THIS IS WHY ENTERPRISE DEVELOPMENT SUCKS. Trust us. We’ve been there.
More on Durbin
From Fred, who finishes with:
I don’t accept these new rules. Here’s what I believe: I believe that torture itself is dishonorable. I believe that failing to condemn torture is dishonorable. I believe that condoning the practice of torture empowers our enemies and puts American lives at risk. And I believe that by embracing the immoral, counterproductive and utterly un-American practice of torture we make America more closely resemble the kinds of infamous and evil regimes we ought never to resemble in the slightest. I believe that those who defend the practice of torture lessen America. I believe that the condemnation of those who condemn torture lessens America. I believe that Joseph Darby is a great American and that Jeremy Sivits is not. But I can’t believe that we’ve fallen so far that I actually have to say all these things. I can’t believe that we have reached the point where statements like “Torture is bad” and “It is good to condemn torture” are seen as controversial. A United States Senator spoke the truth. He condemned evil and called it un-American. And then he was forced to apologize. Jesus God.
Jackasses
Flag-Burning Amendment Advances in House. Which justice was it that noted that the freedoms the flag purportedly stands for extend even to those who may hold it in contempt?
We’re pretty sure we don’t need to point out where a nation is going when it feels the need to alter its Constitution in order to prevent some kinds of political demonstration and, in the process, restrict what can be done with private property.
Gaaaah!
Laura Lemay points out the worst esoteric computer language yet: l33t. Sample:
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Dept. of Good Rants
Richard Dawkins rants good in re: the intellectual bankruptcy that is ID theory. He closes with this gem:
You don’t know how the nerve impulse works? Good! You don’t understand how memories are laid down in the brain? Excellent! Is photosynthesis a bafflingly complex process? Wonderful! Please don’t go to work on the problem, just give up, and appeal to God. Dear scientist, don’t work on your mysteries. Bring us your mysteries for we can use them. Don’t squander precious ignorance by researching it away. Ignorance is God’s gift to Kansas.
More
BoingBoing points us to an open letter to the Kansas school board insisting that they also give classroom time to the Spaghetti Monster theory, on the grounds that it’s got as much going for it as ID.
Proof that “possible” doesn’t mean “a good idea”
JS/UIX is a Unix-like OS written completely in Javascript.
It includes vi.
More on Durbin
Atrios points us to Howler, who express pretty solidly our feelings on Durbin being forced to apologize for speaking truth to power:
Indeed, the lunacy of the flap about Durbin shows the disturbing point we’ve now reached; if you’re a Democrat, a “firestorm” can quickly spread around you if you make remarks which are perfectly accurate. In this case, a Democrat actually did say something that’s about as mundane as “the sky is blue.” Have you read that FBI report–the report which Durbin was discussing? No one would associate the conduct it describes with the nation described in our civics texts, with the country you were taught to believe in as school kids. […] Durbin asked an obvious question: If you’d read that report, would you ever have thought that it was describing American conduct? Or would you have thought what Durbin said–that it must describe an evil regime, the type we have long denounced? The answer to that is perfectly obvious–and so is the state of our fallen culture, the culture being trampled under by the Russerts, the McCains and the Wallaces. But we’ve now reached a miraculous point in the crumbling of our discourse. We’ve reached the point where citizens are mocked by major scribes for wondering if we were lied into war–and where United States senators are told to apologize for denouncing the conduct described in that report. But then, lunacy has spread throughout our discourse over the course of the past dozen years. And your fiery “career liberals” have known to be silent. They looked away again and again. Now we see what that has bought us. Remember: If you’re troubled to think that we may have been lied into war, that makes you a “wing nut” to today’s “mainstream” press corps. And if you think that FBI report sounds un-American, you need to apologize to the Senate! McCain, Russert, Kristol, Hume, Wallace? They’ve turned their backs on sanity itself. Everyone has to fight this spreading press culture–and you have to ask more from those who kept quiet while this culture of insanity was born.
Things you may or may not need to know
You can get 2,000 superballs on eBay for $200. Madcap hilarity ensues.
We really want one of these
For years, we’ve threatened to make something like this, but four bucks is a bit too much for a joke. (Via BoingBoing)
Midwife to Gonzo
Robert Love was Hunter Thompson’s editor for many years at Rolling Stone. He shares a bit of his experience in this CJR piece.
