Apparently, there’s Porn for the Playstation Portable on its stupid UMD video format. Wow.
The art world is stranger than you can imagine, and this is good
Go check out Lisa Bufano. This piece, “Four Legs Good,” has the double-amputee artist dancing on exaggerated Queen-anne stilts as prosthetics.
(Via Table of Malcontents. )
Herbie and Q Kick It in 1983
They’re checking out Herbie’s new toy, a Fairlight:
Apparently, they’re even stupid at Yale
G’night, Boris
Boris Yeltsin, the first popularly elected Russian leader, is dead. He was 76.
This can’t be good
Scientists have found some chimpanzees who are living in caves and using spears.
The article makes no mention of any enormous black monoliths.
Abu hates the First Amendment
Watch this case carefully:
In June, a case is slated to go to trial in Northern Virginia that will mark a first step in a plan to silence press coverage of essential national security issues. The plan was hatched by Alberto Gonzales and his deputy, Paul J. McNulty–the two figures at the center of a growing scandal over the politicization of the prosecutorial process. This may in fact be the most audacious act of political prosecution yet. But so far, it has gained little attention and is poorly understood.
In the summer of 2005, Alberto Gonzales paid a visit to British Attorney General Peter Goldsmith. A British civil servant who attended told me “it was quite amazing really. Gonzales was obsessed with the Official Secrets Act. In particular, he wanted to know exactly how it was used to block newspapers and broadcasters from running news stories derived from official secrets and how it could be used to criminalise persons who had no formal duty to maintain secrets. He saw it as a panacea for his problems: silence the press. Then you can torture and abuse prisoners and what you will–without fear of political repercussions. It was the easy route to dealing with the Guantanamo dilemma. Don’t close down Guantanamo. Close down the press. We were appalled by it.” Appalled, he added, “but not surprised.”
[…]
Rather than approach Congress with a proposal to enact the British Official Secrets Act–a proposal which would certainly be defeated even in the prior Republican-led Congress–Gonzales decided to spin it from whole cloth. He would reconstrue the Espionage Act of 1917 to include the essence of the Official Secrets Act, and he would try to get this interpretation ratified in the Bush Administration’s “vest pocket” judicial districts…
The object of this exercise has been broadly misunderstood by many who have followed it–and particularly by Iraq War critics who delight in a perceived slap-down of AIPAC. But this is tragically short-sighted. If the prosecution succeeds, the Bush Administration will have converted the Espionage Act of 1917 into something it was never intended to be: an American copy of the British Official Secrets Act. It is likely to lead quickly to efforts to criminalize journalists dealing with sensitive information in the national security sector, as well as their sources.
Karl Rove is an Asshole
Apparently, Turdblossom doesn’t like to be questioned by citizens. As Josh said:
With apologies to my wife, I would not object if Sheryl Crow touched me.
Contractor Diary: Airplane Passtime Edition
We bought a Playstation Portable, and therefore managed to blink away the entire 3+ hour flight yesterday fighting terrorists.
We note that our virtual kills were precisely as effective and protective as anything TSA did all day.
(Seriously, this thing is pretty excellent. We need game recs.)
Dear Texas Legislature
View it as a “to-do” list
Via BoingBoing, we find Esquire’s list of 60 things worth shortening your life for. Call us crazy, but we’re pretty sure 5., 12., 15, 35., and 39. all sound like good ideas. Don’t miss and 14. and 32., just for the writing.
(Seriously, we want some of that coffee.)
Contractor Diary: Local Color Edition
We don’t think we’ve ever seen a liquor store shelve wine by brand before.
Even better than the horsehead one
Blood puddle pillow. We’ve had this tab open so long we’re not sure where it came from.
Contractor Diary: Local Navigation Edition, or, On what planet does this make sense?
We had to return to the hotel at lunch to pick up something, and accidentally got off the Interstate one exit early. No problem! We’ll just take the surface streets over!
Er, no. First, it appears that there’s no simple way to do that, as every apparent road — and there weren’t many — turned out to curve inappropriately away from our destination.
Then — second — we found a promisingly named thoroughfare, only to discover that the grandly named “Western Maryland Parkway” is in fact a DEAD END.
Nice.
Adventures in Bill Payment
So, what with the travel, we have little time in the Heathen World HQ to handle bills & etc., so that gets done over the phone and Intarwub. This is ordinarily not a problem, except today.
