Dept. of Excellent Customer Service

Back when Mrs Heathen and I tied the knot, we had the mandatory Williams-Sonoma registry. We got lots of lovely gifts, and some dupes, so after gift orgy subsided we took our excess bounty to the local shop to reconfigure. After we got everything we definitely wanted, we had some excess, so we did something nobody ever thinks they’ll do: we spent a bunch of money on a very attractive stainless-steel garbage can that, even worse, takes proprietary bags.

I don’t want to hurt any feelings, but this thing may be our best and most useful wedding gift, and anybody who gave us something from Wm-S can lay claim to a portion of our ongoing thanks. Bachelor that I was, I refused to spend money on something I was only going to put garbage in, so I had a nasty white plastic can from Target. It was white, and seemed to attract stains. The new one made a huge difference in the style of the kitchen, and definitely signaled some grown-up-ness. Plus, its wonderful lid is so adept at sealing in trash odor that it’s no longer obvious what we had for dinner. It’s amazing, really, and means that you needn’t waste bag capacity by immediately emptying the garbage just because you threw away fish heads, for example.

So we like it.

Anyway, it came from Wms-S, but it’s made by SimpleHuman. A couple weeks ago, it broke. Not horribly, but enough to be annoying. The lid is a tap-to-spring open kind of affair, and the mechanism to make it spring open stopped working. The seal’s still good, but you have to open it manually, which means more gross things tend to end up on the lid. Mrs Heathen called to inquire about repair, and something wonderful happened.

First, she got a real human in about 45 seconds.

Second, the real human interrupted her story to find out our mailing address. “Why?” “So we can send you your new lid.” “Don’t you need a receipt or store or a credit card number or something?” “Oh, no. You should get your replacement in a couple weeks.”

Excellent.

We love this a whole lot

You’d think that, in a post-Borat world, it would get harder for Sacha Baron Cohen to pull of his stunts, but apparently not, at least in Arkansas:

LITTLE ROCK, Ark. — Crowds in Arkansas came for the lure of cage fighting and $1 beer, but police say what they got instead was men ripping each others’ clothes off and kissing … a stunt suspected of being orchestrated by Sacha Baron Cohen of “Borat” fame.

“We had a contract for cage fighting. We were deceived,” said Dwight Duncan, president and CEO of Four States Fair Grounds in Texarkana, where the first of two Arkansas fights raised suspicions last month.

This guy is my new hero

From the News &Observer:

RALEIGH – L.F. Eason III gave up the only job he’d ever had rather than lower a flag to honor former U.S. Sen. Jesse Helms.

Eason, a 29-year veteran of the state Department of Agriculture, instructed his staff at a small Raleigh lab not to fly the U.S. or North Carolina flags at half-staff Monday, as called for in a directive to all state agencies by Gov. Mike Easley.

When a superior ordered the lab to follow the directive, Eason decided to retire rather than pay tribute to Helms. After several hours’ delay, one of Eason’s employees hung the flags at half-staff.

Bravo. His email message to co-workers is also worth reading:

“This is in no way a political decision. I simply do not feel it is appropriate to honor a person whose epitaph of government service was to have voted against or blocked every civil rights issue that came before the US Congress. His doctrine of negativity, hate, and prejudice cost North Carolina and our Nation much that we may never regain.”

Excerpts from an e-mail message that Eason sent later that same day to Gov. Mike Easley and state Agriculture Commissioner Steve Troxler:

“I made a decision to refuse to lower our flags at the NC Standards Laboratory to half mast in honor of Jesse Helms as soon as I heard of his death. I cannot in good conscience honor such a man who fought so hard against Civil and Human Rights throughout his life. Even to his death bed, he refused to apologize for the damage he caused. Now, I stand by this decision. It is a personal decision, but obviously affects my job at the lab. It has been over ruled by Division and Departmental Management and as I look out my window, I’m ashamed to see the flags lowered.

North Carolina and the US cannot escape that, at the end of the day, Jesse Helms stood for evil. It made me angry to see local flags at half mast after his death, Senator or no. I’m glad at least one person was willing to stand up to that madness.

(Hat tip to Rob.)

As it turns out, shit DOES tend to improve over time

AT least ‘lectronic stuff, anyhow.

