INXS is seeking to fill their 7-year-old lead singer opening with a reality show.
Sure, but can it drink beer afterwards?
Scientists have created a rock-climbing robot. (See also video thereof.)
It may climb, but I’m damn sure not letting it belay.
Is “stalkeriffic” a word?
Because if it is, we’re pretty sure it applies to BloodyFingerMail.com.
Keep watching these bastards. There’s no telling what they’ll do.
Like, say, slip deeply scary Patriot II provisions into an appropriations bill.
Dept. of Strange Bedfellows
This may be the only time you hear us say this, but “way to go, Jon Bon Jovi!”
In which we notice that we’ve been geeks for a long, long time
On another online forum, someone noted that they felt terribly old when visiting a computing museum, as some of the software displayed in glass cases included code they’d written. Ouch.
I’ve not been around quite that long, but the comment did make me realize that my first computer — 16KB of RAM, 6502-based, no disk drive — is almost certainly the single most primitive piece of electronics in my home, exceeded in all meaningful capacities by such heavyweights as my Tivo, our new stove, the toaster, various calculators, what-passes-for-a-Walkman-these-days, and who knows what else. That our phones are smarter is no surprise, either; my handhelds have exceeded its meager profile for years (the new one sports 20MB or so of internal RAM, plus an expansion card of 256MB).
A slightly more amusing development is that you may now get watches and pens with more memory than that computer by several orders of magnitude (for the watch, the difference is 32,000x). Of course, since those are two areas where I prefer simple mechanical devices, the old TRS-80 is spared at least that humiliation.
What Heathen Central’s Street Looked Like Yesterday
That’s Associate Heathen Elf’s car on the right. At its peak, the water was about 18 inches in places, and left a highwater mark 4 or so feet up the driveway. Allison, in 2001, produced a similar phenomenon, but came about twice as far up the driveway, and ruined cars parked on Drew.
About 20 minutes after the rain stopped, the water was gone.
What a frightened GOP establishment looks like
With the President’s numbers dropping and the war in Iraq fast becoming a quagmire, the last thing the CREEP needs is Michael Moore asking embarrassing questions. They thought they might get a break when Disney refused to distribute the film, but the Weinstein brothers took care of that. Now, if this effort is any indication, the film must be very damning indeed.
In short, it’s one of those astroturf initiatives. And the guy running it is the same fellow behind the campaign to kill CBS’ biopic of Reagan, which was deemed unsufficiently hagiographic. His site here is more of the same; the film is “anti-American,” and Moore hates America and our troops, etc., so why would anyone want to see this movie? They’re up front about wanting to “stop Michael Moore,” which has a somewhat disturbing ring to it for anyone who’s read the Bill of Rights; that providing a critique of policy might be a duty of a free nation’s citizenry appears to escape this particular portion of the right.
I’m typically no big fan of Moore, but I’m looking forward to this film.
In which we point out what nutbirds the Texas GOP are
Salon’s article on the platform of the Texas GOP would be hilarious if it weren’t for the actual platform. They call for the abolition of, amoung other programs, the Department of Education, and insists on the repeal of laws making voter registration easier (such as Motor Voter laws). Oh, and they affirm that the US is a “Christian nation,” contrary to the ideals of the Founders, natch.
Remember what you’re voting for when you vote for these clowns. Fortunately, there’s more than enough infighting this year to cause ’em some internal strife; keep your fingers crossed.
As if being a Netscape millionaire and net.celeb weren’t enough
JWZ posts the best pix.
Apparently the dog told him to blog, too.
David Berkowitz has been denied parole for the second time on Wednesday. The board gave no reason beyond, I suppose, Berkowitz being batshit crazy.
In a related — and disturbing — bit of news, it seems ol’ Son of Sam has a blog.
Sure to be overshadowed by all the gipperlickering
Ray Charles died today at his Beverly Hills home. He was 73.
Heathen provides this memento to commemorate his passing. (1mb WAV)
What else did we expect in a Red state?
Houston finally gets an official, sanctioned dog park, and (1) they put it out in west hell and (2) they name it after some Bush bitch.
We hear they’re banning dancing, too
The school administrators in this story clearly have NO SOUL.
This is absolutely, completely, and totally the worst thing ever posted here.
