More Civil Forfeiture

This kind of thing really has to stop:

LIMA — Two robbers who broke into Luther Ricks Sr.’s house this summer may have not gotten his life savings he had in a safe, but after the FBI confiscated it he may not get it back.

Ricks has tried to get an attorney to fight for the $402,767 but he has no money. Lima Police Department officers originally took the money from his house but the FBI stepped in and took it from the Police Department. Ricks has not been charged with a crime and was cleared in a fatal shooting of one of the robbers but still the FBI has refused to return the money, he said.

“They are saying I have to prove I made it,” he said.

Because Ricks had some pot in the house, the government’s position is that they can take the money under civil forfeiture rules — even though Ricks has not been charged with or convicted of any crime. The burden of proof is on Ricks; he must prove the money is legally his, and that he is innocent of wrongdoing. The FBI, the story notes, will likely want receipts; since Ricks and his wife accumulated their nest egg over a working life — he’s 61 — it’s a pretty good bet they don’t have every single pay stub.

Due process? Justice? Neither apply in forfeiture cases. Does this bother you? It should.

More Proof the GOP Have No Principles

The Republican Party would have you believe they’re all about state’s rights and minimal Federal intervention, but this is really only true when it suits them. Case in point: Bush’s EPA has just quashed 17 states’ attempts to reduce further automotive greenhouse gas emissions.

More here.

Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger of California said the states would go to federal court to reverse the E.P.A. decision.

“It is disappointing that the federal government is standing in our way and ignoring the will of tens of millions of people across the nation,” Mr. Schwarzenegger said. “We will continue to fight this battle.”

He added, “California sued to compel the agency to act on our waiver, and now we will sue to overturn today’s decision and allow Californians to protect our environment.”

Twelve other states — New York, New Jersey, Connecticut, Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, New Mexico, Oregon, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, Vermont and Washington — had proposed standards like California’s, and the governors of Arizona, Colorado, Florida and Utah said they would do the same.

If the waiver had been granted and the 16 other states had adopted the California standard, it would have covered at least half of all vehicles sold in the United States.

This is awesome. Unless you work for 3D Realms.

In gaming, people complain about release delays a LOT. Nothing ever ships on time. Sometimes, the delays produce hype and impossible expectations, especially when the game is released and turns out to suck.

One game in particular has managed to avoid the “released and turned out to suck” pitfall, of course, and that game is Duke Nukem Forever, which was announced on 28 April 1997, and has yet to see the light of day.

DNF — n.b. that its initials can also stand for “did not finish” — is to be the groundbreaking next edition in a popular series; Duke Nukem 3D was the last iteration, in 1996, and was one of the first real truly immersive first-person shooters. (It was a peer to Quake at the time, which has itself had several successful sequels since its release.)

In light of this truly amazing feat of procrastination and schedule-busting, some enterprising souls have produced a fine, fine list of amusing things that have happened since the DNF announcement early in Clinton’s second term. It includes:

  • The entire Grand Theft Auto series
  • The entire run of the Sims game franchise
  • The creation, implementation, and explosion of an entire game genre, the Massively Multiplayer Onling Role Playing Game
  • 58 different Mario games
  • The previous winner of “most delayed game,” Daikatana, started development 10 days before DNF, and was released in May of 2000
  • The whole of Half Life
  • Every Thief game
  • The entire Halo trilogy
  • The creation and release of the XBox, XBox 360, PS2, PS3, PSP, GameCube, Gameboy, and DS

Outside of gaming, they make the following observations:

  • In 1997, a “fast” Internet connection involved a 33.6kilobit per second modem.
  • Back then, a hotrod home gaming rig ran at 233Mhz.
  • There was no such thing as a commercially successful MP3 player in 1997, and wouldn’t be for another 4 years. Since its intro in 2001, though, Apple has sold more than 50 million iPods.
  • Napster did not exist in 1997
  • There was no Google, eBay, or Blogger
  • Stephen King has written 16 novels
  • “The concept of Bullet Time has been developed, pioneered, and completely run into the ground.”
  • There was no Britney or Harry Potter in 1997.
  • The U.S.S. Ronald Reagan (the largest nuclear-powered aircraft carrier in the world) was in contract, built, launched, commissioned, and began active duty.

