Security guru Bruce Schneier has an Op/Ed at CNN pointing out that pretty much everything you see labeld "security" at the airport is strictly for show, and has no operational value at all.
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...TSA's response to Abdulmutalib's attempt makes one thing clear: We must stop pretending the TSA is making us safer. [...]
So what has the TSA done in response to the attempted attack? They've told airlines to make passengers stay in their seats during the last hour of flight. They've made it verboten for passengers to hold anything in their laps, again only during the last hour of flight. Perhaps most hilariously telling, they've forbidden pilots from announcing when a plane is flying over certain cities and landmarks.
There is no other way to interpret it: The TSA is saying clearly that they can't prevent terrorists from getting explosives on airplanes, but by god, they'll make sure those planes explode only when the TSA says it's okay.
I want our government to prevent terrorism and to make flights safer. But we are spending billions of dollars and man-hours to fight a threat that is less likely to kill a traveler than being struck by lightning. In the last decade, according to statistician Nate Silver, there has been "one terrorist incident per 11,569,297,667 miles flown [the] equivalent to 1,459,664 trips around the diameter of the Earth, 24,218 round trips to the Moon, or two round trips to Neptune." (Sadly, this does mean that in the future we can expect one out of every two round-trip flights to Neptune to be hijacked.)
The TSA isn't saving lives. We, the passengers, are saving our own. [...]
I don't want to die on an airplane... But I also don't expect the government to protect from the literally endless possibilities and threats that could occur at any point to end my life or the life of the few I love. It's been nearly a decade since terrorists used airplanes to attack our country, and last week's attempt makes it clear that the lack of terrorist attacks have nothing to do with the increasing gauntlet of whirring machines, friskings, and arbitrary bureaucratic provisions, but simply that for the most part, there just aren't that many terrorists trying to blow up planes. Because god knows if there were, the TSA isn't capable of stopping them. We're just one bad burrito away from the TSA forcing passengers to choke back an Imodium and a Xanax before being hogtied to our seats.
President Obama, don't let this attack—this one attack that was thankfully stopped by smart, fearless passengers and airline staff—take us further in the wrong direction. I don't think I'm alone in feeling this way. Americans of all stripes and affiliation standing up to say, "This isn't working. We gave you our money. You're not making us safer." We appreciate the attempt to make us safer and acknowledge that it came from an honest attempt to protect American (and the rest of the world's) lives.
But it's a failure. It's wrongheaded. It's a farce. Tear it down. Put the money towards the sort of actions at which our government excels, like intelligence. The failure of the TSA leaves us no choice, but it's okay. The American people are ready to take back the responsibility for our own safety. Really, we already have.
Last year, according to my year-end statements from various airlines and hotels, I spent about 81 nights in hotels (68 of them in one Hyatt in Kansas (plus 2 more in other Hyatts); 5 more in other KC hotels; 3 at a Sheraton on Phoenix; and another 3 or so at random hotels for family events), and took about 65 flights -- which was enough to secure both Elite status at Continental and A-list membership with Southwest.
No wonder I'm tired.
As usual, he's completely right. A key quote:
For years I've been saying this:
Only two things have made flying safer [since 9/11]: the reinforcement of cockpit doors, and the fact that passengers know now to resist hijackers.
This week, the second one worked over Detroit. Security succeeded.
True.
So a numbskull would-be terrorist tried to set himself on fire aboard a US-bound Northwest jet yesterday, as you may have heard. My favorite part of the NYT story:
As investigators from around the world worked to determine how the suspect managed to get his explosives past security on a flight that had departed from Amsterdam with passengers who had originated in Nigeria, airports were consulting with the Transportation Safety Administration to impose stricter screening measures.
They need an investigator for this? Nothing the TSA does to your average traveler would catch the materials this guy brought on board unless he was unlucky enough to be singled out for individual screening -- PLUS he boarded the plane either in Europe or Africa, not the US. There's no big mystery.
Rest assured, though, that the TSA will use this as an opportunity to add even MORE useless security theater steps to the airport process with precisely zero increase in actual security.