Heathen Central’s 3rd stereo receiver — after 1988’s entry-level Pioneer (RIP) and 1992’s $1,000 Onkyo battleship (still in limited service in Heathen HQ’s office) — has gone the way of all circuits. This is somewhat irritating, since it wasn’t cheap and has been in for repairs once already despite its relative youth (b. in late 2000 or early 2001; we forget, but it was soon after our acquisition of the Steel Treehouse Lodge (tm pending)). The 2000-era box — an Arcam AVR100 — was nice enough, and did the New Fanciness of both Dolby Digital and DTS, so we were very happy with it. Except for a few things.

  • Problem the First was that, unlike some of the fancier models of its era, renaming inputs wasn’t possible. No receiver anywhere, I’m convinced, actually has the correct equipment plugged into every port, and for lots of good reasons, but having customizable text on the screen means at least some positive feedback is possible for the operator (i.e., when you’ve got the TV plugged into VCR for input-scarcity reasons, it’s nice if the screen says “TV” anyway).

  • Problem the Second was an unfortunately made bet w/r/t digital audio bus inputs. Back in the day, everything was on a pair of RCA cables, one left channel and one right, but with multichannel came the need for, well, more than that (Dolby Digital has 6 distinct channels). Digital cabling solved the problem, but there were two main contenders for plug type: Coaxial and optical. The Arcam has two coax but only one optical input, but the market has since settled on optical. Oops. Double oops since Heathen HQ has optical inputs coming from the Tivo, the XBox, and the streaming music from the Airport Express (heretofore routed through an outboard D/A; we only did cable swap between the Tivo and XBox).

  • Problem the Third was video switching, meaning the “stereo” controls both what you hear and what you see on the TV. Receivers as old as the Onkyo would try to do this, but they could only handle composite video — i.e., single-RCA plug video feeds that, quite frankly, look like ass even with plain-jane cable TV. In a world of 1080i, that’s just not enough. Even in 2000, the solution wasn’t good enough — the Aardvark will switch S-Video (good enough for standard-resolution DirecTV), but nothing better, so using the DVD player or the XBox meant switching inputs on both the receiver and the TV, which got direct feeds from the higher-resolution sources.

Combine all three of these issues, and you get a situation wherein I once typed up a three-page guide for a long-term houseguest just so she could watch TV when Mrs. Heathen and I were out.

Well, now that the Arcam’s dead, we have a new sheriff in town in a little Yamaha amp, and it gleefully solves all these problems.

  • First, inputs are re-nameable onscreen, so when you scroll the Input knob, you see a word that means something for the local setup. Even better, the Yamaha line comes with four big round buttons square in the front of the box called “Scenes;” these amount to input-and-surround-setting macros you can configure for easy access. At the Steel Treehouse Lounge, #1 is the new Tivo; #2 is the old Tivo (shut up); #3 is the DVD player on stereo-only with all DSP and processing bypassed; and #4 is for DVD movies; each of these also gets its own, human-created name, so it’s clear when you hit one of the buttons what the gig is. No muss, no fuss, and certainly no 3-page instruction manuals for visiting playwrights.

  • Second, the digital bus problem is solved in spades, again with a bit of a one-two punch. It’s got enough of the right plugs for us, which is great, but you can also reassign the higher-resolution plugs on the back (i.e., the inputs for digital audio (coax & optical), HDMI, and component video) to the input slots arbitrarily to better suit your configuration. It’s part of the same interface you use for changing input names.

  • Finally, the video switching problem is dead, dead, dead. Only two remotes live on the coffeetable now: Tivo and receiver. There’s no need to switch TV inputs now, since everything goes through the receiver — and will continue to do so well into the future. (The receiver is actually smarter than the TV now, since the 2001-era TV doesn’t know from HDMI.)

As a bonus? The Yamaha had a lower number on its price tag than either the Onkyo or the Arcam, which means it’s actually MUCH MUCH cheaper if you adjust for inflation — about half the price of the Onkyo in 2007 dollars, and 2/3 that of the Arcam.

Today

When in the Course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. — That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed.

This isn’t just what we believe. It’s what is TRUE. People have rights, period. Governments do not grant them; governments are created to secure them.

Somewhere along the way, this administration forgot — or abandoned — these ideals.

