Today’s Quote

Pointed out by My Attorney:

Don’t you drink? I notice you speak slightingly of the bottle. I have drunk since I was fifteen and few things have given me more pleasure. When you work hard all day with your head and know you must work again the next day what else can change your ideas and make them run on a different plane like whisky? When you are cold and wet what else can warm you? Before an attack who can say anything that gives you the momentary well-being that rum does? The only time it isn’t good for you is when you write or when you fight. You have to do that cold. But it always helps my shooting. Modern life, too, is often a mechanical oppression and liquor is the only mechanical relief. Ernest Hemingway (1899-1961)

Speak slightingly of the bottle? Not I. Cheers.

Dept. of Inconveniently-Placed Beeping Devices & the Maintenance Thereof

My house has very tall ceilings on the second and third floors, which means very inconveniently placed smoke detectors. In our bedroom, the device is about twelve feet up, if not more. This is, of course, exactly where you want such a device, but this is not without its challenges.

As I am not twelve feet tall, I had not bothered to inspect said detector since moving in. I could see a red light, and assumed all was well. They’re integral detectors with a backup battery, so drain on the battery is presumably quite low — so low, in fact, that it took more than three years for the battery to began circling the drain, emitting its beep occasionally and irregularly, but (mostly) not at night.

We, of course, ignored it.

As the beep became more frequent and persistent, we began asking friends about borrowing ladders, but the logistics were always a bit ugly — neither Erin nor I own a car that can transport an extension ladder long enough to reach the detector. The best option seemed to be walking such a ladder over from Chris and Joann’s place, about half a mile away — a plan that was appealing on a surreal level, at least. (“Where are you going with that ladder?” “What ladder?”)

Saturday night, the beeps reached a fever pitch. Around 4:00 AM, we decamped to the spare bedroom and promised ourselves we’d resolve the battery issue on Sunday, and that we did. At Home Depot — previously maligned in this space, you may recall — we located a weird sort of hybrid ladder made by Gorilla (not “made by A gorilla,” mind you) that manages to be both an extension ladder and a stepladder. It’s quite a clever animal, and compact to boot — in its extension form, it’s good for eighteen feet, but is only about five and a half feet long when fully folded; a similar extension ladder would be twice as long. It wasn’t cheap — $200, vs. about $120-$150 for a regular extension ladder — but the added flexibility more than compensates. It’s certainly cheaper than owning BOTH types, and takes up less space to boot.

Of course, this development makes me wonder how long ladders as a category have gone without significant advances in design or materials. Certainly extension ladders became more viable at greater lengths as materials got lighter and stronger, but they’re still fundamentally a straight-line unsupported ladder, and I’d be willing to guess such devices have been around for thousands of years. In any case, it appears that the Gorilla is the result not of material science advances, but of simple human cleverness, and that appeals to this here geek.

More on the Feds and “States’ Rights”

Two defendents apparently winning their medical pot case in California court have been arrested by the Feds to stand trial under Federal laws, which of course don’t recognize California’s decision to allow medical use.

While their defense attorneys were meeting in the judge’s chambers to discuss the case with Tehama County assistant district attorney Lynn Strom, Strom announced that she was dropping the state charges because Davidson and Blake were being arrested in the courtroom on a federal indictment.

Good God, when will this kind of crap stop? Actually, I know the answer: never, unless we get ideologues out of the White House and DOJ. Remember this in November.

Dept. of Weasly Moves

So far, I’ve been silent on the recess appointment of my cousin Charles Pickering (his father and my great-grandmother were siblings) to the 5th Circuit. I’ve said before he was getting a bad rap, and that Bush’s other right-winger judicial nominees (some openly hostile to the idea of Constitutional Privacy altogether, which is to say hostile to not just Roe but also Griswold) were a much greater cause for concern. Judge Pickering is a Republican, of course, but we can hardly expect progressive judicial nominations from a neocon-dominated administration. I do believe he is a fair jurist, and that he’s been treated very poorly by the political process — though I understand why, too; it’s a bed the GOP made for eight years.

In any case, I think, perhaps, I can say all I need to say on the subject of the recess appointment with this quote:

“Any appointment of a federal judge during a recess should be opposed.” Sen. Trent Lott (R-MS) opposing the appointment of an African American judge, December 2000

I agree, Trent. It does seems wrong, doesn’t it?

Dept. of Whales

Some tourists saw some killer whales off Port Aransas this weekend.

That’s Port Aransas, TEXAS. Who knew? Well, apparently several people; the article notes that they suspect about 70 of ’em live in the Gulf, but they’re not often seen. Neat. Just don’t tell the game and fish commission, or some good ol’ boy will try to hook one.