Update: The new idiocy is here, and it makes zero fucking sense. JeffreyP has more:
This is a profoundly stupid rule, even dumber than the rule that prevents passengers from carrying an unlimited number of three ounce containers of liquid aboard airplanes. The rule is not intended to protect passengers; it’s intended to protect politicians, to inoculate them from criticism the next time a bad terrorism incident occurs in the future. There are rules in place to prevent this kind of thing, right?
But it’s utterly absurd to think that these airport security rules will never prevent a single act of terrorism. (What’s to prevent the bad guy from doing his thing one hour and one minute before the plane lands?) What these rules will do, though, is to eternally memorialize every half-cocked would-be terrorist who manages to stick something flammable into his shoe or into his pants. And that is precisely the terrorists’ objective.
Check out The Dry Valleys. The author has pix from the huts built by the early 20th century explorers' expeditions, literally frozen in time. Very cool.
When I call your company and you need to put me on hold, DO NOT MAKE ME LISTEN TO A CONSTANT STREAM OF COMMERCIALS. Play quiet music. That way, it's easier to zone out and work or talk to someone else while you wait. With a babbling brook of cutesy nonsense (I'm looking at you, Southwest), it's much harder to focus on productive activities while the CSR has you on hold.
In all the chaos surrounding my travel, I didn't notice until today that the client-specified car rental company (Avis, whose primary market appears to be biz travelers whose choices are made by beancounters -- the cars are shappy, ill-maintained, poorly cleaned, and drastically less well kitted out than National or Hertz -- but they're cheap) doesn't even have an affinity program.
Instead, they will give you points elsewhere, which is generally a sucky alternative. Still, I've got 10 rentals with 'em (and counting), so I needed to see SOME credits. The deals relevant to me are:
- Continental Airlines. CO will give me 50 miles for every day I rent with Avis, or about 150 miles for each rental. To redeem those for a ticket (worth, say, $350), I need 25,000 miles. 150 miles is 0.6% of a free trip's 25,000 miles, so it's 0.6% of that $350. That means the CO reward is worth about $2.10.
- Hyatt will give me 300 points for every rental. A free Hyatt night (say, $150) is 20,000 points. 300 is 1.5% of the award, so it's 1.5% of the value or $2.25. That's a little better than Continental, but still nothing to write home about.
- Southwest will give me 0.5 credits for every rental. A free SWA ticket requires 16 credits, so the Avis award is 3.13% of an award that's worth, like Continental, about $350 -- or a whopping $10.94.
Given Southwest's generally customer-friendly POV compared to other airlines, it's not surprising that they beat CO all to hell here. Hotels just aren't quite as sophisticated with affinity programs as airlines, so I guess that explains Hyatt's poor showing.
Mmmm, arithmetic.
4:20, 4:20, 5:21, 4:30, 5:15, 6:06, 6:50, 7:10.
Sigh. Fuck you, Continental.
This week, I'll qualify for the top tier of Hyatt's frequent guest program.
Remember this? Turns out, we're not the only ones to notice that the color-coded warning system -- five levels, but really only 3 since we've never been below yellow -- is a complete waste of time.
The Department of Homeland Security's Advisory System -- you know, that bullshit chart of Green-Blue-Yellow-Orange-Red we've all been laughing at since 9/11 -- will soon enter its fifth consecutive year at precisely the same level of national alert. It should surprise no one that said level is "yellow" -- the one in the middle -- and that is has been unchanged since August 12, 2005.
Some makework Bushite drone came up with this goofball idea in the Great National Freakout of late 2001, and nobody has yet had the stones to do away with it. We Heathen wonder how many thousands of dollars have been wasted down this particular rathole.
Update: Mrs Heathen points out that it's Orange at airports. This is true. It's been Orange for . . . three years.
Drunken monkeys scavenge cocktails on St Kitts. What's not to like?
I didn't notice, but last fall Continental revised its carryon limits from 51 linear inches (L + W + H) to 45 -- at just about the same time they added a fee for the first checked bag for everyone except Elite fliers.