Fafblog on How Evil We Are
Back to back brilliance! Giblets, Fafnir, and the Medium Lobster provide us with some much-needed balance by explaining how our little gulag problem isn’t nearly so bad as Hitler, Satan, or Galactus:
Galactus, Eater of Worlds: He eats whole worlds — with people on em an everything! Where would you be if Galactus ate your world? Nowhere that’s where — or just floatin in space feelin real sad on accounta you don’t got a world. How many worlds has the US ever eaten? Maybe, yknow, like one. Well that’s nothin for Galactus… he eats worlds all the time. “So delicious Fafnir,” says Galactus. “Mighty Galactus cannot devour just one.” As of this writing Amnesty International remains completely silent on the issue of Galactus. [Emph. added.]
Fafblog on “Climate” “Change”
One can’t be too careful when deliberating over the shifting and byzantine web of confusion and doubt that is so-called “climate” “change.” Whom should we believe: the unruly mob of every reputable climatologist on the planet, or the selfless sages at Exxon-Mobil? Uncertainty abounds, even among higher beings like the Medium Lobster. We must examine all sides of the issue, take input from all corners: from the side of science, and from the side of oil industry whores paid to lie about science. Someday, somehow, between these complex and opposing points of view, we may just find an answer.
There is, of course, more.
More on Life in the Future
We live, it should be noted, in a world where an image search for “six-legged puppy with two penises” can legitimately produce something other than the null set.
We were pretty sure we couldn’t like Fred more, and then he goes and does this
From Slacktivist yesterday:
In any case, I’m not sure how much time I’ll have for blogging today. I’ve got to go to a funeral, place an ad in the paper, argue with a cyclops and then take my friend Stephen to a whorehouse. (Happy Bloomsday.)
Try as he might, he’s still not as big a prick as his brother
Now that the autopsy has, once and for all, shown everyone just how stupid and wrongheaded the whole “save Terri” thing was (and don’t get us started on Frist stating she was making eye contact — with, presumably, some other part of her brain than the visual cortext, which was GONE), Jeb Bush wants a prosecutor to look into indicting Michael Schiavo on the grounds that maybe he took to long to call the ambulance.
Fifteen years ago.
What. The. Fuck?
See, the issue is that so few of our journalists are smart enough to get the reference.
TMFTML points us to this gem by Mark Lawson on the end of Fleet Street:
Because the service marked the death of an address rather than a person, both congregation and celebrants seemed uncertain of the appropriate tone. As Murdoch walked past, one old journalist muttered ‘Christ, I’m close enough to kill him’, words which can seldom have been heard in an Anglican church since Thomas Becket.
You Can’t Take the Sky From Me
Firefly lands at SciFi, which will show the original episodes in the right order, something Fox didn’t deign to do in the first place.
Yet another variation on the death of Trotsky
Anybody wanna buy a used icepick?
Billmon on Durbin
Just fucking read Truth and Consequences, on Durbin’s speech.
Happy Bloomsday
For reasons we think best not to disclose — but which have nothing to do with dipsomania — we’re spending this year’s Bloomsday in a warehouse full of Jack Daniel’s.
Oh: “Yes I said yes I will Yes.”
Dept. of Creepy Doll Animation
Play With Me. (Quicktime, interactive.)
Dept. of Life in the Future
John Phillips has been called to testify before today. You pretty much have to show up when this happens, no matter what. Except John is an astronaut, and is, um, in orbit, so today he’ll provide the first ever Congressional testimony from someplace other than Earth.
(Yes, it’s a bit of a stunt. No, that doesn’t make it less cool.)
Craven Senatorial Jackassery
So the Senate has passed a resolution apologizing for not doing more about lynching during segregation. You’d sort of expect this sort of pro forma gesture to go through without a fight, and in large part it did — except some senators refused to co-sponsor said resolution, and a few forced the Senate to pass it on voice vote instead of a “let’s see how everyone voted” roll-call vote, presumably because they think it’s bad politics back home to be seen as anti-lynching.
Kos and Atrios led with this, and eventually pointed to a list of those refusing to co-sponsor or publically vote in favor. Guess what? All three of the states in which we’ve lived are represented in this cowardly, craven, ridiculous, shameful group (the only one NOT from MS, TX, or AL is Lamar Alexander). They are:
- Shelby (R-AL)
- Cornyn (R-TX)
- Hutchison (R-TX)
- Cochran (R-MS)
- Lott (R-MS)
- Alexander (R-TN)
We’re not surprised by such behavior from the likes of Shelby, the Texas delegation, or Rent “Wish Strom had been President” Lott, but Cochran and Alexander are genuinely disappointing.
