Yearly Archives: 2008
Dept. of Heathen Botany
Mmmm, trees.
More developments
Some bits:
I’ll put a link on the side, but comments here will accept formatting in something called Markdown; hit the link for a summary. You’ll find your paragraphs separating as you’d expect automatically, though.
I’ve finally fixed the permalinks and census/archive links over at the old site, though I don’t have stats for Jan-April 08 owing to the hosting debacle. I thought about fixing the script to do the math, but then I realized that no one gives a shit, so you monkeys will have to be content with plain-old links to those months.
We’re playing with something called Typo here, which is built on Ruby on Rails. Don’t worry if you don’t now what any of that means. Mostly, it just means I had to hack shit for a couple hours to make an immature framework and poorly documented blogging system sit up and play nice.
It’s shocking that there are still NO decent and easy-to-set-up blogging systems. MoveableType is an absurd hodgepodge of PHP, Perl, and God knows what else, plus it’s a resource joke. WordPress is a giant flashing “please hack my server” sign (the front page of their blog notes two critical security problems in the last six months alone). A hosted service is Right Out. In a word, GAH.
Expect the template to keep changing as I figure out how to make it do what I want.
Comments are officially BACK. Enjoy.
Well, that’s disturbing
This NYT story points out that while the US accounts for only 5% of the world’s population, we have nearly a quarter of the world’s prisoners. China, with a population far greater than hours, has about half as many prisoners. We incarcerate ONE PERCENT of all American adults.
This cannot be good.
Testing local-client posts
This is from MarsEdit. Let’s see if it works. Also, does it understand Markdown?
This is an experiment.
Everything is subject to change. You can, however, now comment again. Archives are still back at the old site for now. Everything subject to change, and obviously we won’t be putting up with a lame-O canned theme for very long. Inshallah.
You want new? I got new.
I’m piloting the next version of Heathen here; look there for new content, but n.b. that I’m not completely making the move yet, and some things aren’t quite configured properly yet. Even so, it’s promising.
Dept. of Geeky References
I totally didn’t notice until it was pointed out to me, but on Friday’s Battlestar Galactica, four characters meet clandestinely in “weapons locker 1701D.”
ZOMG!
What? You don’t get it? Ah. I forget, sometimes, that not all the Accumulated Heathen are orthodox geeks. Naming the locker thusly was a deliberate shout-out to that oldest of geek tribes, the Trekkies. Every iteration (well, except one) of the Star Trek “Enterprise” has been numbered some variant of “NCC-1701.” Wikipedia helps us with the lore (no, not the Lore):
- NCC-1701, from the original series and, in a refitted version, the first three films;
- NCC-1701-A, from the fourth, fifth, and sixth films;
- NCC-1701-B, from Star Trek: Generations;
- NCC-1701-C, which appeared only in a single episode of The Next Generation;
- NCC-1701-D, the ship crewed by Picard, et. al.; and
- NCC-1701-E, from the First Contact, Insurrection, and Nemesis films.
Missing from this list is the version captained by the dude from Quantum Leap in the wholly forgettable and blessedly short-lived Enterprise series; since there are no letters before “A,” even in the Star Trek universe, that ship was the Enterprise NX-01.
This is very weird
Tommy Lee Jones does commercials for canned coffee in Japan.
Old but worth reading
A little while ago, this essay about working on the Donkey Kong Atari port surfaced online, and since then it’s been sitting in an unread tab in my browser. I’m in allergy hell today, though, so I’m cleaning house, which means I’m finally posting it here. Enjoy, my geekly brethren.
Dept. of Monetary Doldrums
Can someone please explain to me why other countries get cool stuff like this while we putter along with the world’s ugliest currency?
Others have noticed.
Dept. of Pow’rful Nostalgia
Merlin Mann has posted video of an early R.E.M. appearance that happens to also be the first time I saw them. It’s from a Nickelodeon “teen talk show” called Livewire in 1983.
I remember watching this on a big console TV sitting in front of the couch at the house I grew up in, mesmerized, but didn’t have the presence of mind to write down the band name. It wouldn’t have mattered; the cultural backwater that was pre-Internet south Mississippi didn’t have any shops that would have stocked Chronic Town anyway.
Three years later, I found Fables of the Reconstruction, though, and that was that.
