Oakland is said to be eyeing December 2 contest against Denver as top-draft-pick JaMarcus Russell’s NFL debut.

Serfs of the Turf makes a strong argument that college players ought to be compensated, given the huge amounts of money involved in college football (and, presumably, basketball). Regardless of where you stand on the issue, it’s an interesting read.

Go vote for Bear. NOW. He’s trailing some loser named Tom Osborne. (Amusingly, basically nobody has any votes but Bryant and Osborne — not Paterno, not Bowden, not Warner, etc.)

We’ll start with the bad news, which is that NickyLou and the Tide have now managed to drop two in a row to Sly Croom’s MSU Bulldogs, which is not going to sit well with the Crimson Nation back in Tuscaloosa. MSU dropped our Tide 17 to 12 in a sloppy, sloppy game that included an end-zone INT run back for a Bulldog TD. Yuck. The math doesn’t change much, but it’s still a loss. Nick Saban Point Per Million drops to 2.3125.

However, Saturday did bring us plenty of opportunities to get happy. Let’s start with the biggest news: formerly top-ranked Ohio State got upset by the unranked Illini. Whups! Buh-bye, No. 1 and BCS title bid! And guess who shows back up at the top of the list? LSU, who cruised to a big win over La-Tech as they enter the easier part of their slate.

What else? More comeuppance for paper tiger BC, who fell to unranked Maryland 42 to 35. Insert Nelson laugh here.

Oh, and it gets better: Notre Dame managed to fall to another service academy in their spectacular 41 to 24 loss to Air Force. The Irish still face Duke and Stanford, and could easily lose both. How much longer will Weis have a job? ESPN wonders the same thing:

The Irish, who were held to 58 yards rushing, had lost eight games in a season twice before, going 2-8 in 1956 and 1960.

It was also the school-record sixth straight home loss. Notre Dame could finish the season winless at home if it doesn’t beat Duke next week. The only other times that has happened were in 1887 (0-1), 1918 (0-0-1) and 1933 (0-3-1).

“As a team, we’re at that low point, basically the lowest of lows,” safety David Bruton said. “But we’ve got to keep plugging.”

The loss dropped Weis’ career record to 20-15. His predecessor, Tyrone Willingham, was fired after three seasons with a 21-15 record.

This week was also fun if you hate Steve Spurrier, as all right-thinking fans do: his Cocks couldn’t get over Urban Meyer’s Gators, who spanked their old coach 51 to 31; Florida QB Tebow rushed for 5 TDs and threw for 2 more.

Even better, Coach Fran lost, too. All in all, an acceptable Saturday even with the Bulldog win.

Anyway, BCS isn’t out yet, but AP is, and they have it: LSU, Oregon, Oklahoma, Kansas, and West Virginia. The Buckeyes drop to 7.

Update: BCS is now out, and varies slightly: LSU, Oregon, Kansas, Oklahoma, Missouri, and then West Virginia. OSU is 7 in both polls. Kansas is totally a paper tiger here; they’ve beaten basically nobody and have a schedule packed with powerhouses such as Central Michigan, SE Louisiana, Florida International, Baylor, etc. It’s starting to look like Tigers vs. Ducks or Sooners in the big game; time will tell.

Remember how we keep reminding you about DRM being a bad idea, and that you should only ever buy content you can treat as you please?

Yeah, here’s another example why. Basically, MLB has been selling some digital downloads on their site for a while that include DRM. The DRM pings some central server to validate that it’s ok to run. MLB has shifted to a new DRM system, though, and has abandoned all the old content. None of the old downloads work anymore, and their answer to customers is basically “suck it up and buy them again.” Really.

Trinity came back to beat Millsaps after time expired with a play that involved 15 laterals.

In a word, Daaaaaamn.

(Corrected.)

Sources say A&M is in talks to buy out Coach Fran. Buh-bye.

Amusingly, the story mentions the Aggies seeking a conversation with Auburn coash Tommy Tuberville. We’re not sure trading Auburn for College Station would make sense for Tuberville, nor are we sure his stock is high enough to warrant the kind of cash it would probably take to entice him to make the move.

(Hat tip to Attorney.)