Finally, they note a few historical events of importance that took less time than DNF has so far:

  • The Beatles formed, released all their records, and broke up.
  • The entire U.S. program to put a man on the moon, from JFK’s speech until Armstrong’s landing.
  • The Revolutionary War, the Civil War, World Wars I and II, the entire Manhattan Project, and Vietnam.

We’re sure, though, that when DNF is finally released, it’ll be awesome. Probably.

Ah, Louisiana

This is positively Soviet: In Shreveport, a principal had what’s been described as an “inappropriate physical altercation” with a student. We’re sure it would have been swept under the rug except for one thing: a student captured it on a cell phone camera.

The school board’s reaction? Ban cell phones:

Board member Dottie Bell brought the concept up after a student’s cell phone video that showed Huntington High School Principal Jerry Davis and a student in a physical altercation garnered local media attention and subsequently forced the system to place Davis on paid administrative leave.

Note wording. The video forced the disciplinary action, not the actions of the principal. Um, whatever.

Fortune magazine remains clueless; Techdirt notices

Biz-press dinosaur Fortune’s got a list out of the 101 Dumbest Moments in Business from 2007, to which I will not link because they’re stupid. Case in point: Entry 59 is devoted to Radiohead, who famously allowed their new album to be downloaded for whatever the buyer wished to pay. Fortune cites figures (that Radiohead has disputed) saying only 38% paid anything at all.

Techdirt:

I would argue that the only thing “dumb” here is the inclusion of this move on the list. CNN seems to think that Radiohead expected everyone to pay for the album, when even the band has clearly stated that this was a promotional move. Is CNN “dumb” for putting this article online for free? Of course not — because they make money through other means, such as advertising. In the same way, Radiohead did quite well even if people downloaded the album for free. After all, even if the Comscore numbers are accurate, Radiohead still pulled in millions, distributed millions of tracks to fans all over the world with no promotional budget, got its name and its music talked about around the globe and found at the top of popular playlists everywhere, and got a tremendous amount of free advertising for its upcoming tour and CD box sets. Can you name a single band in the world that would turn that down? Hell, can you name a single Fortune/CNN editor who would turn that down if he were in Radiohead’s shoes? Not unless he was pretty dumb.

Word. It must be sad to be as clueless as Fortune; perhaps they’re so clueless that just don’t know how bad off they are.

Worst Holiday Movie EVER

Box

Mrs Heathen enjoys trolling the category lists on the Tivo this time of year, mostly looking for the specials of our youth in the innocent 70s, but about a week ago — during a visit by Mama Nia and the Ultilopp — we saw something that sounded so awful and ill-conceived that we just had to tell the Tivo to grab it.

Last night, with the same company over, we watched it.

Oh. My. God.

The film in question is the unparalled and completely unequaled Santa’s Slay, from 2005 (straight to video, for reasons that will become obvious). It’s a Christmas-themed comedy horror, although it’s really only unassailably in one of those categories, since it’s neither funny nor scary enough to qualify for the other two. At least it’s clearly Yuletide.

The argument is this: Notwithstanding what you’ve previously been told, Santa is the product of a second immaculate conception, this time between the devil and the Virgin Erica (we’re sure that’s an inside joke we don’t get). This original Santa was as evil as the normal one is beneficent, and the wintertime “Christ mass” we all know and love was originally undertaken by the faithful to seek protection from his annual murderous rampage.

With me so far?

At some point, ol’ Santa loses a curling match with an angel, and as a consequence is forced to be nice for a thousand years, a period that conveniently expires at the start of the film, thereby laying the groundwork for the carnage that ensues.

And so it begins. Santa — played, of course, by an enormous Jewish wrestler — makes his entrance in the movie’s first minutes; during a dysfunctional Christmas Eve dinner at (an uncredited) James Caan‘s opulent family home, Santa descends the chimney, bursts through the brick mantle a la Kool Aid, and brutally dispatches the family (Chris Kattan (kicked into hutch), Fran Drescher (set afire; drowned in egg nog — this may have been the high point of the film), and Rebecca Gayheart in cameos) before moving on to spread his particularly lethal brand of cheer.

