Y’all please wish Chief Heathen Health & Legal Correspondents Triple-F and Boogielips a happy seventh anniversary!
How to order coffee
“The Fifty-Nine Story Crisis”
Citicorp Center in New York is a striking building for lots of reasons, but the most obvious is that it sits on four huge “stilts” that allow one corner to hover over a church. Less obvious is its massive motion dampening system, developed to reduce wind-induced motion sickness in tenents.
Its most interesting aspect, though, is what happened when its structural engineer realized, several years after its completion, that his structure might not be as safe as it should be under significant wind loads, and what he did about it. Let’s be clear: when I say “not as safe as it should be,” I mean he realized the 59-story skyscraper might fall down.
Seventeen years later, Joe Morgenstern wrote a long piece in the New Yorker about what happened next; it’s online here and is well worth your time.
Scale.
Dude. Really. STOP IT.
They’re talking about not releasing detainees even if they’re acquitted. Goddammit, people, is it so hard to do the right thing?
Dept. of Useless Tomfoolery
The Department of Homeland Security’s Advisory System — you know, that bullshit chart of Green-Blue-Yellow-Orange-Red we’ve all been laughing at since 9/11 — will soon enter its fifth consecutive year at precisely the same level of national alert. It should surprise no one that said level is “yellow” — the one in the middle — and that is has been unchanged since August 12, 2005.
Some makework Bushite drone came up with this goofball idea in the Great National Freakout of late 2001, and nobody has yet had the stones to do away with it. We Heathen wonder how many thousands of dollars have been wasted down this particular rathole.
Update: Mrs Heathen points out that it’s Orange at airports. This is true. It’s been Orange for . . . three years.
THEY SAVED MICHAEL’S BRAIN
Actually, no, really. Jackson will be buried sans nogginfruit for forensic reasons.
Make up your own joke.
Dept. of Annoying Disappointments
So, I got a new iPhone, and it’s big enough to also be a reasonable iPod (32 gigabytes). This requires the acquisition of some new Serious Headphones, since the Serious Headphones I already own have no mic or switch; while they work with the iPhone, I have to take them off to take calls, and I can’t pause the music without touching the phone.
I’ve been very pleased with my existing Etymotics, but had heard good things about Ultimate Ears, so I thought I’d give them a go. MISTAKE. for one thing, even the smallest of their silicon earbud tips made my ear canals ache, and — odder — listening for more than a few minutes produced a vague sense of nausea, which is just plain weird. All symptoms went away when I switched back to my ER-6i set.
Fortunately, Amazon has a liberal return policy, so my UEs will go back tomorrow for a full refund (minus a $5 shipping charge) in favor of a new set of Ety HF2s.
Lesson learned? Stick with what works. Heathen faithful — or, at least, those of you interested in fancy headphones — take note.
Bugatti vs. McLaren
It had to happen, and of course it’s Top Gear who’ve done it.
The theoretical limits of retro
Cheap Trick are releasing their new record on 8-track.
Gee, Thanks, Microsoft
Installing recommended updates and patches on our Exchange server resulted in (a) Windows Firewall being automatically enabled, preventing any access to Exchange and (b) the webmail client being completely hosed.
Photo Explosion!
Several sets new on Flickr:
- In Which Dan and Shelli get hitched, presided over by Reverend Chief Heathen;
- In which we visit Layla and her parents in Nieceapallooza Part I; and
- In which we trek to Albany to investigate Nieceapallooza Part II: Electric Boogaloo.
It’s the numbered addresses I’ll miss the most
CompuServe is finally dead.
FanTAStic
Brit sketch comedy on homeopaths:
Happy 4th
(More here.)
Hunter, we wish you could’ve seen this
On this Fourth of July, imagine for a moment what Hunter Thompson would’ve done with this Palin situation — and with always-wrong Bill Kristol’s prediction that she resigned to prep for a 2012 run for the White House. The country’s less interesting without you, Dr Thompson.