We’ll lead with the big story: NickyLou met his old pals from the Bayou on Saturday in a serious SEC brawl of the first order. We’re sad our Tide couldn’t hold on, but we feel pretty good about their performance against one of the top programs in the country. They made LSU earn the win, and looked good doing it. The silver lining for us is that the victorious Tigers — and therefore the SEC — are still in the national title hunt; they’re back at No. 2 in the BCS, behind Ohio State, so we’re reasonably content. However, the results hurt the PPM; let’s do the math.

When we last checked in, after the rout of Tennessee, we had some 86 victory points; this one-touchdown loss takes us back to 79, so the new Nick Saban Points Per Million Value is 2.46875, or not at all far from our high of 2.6875 after he sent Fulmer crying all the way back to Rockytop. We remain pleased.

Of course, a couple other events on Saturday contribute to our overall rosy outlook.

First, the unranked Seminoles of Florida State showed Boston College how to play football, and handed the perfect-up-to-now Eagles their first loss — and in so doing knocked those pansy yankees out of title contention. Way to go, Bowden!

Second, of course, is even better. As we have hoped all year, Saturday marked the first time since 1963 that the U.S. Naval Academy Midshipmen have beaten the Fighting Irish of Notre Dame; it took 3 OTs to do it. The 43 game streak was the longest ever in NCAA top division football, and its ending is yet another feather in the hat of this year’s Irish, who are now on a school-record 5 game losing streak. For his part, Weis is sanguine; ESPN quotes him as thinking the streak had no meaning for him or the team. We trust the Irish faithful will disabuse him of this notion in short order.

ND’s season isn’t over, either: they still face Air Force, Duke, and USC-toppling Stanford, and we figure they won’t win more than one of those. Sadly for us, it’s pretty clear we won’t have the pleasure of watching ND lose yet another bowl game (last bowl victory: 1994 Cotton Bowl, against A&M) this time around, but the Navy game was a pretty fine consolation prize. The Academy agrees, by the way, as they cancelled classes today in celebration.

(By the way, we’re also pretty happy that Coach Fran got pounded on Saturday, too, as A&M fell to Oklahoma 42 to 14. The Tide faithful were sorry to see him go, but the truth will out, and the Aggies are welcome to him.)

Dear NFL: Fuck You. The NFL’s rules on broadcasting games — such as this afternoon’s much ballyhooed contest between the remaining undefeated teams in the league — mean that any market with an un-sold-out local-team game can’t see any other games on TV at the same time, supposedly to encourage in-person attendance. Yes, this means even in Houston, with the Texans on the road.

There are a number of problems with this. On any given Sunday, there are games expected to be interesting — like Colts v. Pats — and games unlikely to be worth two squirts of piss, both in terms of competition and in terms of the later season, like, say, Texans v. Raiders. The NFL doesn’t care what we want to watch, though; they want to control the feeds and force us, if we want to watch football at 3:00 today, to watch the crappy game instead of the one everyone will be talking about tomorrow.

Again: Fuck you, NFL.

It’s really yet another example of old business models trying to force their way through a new world. It’s not gonna happen. The more ways of communication we have, the more ways people like the NFL have to figure out how to block to preserve these chickenshit restrictions. Here’s a clue: give people what they want to buy, and stop doing things like this to piss them off.

This kind of crap is another in the long list of reasons we never, ever go to live games. It’s a shitty experience compared to watching at home, and encourages these absurd rules. Fuck that.

The Chron, believe it or not, has a good piece on it.

Perhaps it’s a bit disingenuous to call it SabanWatch this week, since the Tide didn’t play (nor did LSU), so the value is unchanged (2.6875), but there’s still much to discuss.

Two upsets really please us: Mississippi State over previously-golden 14th-ranked Kentucky, and of course the “shocking” loss by USC to Oregon. Both really warm our hearts, but for different reasons.

MSU is perennially a stepchild in Mississippi and SEC football (Ole Miss gets all the love, to say nothing of USM), but Sly Croom has been quietly building a program in Starkville, apparently. The Bulldogs improve to 5-4, 2-3 in the SEC — but those two wins were over Auburn and Kentucky, and are probably enough to keep his job. Especially if he beats those rich bastards from Oxford (who, it should be noted, are having only slightly more success than Notre Dame this year).

With USC, we just love to see them lose. This win for the Ducks actually puts them in the title hunt

Some comeuppance happened this time around, too, though the one we hoped for (Cal over ASU) didn’t happen. ASU is still perfect, but perfect’s easy with a schedule like theirs up to this point. Coming up, though, they’ve got Oregon, UCLA, and USC, and we wouldn’t bet on ’em bagging all of those.

