We’ve seen bits of the satirical short “Truth in Advertising” before, but today Consumerist has what appears to be the entire first 12-minute chapter. We know there’s additional footage with another, perhaps subsequent storyline, but we’ve seen samples of that far less often than this one.
Yearly Archives: 2006
Olbermann Speaks for Us
Keith weighs in on the Anniversary, and holds nothing back. Watch or read the whole thing.
Advice for Travelers
If you’re in Japan, do not go on a game show.
“Avoiding the next 9/11”
As usual, Bruce Schneier is all over it.
Well, this explains a lot
Pro-torture, Imperial-presidency fan and one-time administration attorney John Yoo is apparently opposed to separation of powers.
Wrongest Meat EVAR.
We’ll just port Ms Lemay’s title straight over: “Mommy, there’s a clown in my sandwich.”
The real path to 9/11
Atrios points us to this excerpt from Al Franken’s book. Al’s a leftie, but everything in this summary is verifiable as far as I can tell. The bullet points:
The Clinton administration was becoming more and more convinced that AQ and OBL were going to be a big problem, so they created a far-reaching plan for their destruction. This plan was completed after the election, but before GWB’s inaugural.
Rather than hand Bush a fait accompli war, they instead passed on the plan.
The outgoing Clinton people put together multiple briefings for the incoming Bush people, including some comprehensive discussions of terror, OBL, and AQ. Said Sandy Berger, “I believe that the Bush administration will spend more time on terrorism in general, and on al Qaeda specifically, than any other subject.”
Impressed by his antiterror knowledge and bona fides, the Bush administration asked key counterterror bulldog Richard Clarke to stay on. Still, the impression the outgoing Clinton people had seems to have been that the Bush people thought they were obsessed with terrorism, and didn’t take the warnings seriously.
It gets worse. Of course, you knew that already.
What I Remember
I remember shaving.
I remember I was naked, hunched over my sink (the left one), still damp from the shower, face half covered in Barbasol. Craning, probably, to mow the recalcitrant part of my neck.
I remember getting half done and absently turning off the bathroom fan so I could hear Bob Edwards on the clock radio. I remember thinking his voice sounded funny. I remember realizing he was saying words that didn’t make sense, or at least words that I didn’t want to make sense. Some planes had crashed. Into a building, maybe? I kept shaving. Then, in the midst of discussing Bush’s first remarks on the attacks, he started stumbling over his words. Bob Edwards never stops; he’s a radio pro.
[That was] President Bush speaking this morning in Florida; he is on his way back to Washington now cutting short his visit to Florida where he was to promote his education programs this morning reading to elementary schoolchildren. The President may be the only one in the air at this hour; the Federal Aviation Administration has grounded air traffic in the United States because of reports that these planes that crashed into the World Trade Center (pause) today (pause) reports that these, uh, these planes were hijacked so the FAA has grounded these, ah, air traffic.
One of the Towers of the World Trade Center appears to have completely collapsed.
I stopped shaving and went downstairs to the TV, the absurd boom TV I won in an employee referral raffle scam before my firm started circling the drain sometime in summer 2001 (fuck you, Texaco). The story was set by then, and the only plot point yet to fire was the collapse of the second tower. I watched for a while before heading back upstairs to finish getting ready for work.
Which is weird. I guess the scale of the thing hadn’t really sunk in. It never occurred to me to stay home. At some level, I guess I wanted to be with my friends in the office — drain-circler or no, I still worked with a great group of people (this would last only another month, before bankruptcy and purchase and layoffs and office closure came in October).
About half the office was in; those with families and children and commutes were staying at home, but plenty of us were huddled around the TV in the break room, or perpetually reloading Cnn.com. The phones got lots of use; we had an office in downtown Manhattan, and wanted to make sure our friends were safe, too. We got lots of email. Rumors flew. Most were bullshit.
Midmorning, I got a call from Rob, one of my oldest friends. He’d been en route from Austin to visit our mutual friend Jack in Hawaii when the grounding order came, and was therefore stuck in Houston. “I’m in a cab; what’s the address of your house?” I had him come to my office instead, where I gave him the keys to my Porsche and instructions to come back in an hour. For some reason, I couldn’t leave yet.