Ah, Fox. Don’t ever change, okay?

Annoyed at a perceived slight by some NYT reporters, Fox News ran photos of the men that had been edited to make them ugly — receding hairlines, yellow teeth, exaggerated features, etc. Click the link for Media Matters’ coverage, which includes side-by-side comparisons of the original photos and the Fox versions.

Dept. of Shit We Thought We’d Posted

In the afternoon of deck-clearing, we find this MeFi post which refers to this NYT story about a New York apartment remodeling job that included, unbidden, a sequence of puzzles the owners eventually figured out. There’s a slideshow as well. File under “what you can get for $8 million,” we reckon, but it’s still cool as hell. I mean, hello: secret compartments! Codes! What’s not to like?

Pay Attention

Bruce Schneier explains why killswitches are a bad idea. Basically, it comes down to a question of whether or not items you buy are owned by you, or by others.

People seem to continually forget to ask “what will happen with this new regulation or feature is misused?” when they ask for schemes like this. It’s not a question of whether it’ll be hacked; it’s a question of when.

And, ye, verily, the judical smackdown continues

From Scalzi:

With some derision for the Bush administration’s arguments, a three-judge panel said the government contended that its accusations against the detainee should be accepted as true because they had been repeated in at least three secret documents.

The court compared that to the absurd declaration of a character in the Lewis Carroll poem “The Hunting of the Snark”: “I have said it thrice: What I tell you three times is true.”

“This comes perilously close to suggesting that whatever the government says must be treated as true,” said the panel of the Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia Circuit.

You may want to check those figures, Howie

Via John Gruber’s Daring Fireball, we find this amusing story, wherein Sony CEO Howard Stringer contrasts Apple and Sony: “Apple is a marvelous company, but it is a boutique. We are a giant conglomerate.”

Well, maybe so, but here’s Gruber’s take:

As for just how giant, Sony’s current market cap is about $44 billion. The boutique’s market cap is about three times larger, at $149 billion. In terms of net income for the most recently reported financial year, Sony’s was $3.7 billion; Apple’s was $3.5 billion.

Heh.

LA LA LA LA LA LA I CAN’T HEAR YOU

TPM:

The Bush Administration’s newest tactic for policymaking is to ignore emails.

The New York Times reports today that White House officials simply refused to open an email from the EPA last year because they knew it contained a policy recommendation they didn’t like — part of the Administration’s on-going battle with scientists at the EPA over global warming issues.

The document, which ended up in e-mail limbo, without official status, was the E.P.A.’s answer to a 2007 Supreme Court ruling that required it to determine whether greenhouse gases represent a danger to health or the environment, the officials said.

These clowns can’t be out of office soon enough. The damage they’ve done to our country will take a generation to repair.

Today’s Mistargeted Spam

From: (forged)
Subject: Get your watch now
Date: June 26, 2008 5:54:24 PM CDT
To: Chief Heathen

Did you watch the last 007 flick, Casino Royale? If you did, you probably noticed that all throughout the movie, James Bond wears an spectacularly beautiful Omega watch… and he even brags about it! How would you like to be wearing that same exact model watch?

What, you mean like this?

Delightful

Rightwing fruitcake fundie James Dobson is upset that Obama knows the Bible is a poor choice for a governing document.

In comments aired on his radio show Tuesday, Focus on the Family founder James Dobson criticized the presumptive Democratic presidential nominee for comments he made in a June 2006 speech to the liberal Christian group Call to Renewal.

In the speech, Obama suggested that it would be impractical to govern based solely on the word of the Bible, noting that some passages suggest slavery is permissible and eating shellfish is disgraceful.

“Which passages of scripture should guide our public policy?” Obama asked in the speech. “Should we go with Leviticus, which suggests slavery is OK and that eating shellfish is an abomination? Or we could go with Deuteronomy, which suggests stoning your child if he strays from the faith? Or should we just stick to the Sermon on the Mount?

“So before we get carried away, let’s read our Bible now,” Obama said, to cheers. “Folks haven’t been reading their Bible.”

and

Dobson also takes aim at Obama for suggesting in the speech that those motivated by religion should attempt to appeal to broader segments of the population by not just framing their arguments around religious precepts.