Seriously. It’s worse than the Realdoll links. It’s worse than the bad music. It’s more offensive than any of the right-wing tomfoolery on here. You really don’t want to look at this. Seriously. I mean it.
But here it is anyway.
Because, you know, regular doorbells are BORING
Sigh. Just wait until Erin sees these.
Point by point on the Torture Memo
See Discourse.net, where the first 56 (redacted) pages are reviewed point by point. It makes for interesting reading.
In response to the IM we got today about “gipperlickers”
The Village Voice’s Tom Carson weighs in on the Reagon lovefest.
We’d care more, we’re sure, if we needed any to put in our whisky
So what is it, pop or soda?
“What would constitute some really freaky shit?”
Another torture memo has surfaced. Supposedly. (Heh.)
We know about good intentions and all, but there’s no way this won’t suck
Ulysses: the Film.
In which we discuss the efficacy and fidelity of various MIDI ringtone translations of popular songs from myt610.net
- She Blinded Me With Science
- 1980s synth-pop makes the leap quite well, which is really no surprise because I’m reasonably certain 21st century phones are better synths than 1980s keyboards.
- “Hawaii 5-0” theme
- Shockingly good, but probably only because it’s so cheesy.
- Dust in the Wind
- No. Just no.
- “Law & Order” theme
- Despite an obvious surplus of free time on someone’s behalf, this one sucked, too.
- Frankenstein (Edgar Winter Group)
- Oh, yeah.
- Get Yer Freak On
- Certain persons have made it known that they don’t like the fact that this is the ring my phone emits when they call.
- Sweet Home Alabama
- Awful. Terrible. Cheeseball central. But it’s staying, if only to attach to Brad.
- Relax
- See “She Blinded me…”, supra.
- Another Brick In The Wall
- I’m keeping this if only to use when teachers call me.
- Edmund Fitzgerald
- Even “Dust in the Wind” was better.
- Aqualung
- Worse than “Edmund”.
For 3 years, they’ve said this flight didn’t happen
Now, finally, TIA has come clean about the flight from Tampa to Lexington on September 13, 2001, that helped spirit Saudi nationals out of the country. There’s more to this than meets the eye, I’ll wager.
Just what we need: the GOP *more* in bed with the Religious Right
An omnibus “jobs creation” bill in the House would drastically reduce the restrictions on church-based political activity (currently, church leaders that openly support candidates risk losing their tax-exempt status). Josh Marshall has more.
What happens when Politics trumps Science
Bruce Sterling explains the results with a primer on Lysenkoism over at Wired. Read it.
Dept. of Sites Bound to Eat All Kinds of Time
Got a Sony Ericsson T610? You’ll love this site, which is chock full of ringtones, wallpaper, themes and tools. Hint: 80s techno and synth-pop translates very well to MIDI.
Angry Alien comes through again
First, she gave us the Exorcist, and then the Shining, and now…
(Wait for it…)
Titanic. In 30 seconds. Re-enacted by bunnies.
While you’re there, don’t miss Amy’s Diary.
Rick wonders if this should even exist, let alone be publicized
Few saw Houston power-satire duo Lady and the Mant during their brief reign of the Bayou City’s coffee-house-and-pool-hall circuit, but those who did saw something extraordinary, or did until they ran away screaming. At least one is a broken shell of a man, reduced to posting snarky commentary on web sites.
Right.
Anyway, it’s come to our attention that the album is available, should you feel the need.
In which we taunt the afflicted
Over here at Heathen Central, one aspect of modern life that never fails to amuse is the sheer existence of the Lifetime network. I mean, what’s NOT funny about a network so full of “colon” movies? You know the type: <Scary Title> : The <Minor Celeb> Story. Even better are those titles on the “Baby Monitor: Sound of Fear” pattern. You don’t even have to watch these things to know they’re bad; you’ve got all you need in the title (and, perhaps, the highly-tauted presence of Meredith Baxter-Birney).
All this being the case, then, it should come as no surprise that this page seems to us like complete self-parody.
Heh.
There are those who say that Ashcroft’s terror briefing last week was over the top and needlessly alarmist, but I think they’re just whining.
Not that we want to speak ill of the dead, but a little balance is in order
Slacktivist provides three counterpoints to the ongoing Reagan hagiography machine.
Krugman over at the Times has more to say on the subject, wherein he sets the record straight on a number of points.