Don’t Be That Guy
Eighty-One Guys, All Of Them That Guy.
(Thanks to Mrs Heathen To Be, who graciously doesn’t point out that we’re actually (almost) several of them.)
If Phil Spector gets off, they’ll make a splendid golfing foursome
Jacko joins OJ and Robert Blake in the elite club of “obviously guilty celebrity criminals acquitted for nebulous reasons.”
No word yet from the Cruise camp on how vitamins will cure whatever the hell is wrong with MJ or the jury.
(Alt.snarky.headline: “Pedophilia, like spousal murder, now legal for celebs in LA.”)
Dept. of Our Job
Due to our current employer, we have learned a great many things about RFID technology in the last eight or nine months, most of which have actual practical applications, or at least the potential therefore.
However, the piece of information concerning RFID equipment we learned today, we’re pretty sure, has no application or interest beyond the immediate, and that is the answer to the question “How much RFID equipment can you get into a 2002 Hyundai Elantra sedan?”
Today’s Amusing Office Exchange
J: Do you have a thumb drive handy? C: Sure, but it’s full of Sri Lankan hip-hop.
Amuse your friends. Terrify the frootbats.
We totally need a remote controlled Nessie for our float trip.
Because you can make a difference.
It’s not a waffle, but it does make us laugh
Certain former Heights-area restauranteurs have pointed us to this product, in the event some of you Heathen feel that your back door isn’t quite pale enough. Or something.
We did not ask what said restauranteaur was shopping for when she found this. We are also not making a joke on her possible distastisfaction with her current Shade (caps intentional and amusing to no more than two or three people, tops).
Amazing: a fanfiction comic that doesn’t suck
Over at Livejournal, someone’s posted Smile Time: The Comic, a short comic book that takes place during the brief period of time that Angel looked like the picture at right.
Ah, yes. Fucking doomed, we are.
Senate panel votes to expand PATRIOT Act; if it passes as written, the Feds will have the power to get at things like medical and financial records without a fucking warrant. Judicial oversight keeps cops honest. Without it, they can and do abuse their powers, and that is dangerous to our republic. Call your congresspeople and tell them what you think of this blatent fearmongering powergrab.
What they teach in Ohio
Ohio’s $455,000 abstinence-only sex ed curriculum has been found to be astoundingly flawed by a Case Western public health researcher, including (among other howlers) the following:
- HIV can be transmitted through tears and open-mouthed kissing;
- Contraceptives are to blame for mental health problems in teens;
- Taking the pill will reduce a girl’s future fertility; and
- Students should just “follow God’s plan for purity.”
This in a public school, and funded with public money. ThinkProgress sums it up:
Keeping kids in the dark or filling their heads with misinformation about contraception doesnÕt keep hormonally charged teens from having sex. It just makes it less likely theyÕll have safe sex.
In which Fred quotes both Buffy AND Jimmy Carter, to great effect
Fred Clark — a/k/a Slacktivist — opens his most recent post with this:
It was an experiment. The Initiative represented the government’s interest in not only controlling the otherworldly menace, but in harnessing its power for our own military purposes. The considered opinion of this council is that the experiment has failed. … The demons cannot be harnessed, cannot be controlled. It is therefore our recommendation that the project be terminated. … The Initiative itself will be filled in with concrete. Burn it down, gentlemen. Burn it down and salt the earth.
The context is a late 4th season episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer; the speaker is a high-level Pentagon type after the project went wildly wrong (big surprise). Fred’s using it to talk about Gitmo and our national experiments with what may charitably be called our less supernatural darker impulses in the wake of 9/11.
We’re supposed to be the good guys. Detention without charge, torture, abuse, extraordinary rendition, disregard for the Geneva Conventions and the unadorned murder of prisoners are not things that the good guys should tolerate, let alone actively embrace.
In fact, it’s at least part of the laundry list of post-WMD reasons Bush gave for invading Iraq. It isn’t enough to say we stand for freedom and justice. We have to actually act like it, too.