Supporting Our Troops, Private Ryan Style
What they didn’t include in the movie is that apparently Private Ryan and his family lost all military benefits because he got pulled from combat. From the AP:
FRESNO, Calif. – Forced to leave the combat zone after his two brothers died in the Iraq war, Army Spc. Jason Hubbard faced another battle once he returned home: The military cut off his family’s health care, stopped his G.I. educational subsidies and wanted him to repay his sign-up bonus.
It wasn’t until Hubbard petitioned his local congressman that he was able to restore some of his benefits.
Oh my sweet lord.
Some small measure of justice
Apparently, old Abu Gonzales is having trouble finding a law firm that will have him.
Via JWZ, today’s bizarre quote
Someone shouted “OH SHIT, it’s coming back!” and pointed up the street. I looked, to see a monstrous pit bull galloping down the street, full-tilt. I remember thinking that it looked just like one of those things from “Ghostbusters” as it leapt, soaring through the air and shoulder-checking the man with the OE cans, sending him flat and the cans scattering.
The dog then grabbed a can in its jaws and bit down hard, puncturing the can and shaking it like a baby — which sent streams of malt liquor shooting out of the holes around its fangs and straight down the monster’s throat. It spat the mostly-empty can out into the street, covered in drool and malt liquor and wagged its tail, happily burping.
The man picked himself up and yelled “motherfucker, what did I JUST TELL YOU,” and grabbed the dog by its neck and belly, clean-and-jerked it and threw the thing like a soccer ball as far as he could. It hit the pavement and skidded, snarling and growling and ran straight for him, knocked him down again and grabbed another can.
This cycle had been iterating for a little while.
(More)
“He liked you all greased up, like a porkchop.”
JWZ is on a roll with the weird text:
“Motherfucker was crazy,” says Gloria Daniel, a girlfriend he kept on the side for forty years. “It was the drugs.”
One night in the summer of 2001, after he’d slathered her in Vaseline (“He liked you all greased up,” she says. “Like a porkchop”) and wore her out trying to come, he gave up and left the room, and Gloria dozed off. When she woke up, Mr. Brown was standing at the foot of the bed in a full-length mink coat over his bare chest, a black cowboy hat, and silk pajama pants with one leg tucked into a cowboy boot and the other hanging out. He had a shotgun over his shoulder and a white stripe of Noxzema under each eye. “I’m an Indian tonight, baby,” he announced. “C’mon, let’s let ’em have it.” Then he dumped a pickle jar of change on the floor, told her to get a machete, and went out to the garage. He took the Rolls, drove ten miles to Augusta, weaving all over the road, clipping mailboxes, smoking more dope, and screaming about being an Indian. Gloria kept thinking she should flag down a cop, say she’d been kidnapped.
Like she says, motherfucker was crazy on drugs.
No reason they should be any MORE right this time, but still
Gartner says Windows may be doomed.
Awesome.
Spot on
Nerve and IFC have teamed up to produce a list of the 50 Greatest Comedy Sketches of All Time, and it’s a doozy. Longtime Heathen faves The State are well represented, including “$240 dollars worth of puddin'” and “Porcupine Racetrack,” among others. Don’t miss SNL’s “Gerald Ford is Dead” skit, either.
Their entry for “Porcupine:”
39. Porcupine Racetrack – The State
Is “Porcupine Racetrack” the best musical of the ’90s? I wouldn’t argue against it. A parody of Broadway musicals played so straight it’s almost an homage, it packs in class consciousness, an aborted tap breakdown, syrupy melodrama (“So God if you’re above / And it’s orphans / That you love / Then help the porcupine I chose”) and the triumph of the human spirit (in the form of Thomas Lennon wearing a giant porcupine outfit) into less than three minutes. It’s a marvel of performance and production design on a budget — the manic energy of the cast selling every last ounce of the willfully bizarre premise. Conceived by Mr. Lennon and set to music and performed by Teddy Shapiro, who wrote most of the incidental music on the show, it’s a tour de force of brightly colored absurdity — performed with loving care, all the way down to the checked suits and newsboy caps. –R. Emmet Sweeney
We’re late with this, but it’s still worth your time
Scalzi points us to this excellent cover of “Pride in the Name of Love” by John Legend. Watch.
Oh, THIS is a good idea
US research into foot-and-mouth disease, once a serious scourge of American agriculture, has heretofore been done on a remote island. This makes sense, as a biohazard mishap there probably can’t screw up our food supply.
In a move worthy of some sort of bizarre satirical skit, the Bush Administration wants to move this research to Kansas. WTF?