Nothing happened in that hour. Rob came back. I left work — nobody was working — and we went for food. It was a beautiful day, cloudless and cool and dry. Chinese Cafe was open, bless them. After lunch, somewhat desperate for something to do, we went over to Rice, Rob’s alma mater, hoping for cheap alcohol. It felt like that kind of day. Neither campus pub was open yet, but there was no shortage of shell-shocked students. We went back to my house and caught Branagh’s “Henry V” on cable just in time for the St. Crispin’s Day speech. Nobody had any more interest in cable news, especially since it was already clear there’d be no new information. The girl I’d been kind of dating drove in, unwilling to spend the day alone in her apartment. My roommate came home; his girlfriend Lindsey came over. The five of us went to eat at a bar and grill around dinnertime, and we saw Carl. He looked somewhat worse for wear; an analyst for Merrill-Lynch, he knew the building, and I’m sure knew people who worked there. We drank. We went back home. We watched another movie (“Withnail and I”). Lauren went home. We all went to bed.
Rob stayed most of the week, sleeping on the couch, until his girlfriend could drive over and pick him up. Nobody I knew did any real work for a while after, but I’ll be damned if I can remember anything much else from that week.
Weirdly (or not, depending on how you look at these things), soon after 9/11 I started long-distance dating Mrs Heathen, who was living in DC at the time. We’d been emailing all summer, reconnecting (we’d been friends in college, but lost touch) and when I got busy at work and took too long to reply, she chastised me. I wrote her an actual physical letter as sort of a joke apology and mailed it during the first week of September. When she finally got back to her house after dealing with the Washington of September 11, my letter was the only item in her mailbox.
So here we are. Tell me what you remember, if you want.
How is it this guy still has a job?
Turns out Rummy didn’t just fail to plan for postvictory Iraq; he actively refused to do so. From an interview with Brigadier General Mark Scheid, chief of the Logistics War Plans Division:
“The secretary of defense continued to push on us … that everything we write in our plan has to be the idea that we are going to go in, we’re going to take out the regime, and then we’re going to leave,” Scheid said. “We won’t stay.”
Scheid said the planners continued to try “to write what was called Phase 4,” or the piece of the plan that included post-invasion operations like occupation.
Even if the troops didn’t stay, “at least we have to plan for it,” Scheid said.
“I remember the secretary of defense saying that he would fire the next person that said that,” Scheid said. “We would not do planning for Phase 4 operations, which would require all those additional troops that people talk about today.
The Army knew better. Rummy ignored them. Look where we are.
Score one for Logic
Back in the run-up to the absurd Iraqi war, we pointed out repeatedly that at the end of the day, Al Qaeda didn’t think any more of Saddam than they did of us, and that the feeling was probably mutual. We figured Hussein was a secular, neo-Stalinist dictator. He had no more patience with theocracy than do we, but for starkly different reasons.
Turns out, we were right.
A Senate report released today says that Saddam Hussein had a hostile relationship with al-Qaida and that the Iraqi dictator viewed the terrorist organization as a threat to his regime. In fact, according to the report, Hussein even tried to kill al-Zarqawi. The report also says that the US government was warned by several intelligence agencies that the Chalabi’s Iraqi National Congress, the US’s only source of WMD allegations, was unreliable.
There’s more, of course.
It’s Friday. We’re sick. Deal with it.
Omnibus Morning Post:
ABC may be backing off and has stated they’ll make some changes to the 9/11 movie to remove some of the “inaccuracies” (i.e. “lies”). It remains to be seen how much they can actually polish this turd, though. We expect it’ll still amount to GOP propaganda.
The Senate has, at long last, passed the pork database bill. This, at least, is good news.
Some attorneys and prominent GOP leaders are a bit upset about Bush’s proposal to try detainees in “tribunals” without allowing the accused to see the evidence against them. The unspoken bit in this move by Bush is that he’s obliquely admitted that he’s maintained secret CIA prisons to avoid US laws and jurisdiction. That’s illegal, and there ought to be repurcussions.
Bush’s bill attempting to retroactively legalize his warrantless wiretapping has stalled in the Senate due to insufficient support.
Ah, Houston
From that fishwrapper we call a paper:
Dept. of Media Pranks
We don’t usually cotton to the jokers over at Vanity Fair, but this little stunt may cause us to re-evaluate our stance.