Wired on the fastest car in the world
The Bugatti Veyron Grand Sport has 1,001 horsepower and a 2.5 second 0-60 time — and will ding you a cool $2.1 million, or an order of magnitude more than the Aston-Martin DB9.
Did we mention a 2.5 second 0-60? Yeah. It’s like that.
OWA: New frontiers in suck
It is apparently impossible to log out of Outlook Web Access in a browser and then log back in as a different user without first quitting the browser. WTF?
Of course, if you try it, TSA will have you in a gulag tout de suite
Apparently, under the right circumstances, you can flush an entire role of toilet paper down an airplane toilet.
Update for my Nigaz
It turns out, some folks have noticed just exactly how awful the name is for the Gazprom-Nigera joint venture, but nobody expects them to rebrand.
Madcap hilarity is more or less inevitable now.
Fuck you, eMusic
We Heathen have been occasionally enthusiastic users of eMusic for some time. They’ve been providing excellent access to indie or nonmainstream tunes in unencumbered MP3 format for years (well ahead of anyone else doing online music without DRM) on an “X downloads per month for $Y” plan, with varying values of X and Y that worked out to the best deal in (legal) online music.
That’s over. In one fell swoop they’ve (a) gotten in bed with Sony and (b) basically doubled their prices without providing any additional value. Additionally, their previous policy of “redownload whenever you want” has been kicked to the curb. It’s a complete conversion from helpful, sane indie provider to pain-in-the-ass faceless corporation.
My friend Hayden wrote this on Facebook. It sums up what many folks are feeling about the transition:
Yesterday eMusic began offering the Sony catalog to subscribers, and incidentally screwed over many of the same long-term subscribers. Here’s what happened.
At the end of May, the eMusic CEO Danny Stein announced that eMusic had inked a deal to offer some of the Sony catalog to subscribers. This led to two changes:
New plans with less value for our dollar. Long-term subscribers were forced into new plans with fewer downloads for the same price per month. Some of these subscribers had plans that eMusic had grandfathered some years earlier. My former plan, for instance, was one I first bought in October 2005 for 90 downloads for $20/month. At at least one point afterwards, eMusic had modified their $20/month plan to include fewer downloads, but had allowed me to keep my plan. My new plan, however, is 50 “downloads” (I’ll get into why I put scare quotes up in a minute) for $20/month. So my downloads have gone from 22.2 cents each up to 40 cents each. Still a better deal than Amazon or iTunes, but the effective cost to me has gone up by nearly 100 percent.
Album pricing. Some – but not all – albums with more than 12 tracks will now have a fixed price of 12 “downloads,” a term that eMusic has changed to “credits” on some pages. Some albums with fewer than 12 tracks, especially those where at least one of those tracks is longer than 10 minutes, will now cost subscribers 12 “credits” to download. This really hurts in metal and jazz, where the bang for the buck has always been so valuable. For example, I had 4 Albert Ayler albums in my Save For Later list, each of which had 2 tracks per album. Now eMusic wants 12 credits for each. It’s still a better deal than Amazon or iTunes, but a far worse deal than I was offered just the day before yesterday.
So I spent the evening going through the new Sony offerings. I should point out that this wasn’t easy, because eMusic’s website remains as clunky and unfriendly as ever. The only way to find out what eMusic had added from Sony was to scroll through the new pages, which list everything recently added in groups of 10. All the Sony additions were made on 6/30/09, and to go through them all, I scrolled through nearly 900 pages. Some of the additions are damn great (Skip Spence, the Clash, Dylan) and some aren’t (wow, the whole Celine Dion catalog plus Kenny G plus the New Kids On The Block, oh my!). The thing is that like many of eMusic’s long-time subscribers, I’m already a hardcore music collector and I already have most of the new additions that I would be inclined to buy. I ended up adding a few Dylan albums that I don’t have to my list, plus some Ellington and Mingus albums. I expect that it will take me maybe 2-3 months to burn through all of the new additions that interest me. At least, at the rate of my newly enhanced plan.