When we started this gig, we realized we didn’t want our net access filtered by Swedes, so we picked up a Sprint EVDO modem to use with the Powerbook. The first bill was due, but we didn’t remember to bring it until this week. What follows is our attempt to pay the bill:
Call the number on the bill. Select “pay bill” when asked. Input the phone number of our device (yes, the modem has a phone number). Get told that we should “hand up and press Star-3 in order to pay.” Unless, of course, you don’t have a phone. Nice one, Sprint.
Head to the web site and try to register. Jump through an inordinate number of hoops to discover there’s some kind of problem, and we’re somehow not authorized to pay our own bill. Right.
Call the number on the bill and press “0” over and over until we get an operator. Explain our frustration to the idiot scriptreading girl. Explain we’d like a summary of the current bill (yes, they’re stacking with additional charges, which is why everyone hates telcos, but whatever). Then have this conversation:
HEATHEN: Ok, I’d like to pay the whole bill with my Amex. IDIOT: How much did you want to pay? HEATHEN: Um, let’s put the WHOLE BILL on my Amex. IDIOT:And which credit card did you want to use? HEATHEN: For the third time, let’s put the WHOLE BILL on my AMEX.
Sigh. Previously…
Geek.Memory
Wil Wheaton reminisces about Cons. SFW, probably, but it’s a column at SuicideGirls.
Why Blackberry is stupid
The entire Blackberry/RIM service is down because of a failure at Blackberry.
Such a centralized point of failure is prima facie a bad idea, and is almost never acceptable in Information Technology, but it’s how Blackberrys work. Your mail goes from your server to THEIR server, and only then over the air to the device. There’s an extra step there that makes no sense.
The Heathen preferred wireless email plan involves a smarter device (a Treo, but Windows Mobile devices are also capable) and a smarter connection (such that the device can just reach over the Internet to the right mail server), so that for us email goes directly from our server to our handheld with no middleman. Simpler is better, and is also CLEARLY more robust.
In case you missed anything
Seven Minutes of Sopranos: the entire run up to now edited into a 7-minute narrative. NSFW. YouTube.
Do you know the power of YOUR penis?
“It’s really easy to get caught up in that dog kind of man.” Learn your man to earn your man, ladies. Public access goodness from Alexyss K. Tylor. Remember, if your man won’t get you shrimps from Long John Silver, you’ve got a problem.
It’s wholly unsafe for work, but good GOD it’s hilarious. Don’t miss it.
Fox News remains a pack of douchebags
Check out their obit for Vonnegut, which is a ridiculous pile of snide remarks from a barely-literate pseudojournalist.
What fucktards.
Contractor Diary: Restaurant Affinity Edition
If you eat there enough, Janka at the Outback will let you borrow a wine glass to finish the bottle of wine you bought at Pomodoro. She knows you’re coming back.
Why Wikipedia can be a problem
xkcd explains.
Having trouble ordering at the deli?
Perhaps you should optimize your sandwich provider protocol.
HAHAHAHAHAHA: Fair and balanced? More like “wrong and stupid”.
The Pew Charitable Trust did a survey of political and current-event awareness, and found that the best informed group regularly watched “The Daiily Show” and “The Colbert Report” — and that Fox viewers were, on the whole, the least well-informed:
Other details are equally eye-opening. Pew judged the levels of knowledgeability (correct answers) among those surveyed and found that those who scored the highest were regular watchers of Comedy Central’s The Daily Show and Colbert Report. They tied with regular readers of major newspapers in the top spot — with 54% of them getting 2 out of 3 questions correct. Watchers of the Lehrer News Hour on PBS followed just behind.
Virtually bringing up the rear were regular watchers of Fox News. Only 1 in 3 could answer 2 out of 3 questions correctly.
This, of course, surprises no one. We’re sure the Right Wing Noise Machine will be along directly to tell us how biased it is to ask people who the Speaker of the House is, the Majority Leader, the Secretary of State, who their governor is, or what type of Muslim, other than Shia, live in Iraq.
As for TDS and Stewart, we quote our longtime associate BC: “I think it’s really funny that they won a Peabody. I think it’s even funnier that they deserved to.”