Yet another reason to avoid Windows
The Register covers a study reporting that 80% of all spam is generated by infected Windows PCs (i.e., “zombies”).
Here’s something we can be proud of. Not.
Remember all the criticism leveled at Clinton because of his lawyerly circumlocutions and overly-technical answers during the Lewinsky depositions? I sure hope the GOP does, because there’s a Pentagon memo from March 2003 that uses just such tortured logic and hyperlegalistic techniques to find a way around the laws prohibiting torture of prisoners. This puts us in the mind of the Daily Show’s Rob Corddry, who said of the Abu Graib pictures
There’s no question what took place in that prison was horrible. But the Arab world has to realize that the US shouldn’t be judged on the actions of a . . . well, we shouldn’t be judged on actions. It’s our principles that matter, our inspiring, abstract notions. Remember: Just because torturing prisoners is something we did, doesn’t mean it’s something we would do. Quoted here
The hits just keep on coming, though. Billmon did a little research into the primary author of this memo, an apparently devout and conservative Christian woman, and contrasts her personal statements of faith and such with the language of the memo. The difference, needless to say, is quite shocking. As a sample, here’s his final pairing:
Walker: “Making moral decisions in the workplace where it is easy to go along and get along takes courage. It takes moral strength and courage to say, ‘I’m not going to do this because I don’t think it’s the right thing to do.’ ” The report: Officials could escape torture convictions by arguing that they were following superior orders, since such orders “may be inferred to be lawful” and are “disobeyed at the peril of the subordinate.” Billmon, supra
Billmon’s not alone, of course; Josh Marshall’s post on the subject points to a Wall Street Journal article (paid registration required) that begins “Bush administration lawyers contended last year that the president wasn’t bound by laws prohibiting torture and that government agents who might torture prisoners at his direction couldn’t be prosecuted by the Justice Department.” Think about that for a minute. Actually, the memo itself includes the real money shot here:
To protect subordinates should they be charged with torture, the memo advised that Mr. Bush issue a “presidential directive or other writing” that could serve as evidence, since authority to set aside the laws is “inherent in the president.”WSJ
Yes, that’s right. This memo asserts that the president’s powers extend to setting aside laws. Their copy of the Constitution must have some additional articles or something, because I don’t recall that being part of the deal. Josh has this to say:
So the right to set aside law is “inherent in the president”. That claim alone should stop everyone in their tracks and prompt a serious consideration of the safety of the American republic under this president. It is the very definition of a constitutional monarchy, let alone a constitutional republic, that the law is superior to the executive, not the other way around. This is the essence of what the rule of law means — a government of laws, not men, and all that. [Emph. added.]
The suggestions that (a) we need to find a way to make torture legal and (b) that the president may do as he pleases are patently counter to everything I know and love about this country. That a government employee working on behalf of you and I, the citizens of this great experiment in government, set about trying to justify these positions absolutely sickens me.
This is who we’re dealing with. This is who wants to run the country for another four years, this time with no worries about re-election. If they’re pushing the Constitution this far now, consider what they might do as lame ducks.
In which we are vexed and confused by other cultures
This Spanish Flash game involves trying to get a cow into a rest room, much to the consternation of the woman already there.
We blame Rob.
Lest we forget
We woke at Heathen Central today to the news that Reagan’s body had finally given out; it’s a fair bet his family had their goodbyes long ago, since that’s the cruel lot for folks with Alzheimer’s. The news will be awash with coverage all day today — the Times obituary is enormous and, to this non-Reaganite, appropriately even-handed.
The real historical event to remember today, though, is not the passing of an ancient former president (he was 93). Sixty years ago today, Operation Overlord began. The logistical challenges of an invasion of that size were absurd, and the odds poor for the first few to emerge from Higgins boats on the French beaches. Still, it was in every sense what had to be done. In the short list of truly pivotal moments in the 20th century, June 6, 1944 must be near the top.