Judging from the 1600+ comments on Danny Stein’s original announcement on eMusic’s blog, I’d say that I’m not alone in being less than impressed with what subscribers are getting in return for the new catalog and reduced-value plans. I understand that eMusic needs to do what it can to remain a viable business, and Stein said that eMusic had been under pressure from the indie labels for some time to increase its per-download charge. I don’t like the suddenness of the change, nor the lack of a response to complaints from eMusic. It is as if they’ve decided that they don’t care about keeping their often-enthusiastic long-time subscribers – or, at least, don’t know how to show that they care – and that doesn’t make much business sense to me.
eMusic also needs to figure out what the per-album pricing means to them and to customers. If many of the albums I was previously planning to download now will cost me either 12 or 24 credits (double-albums are twice the credits), why are all the monthly download plans and booster packs being offered in multiples of 5? Don’t get me wrong: I prefer the base-10 idea, but why not make the per-album credit a flat 10 downloads, then? Not that eMusic would listen to me; I’m merely a long-time subscriber.
As another poster on Danny Stein’s blog post noted, Sony isn’t part of any long-term music business solution. They are part of the problem. See ya, eMusic. We’ll watch you burn, and won’t miss you.
Joann, if you buy one of these, I’ll never tell
Love dumplings, but all thumbs? They’ve got you covered.
Honey, I think I’ve found my new bag
Strictly For My MacBook Peeps
Check out the new gesture support in Firefox 3.5.
Today’s Weird and Wonderful Music Link
Storm Large mashes up “In the Light” and “White Wedding:”
“Senator Al Franken”
The Minnesota Supreme Court has handed down its much-expected ruling in the heavily-litigated Minnesota Senate race from 2008 — and it’s a unanimous one — deciding against Republican former Sen. Norm Coleman’s appeal of his defeat in the election trial and affirming the lower court’s verdict that Democratic comedian Al Franken is the legitimate winner of the race.
More.
Update: Coleman has conceded. It’s over. Sixty, baby.
Reposting what others repost
I agree with Electrolite that the two best bits about MJ are:
- This essay by Bob Rossney; and
- This cover of Billie Jean, by Amanda “Dresden Dolls” Palmer at an LA gig the night after he died.
Ha!
There I Fixed It is a marvelous compendium of unremitting halfassery. Enjoy.
Please Welcome The New Li’lest Heathen
FirstNephew Jackson entered the world, or at least Florida, at about 2 this morning Eastern time. Seven pounds seven, 21 inches, and all is well. Pix, we’re sure, are forthcoming.
Oh, wow
CollegeHumor gives us Web Side Story, proving once again that a Broadway spoof is an excellent choice of genre for random, weird comedy.
It’s like the PERFECT video for Heathen Nation
Drunken monkeys scavenge cocktails on St Kitts. What’s not to like?
Dude. Stop it.
Heathen didn’t like shit like this with Shrub in charge, and it’s no more palatable with Obama in the White House. Detention without recourse or charge is contrary to everything we stand for as Americans, and it needs to stop. Just because you’re on the right side of more issues than George does NOT mean you get a pass on crap like this.
Achewood on Michael
He was your Elvis, and when your Elvis dies, so does the private lie that someday you will be young, and feel at capricious intervals the weightlessness of a joy that is unchecked by the injuries of experience and failure.
Here.
Dept. of Excellent Photos
Turns out, if you’re in the right spot and really lucky, you can catch a shot of an F-22 just as it goes supersonic. Neat.
Cruel and Hilarious
The Onion, on Michael Jackson:
King Of Pop Dead At 12
LOS ANGELES—Michael Jackson, a talented child performer known for his love of amusement park rides and his hobby of collecting exotic animals for his Neverland Ranch, died from sudden cardiac arrest Thursday at the age of 12. The prepubescent singer, who enjoyed playing dress-up and often referred to himself as “the King of Pop,” was celebrated for his naïve exuberance and his generosity toward other children. “This is a terrible loss for music and for all of us,” brother Jermaine Jackson said. “He had so much potential to blossom into a gracious and mature human being. As it is, the world will never know the genius Michael Jackson might have become had he grown up.” The singer leaves behind a large body of hits, 25,000 unopened toys, and nearly $400 million of debt.
