Dept. of Amusing Trademark Defense

Adobe actually has a page on its site detailing the proper use of the word “Photoshop.” Hint: you must not use it as a verb. You shouldn’t use it without saying “Adobe” first.

Err, right. Language is always checking with corporations before evolving. Just ask Xerox. Or Kleenex.

Oh, this is rich

So, Hewlett-Packard announced that they’ll be licensing Apple’s iPod to sell as their own music device. They’re also set to preinstall iTunes for Windows on all their new PCs.

Microsoft is crying foul, complaining that this “reduces choice.” I think what they mean is “reduces our complete control.”

Dept. of Internal Criticism

An Army War College report presents a scathing critique of the scope of the “Global War On Terrorism” and the distraction of the Iraqi invasion.

It seems certain that we’ll see a news item noting that its author has been dismissed within a fortnight.

Dept. of Unsurprising Revelations

In the last week or so, some interesting bits have come to light regarding Saddam, Iraq, and the alleged Weapons of Mass Destruction — those selfsame weapons that Tony Blair said could be launched with 45 minutes’ notice.

First, an exhaustive report appeared in the Washington Post firmly establishing that any WMD arsenal in Iraq was on paper only. Previous announcements by Bush that we had located “mobile weapons labs” have been termed “premature,” “embarrassing,” and “a fiasco” by David Kay, former head of the Iraq Survey Group. Those trailers, it seems, were actually used for the production of helium for use in weather balloons (which the Iraqis used as artillary spotters).

Now, this week, we get former Treasury Secretary Paul O’Neill’s statement that Bush had planned to oust Saddam long before 9/11, and that the terror attacks and claims of WMD were simply means to that end. According to O’Neill, the administration’s position was “find me a way to do this.” Oddly, this story isn’t getting much play, which is bewildering to me and to the proprietor over at Whiskey Bar, who says:

Personally, I think it’s kind of a big deal when a president deliberately sets the wheels in motion to invade another country, before the events later used to justify the war have even taken place. To me that seems like a story worth pursuing.

So: No weapons exist, or are likely to be found; and a former cabinet official has publically stated that the search for such weapons was at best a pretext for a preimptive war in the works since Bush took office, long before the 9/11 attacks.

Make of this what you will.

Dept. of Wackos

We’ve all seen plenty of far-right fundie websites complaining about short-haired women, or women who wear pants, or versions of the Bible other than the King James, but the folks at DemonBuster.com take the prize, but only because they’re such a throwback. Basically, everything bad is because of EVIL SPIRITS and DEMONS. Have a look at what they have to say about:

Finally, I’m sure Frank will be happy to know that they’ve done extensive research into the area of diabetes. As it happens, it’s caused by a 10-armed squid demon, which you’ll need to cast out instead of piercing your flesh with those needles, because eventually you’ll have to get the mark of the beast to get that insulin, and then where will you be?

Now a squid has ten (10) arms and an octopus has eight (8) arms. In the study of mind control we found out there was an octopus type spirit with 8 arms. With a squid type spirit it has 10 arms and such is the case with the spirit of DIABETES.

You can’t make this shit up.

Son of Patriot II

Wired News is reporting on the Administration’s newest power grab, the Intelligence Authorization Act for Fiscal Year 2004, which grants the FBI access to financial records without judicial oversight. The law also, of course, prohibits intitutions from disclosing that the Feds are sniffing around, natch.

The bill passed the House in November with no uproar at all — it’s of course part of a larger bill with politically untouchable provisions. The Senate approved it on a “voice vote,” which means there’s no record of how our representatives voted.

From the Wired News piece:

But Rep. Betty McCollum (D-Minnesota), who opposed the legislation, told the House, “It is clear the Republican leadership and the administration would rather expand on the USA Patriot Act through deception and secrecy than debate such provisions in an open forum.”

This Must Stop.

Absurdly Brief Reviews of Movies Watched While Sick, 1/1/04 – 1/4/04

New Rose Hotel
The Tivo grabbed this on its own. I’d never heard of it, but it starred Willem Dafoe and Christopher Walken, so I kept it around six months before I watched it. As it happens, its based on a very short piece by William Gibson. It’s not terribly good, but it’s not outright bad, either. The lead comment at IMDB calls it an “interesting mess,” which is fair.
Confessions of a Dangerous Mind
Who knew George Clooney could direct? The Charlie Kaufman script helps, I’m sure, as does the cast — Sam Rockwell is brilliant, as are Drew Barrymore and Clooney himself. Was Chuck Barris a CIA hitman? Who knows. It hardly matters. The end result is a splendid film.
The Bourne Identity
Drastically better than I expected. Damon sells action in a way that Affleck cannot. Foolishly, I watched the extra behind-the-scenes featurette on the DVD, wherein they refer to how “new” and “fresh” this film is — which is sort of odd, since the same source material was used for a 1988 TV version starring Richard Chamberlin.
Hulk
Ang Lee can do no wrong, but his casting director fucked him. Neither Eric Bana nor Jennifer Connelly can act for shit; only Sam Elliot is right for his role as “Thunderbolt” Ross. There’s also a fantastic moment when Stan Lee and Lou Ferrigno make cameo appearances as security guards. Worth my time, but not spectacular.
D.O.A. (1949)
Noir on parade, complete with femme fatale and snappy dialog. Frankly, the 1988 version is probably better, but isn’t really noir. The 1949 film is an excellent time capsule, and was well worth my time.
Next of Kin
Sue me. I’m sick. It’s one of my favorite bad movies. Oddly, I’m not sure if I’ve ever seen the whole thing before today, since I didn’t realize that its cast includes not just an up-to-then unknown Liam Neeson, but also small roles by Helen Hunt, Bill Paxton, and Ben Stiller.
Best In Show (partial)
Yes. Christopher Guest’s accent more than makes up for Neeson’s (above).
Narc
Essentially a debut by Joe Carnahan, this one was made for virtually nothing pretty much because Ray Liotta got involved. Eventually, Tom Cruise took on a production role, Jason Patric signed on, and they had a movie on their hands. It’s a dirty-cop drama, but a very good one. Liotta and Patric turn in great performances, and the cinematography is outstanding.

Next up: Far From Heaven.I mean, after I work some, and watch some bad TV, and sit on the couch sneezing and coughing.