Heathen Write Letters
Gov. Goodhair’s comments have really pissed us off, so much so we actually wrote a physical letter. Text follows:
Gov. Rick Perry
Office of the Governor
P. O. Box 12428
Austin, TX
Dear Gov. Perry, As an independent Texan, I believe that that which governs least governs best, but within certain parameters; one activity that only the government can do is protect minority rights from majority tyranny. This principle is one of those that form the basis for our society; pure democracy, it has been said, exists when two wolves and one rabbit vote on what’s for dinner. Homosexuals are discriminated against in our country and in our state. Of this there can be no doubt. People of high ideals may disagree on why that is, or even that it’s justified according to the view of one faith or another — but the government must stand for all its citizens, and cannot let the dictates of the Southern Baptist Convention (e.g.) replace its occasionally unpopular yet profoundly necessary role in checking the power of the majority. I am ashamed that our state has joined others in the pointless exercise of marginalizing a portion of our citizens simply because their orientation is unpopular. Texans are an independant breed, set apart, and as such we should lead the way towards the right answer on this and other issues. Here we have failed, and thrown our lot in with those unaccountably threatened by the notion of homosexuality. I do not now, nor have I ever understood this response; even my Baptist mother is confused by this bizarre pursuit of additional marginalization for a group that wants only the protections afforded the rest of us. What I do understand, though, is that a truely conservative leader would not cotton to such distracting antics when far more pressing issues face Texas, our nation, and the world. Governor Perry, please stop kow-towing to the right wing of your party. Many Texans may live in that wing, but many more are offended by the blatently political machinations surrounding this crusade against our gay and lesbian neighbors. Stand up and be true to our state’s independent roots; stand up and fulfill the government’s duty to protect its minorities from the unjust tyranny of the majority. Stand for rights, not the abrogation thereof. Stand for protection, not governmental discrimination. Thank you for your time.
More “disassembling” from Bush, et. al.
TPM points us to this NYT story echoed here:
“A White House official who once led the oil industry’s fight against limits on greenhouse gases has repeatedly edited government climate reports in ways that play down links between such emissions and global warming, according to internal documents. In handwritten notes on drafts of several reports issued in 2002 and 2003, the official, Philip A. Cooney, removed or adjusted descriptions of climate research that government scientists and their supervisors, including some senior Bush administration officials, had already approved.” NYT
It gets better:
Before going to the White House in 2001, he was the “climate team leader” and a lobbyist at the American Petroleum Institute, the largest trade group representing the interests of the oil industry. A lawyer with a bachelor’s degree in economics, he has no scientific training.
No shame. These people have. no. shame.
Gov. Perry is Useless Homophobic Jackass
Quoth Kos:
Local NBC Anchor: “Among the protesters were gay veterans and their partners. We asked the governor about his take on gay veterans, many of whom may one day have fewer rights than everyone else.” Rick Perry: “Texans made a decision about marriage and if there’s a state that has more lenient views than Texas, then maybe that’s a better place for them to live.”
Fuck him. Seriously. Fuck him.
The geekiest thing today
Superdickery, because Superman is a dick.
Not that this is surprising, mind you
Despite the “liberal” media’s insistance on his popularity, Bush’s approval rating (according to the ABC/Post poll) is actually only 48%, or (by way of comparison) twenty points lower than Clinton’s on the day he was impeached (cite).
Shiman Strikes Again
Pulp Fiction in 30 Seconds, reenacted by bunnies.
40 Years Ago Today
From here:
WASHINGTON, DC — On June 7, Planned Parenthood Federation of America (PPFA) will celebrate the 40th anniversary of constitutional protection for using birth control in the United States. In 1965, the U.S. Supreme Court struck down a Connecticut law that made the use of birth control by married couples illegal with its ruling in Griswold v. Connecticut. However, 40 years later, women still face unnecessary and often politically-motivated barriers to contraception.
Eisenstadt v. Baird followed in 1972, which extended that protection to the unmarried. Frankly, it’s still pretty staggering to think that anyone thought they had a right to regulate birth control in our lifetimes, but we reckon that’s (still) the province of the Jackass Right. Piss ’em off good, and have some non-procreative sex today!
Not that it’ll make any difference
Once again, it is pointed out in excruciating detail that Emperor TSA has no clothes, and therefore does zilcho to protect us from airborne acts of terrorism.
The Rude Pundit on why the Koran isn’t the issue
Brilliant and depressing; an excerpt:
The Rude Pundit doesn’t suffer fundamentalists gladly. It doesn’t matter if you’re a Bible-thumpin’ Christian, a Koran-riotin’ Muslim, or a ripped-to-shit flag waver, you can take your strict adherence to your religious and/or nationalistic code and, well, flush it down the toilet. Because, frankly, if you’re willing to go nutzoid over the desecration of a book, then you’re someone who’s willing to oppress real, living people – maybe that’s forcing women to always be accompanied by a man, maybe it’s not allowing gay people to marry each other or adopt kids, maybe it’s re-electin’ a lyin’ sack of shit to the presidency. However it forces you to behave, it’s gonna end up screwin’ someone else’s freedoms over. So fuck you. […] The issue is not the crazed religious beliefs of others. The issue is how a nation treats people. The issue is personal property. The issue is torture. The issue is the presumption of guilt. The issue is the inversion of everything most of us were taught about this great nation, whose fall from grace has been harrowing to watch. It’s not that a Koran or two or five were pissed on or stomped. Once we make it that, we buy into a religious doctrine that places faith over the physical. And we cannot make legal decisions in that way.