Like I said, I didn't notice, despite flying weekly since March, which means they haven't been enforcing the new rule. Until this week.
Now they've got some fucking beancounter weasel at the check-in line with a tape measure, which means my year-old suitcase (an Eagle Creek Velocity) is suddenly useless. Moreover, the 45-inch rule means that many bags still advertised as "regulation" size aren't, and that road warriors like me will have to buy a new bag to avoid trusting baggage handlers on short trips.
Continental's reasoning is that many of their partners -- customer hostile organizations, I assume -- were already at 45", so they just wanted to be uniform. Bullshit. It's a creepy and disingenuous money grab, plain and simple.
Fuck you, Continental. Fuck you twice. Oh, and by the way: Southwest still allows a 50" carryon, and they go nearly all the places I need to go.
Over at Gizmodo, the reviewer pulls no punches in his indictment of a particular brand. Not model; the entire brand. The article's title is "Why TomTom Sucks."
If TomTom isn't willing to address its products' fundamental problems, it deserves to fail in this business. Does that sound heartless? What's heartless is foisting sub-par hardware on unsuspecting moms and pops, who don't have the privilege of testing a bunch of stuff side by side. Because I have a heart, and care about your hard-earned money, it's my duty to tell you—and your mom and dad—to avoid TomTom like the freakin' plague. (In case you were wondering, Garmins are still the best—even the cheap ones.)
Heathen haven't done a serious survey of the products from TomTom, Garmin, and Magellan, but we can say that the Hertz rental GPS (Magellan) lags significantly behind the aging portables offered by National (Garmin), and that TomToms we've seen in shops seem, well, hokey. When we buy, it'll be Garmin.
I'm already into the 2nd elite tier of Hyatt's frequent-guest program.
Amusingly, Hyatt is supporting the ongoing devaluation of precious metals in such contexts; rather than having levels at Silver, Gold, and Platinum, they use Gold, Platinum, and Diamond.
Some marketing douche thinks he's clever for that.
Owing apparently to the departure of Northwest from the market, the Kansas City Airport's C terminal now features ZERO food or drink vendors inside security. Nada. Nothing.
Since there are also no water fountains, it's impossible to take water aboard a plane. Congrats, MCI, you're Heathen's new choice for Suckiest Airport in the Country. Even Jackson, Mississippi, sucks less.
It's irrelevant to Houston-based Heathen, but it sounds like being squeezed into the bulkhead by a supersized seatmate is a thing of the past on United. Consumerist has the story:
Starting today, United Airlines has a new policy. If you can't fit into a single seat, you need to buy another one or stay behind.
In order to fly for no extra charge, passengers now have to be able to sit in a single seat, buckle their seat belt (with an extender) and put the arm rests down. If you can't do this, you're going to need to buy another ticket — unless there is already a seat available with another open seat next to it.
Found on stall floor in client restroom: printouts from the Ayn Rand Institute. Ah, randroid wingnuts.
(Of course, it's possible the sheets were meant for sanitary use, which would be appropriate if ill-advised; the client's choice of paper products in said restroom is perfectly reasonable.)
Austrian railfan and more-intrepid-than-I traveler took a train trip from Vienna to Pyongyang. Whoa.
In this context, read "Goofus" as "the Continental terminal" and "Gallant" as "the Southwest terminal."
GOOFUS assumes travelers are content with off-brand prefab food, a standard-issue airport bar with Sysco burgers, and a single Starbuck's.
GALLANT at least provides a Sbarro and a McDonald's, and God help us if we're viewing that as "the nice option."
GOOFUS hides outlets under furniture.
GALLANT has biz-traveler friendly desk-counters with outlets in the waiting area for laptop warriors to plug in and work while waiting for their flight.
GOOFUS has dodgy wifi prone to signal drops at the slightest provocation.
GALLANT's connectivity is rock solid.
Unfortunately, GALLANT requires me to stop in Dallas, so GOOFUS it is. Basically, the answer is that there's no way to go to and from Kansas City that doesn't suck in some way.