In which we turn into our grandfather, and don’t mind
When I was a kid, I thought my dad’s dad was kind of odd because whenever he’d find something he liked, he’d buy several. “How come?” I’d ask. His answer was always some variation on “they might quit making them.”
I figured it was some sort of depression-survivor thing, but now, at 38, I find myself thinking the same thing a lot. The most recent example: Several years ago, Mrs Heathen gave me the first home coffeemachine I’ve ever had that actually made consistently good coffee. Drip machines might start strong, but they’ve got weird internal parts you can’t clean, and are probably inconsistent temp-wise besides even if they DO attempt to heat the water before it hits the beans. I’ve had a mess of them, from a variety of manufacturers, and the fact of the matter is simple: they all suck. I even looked sideways at Erin for bringing this one into the house, since at the time I was making coffee a cup at a time with a filterholder set atop my favorite mug (it’s slow and sucks for volume, but it works and makes good coffee).
The model she found was a vacuum style pot made by Bodum that was actually electric. Put in water, put in coffee, hit the switch, and either watch the show or come back in a few minutes to perfect coffee, every time. The whole thing came apart for easy cleaning of every surface (though in truth, I had to ask Mrs Heathen to clean the interior of the bottom half every so often, since her hands would actually fit inside it), which meant none of the lingering weird flavors that have haunted basically every drip machine I’ve ever drunk from. Simple, direct, and reliable, the Bodum Electric Santos was damned near perfect.
I used this blessed, wonderful device nearly every morning for three years, but this week it developed significant cracks about the (plastic) base. It leaks, and therefore no longer makes good coffee. And this is the point in the story wherein I discover the model has been discontinued and that no one, apparently, makes an electric vac pot anymore. There are stovetop models (from Bodum, even), but nothing with the fire-and-forget brilliance of my late, lamented Santos. Aside from some used ones on EBay, it looks like I’m SOL.
I totally should have bought like ten of them as soon as I realized it was the One True Coffee Device. I’m kicking myself now, and counting my gramps quite a bit wiser in the bargain.
Shut up. We do TOO need one.
Dear Intarwub: Please get us a Walther air pistol with a laser sight and tactical light.
You just can’t improve on this
Laughing at these is wrong
But you will not be able to resist giggling at awful things happening to this vapid flock of TV news drones.
Two Gags from Captain Accordian
Blogger, geek, and serial accordion offender Joey deVilla points out this dumb but funny cartoon and this screamingly funny Heston tribute. Both are safe for work.
Yes.
Lies I’ve Told My 3 Year Old Recently is fantastic, and I hope to remember them to use on my nieces.
More reasons to never vote Republican
Harper’s has a longish and well-documented piece on how the GOP reworked the Justice Department to pursue political gain, not, well, “justice.” It’s something the GOP has long accused other parties of, naturally, but the only group that reliably attempts to or does turn the DoJ into a political hit squad is the Republican Party. It is the GOP that repurposed the Civil Rights division into something cleverly designed to suppress voter turnout. It is the GOP that began purging USAs for not initiating political investigations into enough Democrats. It’s the GOP that’s got a hard-on for the Voter ID act, which will certainly further suppress minority and lower-income voting — and, in so doing, increases their share of the vote, since those folks don’t usually vote Republican.
And, let us not forget, it is the Bush DoJ that has pursued political cases with partisan rigor:
In 2007, Donald Shields and John Cragan, two retired professors, released the preliminary results of a long-term study of the Bush Justice Department’s investigations of public officials. They found that between 2001 and 2006 the Justice Department had initiated 375 investigations of public officials. They also found that 298 of those investigations targeted Democrats and 67 of them targeted Republicans. Shields and Cragan concluded that the odds of this imbalance occurring randomly were one in ten thousand.
One of those 298 Democratic targets was former Alabama Governor Don Siegelman. Arguably the most successful Democrat-ic politician in recent Alabama history, Siegelman had occupied almost every statewide elective office, frequently winning by large margins. He was elected governor in 1998 with a 57 percent majority. In 2002, however, Siegelman faced a strong challenge from Republican Bob Riley. The election was the closest in the state’s history, and was ultimately called for Riley following a late-night “computer glitch” that moved votes on just one line–that of the gubernatorial contest–enough to reverse the outcome of the race. A study the following year by Auburn University’s James Gundlach strongly suggested “systematic electronic manipulation.” But this electoral oddity remains unexamined by the Justice Department.
