How can you tell the TSA is full of shit?

They’re talking. Check out “Full-body scanners improve security, TSA says” at CNN; it’s chock full of bullshit.

  1. “Full-body imaging machines that see through clothes have significantly improved security in airports where they are deployed, and have revealed more than 60 “artfully concealed” illegal or prohibited items in the past year, the Transportation Security Administration says.” This is dishonesty via implication; certainly people take things on planes TSA has prohibited. They do it because the TSA’s regulations are bullshit, and they do it with no plans for anything more nefarious than trimming their nails or cutting open boxes while they’re traveling. This supposed catch of 60 items doesn’t translate into 60 thwarted plots. It translates to zero thwarted plots. Improved compliance will bullshit rules just gets us more bullshit.

  2. “As evidence of the machines’ capabilities, the security agency released five photos of drugs or suspected drugs that airport screeners found after scans revealed anomalies on the ghost-like images of people’s bodies. The agency said metal detectors would not have revealed the items.” This is completely irrelevant. The TSA’s job isn’t to search for contraband. The TSA’s job is (supposedly) to check for safety. They have no mandate to pat us down for drugs, and no business doing so.

At least the article points out an opposing view, from John Perry Barlow:

But some passengers say the machine’s capabilities are presenting new Fourth Amendment questions about the government’s searches, saying the machines — in detecting very small objects — are subjecting passengers to scrutiny beyond what is needed to safeguard the plane.

“I can’t imaging an explosive that is powerful enough in that [tea-bag size] quantity to endanger an aircraft,” said John Perry Barlow, a former Grateful Dead lyricist who once took the TSA to court after a search of his checked luggage revealed a small amount of drugs.

“Every time technology makes another leap forward, we have to reclaim the Fourth Amendment, and often we have to reclaim the entire Bill of Rights, because technology gives us powers that were not envisioned by the Founding Fathers,” Barlow said.

I recently encountered some of these no doubt very expensive machines in Kansas City. They’re a complete waste of time and money, and materially increase the amount of time and hassle required to get on an airplane. Somebody needs to put the kibosh on these things quick, but that won’t happen — I’m sure palms have been greased, explicitly or implicitly. The TSA gets to point at these machines and say “look what we’re doing!”, and most people will believe them. And the scanner makers laugh all the way to the goddamn bank while those of us just trying to travel pay the price.

It’s almost ten years later, and we’re still freaking out so much I can’t help but imagine Osama chuckling in his cave over all this. Jesus.

Game over, man! Game over!

It should come as no surprise to any of you that the background music for the Bill Paxton Pinball Machine is, at least part of the time, How Can The Laboring Man Find Time For Self Culture.

It should go without saying that any such machine — featuring as it does “Big Love” multi-ball mode — must obviously be the best example of pinball ever created. A shame there’s only one of them. There’s video, by the way.

(Obvious choice for alternate post title: “You’re stewed, dickwad.”)

Oh, Fox. Stay classy.

Fox has got Sarah Palin tied to some interview show, but they’re using interviews conducted quite some time ago by people other than Palin as filler. Douchey, right? It gets better: it turns out some of those interviewees aren’t too keen on being associated with Palin. One of the folks they picked was LL Cool J, who took exception to his association with the rightwingnut on Twitter:

Fox lifted an old interview I gave in 2008 to someone else & are misrepresenting to the public in order to promote Sarah Palins Show. WOW

Fox responded with predictable maturity:

Real American Stories features uplifting tales about overcoming adversity and we believe Mr. Smith’s interview fit that criteria. However, as it appears that Mr. Smith does not want to be associated with a program that could serve as an inspiration to others, we are cutting his interview from the special and wish him the best with his fledgling acting career.

Note their absolute insistence on missing the point (LL doesn’t want to be associated with Palin, or with an enterprise that makes money for Palin); they instead suggest he’s somehow anti-hero. But the best part is their persistent usage of “Mr. Smith” (LL’s actual name is Jason Todd Smith), and their junior-high mean-girls-bitchy crack about his “fledgling” acting career. News flash, Fox: LL started acting before you existed; his first credit is from 1986. But we know how hard it is for Fox News to do something as basic as check facts, so knock yourself out.

Now it appears that Toby Keith is also not happy about his inclusion. DeLIGHTful.