New iPhone Acquisition: Two Stories
ONE: I go to the ATT store. They take my name at the podium; as I enter, I establish with the clerk that they do, in fact, have the iPhone 3GS in stock. He confirms this, and tells me it’ll be a 20 minute wait.
Twenty minutes later, another ATT drone starts taking my information and drops into the conversation that “pre-ordering” takes 7 to 10 days. Um, no.
TWO: I go to the Apple store. I have a new phone, activated, with my existing number on it, in less time than I waited at the ATT store.
Dept. of Mad Men-Era Ads
Sooner or Later, your wife will drive home. Wow. Just wow.
Things We Could Not POSSIBLY Make Up
Courtesy of Agent L.McHorne:
Gazprom seals $2.5bn Nigeria deal
Russia’s energy giant Gazprom has signed a $2.5bn (£1.53bn) deal with Nigeria’s state operated NNPC, to invest in a new joint venture.
The new firm, to be called Nigaz, is set to build refineries, pipelines and gas power stations in Nigeria.
(Aunt Nel).
Well, that sucks.
Farrah Fawcett, icon of the 70s, adorner of countless teenage walls, is dead.
More disturbing: It turns out she was only 7 years younger than my mom.
Today’s Best Optical Illusion
There are only two colors in this graphic. Really.
Just so long as I don’t have to go the fireswamp to see one
Apparently, some people keep R.O.U.S. as pets. And they’re kind of adorable.
Wrong kind of football. Still awesome.
In need of caffeine, I went down to the lobby just now for a coffee; they had the soccer on, to which I paid little attention until I caught a few key facts out of the corner of my eye:
- A graphic informed me that Spain had not been beaten in 35 games — they’re 33-0-2.
- This afternoon, Spain is playing the US.
- The US led 2-0 in the 89th minute of play.
After three minutes of stoppage time, it was over. The US shocked top seed Spain in the Confederation Cup semifinal. The Americans advance to their first FIFA final ever, at any level.
(There will, undoubtably, be more coverage later. This is, I take it, 1980 Olympic hockey territory.)
Good God, Appoint This Man To SOMETHING
I smell an Oscar!
Amber Benson and Ron Jeremy star in One Eyed Monster.
No, really. Watch the trailer. Probably NSFW though.
Fun with Tilt-Shift Video
Dept. of Neat Shit On Teh Intarwub
Hellenic Shipping has created an interactive GoogleMaps mashup that shows the locations of their ships in real time. Globally.
(Via MeFi.)
At once both “handy” and “useless”
JWZ has this rundown of the timelines for popular SF films. We’re already past Clockwork Orange, Escape from New York, Freejack, and (obviously) 2001.
Absent — since it’s not the actual timeline of the film, just of events referenced therein — is the original date of Judgement Day from 1984’s original Terminator film, which will be 12 years ago this August: 8/29/1997. Ouch.
We agree. Mrs Heathen could not be reached for comment.
Joey Devilla: I’m serving tea this way from now on.
God Bless That Man
Ebert on Transformers 2 is a wonderful thing. He opens with:
“Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen” is a horrible experience of unbearable length, briefly punctuated by three or four amusing moments. One of these involves a dog-like robot humping the leg of the heroine. Such are the meager joys. If you want to save yourself the ticket price, go into the kitchen, cue up a male choir singing the music of hell, and get a kid to start banging pots and pans together. Then close your eyes and use your imagination.
More:
The humans, including lots of U.S. troops, shoot at the Transformers a lot, although never in the history of science fiction has an alien been harmed by gunfire.
Dear Intarwub
Please explain to me why we at Heathen HQ do not yet have a tiny robot that makes us coffee.
We are most displeased.