Later that year, however, as the Mobile Press-Register was publishing a poll that showed Siegelman trouncing Riley in a rematch, the Department of Justice finally took action. It launched an investigation of Siegelman. The case was based on allegations that Siegelman had appointed Richard Scrushy, the CEO of the Birmingham-based health-care firm HealthSouth, to an uncompensated hospital-oversight board as a quid pro quo for Scrushy’s having arranged a $500,000 contribution to a 1999 initiative to promote a state lottery bill favored by Siegelman. There were several problems with the case. First, the contribution itself was legal. There was no payment to Siegelman, or even to his campaign. Also, Scrushy didn’t support Siegelman in the election. He was a Republican and had backed Riley. In addition, Scrushy had been appointed to the same board by three prior governors. And finally, according to his own uncontradicted testimony, Scrushy didn’t even want the appointment.
It was a clear case of selective prosecution–and if the theory applied to the Siegelman prosecution were to be applied uniformly, many in the Bush Administration would now be in prison. George W. Bush singled out 146 individuals who gave or gathered $100,000 (to his actual political campaign) for appointment to far more desirable postings as ambassadors, cabinet officers, or members of his transition team. Not a single one of these appointments triggered a Justice Department investigation.
The piece concludes by noting the very real damage Bush has done here, and how it may become permanent:
It is improbable that any contender who prevails in the 2008 presidential election will renounce the Bush model of a redefined presidency. A newcomer will likely differentiate his (or her) policies on a number of points, pulling back somewhat from positions (such as the presidential right to torture or wage preemptive war) that have drawn sharp criticism. But these changes will be introduced as a matter of presidential policy, not because the president is bowing to law defined by Congress or to constitutional constraints.
Our Constitution provides a mechanism for countering transformational excess, but the people’s representatives thus far appear to have decided that the impolite process of impeachment is only for presidents who have affairs. Given this failure of will, we must be prepared to accept a changed system in which the will of the people is subsumed by good manners and fearful politics. As long as this new democracy prevails, little will matter beyond the will of the president.
Food for thought.
Simple things done well
The Indexed blog pleases us, especially (and sadly) this entry.
Don’t confuse them with facts
Doonesbury examines the myth of GOP fiscal responsibility. Hint: it’s a lie.
- Over half the national debt was incurred under a Bush presidency
- The proportion grows to 70% if you include Reagan
- Out of 19 budgets submitted by Bush I, II, and RWR, only 2 were balanced
Yoo Dirty Rat
The much-ballyhooed John Yoo torture memo has been declassified. Madcap hilarity does not ensue. Among the spectacular legal assertions Yoo manufactured: the Fourth Amendment doesn’t apply to terror cases, even on domestic soil — in other words, warrantless wiretapping is A-OK! (N.B. that the notion of whether or not the Bill of Rights and the Constitution apply to foreigners in the U.S. is well settled law; they do, so it doesn’t matter if the person being investigated is a citizen, alien, illegal alien, or whatever.)
Further, Yoo’s imperial doctrine asserts that the President has the authority to simply abrogate laws that are in his way, such as those prohibiting harsh treatment of detainees i.e. torture. In this way, Yoo is directly responsible for at least some portion of the abuses found at Gitmo, in Iraq, and at undisclosed black sites maintained by the CIA around the world. N.B. what Wikipedia has to say about Authoritarianism:
Rule of law is frequently opposed by authoritarian and totalitarian states. The explicit policy of such governments . . . is that the government possesses the inherent authority to act purely on its own volition and without being subject to any checks or limitations.
John Yoo is, therefore, a WAR CRIMINAL, and ought to be in jail. Instead, he’s on the faculty at Berkeley Law.
True.
Via Daring Fireball, we find this bit from Tim Bray:
I think that with Twitter, something important is happening. But I’m having trouble figuring out what.
Presumably, it was dressed provocatively
Ah, Ohio:
BELLEVUE, Ohio — Police said an Ohio man has been arrested for allegedly having sex with a picnic table.
Police arrested Arthur Price Jr. after an anonymous tipster dropped off three DVDs that reportedly showed Price in the act.
According to NBC Toledo, Ohio, affiliate WNWO-TV, the videos show Price tilting the metal round picnic table on its side and then laying up against it to have sexual intercourse with the table. Afterward, he can then be seen cleaning the table and the deck.
During questioning, he reportedly admitted to having sex with the table. Police said he also admitted to bringing the table inside his home for sex.
Price faces four counts of public indecency. He was freed after posting $20,000 bond, authorities said.