Good for them
Scholastic has dropped its planned teaching aides for the 9/11 “docudrama” and replaced them with materials stressing critical thinking and media literacy.
We Want This Game
More people in the know rip ABC
9/11 commission member Richard Ben-Veniste slams ABC over their falsehood-filled docudrama; there’s video.
Also, Kos has more on how far Disney is in bed with RoveCo. There’s an ongoing pattern of ABC kowtowing to right-wing interests and ignoring progressive concerns. Once again: What Liberal Media?
Dept. of GAAAH
Taken. (Flash animation. Enjoy.)
ABC to Facts: Drop Dead
They’re assuring the right-wing blogosphere that the film will run as-is, and that “the message of the Clinton administration failures remains fully intact.” They’ve also refused to allow those maligned by the film — President Clinton, Madeleine Albright, etc. — to see advance copies of the work despite their clear willingness to share it with any right-winger with a domain name (or Oxy addiction).
Oh, and it gets worse. MediaMatters notes that the ABC-sponsored teaching materials accompanying this box of tripe falsely suggest that Iraq had WMD, and link Iraq to 9/11. Yeah, you read that right: ABC is lying to schoolkids about actual history.
Wedding Update: Day 333
UPS just delivered what we believe is probably our final wedding present. Mmmm, copper cookware!
Even the Bushites say ABC is full of it
Via ThinkProgress:
Last night on MSNBC’s Scarborough Country, Roger Cressey — a top counterterrorism official to Bush II and Clinton — blasted ABC’s docudrama “The Path to 9/11.” Cressy said “it’s amazing . . . how much they’ve gotten wrong. They got the small stuff wrong” and “then they got the big stuff wrong.” He added that a scene where the Clinton administration passes on a surefire opportunity to take out bin Laden is “something straight out of Disney and fantasyland. It’s factually wrong. And that’s shameful.” (emph. added.)
They’ve got video. If you haven’t already, go tell ABC what you think of this crap.
So you know, just in case
TruthOut has a couple pieces in their archives noting Clinton’s actual antiterror steps. The Right loves to assert he didn’t do anything, or didn’t do enough, when it came to bin Laden, but the facts disagree.
Starting in 1995, Clinton took actions against terrorism that were unprecedented in American history. He poured billions and billions of dollars into counterterrorism activities across the entire spectrum of the intelligence community. He poured billions more into the protection of critical infrastructure. He ordered massive federal stockpiling of antidotes and vaccines to prepare for a possible bioterror attack. He order a reorganization of the intelligence community itself, ramming through reforms and new procedures to address the demonstrable threat. Within the National Security Council, “threat meetings” were held three times a week to assess looming conspiracies. His National Security Advisor, Sandy Berger, prepared a voluminous dossier on al Qaeda and Osama bin Laden, actively tracking them across the planet. Clinton raised the issue of terrorism in virtually every important speech he gave in the last three years of his tenure. In 1996, Clinton delivered a major address to the United Nations on the matter of international terrorism, calling it “The enemy of our generation.”
Also, from a rundown of specific steps taken by the Clinton administration:
Roger Cressy, National Security Council senior director for counterterrorism in the period 1999-2001, responded to these allegations in an article for the Washington Times in 2003. “Mr. Clinton approved every request made of him by the CIA and the U.S. military involving using force against bin Laden and al-Qaeda,” wrote Cressy. “As President Bush well knows, bin Laden was and remains very good at staying hidden. The current administration faces many of the same challenges. Confusing the American people with misinformation and distortions will not generate the support we need to come together as a nation and defeat our terrorist enemies.”
Measures taken by the Clinton administration to thwart international terrorism and bin Laden’s network were historic, unprecedented and, sadly, not followed up on. Consider the steps offered by Clinton’s 1996 omnibus anti-terror legislation, the pricetag for which stood at $1.097 billion.
Now, could he have done more? Sure. Probably so. But the idea that he did nothing, or acted contrary to our interests, or was somehow derelict in his duty on this point is pure fantasy.
Olbermann to Bush: “Have you no sense of decency, sir?”
Strong beer, but spot on, again, as he is wont to be. This week Bush joined his Defense secretary in linking those who would question his policies with those who failed to corral the Nazis prior to World War II. This absurd and cynical ploy included an attempt to poison the very notion of “media” for his listeners — or, at least, those feebleminded enough to fall for it.