“Democracy demands that the religiously motivated translate their concerns into universal rather than religion-specific values,” Obama said. “It requires their proposals be subject to argument and amenable to reason.”

Keep digging, Jimmy. Keep digging.

Marriott Redux

The designers are clearly on crack, but the staff isn’t.

The bad news, then, is that I have to put pants on. But the good news is that my pants-wearing is so the hotel staff can bring me another TV, and a piece of furniture to put it on, so that the hotel room works like every other hotel room in America.

Wacky.

Buh-bye, GM

This story makes the case for ditching General Motors from the Dow Jones Industrial Average given its poor performance lately (the stock’s at a 33-year low). GM’s market cap — the value of the firm, arrived by by the markets by multiplying the number of shares by the share price — is down to a paltry $7.5 billion (lower than Ford, which is about $11.9 billion). GM’s sales will be about $179 billion this year, but they just don’t make money on all that income, which hurts the stock.

For the sake of comparison, non-Dow member company Apple Computer has a market cap of about 20 times that (about $153 billion, with revenues of $40 billion and, you know, persistent profits out the wazoo). Cisco has similar numbers.

How To Tell If You’re An Idiot

You work for Marriott, and you design a hotel room layout where the television isn’t clearly viewable from the bed.

Front Desk: “It’s designed to be viewed from the couch.”

Heathen: “Do the people who design your hotels ever stay in hotels?”

Front Desk: “I don’t know, sir, but I’m getting this a lot, so I’m starting to think no.”

Time to cross the Courtyards off the list, methinks.

“Shit, Piss, Fuck, Cunt, Cocksucker, Motherfucker, Tits.”

Frankly, it hurts my feelings that the last president George Carlin saw was this goatfucking puritan in the pocket of the sort of right-wing moralist dirtbags that he’s spent his career lampooning.

John Scalzi, as always, has more. Mr Bosch is poetic as usual. I still remember borrowing “A Place For My Stuff” on cassette from my friend Jeff in about 1982, sneaking it home in my backpack, and listening to it in my room on headphones. Carlin’s delivery and word choice (blue or not) was a revelation, and no doubt still influences what I find funny. We are poorer without him, and with him we lose the last of the three giants of standup: Bruce, Pryor, and Carlin.

Here’s a live performance of Stuff from 1986, and no online encomium (however brief) would be complete without this late version of 7 Words, or this.

Ooops

Ten years ago, we all talked about putting Java in everything, even coffeepots, and having them on a household network for whatever reason. The Java part didn’t take, but now more and more household items are getting network capabilities — including, inevitably, coffee machines.

It turns out that such devices are really no different than anything else you put on your network, and that if you’re not careful, people will hack your coffeemaker.

Joys of Homeownership

Mrs Heathen and I have spent the last several months addressing our failures as homeowners, i.e., our sudden realization that we were Those People who have a jungle for a backyard, a persistent A/C drip, unwelcome growth in the gutters, etc. As it turns out, “every 8 years” is probably not a good interval for home maintenance. In any case, think on this before you buy.

Today marks the end of Phase I, which included:

  • Backyard clearing; this was complicated by a period of benign neglect as well as the discovery, during clearing, of previously unknown precolumbian tribes living in the underbrush. Unspoiled and noble, they’re now being studied by some anthropologists at HCC while I, of course, took their land. Hey, I bought it fair and square. Cost: $400, which is still less than paying someone $25 a week to mow it.

  • Despite my best efforts with bleach and a snake, convincing the backup A/C condensation line to stop dripping on the side of the HQ required the attentions of a professional. In his visit, though, he inspected the balance of the cooling system and pronounced it ship-shape. Drip resolved. Cost: $130, or a solid bargain in my eyes — A/C guys won’t come in the house for less than a C-note.

  • Gutter-cleaning. This sounds trivial, but as Heathen Central is nearly 4 stories tall at that point, there’s no way in hell Chief Heathen’s going up there. Cost: $280. They also put an extension on the aforementioned backup condensation line, though, so that future drips won’t hit the side of the house on the way down.

  • General roof-inspection. When the Neighbor had his gutters done, he discovered some fastener issues. Said issues extended to Heathen HQ’s roof, but have been similarly resolved. Included in the gutter-cleaning.