Oh, and recognizing that this is a story linked to a TV station’s web site, let’s try not to imagine the dialog surrounding this story during whatever newscast it graced, since it almost certainly included “Some local fisherman had a whale of a time on Sunday…” Gack.

Film Department

What we saw
Patty Jenkins’ Monster, a sort of biopic about Aileen Wuornos, a murdering hooker from Florida executed in 2001.
What we’d say if we were being really, really flip
“It’s the most romantic movie about serial killers EVER.”
One reason why that’s wrong
Despite claims to the contrary, Wuornos wasn’t really a “serial killer” in the sense of Berkowitz, Dahmer, etc. She maintained relationships with other humans she didn’t kill; she killed to cover up theft (dead men tell no tales) than as an end unto itself; her crimes lacked the broken-sexuality component common to the genre, etc. Of course, that means she just killed a bunch of people without being completely nutso, which is hardly better.
Another reason why that’s wrong
Since the definition of “serial killers” in use here is at best flawed, shouldn’t we also consider Badlands and Bonnie and Clyde?
The answer to that
No.
Notwithstanding that, then, yet another reason that doesn’t work
Wuornos’ lover was the star witness against her in her trial, though the circumstances of that are complex to say the least.
Okay, smartass, what makes this movie so great?
Charlize Theron, beyond a shadow of a doubt, turns in a performance unequalled in recent memory. Think DeNiro in Raging Bull and Taxi Driver. Think Will Smith in Ali, even if you didn’t see it (trust us) (and even if you think we’re weird for listing two boxing flicks). Think Billy Bob Thornton in Sling Blade. It’s like that. Theron has done a load of work trading on her looks. She’s gorgeous, she’s tall, and she’s foreign. Unfortunately, she did movies like 2 Days in the Valley and Devil’s Advocate, and last year’s awful remake of The Italian Job that would lead you to believe she’s just another pretty face in Hollywood, a woman sure to make a splash on red carpets for a year or two, and just as sure to vanish without a trace soon enough. No, I don’t think so. Not now. The red-carpet Theron is nowhere to be seen; in her place is someone entirely different. She nails the accent, the body language — the swagger of the permanent loser is perfect. Even her height isn’t glamorous here; it’s played for freak value. Theron towers over Christina Ricci, who plays Wuornos’ love interest (and, amazingly, manages not to be completely overshadowed).
So who else is in this flick?
Bruce Dern, playing what may be the best almagamation of all crazy-Bruce-Dern-roles. Wild-haired and in a surplus jacket, he’s a crazed Vietnam vet who understands Wuornos’ career choice, at least until she starts knocking off the johns.
So where’s it playing?
In Houston, at the Angelika. Elsewhere, do a search.

CBS, the Super Bowl, MoveOn.org, and “Issue Ads”

It’s well documented at this point that CBS has refused to carry an anti-Bush ad by the progressive group MoveOn.org during the Super Bowl on the grounds that they don’t run “issue ads.”

Er, right. Of course, they do plan to run one of those hamhanded, ridiculous, Office of National Drug Control Policy ads, which I’m pretty sure counts as an “issue ad.”

Lessig points out why we ought to be concerned about this.

Dept. of Amusing Trademark Defense

Adobe actually has a page on its site detailing the proper use of the word “Photoshop.” Hint: you must not use it as a verb. You shouldn’t use it without saying “Adobe” first.

Err, right. Language is always checking with corporations before evolving. Just ask Xerox. Or Kleenex.

Oh, this is rich

So, Hewlett-Packard announced that they’ll be licensing Apple’s iPod to sell as their own music device. They’re also set to preinstall iTunes for Windows on all their new PCs.

Microsoft is crying foul, complaining that this “reduces choice.” I think what they mean is “reduces our complete control.”

Dept. of Internal Criticism

An Army War College report presents a scathing critique of the scope of the “Global War On Terrorism” and the distraction of the Iraqi invasion.

It seems certain that we’ll see a news item noting that its author has been dismissed within a fortnight.

Dept. of Unsurprising Revelations

In the last week or so, some interesting bits have come to light regarding Saddam, Iraq, and the alleged Weapons of Mass Destruction — those selfsame weapons that Tony Blair said could be launched with 45 minutes’ notice.

First, an exhaustive report appeared in the Washington Post firmly establishing that any WMD arsenal in Iraq was on paper only. Previous announcements by Bush that we had located “mobile weapons labs” have been termed “premature,” “embarrassing,” and “a fiasco” by David Kay, former head of the Iraq Survey Group. Those trailers, it seems, were actually used for the production of helium for use in weather balloons (which the Iraqis used as artillary spotters).