All you really need to know about Bush’s respect for free speech
From here:
Lawyers for two men charged with illegally ejecting two people from a speech by President Bush in 2005 are arguing that the president’s staff can lawfully remove anyone who expresses points of view different from his.
Lawyers for the two, Michael Casper and Jay Klinkerman, said the men were working as organizers for a public presidential forum on Social Security at the Wings Over the Rockies Air and Space Museum in Denver on March 21, 2005, when they were involved in ejecting two audience members, Alex Young and Leslie Weise.
Mr. Young and Ms. Weise filed a lawsuit in Federal District Court here, saying they were ejected shortly after they had arrived in a car that had an antiwar bumper sticker, although they had done nothing disruptive. The suit charged Mr. Casper and Mr. Klinkerman with violating Mr. Young’s and Ms. Weise’s First Amendment right to free speech.
Nice.
Makes sense to us
Look, if you think you can’t or won’t do part of a given job because of your religion or whatever, then perhaps you should find another job. This goes for pharmacy techs uncomfortable with birth control or emergency contraception just as it goes for cabbies who won’t carry people carrying alcohol at Minnesota airports. Seriously.
We’re actually shocked that the Amish have apparently gotten some dispensation against having reflecting triangles on their buggies on the grounds of religion; sounds like bullshit to us.
Sony hates you, again
Some new Sony DVDs won’t play in some DVD players. Ever-consumer-friendly Sony has acknowledged the issue, but says, basically, they’re working as intended, and that the only fix is to update your DVD player to work around their new copy protection.
Um, Sony? You really, really suck, and people are getting really, really tired of your bullshit. Someone in some non-entertainment division of Sony — which is to say, a division with better profit numbers — should make clear to the adminosphere there just how much Entertainment’s meddling has cost them in terms of the marketplace. The company that created portable, private music can’t seem to make a decent MP3 deck, and the meddling and copyright-paranoid entertainment division is the biggest part of why. This newest DRM kerfluffle is just more evidence they’re doomed.
Cuniculosus indeed
You’re going to get what you deserve
Internet Radio is Dead
Fuck.
A panel of judges at the Copyright Royalty Board has denied a request from the NPR and a number of other webcasters to reconsider a March ruling that would force Internet radio services to pay crippling royalties. The panel’s ruling reaffirmed the original CRB decision in every respect, with the exception of how the royalties will be calculated. Instead of charging a royalty for each time a song is heard by a listener online, Internet broadcasters will be able pay royalties based on average listening hours through the end of 2008. Related Stories
The ruling is a huge blow to online broadcasters, and the new royalty structure could knock a large number of them off the ‘Net entirely. Under the previous setup, radio stations would have to pay an annual fee plus 12 percent of their profits to the music industry’s royalty collection organization, SoundExchange. It was a good setup for the webcasters, most of whom are either nonprofits or very small organizations.
National Public Radio spearheaded the appeal, arguing that the CRB’s decision was an “abuse of discretion” and saying that the judges did not consider the ramifications of a new royalty structure. Under the new royalty schedule, NPR will see its costs skyrocket.
This is, of course, exactly what SoundExchange and the RIAA wanted, in collusion no doubt with the National Association of Broadcasters. Can’t compete with a new format? Don’t bother innovating! Just legislate it out of existence!
Ceci n’est pas une house
Wrongest Video EVAR.
Wil Ferrell needs to pay the Landlord. (MeFi)
Jon Corzine is lucky to be alive
Here’s a surprise
That abstinence-only education crap the Bushies keep pushing? Turns out it’s useless. (More here.)
According to this study, kids who went through the program were no more or less likely to do anything. Put another way, it would be impossible to tell, based on behavior, whether a student had been through this program or not.
Even more here, which includes this charming bit of spin:
On a call yesterday organized by the Abstinence Clearinghouse, abstinence-only proponents were clearly rocked by the potentially ruinous news in the report. High profile abstinence-only advocate, Robert Rector, led the preemptive damage-control planning. He outlined several strategies the abstinence-only movement could use to rationalize the findings in the report saying, “The other spin I think is very important is not [program] effectiveness, but rather the values that are being taught,” Rector said. Whether or not these programs work is a “bogus issue,” Rector continued.
Wow.