Crooks and Liars has both the video and the transcript of Olbermann’s response. I urge you to at least read what he has to say.
He begins:
It is to our deep national shame — and ultimately it will be to the President’s deep personal regret — that he has followed his Secretary of Defense down the path of trying to tie those loyal Americans who disagree with his policies — or even question their effectiveness or execution — to the Nazis of the past, and the al Qaeda of the present.
Today, in the same subtle terms in which Mr. Bush and his colleagues muddied the clear line separating Iraq and 9/11 — without ever actually saying so — the President quoted a purported Osama Bin Laden letter that spoke of launching, “a media campaign to create a wedge between the American people and their government.”
Make no mistake here — the intent of that is to get us to confuse the psychotic scheming of an international terrorist, with that familiar bogeyman of the right, the “media.”
The President and the Vice President and others have often attacked freedom of speech, and freedom of dissent, and freedom of the press.
Now, Mr. Bush has signaled that his unparalleled and unprincipled attack on reporting has a new and venomous side angle:
The attempt to link, by the simple expediency of one word — “media” — the honest, patriotic, and indeed vital questions and questioning from American reporters, with the evil of Al-Qaeda propaganda.
That linkage is more than just indefensible. It is un-American.
More on ABC’s fictional 9/11 movie
Turns out, they’re planning on making it look even more like a documentary by running it without commercials, and Scholastic is even providing a teacher’s study guide to accompany the film so that schoolchildren can discuss this pack of lies in the classroom as though it were a definitive historical account. Gotta start that indoctrination early!
Seriously, this thing is fucked. Richard Clarke — who knows a thing or two about terrorism, bin Laden, and what’s actually been done — points out what bullshit is in this film. Scenes like that are clear fabrications (the refutation is in the public record!) designed to lay the blame for this not at Bush’s administration — which pointedly ignored a daily briefing called “Bin Laden Determined to Strike Within US” — but instead at the Right’s favorite whipping boy, Bill Clinton. This, of course, despite the briefing the Bush folks got from Clinton’s antiterror squad (including Clarke) as well as Clinton’s own strikes against Bin Laden during his administration (for which he was lambasted by the Right, natch). We quote:
The actual history is quite different. According to the 9/11 Commission Report (pg. 199), then-CIA Director George Tenet had the authority from President Clinton to kill Bin Laden. Roger Cressy, former NSC director for counterterrorism, has written, “Mr. Clinton approved every request made of him by the CIA and the U.S. military involving using force against bin Laden and al-Qaeda.”
ABC, obviously feeling the heat, is seriously stonewalling the folks raising questions about this piece of tripe. In response, Firedog Lake has a list of questions they’d like answers to, though we’re sure ABC will remain silent. We do wonder, however, whether this clearly political film will trigger any sort of equal time claims.
ThinkProgress has a page up to help you tell ABC what you think about their blatantly political film, and the harm it can do to our sadly undereducated nation. Use it.
Dept. of You’ve Got To Be Shitting Me
So, this morning we woke up to discover that the domain name for IBP had expired (on 8/30, no less; that it worked until yesterday was a grace period). Visits to the site redirected to Network Solutions. Oops. Turns out, the owner of record was the founding artistic director — who left in 2001, and whose email presumably hasn’t worked since. Double Ooops.
After consulting with the managing director, we — in our dual capacity as Head Nerd and President — got on the phone to NetSol to see if we couldn’t get this taken care of. Sure enough, we could, even if we’re not on the domain record already. Great!
Heathen: “So, what’s your annual rate for domains now?”
Them: “$34.95, but it drops to $19.95 if you buy five years, which is a much better deal!”
Heathen: (paraphrased) “OMGWTF!!!!!!!1!!!1!!!!!”
Er, right. NetSol — perhaps the 2nd least favorite network company, behind Verisign — is still charging NEARLY FORTY BUCKS A YEAR for basic registrations. To put this in perspective, the official Heathen registrar, GoDaddy, charges $8.95 for single year registrations, with discounts for multiyear. NetSol is charging over 350% of the prevailing OpenSRS rate, with no value add.