There is, of course, a good-hearted teen, the sometime object of his affection (Lost‘s Emilie de Ravin), a crooked pastor Dave Thomas, naturally), and the apparently-crazy-but-really-wise grandfather (Robert Culp) who has mysterious but longstanding anti-Christmas views. The town’s deli — where, of course, both teens work — is run by a not-long-for-this-world Saul Rubinek, who meets his end pinned to the wall with a menorah.

You can imagine the rest of the film, I’m sure. Good-Hearted Teen (“GHT”) discovers, more or less simultaneously, that Santa is an enormous killing machine AND the “real” story behind Santa from his perhaps-not-so-nutty grandpa, who is easy to peg as the aforementioned angel well before the origin sequence.

(Said origin bit is actually another high point: it’s done in a halfassed Rankin-Bass style (think Rudolph), which makes it clear the filmmaker was at least trying for something smarter or at least cleverer than he ended up with here.)

Santa pursues our GHT with the help of his Viking-themed sled, pulled through the holiday skies (of course) by a man-eating white ox, and loaded (of course) with explosive presents he throws like grenades. There is, obviously, massacre in a strip club (quoth Santa: “Naughty!”), a snowmobile chase, a showdown in an ice rink, a curling rematch, and a gun nut with a bazooka who saves the day.

I swear, as God is my witness, I am not making ANY of this up, and it’s easily as bad as I’ve described here.

(However, it’s still better than this.)

On NPR this morning…

They had a little feature interview with Jack White, who was discussing his upcoming singles which happen to include a cover of “Conquest,” Patti Page’s 1952 hit.

It happens that White is friends with Beck, and was recording these tracks at Beck’s LA home studio. When it came time to do Conquest, they realized they wanted a trumpet player. Does Beck know any trumpet players? No, but what Beck did know was that there is apparently a park in LA where mariachi bands congregate waiting to be hired.

An assistant was dispatched, who quickly called back: not only was the park for real, but before hiring one must decide if one wants a 4-piece or a 5-piece, like chicken.

Dept. of Clarifications

Earlier, we said our Mac folks should upgrade to Leopard “if and only if [they] have good backup.”

We do not mean by this that you can expect to NEED said backup if you try to update. Our upgrade went swimmingly well. We just mean you should NEVER EVER EVER do something like that to your computer (and kind, be it Mac or PC or Linux or VMS or whatever else you freaks are running) without having a complete, solid, and up-to-date backup on hand.

Go buy an outboard drive as big as your computer’s internal drive. Actually, get two. They’re cheap. Shut up. As JWZ said a while back, listen to me. I know things.

Then go get some kind of smart hard drive cloning tool. On the Mac, I like SuperDuper (which is presently broken under Leopard, but works fine for 10.4 and below; also, its “brokenness” doesn’t keep you from reading your backup, just updating it). CarbonCopyCloner is also a fine choice. On the PC, I’ve no personal knowledge, but LifeHacker liked DriveImage XML despite its cheesy name.

These tools will create, on your backup drives, a complete (and potentially bootable) copy of your machine’s hard drive. Typically, your first backup will take many hours, but subsequent ones will copy only the new or changed material; expect those to run for maybe an hour. Why two drives? Because that way you can alternate. Do a complete system backup like this every week, and swap the drives every month. Put the drive you’re not backing up to someplace else. Your spouse’s office is a good choice, or a friend’s house.

Sound like overkill? It’s not. Imagine the tax records, the digital pictures, the emails, the documents and God knows what else that were lost in New Orleans or the Mississippi coast. Imagine how smart you’ll feel if, God forbid, something like that happens where you live, but you’ve got a month-old backup at your mother-in-law’s place, safe and sound. Imagine how little effort this takes.