Why Imus got wacked
Fred Clark points out some interesting commentary on why Don Imus got torpedoed this time, considering how often he’s said utterly obnoxious things before:
[…] he screwed up. He didn’t steal power, he used it. Used it to say just shitty things about people who, in our minds, just didn’t deserve it. He broke the power equation. And when he did, we balked, even if we don’t quite understand why this one got under our skin. The wiring goes both ways. It’s actually heartening, because it confirms one of the admirable things about American society at large:
America loves a rebel.
America loves a bad boy.
But America hates a fucking bully.
Or, as Clark puts it himself:
The gist of what he’s saying echoes something I was taught both in seminary and in the newspaper biz, the shared motto of preachers and journalists: “Comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable.” That’s what good preachers, and good journalists, do. It makes sense that comics, who sometimes preach and sometimes report the news, would follow this motto as well.
Imus “broke the power equation,” Rogers says. He afflicted the afflicted, which made him a bully instead of a comic. That’s not funny.
“From the best and brightest to dumb and dumber”
Bill Maher on the prevalence of the mediocre in Bush’s administration:
You know how whenever there’s a major Bush administration scandal it always traces back to some incompetent political hack appointment and you think to yourself, “Where are they getting these screw-ups from?” Well, now we know: from Pat Robertson. I wish I were kidding, but I’m not. Take Monica Goodling, who before she resigned last week because of the U.S. attorneys scandal, was the third most powerful official in the Justice Department of the United States. Thirty-three, and though she had never even worked as a prosecutor, she was tasked with overseeing the job performance of all 95 U.S. attorneys. How do you get to be such a top dog at 33? By acing Harvard, or winning scholarship prizes? No, Goodling did her undergraduate work at Messiah College — home of the “Fighting Christies,” who wait-listed me, the bastards — and then went on to attend Pat Robertson’s law school.
I’m not kidding, Pat Robertson, the man who said gay people at DisneyWorld would cause “earthquakes, tornadoes, and possibly a meteor,” has a law school. It’s called Regent. Regent University School of Law, and it shares a campus with Robertson’s Christian Broadcasting Network studios. It’s the first time ever that a TV network spun off a law school. […] And what kid wouldn’t want to attend? It’s three years and you only have to read one book. The school says its mission is to create an army of evangelical lawyers, integrating the Bible and public policy, and producing graduates that provide “Christian leadership to change the world.” Presumably from round back to flat.
U.S. News and World Report, which does the definitive ranking of colleges, lists Regent as a tier-four school, which is the lowest score it gives. It’s not a hard school to get into. You have to renounce Satan and draw a pirate on a matchbook. This is for the people who couldn’t get into the University of Phoenix.
[…] Since 2001, 150 graduates of Regent University have been hired by the Bush administration. And people wonder why things are so screwed up. Hell, we probably invaded Iraq because one of these clowns read the map wrong. Forget religion for a second, we’re talking about a top Justice Department official who went to a college founded by a TV host. […]
So there you have it: It turns out that the Justice Department is entirely staffed with Jesus freaks from a televangelist diploma mill in Virginia Beach. Most of them young women with very little knowledge of the law, but a very strong sense of doing what they’re told. Like the Manson family, but with cleaner hair. In 200 years we’ve gone from “We the people” to “Up with people.” From the best and brightest to dumb and dumber.
Christ, we miss you, Hunter
From the Song of the Sausage Creature:
When the Ducati turned up in my driveway, nobody knew what to do with it. I was in New York, covering a polo tournament, and people had threatened my life. My lawyer said I should give myself up and enroll in the Federal Witness Protection Program. Other people said it had something to do with the polo crowd.
The motorcycle business was the last straw. It had to be the work of my enemies, or people who wanted to hurt me. It was the vilest kind of bait, and they knew I would go for it.
Of course. You want to cripple the bastard? Send him a 130-mph cafe-racer. And include some license plates, he’ll think it’s a streetbike. He’s queer for anything fast.
Which is true. I have been a connoisseur of fast motorcycles all my life. I bought a brand-new 650 BSA Lightning when it was billed as “the fastest motorcycle ever tested by Hot Rod magazine.” I have ridden a 500-pound Vincent through traffic on the Ventura Freeway with burning oil on my legs and run the Kawa 750 Triple through Beverly Hills at night with a head full of acid… I have ridden with Sonny Barger and smoked weed in biker bars with Jack Nicholson, Grace Slick, Ron Zigler and my infamous old friend, Ken Kesey, a legendary Cafe Racer.