When we picked our jaw up off the floor, we managed to ask how they could possibly justify this, and also about the process involved in transferring the domains to another, more reasonable, less evil registrar. This was, apparently, the keyword, and presently we were on the phone with someone in Customer Care — presumably, the prior department was “Customer Assrape” — who offered us $8.75 a year. When asked how they could possibly justify the higher rates, especially when they back off so quickly, we got a bunch of mumbo-jumbo. However, the upshot is that Infernal Bridegroom’s .com and .org registrations are now fixed. And next summer, when we get close to the expiry again, we’re totally moving these over to an OpenSRS registrar that doesn’t try to fuck us.
Dear ESPN: Whisky. Tango. Foxtrot.
We might’ve watched some of the FSU-Miami game tonight, if you hadn’t decided to put EIGHT SEPARATE FUCKING PICTURES onscreen at once. We honestly don’t know how long it lasted, but just a brief exposure to this nightmare was enough. (Honestly, we’d be happiest if both teams lost.) What is this, TV for meth addicts? Jesus Tapdancing Christ on a Segway, people, it looks absurd on our TV — 55 inches! — so we can only imagine how sucktastic it’d be on a smaller set.
Best Geek Joke EVAR
(Via BB.)
Great tip, but of limited application
From “Business Card Best Practices“:
7) Be different. One of my favorite cards? Matt Mullenweg’s. It says simply “1. Go to google.com. 2. Type in ‘Matt.’ 3. Press ‘I’m feeling lucky.'” (It also has his phone number on it).
(Yes, it works. Mullenweg created a popular blogging system called WordPress.)
This is wrong and beautiful
When you get tired of the song, press the red button in the upper right corner.
If NASCAR was like this, we’d watch
BoingBoing tells us that, under circumstances, the losers of some Indian rickshaw races must cut off one of their own thumbs.
Oops.
Comments should be fixed now.
How To Waste Time
We really need to cut the damn yard, but we can’t stop making cassette images. (Via BB.)
Our “Liberal” Media
ABC plans to run a “docudrama” about the run-up to 9/11 that exonerates the current administration (despite their utterly failure to take seriously the warnings of the outgoing staff as well as the briefings received months prior to the event) and lays the blame wholly at Clinton’s feet (despite the strikes he ordered, dismissed by the GOP at the time as “Wag the Dog politics”). Needless to say, we’re sure this will contribute to the absolutely astounding level of ignorance of the American people.
Cool!
BoingBoing points us to The Biology of B-Movie Monsters, which is completely fascinating, though it starts a bit slow. Stay with it until he actually gets to the movies.
Battle of Antique Computing WebServers!
Lisa2.com is a web site about the Apple Lisa that claims to be h osted on one, but Netcraft knows better.
On the other hand, this site really is hosted on a Newton, so there you go.
We have an old Newton. Can newton.mischeathen.com be far from springing to life?
Ohio Hates Due Process
A legislative panel in Ohio has rubber-stamped a plan that would allow suspected sex offenders to be identified and tracked even if they’ve never actually been charged with, let alone convicted of, a crime. More here.
We don’t care what they sound like. They’re our new favorite band anyway.
ChetIsOnFire. Sadly, they also own “ChetIsOnFire.com.” However, that leaves “ChetIsMerelySmoldering.com” and “ChetIsQuiteWarm.com” available, we guess.
For Mrs Heathen
Some enterprising fans found the Lost set in Hawaii and took a bunch of pictures.
What smart profiling gets you
Our favorite security expert points out how Warren Jeffs got caught.
Holy Crap, We Love This Guy
Olbermann takes Rumsfeld to the woodshed on Rumsfeld’s recent suggestion that those who question the Administration’s behavior are somehow confused, immoral, or disloyal. As always, eloquent and spot fucking on.
“Are ya happy, Braveheart?”
It’s a cheap shot, but it’s still funny as hell: Denis Leary on Mel Gibson during color commentary at a Red Sox game. FanTAStic.
Make up your own “Mightier than the sword joke”
Frequent traveller Joey Devilla reports that the Brits are confiscating PENS at the gate — not at security, but at the gate, as part of the boarding process:
Another thing they don’t tell you — in fact, they don’t tell you until the search at the gate: they won’t let you bring a pen onto the plane. I only lost a ball-point pen which I’m pretty sure came from Tucows’ office supply closet. Others were less fortunate; in the bin where confiscated pens were being collected, I saw a at least a dozen “executive” pens, including Crosses and Mont Blancs. If you’re accustomed to carrying an expensive pen, do not take it with you!