In the Disapointment column, we mark down Urban Meyer’s boys. Ranked 7 spots over Georgia, they still couldn’t close the deal. The Dawgs bottled up Tim Tebow and dominated the game from start to finish, finally whipping the Gators 42 to 30. It’s not a good week to be Coach Meyer, we’re betting, if you can’t bag a long-running rivalry the year after your take the brass ring. Ouch.

This week’s “Why Can’t They Both Lose” award goes to the Fulmer v Spurrier contest that ended in OT with the unranked Vols squeaking by Spurrier’s Cocks. Whups!

Oh, and South Florida Who? Much was said about how unfair their drop in the polls after their single loss was, especially compared to the treatment powerhouse programs like LSU get — except LSU has kept winning, and now the Bulls are down two in a row. The rest of their slate is unremarkable, and they deserve kudos for bagging Auburn and West Virginia, but title team? We don’t think so.

The rankings are of course out by now: BCS has it Buckeyes, BC, LSU, and so does the AP. We still don’t believe in BC despite their record, but time will tell.

(Yes, we know: No Irish snark this week. They had a bye, but next weekend should be fun: it’s Navy’s big chance.)

Suck it, Fulmer.

Well, they’re out. As predicted, LSU improves to 3 in all the polls. Pretender USF drops to 10 in the BCS / 11 AP. Bizarrely, BCS picks Arizona State for the 4 spot; AP (somewhat) sensibly keeps them in 7th place and has the Sooners follow LSU. Oregon rounds out the top 5 in both lists.

New on this list this week, and thereby restoring all that is right in the world, is the fact that both Alabama teams are on it: Auburn at 22 (23 AP) and the Tide at 24 (22 AP; yes, the AP has Saban over Auburn). Amusingly, Rutgers brings up the ass end of the AP poll, an honor BCS reserves for Joe Pa. Phil Fulmer and his orange redneck brigade drop from both lists, God bless ’em, as do Texas Tech, Cincy, and KSU.

Interesting stats on the fly: The five remaining lossless squads in the AP (BCS list doesn’t include records, and we’re too lazy to transpose) are top-two OSU and BC (who had a bye this week), Arizona State (7), Kansas (12), and Hawaii (16) (total of 5). Of these, we only see OSU as a “real” contender. We’re mystified by BC’s continued presence, and the polls make clear how weak the schedules of the remainder are.

There are nine one-loss teams: LSU, Oklahoma, Oregon, and West Virginia at 3, 4, 5, and 6; VaTech and USC at 8 and 9; USF (11), Missouri (13), and Virginia (21).

There are now ten squads with two losses, but only one (Florida, 9) in the top 10. (UK, South Carolina, Texas, Cal, Mich, UGa, Alabama, Penn St, and Rutgers).

Auburn is the ONLY 3-loss team in the AP list, and at 23 is ranked above both Penn State and Rutgers.

We can’t contain our glee about this one, so we’re leading with it: NickyLou smashed Tennessee with a convincing 41 to 17 victory. 27 first downs. 510 yards of offense. Enjoy the ride home, Fulmer, you goatfucking bastard. Rockytop’s weeping, and that makes us smile at Heathen Central. (Even ESPN is in on the snark; their “It was over when” comment is “when Nick Saban decided to move to Tuscaloosa.”)

The margin here, of course, does lovely things to our Nick Saban Points Per Million stats. From 62 total victory points last week we go to a whopping 86, which brings the PPM to 2.6875, an all-time high.

As if that weren’t enough, though, Spurrier’s 6th-ranked Cocks got stunned by never-ranked Vanderbilt, 17 – 6. This is Vandy’s first win over Spurrier in 15 tries, and the highest ranked opponent they’ve stopped in SEVENTY years (1937, and it was then-No. 6 LSU, 7 to 6). Wow. Just wow.

The Jackson office points out that this is 11 top-ten teams to lose to an unranked opponent this year. It’s nuts, we tell you.

Yesterday also had two other fine SEC contests: Florida schooling Kentucky, and title contender LSU quashing Auburn; in both cases, the right team won. Kentucky’s been lucky, but couldn’t really expect to slip by Urban Meyer’s defending champs no matter what the final score was. The LSU game was another story; the rivalry with Auburn is big, and the game can go either way in any year. This time around was no exception, and the contest wasn’t over until Matt Flynn found Demetrius Boyd in the end zone with a second to go. LSU keeps its title hopes alive, and Auburn drops to 5-3. Look for the Tigers to rise on this, especially after the overrated South Floridians fell to unranked Rutgers earlier in the week.