Now, this week, we get former Treasury Secretary Paul O’Neill’s statement that Bush had planned to oust Saddam long before 9/11, and that the terror attacks and claims of WMD were simply means to that end. According to O’Neill, the administration’s position was “find me a way to do this.” Oddly, this story isn’t getting much play, which is bewildering to me and to the proprietor over at Whiskey Bar, who says:

Personally, I think it’s kind of a big deal when a president deliberately sets the wheels in motion to invade another country, before the events later used to justify the war have even taken place. To me that seems like a story worth pursuing.

So: No weapons exist, or are likely to be found; and a former cabinet official has publically stated that the search for such weapons was at best a pretext for a preimptive war in the works since Bush took office, long before the 9/11 attacks.

Make of this what you will.

Dept. of Wackos

We’ve all seen plenty of far-right fundie websites complaining about short-haired women, or women who wear pants, or versions of the Bible other than the King James, but the folks at DemonBuster.com take the prize, but only because they’re such a throwback. Basically, everything bad is because of EVIL SPIRITS and DEMONS. Have a look at what they have to say about:

Finally, I’m sure Frank will be happy to know that they’ve done extensive research into the area of diabetes. As it happens, it’s caused by a 10-armed squid demon, which you’ll need to cast out instead of piercing your flesh with those needles, because eventually you’ll have to get the mark of the beast to get that insulin, and then where will you be?

Now a squid has ten (10) arms and an octopus has eight (8) arms. In the study of mind control we found out there was an octopus type spirit with 8 arms. With a squid type spirit it has 10 arms and such is the case with the spirit of DIABETES.

You can’t make this shit up.

Son of Patriot II

Wired News is reporting on the Administration’s newest power grab, the Intelligence Authorization Act for Fiscal Year 2004, which grants the FBI access to financial records without judicial oversight. The law also, of course, prohibits intitutions from disclosing that the Feds are sniffing around, natch.

The bill passed the House in November with no uproar at all — it’s of course part of a larger bill with politically untouchable provisions. The Senate approved it on a “voice vote,” which means there’s no record of how our representatives voted.

From the Wired News piece:

But Rep. Betty McCollum (D-Minnesota), who opposed the legislation, told the House, “It is clear the Republican leadership and the administration would rather expand on the USA Patriot Act through deception and secrecy than debate such provisions in an open forum.”

This Must Stop.

Absurdly Brief Reviews of Movies Watched While Sick, 1/1/04 – 1/4/04

New Rose Hotel
The Tivo grabbed this on its own. I’d never heard of it, but it starred Willem Dafoe and Christopher Walken, so I kept it around six months before I watched it. As it happens, its based on a very short piece by William Gibson. It’s not terribly good, but it’s not outright bad, either. The lead comment at IMDB calls it an “interesting mess,” which is fair.
Confessions of a Dangerous Mind
Who knew George Clooney could direct? The Charlie Kaufman script helps, I’m sure, as does the cast — Sam Rockwell is brilliant, as are Drew Barrymore and Clooney himself. Was Chuck Barris a CIA hitman? Who knows. It hardly matters. The end result is a splendid film.
The Bourne Identity
Drastically better than I expected. Damon sells action in a way that Affleck cannot. Foolishly, I watched the extra behind-the-scenes featurette on the DVD, wherein they refer to how “new” and “fresh” this film is — which is sort of odd, since the same source material was used for a 1988 TV version starring Richard Chamberlin.
Hulk
Ang Lee can do no wrong, but his casting director fucked him. Neither Eric Bana nor Jennifer Connelly can act for shit; only Sam Elliot is right for his role as “Thunderbolt” Ross. There’s also a fantastic moment when Stan Lee and Lou Ferrigno make cameo appearances as security guards. Worth my time, but not spectacular.
D.O.A. (1949)
Noir on parade, complete with femme fatale and snappy dialog. Frankly, the 1988 version is probably better, but isn’t really noir. The 1949 film is an excellent time capsule, and was well worth my time.
Next of Kin
Sue me. I’m sick. It’s one of my favorite bad movies. Oddly, I’m not sure if I’ve ever seen the whole thing before today, since I didn’t realize that its cast includes not just an up-to-then unknown Liam Neeson, but also small roles by Helen Hunt, Bill Paxton, and Ben Stiller.
Best In Show (partial)
Yes. Christopher Guest’s accent more than makes up for Neeson’s (above).
Narc
Essentially a debut by Joe Carnahan, this one was made for virtually nothing pretty much because Ray Liotta got involved. Eventually, Tom Cruise took on a production role, Jason Patric signed on, and they had a movie on their hands. It’s a dirty-cop drama, but a very good one. Liotta and Patric turn in great performances, and the cinematography is outstanding.

Next up: Far From Heaven.I mean, after I work some, and watch some bad TV, and sit on the couch sneezing and coughing.