Granted, if this had been in Alabama, it would have been his first cousin’s picnic table.
Apple is now #1
Apple has passed Wal-Mart as the top American music retailer.
ZOMG OWLZ!!!!1!!
Right, so, that was fun, wasn’t it?
So, so wrong
Tired of the Ruby on Rails hype? Try COBOL on COGS: Legacy web development that doesn’t hurt.
Oh my god
In 1994, the Finnish “band” Leningrad Cowboys, together with the Red Army Chorus (yes), performed “Sweet Home Alabama” at the MTV Video Music Awards.
As always, they’re spot on
Blizzard’s two April-Fool Warcraft gags are stellar:
- The new Bard Hero class; and
- The Molton Core Console Experience; do NOT miss the gameplay trailer.
Also, they’re threatening to drop a Tauren marine into Starcraft II, which we’re sure will send the date-unaware faithful into apoplexy.
Whoa.
Starcraft turned ten years old on March 31. Ouch.
Best Fundraiser Idea EVER
DiverseWorks is having a “1-ish K” race on Saturday:
DiverseWorks will hold the 1ST ANNUAL 1(ISH) K FOOT RACE to help commemorate its 25th Anniversary Season. Both ELITE and MASTERS Level competitors will scramble across the demanding ONE-KILOMETER (OR SO) course in a test of strength and endurance to raise money and awareness for the non-profit contemporary art center, DiverseWorks. The 1(ish) K is SATURDAY, APRIL 5, 2008 at 6PM at DIVERSEWORKS at 1117 East Freeway, Houston, Texas. The entry fee is $25. VIP competitors paying $100 (or more) will receive a 5-minute head start and will be guaranteed to be a winner.
DiverseWorks will have plenty of “HYDRATION” and “ENERGY REPLENISHMENT” stations on site and will have a marked outer boundary of the official course to ensure runners compete within a cordoned off area. For optimal weather conditions, the race will promptly start bright and early at 6PM. The course will remain open until 10PM to allow sufficient time for all runners to complete the demanding one-kilometer (or so) course. Official judges will be on hand to insure an honest and fair race is conducted.
Register at their web site. I’m actually going to be out of town, or I’d be there with bells on.
Give up. Your day is over.
Ladies and gentlemen of Heathen nation, I give you Boomstick. Shoot stuff. Pick up ammo. Repeat.
Say what you want, we still say Jackman was well cast
They’ve found actual California wolverines in Tahoe again; the species was thought extinct since 1922.
(Other possible jokes for this post: references to either SNL or bad cold war movies.)
Nine Seconds that Justify The Entire Internet
Dept. of Unsurprising Results
As it turns out, if you’re smarter, richer, and better educated, you’ll be much, much better at finding accurate information on the Internet. What it basically boils down to is critical evaluation of sources, which is an aspect of research skills anyone who’s done a term paper should have internalized a long time ago.
The divide played out in interesting ways when it came to searching for information. Those who searched at Yahoo and MSN were evenly distributed across income groups. Over half the high-income parents, however, used Google, while only 8 percent of low-income parents did–they apparently preferred AOL search. The authors suggested that this difference arose from the fact that high-status parents were over four times more sensitive to search engines returning irrelevant results (the authors consider Google the gold standard for search engines).
The AOL vs. Google thing is the Internet version of the slow kid in your 8th grade English class not understanding why Readers’ Digest isn’t as good a source as The Economist.
Other aspects of the divide extended beyond choice of search engine. 70 percent of high-status parents went back to the original list of search results after hitting an irrelevant site; less than half of low-status parents did the same. They were also twice as likely to tweak search terms when they ran into a set of results they were unhappy with. Finally, those higher up the socioeconomic ladder were more likely (43 percent) to trust information from universities and research organizations than those at the bottom (16 percent).
The good news is that this enormous and unprecedented information resource is available for less than the cost of cable TV, which pushes it pretty far down the socioeconomic spectrum. The bad news is that, like other forms of information, those with poor educational backgrounds are ill-equipped to use it well and capitalize on its power.
Coolest Robot EVAR
Its job? Wander around and find things that are appropriate to drum on and sample from. Repeat.
Pour some gravy on the ground, cher
Al Copeland, the flamboyant founder of Popeyes Famous Fried Chicken, is dead.
Cutest Geek Proposal EVER.
We hope Mrs Heathen can forgive us for not managing to pop the question in zero G.
Hey! Where’d John Hughes go?
Turns out, not many people know.