Without pens, we had nothing with which to fill out the immigrations and customs forms required for international flights arriving at their first port of entry to the United States. We ended up — all 172 of us — sharing the chief flight attendant’s pen, passing it from row to row. (Emph. mine.)
Stupid, stupid, stupid.
Plame “Solved?”
CNN is reporting that it may have been Richard Armitage who leaked (purportedly inadvertantly) Valerie Plame’s name (but not status) to Robert Novak. Armitage was a vocal critic of the Administration’s policies in Iraq, and left his post in the State Department after Bush’s first term.
Novak’s July 14, 2003, column cited two unnamed Bush officials as sources for the information about Plame — which, regardless of source, Novak was clearly publishing for partisan reasons; the entire point of the column was to discredit Plame’s husband, who had been debunking the whole “yellowcake” idea in the press.
Upshot: if the Administration isn’t behind the leak or its confirmation, well, good for them. We’re afraid the laundry list of grievances against this most mendacious of mobs, however, is still plenty long, and there’s no shortage of crimes for which many in this White House should, but probably won’t, stand trial.
Big Music Still Doesn’t Get It
Universal is said to be working on a new online music store called SpiralFrog that will offer music for free. However, there are several dealbreaker problems:
- Users must log in to the system at least once a month, or the files will stop working;
- Users will not be able to burn the music to CD;
- Users will be unable to download the music to iPods.
Yeah. We’re sure Apple’s quaking in their boots on this one. No thanks.
Happy Anniversary
Operation Eden, one year later.
Sen. Ted Stevens is an even bigger goatfucker than previously believed
Wonkette reports it’s Senator Tubes holding up the budgetary transparency bill. Both sides of the political blog world have been trying to figure out who the anonymous member was stopping this legislation, and it turns out it the pork king from Alaska. What a fucktard. Does no one in Alaska watch the fucking news? This douchebag is more embarrassing than even my home state’s legislative team.
MNFTIU rules again
Dept. of Software Experiments
So, this afternoon Mike mentioned trying Thunderbird as a one-stop solution for both email and RSS feeds, which sounded kind of interesting. It would have to be VERY good to get us to switch from using the native Mail.app plus the standalone NetNewsWire. Mail is no great mail client, but it wins by being completely integrated with the Apple Address Book, which in turn syncs seamlessly with the Treo; there’s no way we’re going back to multiple address lists. NNW, on the other hand, is legitimately excellent. Still, always intrigued by the prospect of new software — and free software at that — we downloaded T-bird to give it a look-see.
A very brief look-see, as it turns out. We can’t seem to make T-bird arrange itself in a way that doesn’t look like ass and waste acres of space; even its version of the layout we use in both Mail and NNW wastes so much space it’s useless to us. Mail.app and NNW aren’t free or Free, so we’d like to find alternatives, but at the end of the day we also can’t backtrack on functionality or interface. T-bird loses on both counts.
Of course, if we were like Mike, we’d still be reading email in emacs, so we expect T-bird will frustrate him for wholly different reasons. Heh.
Life in Police States
A man in Baltimore was arrested for stealing his own car in a particularly egregious case of “DWB.” Despite having clear title to the vehicle, it was apparently the testimony of the owner of the stolen car (a Cadillac of a different color) that got him off.
Even so, here’s the real kicker: “police sold Spence’s car at auction two months before his day in court.” Yup: his lawfully purchased car was grabbed and sold by the state despite the absence of any crime.
Jackasses. We need a clear and national reexamination of the forfeiture laws in this country; police cannot be allowed to get away with behavior like this.
Sentences we think make it sound like we’re living in a Tom Waits song
“Last night we saw a one-legged man play tangos on an upright piano.”
Bonus: It’s true. Also, it was awesome. More on this later.
Here’s something fun
It’s a Bush video, but this time Bush isn’t the jackass — CNN’s Kyra Phillips is. See, Kyra left the booth with her wireless mic attached and on. When she went to the bathroom. And nobody managed to kill it, so her powder-room chatter went out live.
Awesome. We’ve heard anecdotes for years about pastors hitting the head with their mics still on, but we guess Kyra managed to miss those stories.