Finally, of course, we must note that Charlie and his Irish behaved predictably with USC, and extended their season of Fail in a 38 to zip loss. We watched part of this; it was ugly. Good thing he swapped the QB, right?

Another nutso week in paradise. LSU’s hopes for a lossless year got dashed by Kentucky, of all people, but astute viewers will note that the Tigers beat themselves as much as they lost to UK; 103 yards in penalties, including one that gave the Wildcats a fresh set of downs in OT, will do that to you. Still, we’d have expected the contest to be decided well before any OT, let alone 3. LSU played down, and UK played up; time will tell. By Monday, though, LSU’s top ranking was history, and our old pal Ohio State sat in the top spot. (Cal also dropped a game, which puts them out of the running much moreso than it does LSU.)

That brings up something near and dear to, at least, ThirdPartyContractOil: the Big East, since South Florida (who?) is now ranked at #2. True, they’re lossless, an increasingly rare quality this season now that all the other top seeds have dropped games in upsets. However, just “not losing” isn’t enough, Boston College be damned (who, we note, only quashed the helpless Irish 27-14 this week; how tough can they be?). You’ve also got to play the tough teams, and that’s something that the Big East has typically skipped somehow. USF is the best of the bunch, but we’re not sure about the Auburn win given how those Tigers have played this year. The West Virginia win is real, but the balance of the schedule includes only Cincy in the “ranked team” category, and factors in such powerhouses as UNC, Central Florida, and FAU. It’s not as bad as the Irish or Penn State, but it’s still not playing in the Big 10 or SEC.

Now, the meat of the matter: Saban. NickyLou managed to eek out another W this week against Ole Miss, but the narrow victory only adds 3 points to the PointsPerMillion calculations, for a total of 62. The new value is 1.937, nearly as high as it was in week 3. Still, them’s some pricey wins.

ObNotreDame: Charlie’s considering a QB change against USC this weekend, which we’re SURE will have dramatic consequences. Apparently, after his 1-6 start, he thinks swapping playcallers (into his 3rd for the year) will turn the season around. This’ll be fun to watch, and one of the few times we can actually stomach rooting for the Trojans.

Now, the rankings. BCS has it Buckeyes, USF, BC, LSU, Sooners. The AP swaps Oklahoma and LSU. Do they really think that LSU or Oklahoma wouldn’t beat BC like a rented mule? Do they really think that the fancy USF offense can take on the tough-as-nails LSU defensive line? We call shenanigans, and will probably have to do so every October until we get a Goddamn playoff in college football.

Nobody has balls bigger than Les Miles. 5 of 5 on 4th down conversions. Another fake field goal. The Gators, already down a game thanks to Auburn, drop to the much more populous tier of 2-loss teams — while the LSU Tigers improve to 6-0 (for first time since ’73) with a late rally over Florida and make clear what we’ve been saying all season: they deserve to be number one, and have all season. Especially since USC managed to lose to a team with 4-digit SAT scores despite being 41 point favorites (how weird is that?).

Yessir, this #1 ranked SEC squad has Heathen HQ so happy we don’t even care that somehow the Irish notched to win today (against UCLA, of all people, which just proves the west coast can’t play football — c’mon, there are squads of high school kids in Metro Houston that would whip Weis’ boys).

So, Saban. Yeah, he won. But good GOD it was Houston, for crying out loud, and he only did it 30 to 24 at home, on Homecoming. Get with the program, NickyLou! Every little bit helps, though, and the 6-point margin brings our total winning points to 59, which thereby lifts the Points Per Million to 1.844. (Updated for math error.)

Well, boys, the day started normally enough with two game outcomes that warm our Heathen hearts: Charlie’s Irish dropped to 0 and 5 against the still-undefeated (yet unranked) Purdue, 33 to 19. They’re completely helpless, and will likely remain so for a while: the next three Notre Dame games are UCLA, #7 BC, and #2 USC. Welcome to the land of 0 and 8, Charlie. (They did manage to notch a passing TD this week, and (as we’ve said) no one can take that away from them.)