Ambrose’s definitive book is worth reading, even if you’re sick of Tom Brokow crowing about the Greatest Generation. On a page not updated since 2001, I wrote:
I suppose we all know at least a little about the subject, but Ambrose makes the whole thing real. The scale of the invasion is staggering; more ships, for example, were involved that day than existed in the whole world during Elizabeth I’s reign. Ambrose’s book is part oral history and part analysis, and the mix is almost compulsively readible. Veterans tell their stories through Ambrose, and he pulls no punches. Before Speilberg shocked audiences with the first 20 minutes of Saving Private Ryan, Ambrose painted the picture in interviews with those who were there. Ambrose also has a taste for the odd fact. I think my favorite is the story of 3 Koreans captured by American invading troops on D-Day. The German Atlantic Wall was manned largely by conscripts and captured POW’s, most of whom were guarded by actual Germans with orders to shoot if they didn’t fight (once the watchers were out of the picture, however, most of these Poles, Hungarians, Russians, etc., promptly and gleefully surrendered). These poor Koreans had, presumably, been captured by the Chinese in Korea-China skirmishes and subsequently sent to fight the Russians — who of course captured them and send them west to fight the Germans. And, of course, the Germans captured them and sent them to the doomed Atlantic Wall. The really sad part is that they were almost certainly repatriated back to Korea by the U.S., where they ended up fighting again just a few years later. Wow. (9/00)
The next time you’re in New Orleans, take a break from drinking to visit the National D-Day Museum near the French Quarter. It’s astounding.
That said, this is what WE’RE doing to honor D-Day
Working on my German car’s brakes, and then drinking Cuban beverages.
What is it with that Duchamp guy already?
I mean, is it a urinal, or is it art?
Maybe both.
The Devil You Know
A brief discussion on The Well lead me to consider my favorite devils, Satans, Lucifers, etc. IMDB is your friend.
First, there are the comedy devils:
- Mel Blanc (various WB cartoons)
- Trey Parker (South Park, 1997)
Then we’ve got traditional-film-treatments:
- Lon Chaney, Jr. (Devil’s Messenger, 1961). There’s something inevitable about this.
- Donald Pleasence (The Greatest Story Ever Told, 1965), 20 years before he chased that slasher over and over.
- Robert Judd (Crossroads, 1986). Nobody remembers him; Judd died before the film was released, but his Legbah/Scratch was pleasantly over the top. Plus, he threatened Ralph Macchio, so what’s not to like?
- Viggo Mortensen (Prophecy, 1995, opposite Christopher Walken). It’s probably best not to remind Aragorn of his past work.
- Gabriel Byrne (End of Days, 1999). Of course, Arnie wins in the film, but we all know that if he can survive the whole of the Chicago mob chasing him as a compulsive gambler and dipsomaniac, one slurring commando wouldn’t have stopped him.
A few are Just Plain Weird:
- Danny Elfman (Forbidden Zone, 1980). I think we like it better when he just writes movie music.
- John Ritter (Wholly Moses, 1980). I never saw this, but there’s pretty much no way it’s not freaky.
- Harvey Keitel (Little Nicky, 2000). You know, Keitel playing the devil ought to be scary.
In this corner, we have the combination category of Remakes-or-Women:
- Elizabeth Hurley (Bedazzled, 2000). It’s possible Hurley didn’t totally embarrass herself here, but not likely; her 1967 antecedent was Peter Cook.
- Jennifer Love Hewitt (Devil and Daniel Webster, 2001). This is sort of a sick joke, given Walter Huston’s work in the 1941 original.
And now, the winners:
- The official Heathen Filmed Satan Champ is, of course, Robert De Niro (Angel Heart, 1987). I’ll never forgive Liz for making me watch the last 15 minutes of that film first.
- Heathen passes the TV prize to Roddy McDowall (on Fantasy Island, season 4 “The Devil and Mandy Breem.”). Damn you, Roarke!
- Finally, the “Thank God I’m Legal Now, Let’s Make a Movie!” Porn Devil winner is, of course, Traci Lords (New Wave Hookers, 1985). We’ve never seen this, of course. But we’re sure we’d like it.
If it were a few years ago, we’d assume it had something to do with that Malkovich film
Our attention has been called to a job posting on Craigslist in New York, reproduced here due to its no-doubt fleeting nature.
Discerning businessman is seeking highly skilled puppeteer to provide sophisticated entertainment daily. Somewhat flexible hours, but must be willing to make a full-time commitment. You must possess:You can provide your own puppets if you wish, or you can choose from my wide selection of models. Especially seeking individuals in possession of 19th century marionettes or exotic east asian varieties. I have a reasonably sized stage (13′ x 10′) set up in my living room with a wide variety of vintage backdrops for many different stories. Serious inquiries only please. Email your resume with cover letter and photograph of puppets.