  • Replacement of plants in the back 40. The reclaimed backyard is all in Dirt now, which isn’t so great for lounging. Phase 0.0001 has begun with YOURS TRULY actually digging holes and planting shit under the pecan (specifically: a ginger variant (2); foxtail fern (2); groundcovery thing (1); orchidy thing (1)). More to come, after Mrs Heathen and I decide on a plan. Cost so far: < $100.

Now, where’s our goddamn tax credit?

Tivo Woes

Heathen Central has, very nearly, the best DVR and TV option available today.

Strong words? Yes, yes they are. Even stronger when you realize I’m talking about a standard-definition DirecTV setup with a Series 1 Tivo, but there it is. The briefly available DirecTV HD with Tivo is probably better, but that’s about it (except for our upgrade; see below).

What we have is a Sony SAT-T60, which is a combo box containing both a Tivo and a DirecTV receiver. It preserves the digital soundtracks on HBO programming even on recording, since it just saves the stream as it comes in from the satellite and has to do no compression/uncompression for the save-to-disk task (i.e., like normal Tivos do). As a combo box, there’s no wrangling to make the DVR work with the TV receiver. And, since it’s a real Tivo and not some retarded cousin stuffed into the market by creepy TV providers and acceptable only to be people that have never seen a real Tivo, it Just Plain Works.

And I’ve had it since, oh, 2001. We thought a time or two about upgrading the drive for more space (it’s a 35 hour unit), but never did anything about it.

Well, as of yesterday, it looks like the digital audio output stage has gone the way of all flesh. I can still get stereo via a conventional pair of RCA cables, but the optical output is dead. (The cable and receiver input check out fine; it’s definitely the Tivo.) This makes me sad, since DirecTV got into a pissing match with Tivo some time ago and no longer sells real Tivos (see above about brain-dead boxes made by creepy TV providers; DirecTV is better than a cable company, but only just).

On the tech support call to finalize the diagnosis, they made a valiant effort to sell me a DirecTV DVR — I say sell; it’d be free, since I pay a maintenance fee — but I’m having none of it. I’ve seen the bullshit they think of as a DVR, and it has no place in my house. Nobody has new DirecTV-Tivos, really, and the Tivo standalone units work best with cable companies (FUCK that). (The only alternative for me is a MythTV box — if my DVR can’t be a nice, easy to use Tivo, then it may as well actually work for ME and not the cable company.)

Fortunately, there’s WeaKnees.com, who sell factory refurbished units, both conventional and HD. For a few hundred bucks, we can upgrade to a newer Tivo (series 2 instead of series 1) with a bigger HD (70 or 140 hours instead of 35); the device will be essentially a drop-in replacement, which is nice.

Maybe I should buy two. Just in case.

Er, Wow.

In the bad idea department: Agitator sends us over to Penny Arcade, where Gabe calls our attention to a truly terrible idea for a child’s snack product: Lego Fun Snacks. That’s right; fruity candies for children shaped like Legos.

I would love to know what sick bastard at Kellogs came up with this genius idea. I just spent the first three years of my sons life trying to get him not to eat blocks, and now you’re telling him they taste like fucking strawberries. Thanks a lot assholes. Seriously, how in the hell did this ever get past their legal department. You can’t tell me that this isn’t a lawsuit just waiting to happen. I can only assume that their next product is fruit flavored thumbtacks.

How To Tell If You’re An Idiot

You work for the AP, and are trying to convince the world that Fair Use doesn’t exist.

Some geniuses at the Associated Press has started promulgating the policy that bloggers and web sites must pay them to link to and quote AP stories — just like we just did, below, with the story on Big Bird. The AP thinks that Heathen should PAY them because we quoted an excerpt of the story, and never mind that people interested will click through and read the whole thing, thereby adding value to the AP’s content and the AP’s paid distribution channels (like Yahoo News, to whom we link below). Usage such as this is typically seen as Fair Use, and requires no license or permission. That’s how references work. It’s how research works. And it’s how the web works — and, as noted, how the web drives traffic to interesting sites and stories, a dynamic that you’d think the AP would be embracing.