Of course, this is just system backup. Your critical files should ideally be backed up every day using another mechanism, like one of myriad online backup tools now available. People seem to like Mozy, for example. No reason not to join them. It’s cheap, and it works. What more do you want?

Now, go forth. Backup. Always.

(“Hey Chet, what about Leopard’s Time Machine?” Glad you asked. It’s a great idea. Buy a third drive to use for TM. It doesn’t replace the need, in my opinion, for full-disk bootable backups, or for frequent offsite saves of critical stuff (i.e., your Documents folder).)

Wisdom from the Intarnets

Artist, photographyer, and writer Richard Kadrey had the following to say about the major league baseball steroid foolishness over on The Well:

Dear News Dudes,

We’re losing two wars, people in europe and asia are wiping their asses with dollars because they’re worth less than toilet paper and at least half the current white house senior officials will probably be eligible for war crimes or profiteering charges when the dust settles. I only bring this up because some of us don’t goddamn care that much about goddamn steroid abuse in goddamn baseball. I acknowledge that it’s a legitimate news story, but the amount of time and the breathless “this is a world changing event!” coverage is, as my first editor at a tiny newspaper in Houston put it, “a cracked crock of shit.” Can you all just sit down, suck down a big, steaming mug of shut the fuck up and get some perspective? Are roger clemens shriveled balls really a more important story than rape and cover-up allegations against KBR? Are you just bored covering Britney’s breakdown or taping Amy Winehouse puking into her beehive? This isn’t the reporters’ fault, it’s you news editors sucking jock cock. Maybe you’re getting dad to sit up and listen to TV and radio news a little more, but you’re becoming even more of a joke to everyone else.

Oh, and Congress, you’re holding two hearings on the steroid thing? You can’t even pass a kid’s insurance bill and you’ve decided that this is the time to come clean on your secret Tom of Finland fetish so you can publicly speculate on a lot of big, buff guys’ pecs without looking too Larry Craig? Good choice. I have no doubt that this will make your approval ratings soar higher than Martin Borman’s, but still leave you a little south of bed sores.

Thank you. I’m off the put “the American in Me” by the Avengers on a loop and play it real LOUD out the window until the SWAT team comes down the chimney like santa and gifts me with a triple tap dirt nap. Goodnight moon. Goodnight stars.

(Reproduced here with Richard’s permission.)

Dept. of Graphic Design Absurdities

On my bill for my Sprint mobile broadband modem, the “amount enclosed” portion of the form is rendered in the one-box-per-digit mode common to standardized forms. Observe, if you will, their presentation:

Who pays a million dollar cell bill?

Under what circumstances, I wonder, would any of the places beyond the thousands get used? I can imagine an actual bill getting sent, to be remitted by check, that extends to a few thousand — I even know people who’ve done this with international roaming, knocking on the door of five figures. Bills greater than ten large, though, are almost certainly all handled by some sort of corporate billing and remittance mechanism. How often does Sprint really get some human filling out this form with 6 or 7 digits?

Just so we’re clear

We do not give TWO SHITS about the baseball steroid “scandal.” Professional athletes whose job it is to perform, and who may get cut at any time, and who depend on their jobs for their lifestyle, their ego, or their family turn out to be willing to abuse their bodies with anything that’s likely to help them run, hit, or field a bit better? SHOCKED! WE’RE SHOCKED!

Not. Frankly, we see the whole thing as hypocrisy. The public demands and rewards spectacular play, but is squeamish about ‘roids or HGH or whatever. There’s a huge disconnect. Add the major league money to the picture, and where we are now becomes a foregone conclusion for a long, long time.

Dept. of Interesting Legal Developments

A Federal judge has ruled that a defendent cannot be compelled to give up his encryption keys on the grounds that such information amounts to self-incrimination.

A number of legal and Net.law analysts have been anticipating such a conflict for years, but this appears to be the first actual on-point ruling, and it’s gone 180 degrees from what folks expected.

I agree with this intuitively, but since I believe a suspect can be made to (for example) produce keys to a safety deposit box, I’m not sure what the legal rationale for a difference is. Any Heathen lawyers wish to weigh in here?