Some people will tell you that slow is good – and it may be, on some days – but I am here to tell you that fast is better. I’ve always believed this, in spite of the trouble it’s caused me. Being shot out of a cannon will always be better than being squeezed out of a tube. That is why God made fast motorcycles, Bubba….
[…]
This bugger digs right in and shoots you straight down the pipe, for good or ill.
On my first take-off, I hit second gear and went through the speed limit on a two-lane blacktop highway full of ranch traffic. By the time I went up to third, I was going 75 and the tach was barely above 4000 rpm….
And that’s when it got its second wind. From 4000 to 6000 in third will take you from 75 mph to 95 in two seconds – and after that, Bubba, you still have fourth, fifth, and sixth. Ho, ho.
I never got to sixth gear, and I didn’t get deep into fifth. This is a shameful admission for a full-bore Cafe Racer, but let me tell you something, old sport: This motorcycle is simply too goddamn fast to ride at speed in any kind of normal road traffic unless you’re ready to go straight down the centerline with your nuts on fire and a silent scream in your throat.
[…]
The final measure of any rider’s skill is the inverse ratio of his preferred Traveling Speed to the number of bad scars on his body. It is that simple: If you ride fast and crash, you are a bad rider. And if you are a bad rider, you should not ride motorcycles.
The emergence of the superbike has heightened this equation drastically. Motorcycle technology has made such a great leap forward. Take the Ducati. You want optimum cruising speed on this bugger? Try 90mph in fifth at 5500 rpm – and just then, you see a bull moose in the middle of the road. WHACKO. Meet the Sausage Creature.
Or maybe not: The Ducati 900 is so finely engineered and balanced and torqued that you can do 90 mph in fifth through a 35-mph zone and get away with it. The bike is not just fast – it is extremely quick and responsive, and it will do amazing things… It is like riding a Vincent Black Shadow, which would outrun an F-86 jet fighter on the take-off runway, but at the end, the F-86 would go airborne and the Vincent would not, and there was no point in trying to turn it. WHAMO! The Sausage Creature strikes again.
There is a fundamental difference, however, between the old Vincents and the new breed of superbikes. If you rode the Black Shadow at top speed for any length of time, you would almost certainly die. That is why there are not many life members of the Vincent Black Shadow Society. The Vincent was like a bullet that went straight; the Ducati is like the magic bullet in Dallas that went sideways and hit JFK and the Governor of Texas at the same time.
(Via Captain Portland)
How much do we love Jon Stewart?
Check out his analysis of the GOP presidential hopefuls. Stay with it through the end.
Things that disturb us
The Consumerist gets an FDA guy to admit that bagged lettuce isn’t so safe.
Rhymes-With-Schloachim!
Jo has the bestest picture for celebrating Mr Kim. Check it out, and HFBD to Mr Kim!
(Also, happy Friday the 13th, a day which we hold near and dear to our hearts owning to the first one to occur in the Year of Our Lord Nineteen Hunnert an’ Seventy.)
Brilliant AND enlightening!
Jeff points us to the law of Conservation of Ninjitsu, which is awesome:
In any martial arts fight, there is only a finite amount of ninjutsu available to each side in a given encounter. As a result, one ninja is a deadly threat, but an army of them are cannon fodder.
This can apply to Elite Adversaries other than ninjas; vampires, for example, are particularly susceptible to Conservation Of Ninjitsu, as are werewolves, Special Forces commandos, and Super Powered Robot Meter Maids. Zombies seem to be exempt from this; they’re mainly dangerous because they travel in packs.
Our favorite comic blog
Living Between Wednesdays now has a “review the hot superheros” feature. It’s really only sustainable because the author is a woman (or, rather, because the author is attracted to dudes), given the gender balance in the meta-human world, but how can you go wrong with a phrase like “We can also assume that he’s tapped a considerable amount of interplanetary ass?” We’ll tell you: you can’t. Enjoy.
Stay with it through the end
Don’t let bod-mod envy ruin your entire day, a view of future reality-TV from Lore Sjoberg. It’s the last bit that’s the best.
Wow, Florida sucks AGAIN
Orlando is shameful, and Fred makes it very, very clear.