To add to this righteousness, we travel to the wilds of Illinois to see Joe Pa get whipped again, this time by Illinois to the tune of 27-20. This one gives the Illini their first win against a “ranked” team since 2001, though if anything ever deserved as asterisk in the annals of sport, it’s this distinction. Formerly ranked 21, the Lions dropped off the list on the “strength” of this loss.

These two may have been the only two “normal” outcomes all Saturday, since by now you’ve heard of the huge passel of upsets we saw. #3 OU got topped by Colorado; #7 Texas fell to KSU; and somehow Urban Meyer couldn’t get it done against Auburn. Another top-10 team, Rutgers, also fell (to unranked Maryland, 34-24), but that’s less surprising given the overall punyness of the Big East. The upset that almost happened was with USC, who only barely escaped unranked Washington 27-24. More on this later.

Comes now the bad news: Somehow, Saban managed to blow what should have been a win against the Seminoles, who walked away with a 21 to 14 win and their first-ever victory over the Tide. We reckon FSU and Bowden wanted it more, but it still bites — and, of course, it hurts the Nick Saban PointsPerMillion calculation. Our winning points total falls to 53 after deducting the 7 point margin here, so the new value is 1.656. Let’s get this value up, Nicky! Times a-wastin’!

Finally, the big news: The AP sees LSU in the top spot, dropping USC to #2, then Cal, Ohio State, Wisconsin, South Florida (!), BC, Kentucky, the fallen Gators (still the highest-ranked team with a loss), and Oklahoma. Texas falls to 19; Rutgers is in at 21. USAToday sees it a bit differently, but even there LSU’s only 30 points from the top spot (1483 vs. 1454).

We had no idea of the depth of connection between the Crimson Tide and FSU coach (and Bear heir) Bobby Bowden.

Ah well. Tide expectations were probably too high, but at the end of the day we view the squeaker OT loss to Georgia as an acceptable outcome despite the pre-game hype and, yes, our own starry-eyed what-ifs earlier this week. Sure, Saban could’ve gone for two on that final TD, but the statement of a revitalized program has been made.

Sadly, this hurts our Nick Saban Points Per Million Index. Let’s review: We’re four games in, and picked up 46 points week 1, 14 week 2, 3 in week 3, and -3 this week, bringing the total back to an even 60. That gives us a NSPPM of 1.8750.

Our Attorney points out something interesting in re: the Ole Miss – Florida game, which is that Meyer was supposedly down 5 starters. This may put the Rebel’s apparent strength in perspective. He’s also right that the stats on the Texas Tech – OSU game were out of this world for Tech, but even 646 passing yards don’t matter if you don’t get more points than the other guys.

Finally, we were remiss yesterday in not giving credit where credit’s due. Notre Dame may be 0 and 4, and they may be on the 2nd longest losing streak in school history (6!), and they may have allowed 30 points in every one of those losses, but they did manage an offensive TD for the first time this season in their loss to Michigan State, and no one can take that away from them. Not only that, they had positive rushing yards for the first time this year, too!

Next up for the Hapless Irish: Unranked but undefeated Purdue, who have so far put up at least 45 points a game this year. Then comes UCLA, BC, and USC before Navy. It could get ugly.

Still-overrated Louisville (18 AP/19 USAT) bent over for unranked Syracuse this afternoon in a sloppy meltdown of a game. Go Big East! At least this’ll keep the UL partisans from whining about a shot at the title come Christmastime; even if 2-loss squads have a shot by then, surely the Powers That Be will insist that the losses be to quality squads and not to the unranked likes of Kentucky or Syracuse.

Today’s surprise? Ole Miss gave UF a run for their money in Oxford, but the Gators escaped 30 to 24. Are the Rebs better than we thought, or did Florida just underestimate them?

Joe Pa’s overrated Lions (ranked 10 in both polls, at least until today) fell to the unranked, can’t-beat-App State Michigan Wolverines, 14 to 9. Traditionally, Penn State is second only to the Irish in unearned ranking, since both delight in building scheduling a fall filled with creampuffs. Maybe this will be the year we get ’em both off the lists before Halloween. (Amusingly, people are now suggesting that Michigan might well win the Big 10 despite the 1-AA loss in the opener, which is just wacky.)

Speaking of the Irish, they’ve widened their measure of Fail by losing to Michigan State IN South Bend, 31 to 14. Welcome to the land of 0 and 4, Notre Dame! Who wants to set the over/under on Weis’ tenure?