The shockingly good hotel just keeps getting, at least theoretically, better. This time around it's a panel of connectors for the TV that allow guests to plug their own equipment into it, drastically increasing its utility. A simple switchbox includes buses with component video + audio; VGI, HDMI, and mini-plug audio; or RCA/composite video with mini audio or RCA audio.
Since I travel with a mini-to-mini cable (to plug my iPod into the rental car), all I lacked was a monitor cable to run the TV shows on my laptop through the big nice plasma, so I went around the corner to Best Buy.
Unfortunately, neither I nor the (admittedly nontechie) hotel guy could make it work. Something's askew; it's possible my new cable is bad, but we lack access to other equipment (and motivation) to chase this down. Oh well. The thought counts for a lot; I've never seen another hotel even make gestures in the direction of this kind of technical accommodation, so they definitely get an A for effort even if it won't quite work this time.
I'm in a brand-new hotel chain this time: a Hyatt Place, which I take it is their foray into the "low-frills business traveller" market.
Holy Crap. It's amazing. Pix to follow, but even the checkin process is off the hook. There's a quick bar in the lobby -- pick up wrapped sandwiches, salads, bottled drinks, whatever -- plus 24x7 food service (with a limited menu, but still).
The rooms themselves are the real prize, though. Lots of these chains work towards a "suite" feel, designed to cater to an extended stay, but this is the first time I've seen it really work. There's a nice and comfortable couch with an ottoman, a real desk, and a wet-bar in the "living room", and then a 42" plasma tv on a pivot that can entertain either that area or the bedroom area.
I'm completely stunned. Even the house Chardonnay is nice. Kansas City just got a whole lot nicer.
Today, my ten-month-old Eagle Creek bag broke today, while packing. The topside strap broke completely loose, which drastically reduces the utility of the bag. Seriously, 10 months; WTF?
So I called them. Immediately. As in, from the airport while waiting to board. Their solution was, of course, "ship it to us and we'll fix it for free." My problem with this? I'm traveling pretty much constantly right now, and can't do without the bag for the foreseeable future.
Shockingly, after only two escalations -- once into the warranty department, and again to the manager thereof -- they simply agreed. They're sending me another bag (different color, but who cares?) that will be waiting for me at home when I get back on Friday; I'll be sending them my bag once I get the new one.
I'm shocked -- shocked -- that this was so easy. I was momentarily really annoyed at the failure so quickly, but then again so were they; their willingness to work with me to create a solution that worked for me is definitely deserving of praise.
(Of course, proof is in the pudding; we'll see if goes off this easily, but as of now I'm pretty confident.)
My 3G wireless modem provides faster connectivity (700 down, about 350 up) than the hotel's wired ethernet (500 down, 85 up) or lobby wireless (44 down, 400 up).
Time to fire the hotel.
Apparently, it's totally ok to bring gunpowder aboard a plane provided it's disassembled first.
TSA agents usually rotely follow the rules of their pantomime, rather than using educated judgment. Educated judgment is too tiring, too expensive, and needed elsewhere.
Exactly. Anybody who thinks TSA makes us one iota safer is deluding themselves.
By the end of the year...
The legacy of Hagerstown fades further into memory, though I still prefer to avoid Outback if at all possible.
BoingBoing interviews Homeland Security chief Michael Chertoff, with predictably bullshit results, for example:
Chertoff: What I can tell you is that in the period prior to September 12, 2001, it was a regular, routine issue to have American aircraft hijacked or blown up from time to time, whether it was Lockerbie or TSA or TWA 857 [I believe he meant TWA 847 â Joel] or 9/11 itself. And we haven't had even a serious attempt at a hijacking or bombing on an American plane since then.
But BoingBoing bothered to do some legwork:
According to Airsafe.com, the last flight previous to 9/11 to be hijacked with fatalities from an American destination was a Pacific Southwest Airlines flight on December 7th, 1987. "Lockerbie" refers to Pan Am Flight 103 which was destroyed by a bomb over Scotland after departing from London Heathrow International Airport on its way to JFK, with screening done â as now â by an organization other than the TSA. TWA Flight 847 departed from Athens (Ellinikon) International Airport, also not under TSA oversight.