There is, of course, more.
Whew
JWZ and Warren Ellis point us to this: Plug Pulled on Watchmen Movie.
Astoundingly Rich
Newsday has more on the sublime absurdity of Nixon’s convicted henchmen lecturing the public on ethics in the wake of the Felt disclosure.
Please Welcome Moxie CrimeFighter Jillette
From Newsday:
NEW YORK (AP) _ Comedian/magician Penn Jillette’s latest stunt didn’t involve his usual sidekick, Teller: He became the father of a baby girl. Jillette, 50, and his wife Emily, 39, welcomed 6-pound, 6-ounce Moxie CrimeFighter Jillette on Friday, according to publicist Glenn Schwartz. It was the first child for the couple, who married last year. “We chose her middle name because when she’s pulled over for speeding she can say, “But officer, we’re on the same side,”‘ Jillette explained. “My middle name is CrimeFighter.”‘ The typically mute Teller had no comment on the new arrival. Penn & Teller currently star in their own series on Showtime, and headline nightly in Las Vegas at the Rio All-Suite Hotel & Casino.
Our houseguest, when asked for comment, opined that the tyke was sure to have an interesting life. Upon reflection, however, it seems clear that any child of Jillette’s would have that taken care of more or less by default.
How To Avoid The FBI, By Mark Felt
Bruce Schneier points us to Woodward’s piece on how he and Felt avoided detection. Felt had some, shall we say, professional insight into the matter.
Must. Have. Now.
The entire 80 year archive of the New Yorker will be available on DVD this fall, according to the New York Times today:
The New Yorker, the weekly magazine that started as “a hectic book of gossip, cartoons and facetiae,” as Louis Menand once wrote, and has evolved into a citadel of narrative nonfiction and investigative reporting, will publish its entire 80-year archives on searchable computer discs this fall. The collection, titled “The Complete New Yorker,” will consist of eight DVD’s containing high-resolution digital images of every page of the 4,109 issues of the magazine from February 1925 through the 80th anniversary issue, published last February. Included on the discs will be “every cover, every piece of writing, every drawing, listing, newsbreak, poem and advertisement,” David Remnick, editor of the magazine, has written in an introduction to the collection. […] The project is an amalgam of technology, stealth, insurance considerations and economics that was first discussed more than seven years ago. It was overseen, and long kept secret, by Edward Klaris, general counsel for the magazine, and Pamela Maffei McCarthy, its deputy editor. In early 2004, two staff members drove two copies of each issue of the magazine to Kansas City in a rented truck to have them digitally scanned. The magazine’s card catalog, which over time has come to include more than 1.5 million index cards containing citations and cross-references to articles and which forms the backbone of the search function on the discs, was scanned at the magazine’s office in Manhattan after discussions with the publication’s insurance company found the catalog to be “irreplaceable and beyond value,” Mr. Remnick said. The collection also has one other important feature, which allows a reader to page through each magazine by flipping directly to the cartoons. As Mr. Remnick admits, “Ninety percent of our subscribers say they read the cartoons first, and the rest would be lying.”
Now, if they’ll just commit to digital updates every year…
Douchebags
The media has been having a field day with the Felt Throat thing, even to the point of inviting Watergate conspirators to comment without disclosing their roles in the scandal. Of course, it would probably be less inflammatory to have convicted burglar G. Gordon Liddy denouncing Felt as dishonorable if they also pointed out that because of Felt’s actions Liddy went to prison for the crimes he committed. Ditto Colson, who, as may have had some kind of conversion experience in the clink — but apparently has left his douchebaggery intact.
By the way, in the event you’re harboring that wingnut notion that the Clinton-Lewinsky scandal and Watergate are in any way morally equivalent: Bullshit.
Yet Another In A Terrible, Terrible Series
Once again, we raise (or lower) the bar; once again, we offer the wrongest thing ever. Yes, that’s Celine Dion. No, we don’t know what the fuck she was thinking, either.