The big show this afternoon was of course LSU – South Carolina, as noted, and it went down as predicted. The final score — 28 to 16 — makes it look closer than it was; the Cocks got their last TD off a really sloppy facemask by an LSU defender as he sacked the South Carolina quarterback. We’re sure Coach Miles will have him run some extra sprints this week to atone. LSU gets the week off next Saturday (well, it’s Tulane), but they’re looking strong enough to garner a few more votes this week.

How we know college football is more fun that the pros: LSU’s 3rd touchdown, just before the half. They faked a field goal with more style than we’ve ever seen. The footage has to show up on YouTube. Also, LSU has a wee football leprechaun in Trendon Holliday. He’s tiny, but DAMN that fella can run.

We’re off for other activities for the evening, so we’ll miss the Alabama-Georgia matchup; supposedly, Third Party Contract Oil’s gonna text us updates. We hope. Failing that, there’s Tivo.

It’s a big weekend this time around: Unbeaten 3rd-ranked LSU faces Steve Spurrier’s new-and-improved Gamecocks in Baton Rouge, and Nick Saban faces the uncertain strength of Georgia in Tuscaloosa.

Spurrier may yet turn South Carolina into a real football power, but that this isn’t the year — even without factoring in the home field advantage, the squad Les Miles is building at LSU could very well end up in the championship game in January. We don’t figure the Gamecocks are ready for that quite yet. (Florida, the other potential title contender in the SEC, should roll to an easy victory this week against Ole Miss, so look for the top 3 spots to stay more or less the same next week, barring any bizzaro upsets.)

As for the Tide, this game is sort of make or break for Saban. They’re doing well, and had a big win against Arkansas last week — it can’t be said enough that they managed a come-from-behind victory for the first time in 22 games last Saturday — so they should be confident. If he escapes here, he’s got a great chance at not dropping a game until much later in the year: we figure that the next three after Georgia (FSU, Houston, and Ole Miss) should be wins, and he’s got a better than even chance against Tennessee. LSU’s a problem (11/3), but after that lie only Mississippi State, UL-Monore, and an already-shown-to-be-troubled Auburn. It could be a very good year for the Tide, since it’s hard to see more than two losses IF they take Georgia. In the spirit of keeping a positive attitude, then, we’ll pick Alabama to take Georgia, no spread.

This week also has a meaningless game: Penn State-Michigan. JoePa hasn’t beaten Michigan in 11 years, and we don’t look for them to start this week. Oh, and Notre Dame will lose, too, dropping to 0-4 against Michigan State.

Coach Fran dropped another one last night when his Aggies — ranked 20th in the AP! — got bitchslapped by unranked Miami 34 to 17; all 17 of the Ag points occurred in the 4th quarter, which strongly suggests Fran couldn’t move the ball at all against the first string Hurricanes.

Eat it, Fran.

My, my, my, what a week. Here at Heathen HQ, we view September 15 as just about a perfect football Saturday, and much comeuppance was distributed. But we get ahead of ourselves.

Up first, per the form, let’s do the math. NickyLou started strong against the Razorbacks in his first real game today, opening up 21-zip in the first quarter. It wasn’t to be a rout, however, and Saban’s squad required a nailbiter of a final drive (and an amazing pass completion from John Parker Wilson to Matt Caddell in the end zone) to finish the 16th-ranked Arkansas squad 41 to 38. Alabama improves to 3-0; Arkansas drops to 1-1. It’ll be interesting to see how this shakes out in the rankings, won’t it?

Last week’s winning point total was 60 (46 from week 1, and 14 from week 2). This time around, we add only 3, but it was enough. The week 3 Nick Saban Points Per Million is now 1.96875.

Now, on to the rest of the fun.

This week’s first surprise: MSU over Auburn, 19-14. The absurdity of this upset — which, by the way, drops the Tigers to 1-2 — is likely to save Syl Croom’s job, assuming he picks up another win or two before Christmas, and includes the rich boys from Oxford in the list. (That seems likely; see below.)

The Commodores — no, not Lionel; the ones from Vandy — gave us our second surprise this week by managing to beat the Rebs, 31-7. Who knew SAT scores could win football games? Despite being the Heathen homeland title school, we’ve always loathed Ole Miss, so we’re pretty happy about this one. Smart kids FTW!