- Excellent handwork
- Familiarity with marionette, stick and shadow puppets
- Ability to adapt to unusual puppets
- Subtle mastery of character
We should send Mohney to look into this.
Sure, he’s a bum and a punk, but a bar fighter? Who knew?
I mean, we figured former Pogues frontman Shane MacGowan was pretty much always too pickled to bother with a bar fight, but maybe not.
Shane MacGowan, former singer with the Irish folk rockers The Pogues, suffered facial injuries in a beating in a central London pub, a British newspaper reported. The Evening Standard said MacGowan, 46, was attacked by two men in the Joiners Arms pub. A spokesman for St. Thomas Hospital said MacGowan was admitted but left before receiving any treatment. A Metropolitan Police spokesman said two men were questioned, released on bail and ordered to return to a police station later this month. IHT
Having seen the aforelinked documentary “If I Should Fall From Grace” — which, if you’re a Pogues fan, you should see, and which you’ll almost regret seeing — we categorically dismiss the possibility that MacGowan said something to set the other blokes off. Why? Years of drink have left him entirely unintelligable when sober, and somewhere close to Brad-Pitt-in-Snatch-land once in his cup.
Would Professor Truth Farmer Silk lie to you?
Groove on over the PlayerAppreciate.com to get your Pimp Name, bitches.
So wrong, so very wrong
The Cutie Bunch Friendly Pal Pack is not at all a children’s tale. Unless your children are particularly twisted.
It is, however, deeply funny.
Dept. of Things That Should Not Be
Keanu Reeves as John Constantine.
Apotheosis or Nadir, part 2
Blogging has been derided as navel-gazing run amuck; if that’s the case, this is either its high point or low point: Bazima presents a sort of Harper’s index of her sexual history.
In the unlikely event you HAVEN’t heard of this guy
Wired’s June issue has a story about Good Eats host and geek-celeb chef Alton Brown. Enjoy.
Is it really worse now than it used to be?
The Decemberist takes a run at describing how the Senate works today vs. how it used to work.
In which we complain, and then fix it
Last week, my Palm died. Well, not completely; the digitizer won’t recognize any input, but other than that it’s fine — where “fine” means essentially unusable, anyway. I ordered a new Zire 72 from Amazon to replace it.
That’s when I discovered something HORRIBLE.
THEY CHANGED GRAFFITI.
This is NOT okay. I know why they did it — Xerox lawsuit and all that rot
— but goddammit, I’ve been using Graffiti since it was a product you bought
to make your original Newton usable, i.e. before the original Palm Pilots hit the market, which puts my initial mastery of the single-stroke alphabet at nearly a decade ago. I
do NOT want to take the time to learn new, “more intuitive” penstrokes,
especially when “more intuitive” is code for “slower.”
Fortunately, I’m clearly not the only one in this position; if you, like me, are vexed by this development, do this:
- Acquire access to an Original Graffiti (OG?) handheld.
- Use a tool like Filez to get access to the unseen ROM files.
- Beam Graffiti Library.prc and Graffiti Library_enUS.prc to your new handheld.
- Do a soft rest on the new handheld.
Bingo! Back to OG. A hard reset — i.e., back to factory virgin status — will
restore the new machine to the new heretical Graffiti, but why would you
want to do that?
Either the apotheosis or nadir of the form; we’re not sure which
In any case: Rodeohead.
Sort of a Sniglets for the Bush administration
Adam Felber lists a few new words coined as a result of this president’s shenanigans. We can’t decide if we like “yellowcake” (a sham or conterfeit. We thought we’d found Hitler’s diary, but it was just yellowcake) or “chalabi” (to dupe an unusually trusting victim. He was so confident about his billiards skills, it was easy to chalabi him.) better.
Wherein we reveal information bound to depress
No, it’s not about politics. Or global warming. Or economic doom. Or the war in Iraq.
No, it’s about the fact that from this list, which we can assume is reasonably cannonical, we learn that Creed have sold more records than The Police, Jimi Hendrix, the Beach Boys, or the Who.
Sigh.
Seriously, though, this chart would be more interesting if there were also columns for sales per year of activity and sales per album released, and then adjust both those for marketing dollars spent.