Mitt, JFK, faith, and freedom

This’ll just be a roundup, since I don’t have time to do the entry I’d meant to do on this.

Romney attempted to answer the broad questions about his faith and how he’d handle it in office recently, and made more than casual attempts to paint himself as a sort of JFK figure in the process. Kennedy, as you may recall, gave a similar speech to the Greater Houston MInisterial Association in 1960 (right here in Houston) wherein he attempted to put to rest worries that a Catholic president would be little more than the Vatican’s proxy.

The primary problem with Mitt as Jack in this situation, though, is the message of either speech. As Maureen Dowd put it:

The problem with Mitt is not his religion; it is his overeager policy shape-shifting. He did not give a brave speech, but a pandering one. Disguised as a courageous, Kennedyesque statement of principle, the talk was really just an attempt to compete with the evolution-disdaining, religion-baiting Huckabee and get Baptists to concede that Mormons are Christians.

“J.F.K.’s speech was to reassure Americans that he wasn’t a religious fanatic,” Mr. [Jon] Krakauer [author of Under the Banner of Heaven, a history of Mormanism] agreed. “Mitt’s was to tell evangelical Christians, ‘I’m a religious fanatic just like you.'”

Fred Clark has more, mostly analyzing Romney’s charming but hopeless and frighteningly wrong cuplet “Freedom requires religion just as religion requires freedom.”

That’s a nice bit of parallelism. It pleases the ear even as it disturbs the brain. In a formal sense, the statement is valid. The first part is not true “just as” the second part is not true.

Romney repeatedly says in his speech that his topic is religious liberty and his own faith. Given that, it’s not surprising that he would argue that “freedom” and “religion” are compatible or complementary. But he goes beyond that, arguing that each requires the other — that religion is necessary for freedom and that freedom is necessary for religion.

Let’s deal with the latter assertion first: “religion requires freedom.” There are far too many counter-examples for this to be true. Think of China, where the government denies religious freedom to millions of Christians and Falun Gong adherents and Tibetan Buddhists. Yet despite this lack of freedom, despite this active oppression — and, in a way, in response to this oppression — these faiths are all thriving. This is what the early Christian theologian Tertullian was getting at when he said, “the blood of the martyrs is the seed of the church.” Religion can survive, and thrive, in the absence of freedom.

and more:

But as potentially troubling and unfactual as the latter part of Romney’s assertion is, the first part of it is worse.

“Freedom requires religion,” Romney said. Had he said, “Freedom requires religious freedom,” then I would agree, absolutely. […]

But Romney did not say that freedom requires religious freedom. He said, “Freedom requires religion.” And that’s a contradictory statement — a very different, and very frightening, thing.

If freedom requires religion, then the a-religious and irreligious, the non-religious and un-religious are the enemies of freedom. Romney believes, in other words, that atheism is incompatible with freedom. Whatever it is he means by “religious liberty,” he does not believe it can safely be applied to atheists.

Keep in mind that this is Mitt “double Guantanamo” Romney talking — he’s made it clear what he wants to do to those he regards as the enemies of freedom.

Radley on Cory

The Agitator has much to say as we near the 6th anniversary of Cory Maye‘s “crime,” which amounts to defending himself and his child against unknown assailants breaking down the door to enter his home in the dead of night. On the day after Christmas, 2001, Maye was asleep in his home when a drug task force broke into his home with a no-knock warrant. First through the door was Ron Jones, who did not identify himself as a policeman.

Maye shot him dead before the cops managed to make clear who they were, and was quickly railroaded to Mississippi’s Death Row before his sentence was reduced last year on appeal. If nothing changes, Maye will spend the rest of his life in prison for defending his family against a home invader he had no way of knowing wasn’t his drug-addled neighbor.

Our government at work

The copyright cartel has managed to get a bill introduced that would create a whole new Federal copyright protection department as well as provide for drastically higher fines and — get this — civil forfiture of computer equipment involved in infringement even if the owner is not convicted. This is a scary mirror of a questionable practice from the ill-considered drug war; under no circumstances should assets be seizable without a finding of guilt.