The HUGE surprise of the week was the major upset of No. 11 UCLA by unranked Utah, 44 to 6. We don’t pay that much attention to western football, but we gotta ask: how did a nearly top-ten team get trounced like that? Are the Utes that good, or was UCLA just overrated?

The pointless matchup we mentioned before turned out worse for the Irish than we might’ve predicted. Sure, it’s the battle of the 0-2 starts, but at the end of the day Michigan competes in a real conference and plays drastically fewer creampuffs than the Irish. Lloyd Carr’s got 5 conference titles plus a national. Charlie Weis, on the other hand, is in his first top job, and has yet to win a big game, which is understandable since you generally need offensive TDs to do that, and the Irish have none so far this year. Need we mention again that Notre Dame hasn’t bagged a bowl game since 1994? If you think it might get worse for Weis, you may be right; Notre Dame faces unbeaten Michigan State next week.

(We’ll note, too, that by late in the 3rd quarter, up 38 to zip, Carr was keeping the ball on the ground playing 2nd and 3rd string. There are coaches who wouldn’t have done that.)

Dept. of Predictable and Lovely Outcomes No. 1: Florida over Tennessee by a whopping 59 to 20, which means Phil Fulmer’s having a bad year already. It couldn’t happen to a nicer asshole. It’s also telling, since it means Urban Meyer’s Gators are incredibly strong even after losing so many to the NFL after last year’s championship season. We doubt very much USC could take them (or LSU) at this point but we’re pretty sure the polls will keep USC on top this week for some reason.

Dept. of Predictable and Lovely Outcomes No. 2: We’ve said for years that the high-scoring teams of the Big East are paper tigers in a weak conference, undeserving of their rankings, and that if they played strong schools from strong conferences — like those required of real contenders in conferences like the SEC — that they wouldn’t be able to cruise to 0 or 1 loss seasons.

Turns out, we were right — and we didn’t need a strong team to do it. 9th-ranked Louisville fell to unranked SEC football weakling Kentucky in a back-and-forth battle that looked nothing at all like Louisville’s in-conference routs. Redbirds, if you’re going to pretend to be a contender, you have to beat real teams. Here’s a hint: Rutgers and UConn don’t count. Call us back when you win on a schedule with more than a couple quality squads on it.

Finally, LSU cruised to an easy win over Middle Tennessee (whom, we note, Louisville had trouble dispatching last week). USC, on the other hand, struggled early against No. 14 Nebraska, though they did manage a blowout in the end.

Political blogger Tbogg agrees with us that the Michigan-ND game is pointless. We can’t tell where this quote is from, as his link is broken, but it’s a winner:

Who will be the biggest loser of the Fighting Irish-Wolverine game? ABC, which is under contractual agreement to televise the game between two teams who have now lost four in a row dating back to last season, and whose defenses have allowed 37.3 (U-M) and 36.8 (ND) points in their first two games.

Well, it looks like ol’ NickyLou made it past the gauntlet of his first actual SEC game, but don’t celebrate yet: it was perennial SEC football whipping boy Vandy, where the players are actually expected to score 4 digits on the SAT. (The only sadder squad in the region is in Starkville (which is hard to imagine, since MSU is in no way as handicapped by “admission requirements” as Vandy(HDANCN?))). Even so, a win’s a win. Let’s do the math:

Last week we determined that we’d purchased 1.4375 winning points per million after the Tide somehow managed to rout the I-AA Western Carolina team. We reached this figure by taking the margin of victory in that game (46 points) and dividing it by 32, the number of millions of dollars Saban’s contract is worth. This week, our winning score was 24-10, creating a 14 point margin of victory. 46 + 14 is a nice, even 60. 60 / 32 gives us the new Nick Saban Winning Points Per Million Value: 1.8750. We look forward to this reaching more promising levels later in the year.

Up next: a real, ranked squad in the No. 16 Arkansas Razorbacks, followed by No. 23 Georgia on 9/22. Saban doesn’t get another gimmee until late this month, when there’s a 3-week respite: Florida State on 9/29 (not even that much of a gimmee), Houston on 10/06, and Ole Miss on 10/13.