Apparently, it’s now illegal to feed the homeless in Orlando without a permit, and only two such permits will be given to any given group in a year. This is seriously stupid shit, and pretty damn far from anything any normal human would recognize as just, wise, or reasonable. From the story:
Undercover officers filmed the food line, meticulously counting Montanez serving “30 unidentified persons food from a large pot utilizing a ladle,” according to an arrest affidavit.
Police approached Montanez and asked for his identification. They considered issuing him a summons on the misdemeanor count, but when he tossed his ID, police took him into custody, the affidavit says.
Jonathan Giralt, 16, a Boone High School junior who was near Montanez, disagreed with the police account. He and other volunteers said the activist showed his ID and complied with police orders.
“I was like, OK, this guy [Montanez] is going to be arrested for absolutely nothing,” Jonathan said. “It makes me feel unsafe.”
Police also collected a vial of stew as evidence.
Whisky. Tango. Foxtrot.
ToDo List: 25 Great Beers
Shockingly, we don’t think we’ve had any of these, though Mrs. Heathen noticed Ommegang Hennepin on tap at Kramerbooks in DC last weekend. (We’ve certainly had beers from some of these producers — Dogfish, Rogue, Full Sail, Sam Adams — but not these specific offerings.)
Damn.
Kurt Vonnegut died yesterday. 1922 – 2007. Damn.
In case you weren’t pissed off enough
American Mugabe, via the former Captain Telescope.
(How do you not love an article that includes, untranslated, Cave! Hic dragones!?)
Sure, it’s a little late, but we figure it’s still useful
Check out Popular Mechanics Top 6 Computers of 1982, via BoingBoing.
Best part: even in 1982, PopMech knew DRM was shit:
It used to be that programs were easy to copy and change. But manufacturers began to lose money as many people made copies of software and gave them to their friends. Now, many manufacturers have figured out how to ‘copy-protect’ discs. A copy-protected disc-like a cartridge–can’t be copied or changed. To our mind this is a disaster: Most people learn programming by changing programs to fit their own needs. This capability of customization is what makes computers so attractive. New ways of copy protection will probably be found soon. Until then, a computer owner may have to put up with being ‘locked out’ of his own machine.
For the record, their top 6 were:
- IBM PC
- Apple ][
- Commodore PET
- TI 99/4A
- Atari 800
- Radio Shack TRS-80
Said of the IBM, “If interest holds, could be a contender by year end.” Heh. (Drink, Jeff.)
Dear George: Lee Iacocca thinks you’re a prick
More from BB: Lee’s written a book called Where have all the leaders gone? that appears to be a withering indictment of Bushism:
Am I the only guy in this country who’s fed up with what’s happening? Where the hell is our outrage? We should be screaming bloody murder. We’ve got a gang of clueless bozos steering our ship of state right over a cliff, we’ve got corporate gangsters stealing us blind, and we can’t even clean up after a hurricane much less build a hybrid car. But instead of getting mad, everyone sits around and nods their heads when the politicians say, “Stay the course.”
Stay the course? You’ve got to be kidding. This is America, not the damned Titanic. I’ll give you a sound bite: Throw the bums out!
You might think I’m getting senile, that I’ve gone off my rocker, and maybe I have. But someone has to speak up. I hardly recognize this country anymore. The President of the United States is given a free pass to ignore the Constitution, tap our phones, and lead us to war on a pack of lies. Congress responds to record deficits by passing a huge tax cut for the wealthy (thanks, but I don’t need it). The most famous business leaders are not the innovators but the guys in handcuffs. While we’re fiddling in Iraq, the Middle East is burning and nobody seems to know what to do. And the press is waving pom-poms instead of asking hard questions. That’s not the promise of America my parents and yours traveled across the ocean for. I’ve had enough. How about you?
I’ll go a step further. You can’t call yourself a patriot if you’re not outraged. This is a fight I’m ready and willing to have.
We’re pretty sure destroying evidence is still a crime
Remember how the too-clever-by-half GOP types at the White House were using offsite email accounts for most of their communication to shield them from government oversight?
Well, the first fun bit was that since they weren’t official White House email accounts, they weren’t subject to Executive Privilege protection. But that’s okay, apparently, because — shocker! — it turns out the emails have been lost, presumably in some weird twist of fate, not unlike the 18 minute gap in the Watergate tapes. More here.