Dept. of Very, Very Geeky Puns

So I added RAM to my laptop last week by removing one of the 1-gigabyte DIMMs and replacing it with a 2-gig DIMM, producing a total of 3. This is sort of unusual, because heretofore most RAM has been set up with homogenous slots — all 1-gig, or all 2-gig, or whatever.

I have taken to referring to my mixed setup as “The Welk Configuration,” since it consists of a one and a two.

I am nowhere nearly as sorry about that as I probably ought to be.

Tim Tebow is made entirely of Win

The Florida QB just became the first underclassman ever to win the Heisman, number 3 for the Florida Gators — Spurrier and mid-90s standout Danny Wuerffel are the other two. Oddly, all three are the sons of clergymen.

Even better: since Tebow’s only a soph, we get to watch him play for the Gators next year, too. Now, if you’ll excuse us, we’re going to watch the Texans.

We have innocent people at Gitmo, and the government knows this, and doesn’t care

So much for the Shining City on the Hill, human rights, respect for law, or any of the other qualities we insist make the US different: Evidence of Innocence Rejected at Guantanamo:

U.S. District Judge Joyce Hens Green, who was privy to the classified record of the tribunal’s decision-making about [German citizen] Kurnaz in 2004, concluded in January 2005 that his treatment provided powerful evidence of bias against prisoners, and she deemed the proceedings illegal under U.S. and international law. But her ruling, which depicted the allegations against Kurnaz as unsubstantiated and as an inappropriate basis for keeping him locked up, was mostly classified at the time.

In newly released passages, however, Green’s ruling reveals that the tribunal members relied heavily on a memo written by a U.S. brigadier general who noted that Kurnaz had prayed while the U.S. national anthem was sung in the prison and that he expressed an unusual interest in detainee transfers and the guard schedule. Other documents make clear that U.S. intelligence officials had earlier concluded that Kurnaz, who went to Pakistan shortly after the terrorist attacks of Sept. 11, 2001, to visit religious sites, had simply chosen a bad time to travel.

The process is “fundamentally corrupted,” said Baher Azmy, a professor at Seton Hall Law School who represents Kurnaz. “All of this just reveals that they had the wrong person and they knew it.”

Kurnaz was eventually released, in August of 2006, but only after German Chancellor Angela Merkel made him a priority. There is no reason to believe his five-year plight was unique, and newly declassified documents surrounding his case make it clear that innocents at Gitmo will have a hard time indeed getting released, since the process to “try” them is so heavily biased against them. Detainees are still unable to see all the evidence against them, and in some cases are denied the right to even now who said they were terrorists. It’s Kafkaesque, and is representative of the worst impulses of a power-mad administration.

Puppet Redemption

Ever wonder whatever happened to the puppets used in Rankin-Bass‘s Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer? Wonder no more.

Two years ago, the figures were acquired by current owner Kevin Kriess. Santa’s face was stained, there was mold under his beard and half his mustache was gone. Rudolph was missing the red light bulb from his nose, said Kriess, a longtime fan of the special whose Harmony, Pennslyvania-based business TimeandSpaceToys.com sells action figures and other collectibles based on movies and TV shows.

Kriess, 44, said he bought his two treasures from a person whose family had received them years ago from a relative who worked for Rankin/Bass. For many years, the delicate wood, wire and fabric puppets had been treated casually: first as toys and later as holiday decorations.

“They had Rudolph in a candy dish with candy all around him, just on a coffee table, and people would just reach in around Rudolph’s body and pull out a candy cane or something,” Kriess said. In the family’s holiday photos, you could spot Santa slumped under a tree in a corner, he said.

Arthur Rankin Jr., who with producing partner Jules Bass created the “Rudolph” special for original sponsor General Electric, said the figures were just going to be thrown out, so his secretary took them home and gave them to family. No effort was made to preserve them, because no one imagined the show would become a hallowed classic.

“You make a film and you don’t know whether it’s going to work or not, whether it will have an audience,” said Rankin, 83, reached by phone in Bermuda, where he is now retired. “In the case of ‘Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer,’ it went beyond any expectations.”