Things we don’t understand this week:

Joe Pa earns encomiums for beating the helpless Irish 31-10, this time with commentary on his “stout D.” Were the sports cognoscenti just not paying attention when then-unranked Georgia Tech kept the Irish out of the end zone entirely last week in their 33-3 rout, while the Lions gave up a TD? How is that “stout D” from a top-20 team? Even so, as we predicted last week, the Lions move up from AP 14/USAT 15 to No. 12 across the board on the “strength” of this win.

Once-mighty Michigan flopped again, losing to Oregon 39-7. They’re quoted as saying, however, that they’re “pretty sure” they can beat the Irish next Saturday in a contest that promises to be an utter waste of pigskin, time, and TV-time. The last time Michigan opened with two losses was 1959, while the Irish have been outscored by 51 points in their first two games. We’re sure it’ll be on TV. Whatever.

Third-Party Contract Oil’s favorite squad — still ranked, for some reason — showed they’re all offense on Saturday by allowing Middle Tennessee State to score 42 points; Louisville required 58 to seal the deal. Put those boys in a game with an SEC defense and we’ll talk, Danno.

This week’s vote for “least relevant televised game” goes to the prime-time contest between powerhouses Rutgers and Navy; Rutgers won, 41-24, and is apparently still ranked. For some reason. See above re: playing a power school.

Speaking of strong schools, what the fuck happened to Auburn? Jesus, people, it’s SOUTH FLORIDA, and you (a) go to OT aand (b) lose? You’re killing us, here. Christ. (Of course, the other side of this is that perhaps it means Saban’s got a good shot at his most important game, but that remains to be seen.)

Oh, and LSU — who routed No. 19 Virginia Tech this week 48-7 — is still only number 2, while the idle Trojans continue to enjoy their top rating. At least some of the votes for USC are defecting; USC was down to 40 first place votes, from 59. LSU picked up the difference.

Nicky Lou surprised a few folks last year by leaving the pro coaching ranks and returning to NCAA, but when the deal was made public most saw why: the 8 year, $32 million offer made him the richest coach in college football, which is presumably sufficient motivation to take the hot seat that the top job in Tuscaloosa has become.

Well, here we are in football season once again, and it’s time to measure Saban’s performance. We figure a basic metric might be points per million, defined as “total number of winning points divided by 32” n.b. that we’re avoiding scientific notation by working with millions, not dollars. You’re welcome.

Yesterday Alabama played a creampuff from a lower division: Western Carolina. That the Tide routed them 52-6 shouldn’t surprise anyone, then. Frankly, we’re mildly disappointed that UA fell to this I-AA temptation; we’ve long complained about contender teams playing softies, and this year is no exception. Nobody in the top 25 ought to be able to stay there with one of these gimmee games on the schedule, but then again Alabama probably won’t be a contender this year — they are unranked, and it’s a new coach.

(Of course, some ranked squads played I-AA schools yesterday, and we think poorly of them for it — though at least (e.g.) Penn State and Auburn had the decency to actually win, unlike 5th-ranked Michigan who fell to I-AA Appalachian State.)

(No, LSU playing Mississippi State doesn’t count as a creampuff; it’s a conference game.)

Anyway, back to Saban. The margin of victory here was 52 – 6, or 46 points. Ergo, the Saban PointsPerMillion value currently stands at 46/32, or 1.4375. We’ll keep you updated as the season progresses.

Addendum 1: It will be difficult for the pollsters to insist Notre Dame is worth a damn this year after their 33-3 drubbing at the hands of unranked George Tech yesterday, which warms our hearts. However, expect JoePa’s squad to get an undeserved bump in the rankings after they meet and (probably) beat the Irish next week.

Addendum 2: In the “why can’t they both lose?” department, the only top-25 matchup to be played yesterday saw Cal beat Tennessee 45-31.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, Louisville notched 73 points against their first opponent last night, but catch this: said opponent is Murray State (home of the Racers), and they aren’t even in Division I-A. Lousiville and their ilk (Rutgers, anyone?) would get their asses handed to them if they played in a conference with real football schools, and didn’t clutter their schedule with creampuffs from lower divisions.

As is, they don’t play a ranked team until November 8, when they’ll likely fall to Rod’s West Virginia squad. They close out against similarly-overrated Rutgers on the 29th. Between now and then, they face such powerhouses as Middle Tennessee State, Syracuse, Cincy, UConn, and South Florida. How they’ve started the season as a top-ten team is simply beyond me. Put these birds in a stadium with a major conference team, and our bet is they’ll fold like a cheap suit.