This move is a stupendously bad idea, and impossible to defend legally besides, and the AP deserves to be heartily embarrassed as a consequence. And it gets worse: read the link above (to the analysts at Techdirt) to learn more about how the AP seems to think they can prohibit you from quoting them if you say bad things about the AP, for example. This isn’t idle policy; they’re actually acting on it.

Big Bird Is a Constant

From the Mississippi office, this profile of Caroll Spinney, the 74-year-old who’s been the man inside the Big Bird costume for nearly 40 years.

NEW YORK – On the street, Caroll Spinney is a 74-year-old of modest proportions. On the job, transformed into Big Bird, he stands 8 feet 2 inches tall and is 6 years old.

Being Big Bird is sweaty, physical work. But Spinney, who has worked on Sesame Street for nearly four decades playing both Big Bird and Oscar the Grouch, has no wish to be anywhere else.

“I can’t imagine willingly walking away from Big Bird and Oscar,” he said.

George Will on McCain on the Gitmo decision

This is nice. Also, it means McCain’s lost Will.

WASHINGTON — The day after the Supreme Court ruled that detainees imprisoned at Guantanamo are entitled to seek habeas corpus hearings, John McCain called it “one of the worst decisions in the history of this country.” Well.

Does it rank with Dred Scott v. Sanford (1857), which concocted a constitutional right, unmentioned in the document, to own slaves and held that black people have no rights that white people are bound to respect? With Plessy v. Ferguson (1896), which affirmed the constitutionality of legally enforced racial segregation? With Korematsu v. United States (1944), which affirmed the wartime right to sweep American citizens of Japanese ancestry into concentration camps?

And then:

McCain, co-author of the McCain-Feingold law that abridges the right of free political speech, has referred disparagingly to, as he puts it, “quote ‘First Amendment rights.'” Now he dismissively speaks of “so-called, quote ‘habeas corpus suits.'” He who wants to reassure constitutionalist conservatives that he understands the importance of limited government should be reminded why the habeas right has long been known as “the great writ of liberty.”

No state power is more fearsome than the power to imprison. Hence the habeas right has been at the heart of the centuries-long struggle to constrain governments, a struggle in which the greatest event was the writing of America’s Constitution, which limits Congress’ power to revoke habeas corpus to periods of rebellion or invasion. Is it, as McCain suggests, indefensible to conclude that Congress exceeded its authority when, with the Military Commissions Act (2006), it withdrew any federal court jurisdiction over the detainees’ habeas claims?

As the conservative and libertarian Cato Institute argued in its amicus brief in support of the petitioning detainees, habeas, in the context of U.S. constitutional law, “is a separation of powers principle” involving the judicial and executive branches. The latter cannot be the only judge of its own judgment.

In Marbury v. Madison (1803), which launched and validated judicial supervision of America’s democratic government, Chief Justice John Marshall asked: “To what purpose are powers limited, and to what purpose is that limitation committed to writing, if these limits may, at any time, be passed by those intended to be restrained?” Those are pertinent questions for McCain, who aspires to take the presidential oath to defend the Constitution.

Dept. of Neat Software

Sometimes, I use my cell phone to call someone because it simplifies the process. My iPhone has all 600+ contacts in my address book in it; looking up a number there and dialing gets me talking to someone faster than looking up the number (on the phone or on my computer) and manually dialing the house phone. I can’t be the only person who does this. Trouble is, my office is on the first floor of a 3-story building, and my house is sheathed in metal, so my cell doesn’t work all that well in here.

The upshot is that I’ve often wished for a way to click a number in my address book and have it be dialed automatically. This used to be pretty common, when we all used modems, but who has a modem anymore?

Well, thanks to their sponsorship of Mac-blogger John Gruber over at Daring Fireball, I just discovered Dialectic. I tell it to dial any number from my address book, and sets up a connection using my Vonage account; my phone rings, I answer, and then other side starts ringing. How cool is that?

Even better: It plays nicely with Quicksilver, so talking to someone is never more than a couple keystrokes away. This is awesome.

It’s not just Vonage; this thing’ll work with damn near anything (Bluetooth cells, landlines, Asterisk systems, BroadVoice, CallVantage, CiscoIP, countless softphones like Skype, etc). It’s not free, but it’s cheap enough ($25) that I’m almost certain to buy it.

Oh, yeah: It’s Mac-only. Suck it, Windows dorks. LOL.