cindy Sheehan was arrested at the Capitol yesterday despite having an invitation to the SOTU because her t-shirt had the number of Americans killed in Iraq on it.
What country is this?
Paging Groundskeeper Carl…
… perhaps Bill Murray would have fared better had he had access not to C4 but to the VarmitGetter. (Via BoingBoing.)
Best TDS Faux-Bush-Quote Yet
“It hurts my think-bone.”
Dear US Senate
If you voted for cloture today, you can kiss my ass. And Lieberman? Just fucking switch parties already. You suck.
Of course he does.
This is all over the web, but it’s still funny
Anyone with a brain knows that most musicians don’t make it big. They play all sorts of gigs they don’t like, or that pay poorly, because they love to play. They frequently work in cover bands to fund the time spent on their own music. It is therefore not surprising that any musician whose name you know probably did this, too. It is furthermore unsurprising that, once a given musician reaches a certain level of fame, evidence of these previous musical endeavors becomes much more interesting. And the Internet, of course, makes it much, much easier to distribute these examples of juvenilia.
So, via Mefi, we point you to video of Trent Reznor’s 80s cover band doing “Eyes Without a Face”. Given the quality and song choices (not to mention Trent’s baby face), we figure this dates from his late teens or early 20s at the latest. (There’s also a Joe Jackson cover. We shit you not.)
(As “Rebel Yell” was released in 1983, which Wikipedia says was Reznor’s senior year, it looks like the time frame works.)
Dept. of Legal Jackassery
We’re no fans of RIM and their braindead PDA that so many marketdroids love, but the fact of the matter is that the whole case is bullshit. Techdirt has a great rundown. Here’s two key points:
- The firm (NTP) who brought suit actually make no product; they’re a patent holding company. This means they just sit around and wait for someone to bring something to market, and then they try to figure out how to connect the product to one of their patents. If they can do so, they extort money. If that doesn’t work, they sue. RIM, on the other hand, actually makes a product that people like. Make of this what you will.
- The patent NTP is betting on here is almost certainly invalid; that’s what all the delays are about. NTP wants the suit ruled on (or an injunction issued) before the patent gets invalidated. RIM wants to drag out the legal action long enough to get a ruling on the patent.
Dept. of Paranoia
It’s sort of silly just now, given what we know about tag prices and uses, but the idea of a DIY RFID zapper amuses us. Given that we actually have RFID equipment in Heathen Central, if we can find the time it might be fun to build this and then test the results with our readers…
Dept. of Awesome
Apparently, there exist hobbyists whose chosen field is steam-powered radio controlled vehicles. We love this very, very much.
What’s wrong with the “War on Terror”
Go read this.
However, the most important question is not the threat, per se, but whether we are at war. If we are indeed at war, the state has a qualitatively different set of options, regardless of the actual severity of the threat. The Bush administration is trying to justify extraordinary expansion of executive power not only because terrorists might hurt us (like hurricanes, or bird flu), but because we are literally at war. War powers aren’t justified simply as a function of the threat posed by the enemy. Congress doesn’t need to prove a threat in order to declare war. A war fought for convenience, greed, or strategic gain is just as much a candidate for war powers as a war fought to defend against a grave threat to the American way of life. One rationale for war powers is partly that when the country decides to fight, for whatever reason, it needs special resources in order to do so. The fact is that we’re not at war on terrorism, let alone against terror. Terrorism is a strategy. Actually, it’s a normative assessment of a family of tactics. In the current climate “terrorism” refers to any political violence the speaker doesn’t like. We aren’t at war with terrorism and we never have been. We were at war with Iraq, and now we’re fighting the Iraqi insurgency. We are engaged in a global struggle against terrorism by Islamic extremists. But we can’t even declare war on Al Qaeda, though the use of force against them has been authorized. We can’t declare war against Al Qaeda for the same reason that we can’t declare war against Columbia drug cartel or the mafia. These groups, however nefarious, aren’t states. If we were to destroy these organizations, new groups with the same mission would take their place. War is a metaphor for any all-out struggle against a serious problem: poverty, cancer, drugs, terrorism… Sometimes we use military hardware and tactics to further that struggle. Sometimes we even fight real wars as part of our strategy. The idea that the so-called war on terror justifies dramatic expansion of presidential power is extremely dangerous. Terrorism is never going to go away. If we accept that we are literally at war with terror, we are signing on to perpetual war for perpetual peace.
Twenty Years
January 28, 1986. (Via Mefi, who reminded us.)
Dept. of Possible Reunions
There is apparently a chance that chance that Sly Stone will perform at the Grammys.
Um: Holy Crap! (Via MeFi; above link is local PDF because the Post sucks.)
We really wish it was happening HERE, so we could watch Pat Robertson explode
The BBC is marking Easter with a somewhat nontraditional celebration. Said party will include …
…an hour-long live procession through the streets of Manchester featuring pop stars from The Stone Roses and Happy Mondays and featuring songs by The Smiths and New Order. In the programme, called Manchester Passion, a character representing Jesus will sing the legendary Joy Division anthem Love Will Tear Us Apart before dueting his arch-betrayer Judas on the New Order hit Blue Monday, according to senior church sources involved in the production. Mary Magdelene, the penitent whore of the New Testament, is also getting in on the act: she is being lined up to sing the Buzzcocks hit Ever Fallen in Love (with Someone You Shouldn’t have) accompanied by a string band. Former Happy Monday and Celebrity Big Brother winner Bez will play a disciple. The climax of the event sees Jesus sing the Smiths classic song Heaven Knows I’m Miserable Now as he is being flayed by Roman soldiers.
You just can’t make this stuff up.
“I for one welcome our weird-link-finding overlords”
Today’s Real Life Business Quote™
From my CEO, on the phenomenon of large, corporate IT departments:
As long as you can show you’re moving and busy, it doesn’t matter if you accomplish anything.
Kerry Grows Balls, but Reid Loses His
It may well be too little, too late, but Alito is so hostile to Privacy that this may be the only answer. Party discipline alone will sustain a filibuster; the GOP majority is only 55, but that would require (almost certainly) the support of Harry Reid — who has said he won’t back a filibuster. What the fuck, Harry? What about Alito don’t you understand? We’ve got enough milquetoasts in the damn party; don’t join Joe Lieberman’s ass-kissing posse, man. Sheesh.
Loving the Montrose
Today, we went to a neighborhood thai place for lunch that happens to be next door to a store subtly named “Erotic Cabaret Boutique,” which sells more or less what you’d expect, though it’s primarily confined to wearable items and does most of its trade, I’m told, to the dancer demographic.
Anyway, it being nearly Valentine’s Day, their window mannequins were dressed (or undressed) for the season. There was a naughty nurse, natch, and a sort of sexy fairy godmother getup, and then, on the end and in front of my parking place, a fairly simple hearts-and-lace bra and panty set.
With a blindfold. Ok, that’s cool.
And a paddle. Even better!
And a sock monkey.