While Wikipedia's list of aircraft hijackings may not be comprehensive â I cannot find a complete list from the FAA, which does not seem to list hijackings, including 9/11, in its Accidents & Incidents Data â the last incident of an American flight being hijacked was in 1994, when FedEx Flight 705 was hijacked by a disgruntled employee.
The implication that hijacking or bombing of American airline flights is a regular occurrence is not borne out by history, nor does it follow that increased screening by the TSA at airports has prevented more attacks since 9/11.
In other words, as we might've predicted, Chertoff it talking out of his ass, and does nothing here but make noises designed to support the obviously worthless policies his organization has pursued since 9/11.
This is as good a place as any to point out "End, don't ment, the Transportation Security Administration," an op-ed from the Christian Science Monitor that ran last week. In it, the author points out the absurdity of the liquid ban as an example case: enacted after the British "liquid explosives" plot, experts have since shown that it's essentially impossible to fabricate an explosive from components in flight. You need a lab, careful procedures, a lot of time, and significant training. Further, British juries returned ZERO terrorism convictions associated with the "plot:"
The TSA makes it sound as though anyone with a year of high-school chemistry and some hydrogen peroxide can whip up explosives in an airplane's restroom. But mixing a truly explosive bomb is a delicate operation. It requires exact temperatures, precise measurements and methods, and specialized equipment â all more commonly found in laboratories than lavatories. The procedure takes a while, too. And the fumes are likely to alert the passengers shifting from foot to foot in the aisle as they await their turn in the washroom.
In fact, chemists worldwide doubt that even the most accomplished terrorist can concoct such a combustive cocktail high above the Atlantic. A British jury this summer didn't buy the allegations, either. Due to lack of evidence, only eight of the plot's original 25 suspects finally made it to trial. As it turns out, police should have freed all the defendants: jurors refused to convict anyone of terrorism. They exonerated one man, returned no verdict on four others, and settled on lesser charges for the remaining three.
But none of these facts seem to matter to the TSA. It needs something to justify its existence: Despite six years of patting down passengers, it hasn't reported uncovering a single terrorist. No wonder it latched onto the nonsense about liquid bombs. Ferreting out and confiscating everyday substances not only makes work for 43,000 screeners, it also fools us into thinking this protects us.
The TSA has always been a political, not practical, response to 9/11. It hassles us at checkpoints not because of penetrating insights on security or some brilliant breakthrough, but because politicians handed it power. Specialists in security didn't invent the TSA; the Bush administration imposed it on us. So we might hope the incoming president would abolish this absurd agency.
Word. So far, Obama has pledged to improve, but not abolish the agency. Let him know what security people actually think.
American Airlines Now Charging Fees to Non-Passengers:
[AA President Gerard] Arpey said that non-passengers of American Airlines should expect to pay a small fee when making Greyhound bus reservations, choosing to drive to their final destination, or simply being a citizen of the United States with a valid Social Security number.
Arpey went on to note that some additional charges would also apply, including a $15 fee for every piece of luggage customers have inside their bedroom closet, and a one-time payment of $40 for any American whose name is Greg.
(Sorry, Greg.)
BoingBoing notes that a new president means a chance to revisit some of the more stupid TSA initiatives, and accordingly calls for a return to the right to bear pocket knives.
Cheetah gets loose on Delta flight. Presumably they do not mean the charming Tarzan companion, either.
Here he points out that there are, in effect, two classes of airport contraband:
There are two classes of contraband at airport security checkpoints: the class that will get you in trouble if you try to bring it on an airplane, and the class that will cheerily be taken away from you if you try to bring it on an airplane. This difference is important: Making security screeners confiscate anything from that second class is a waste of time. All it does is harm innocents; it doesn't stop terrorists at all.
Let me explain. If you're caught at airport security with a bomb or a gun, the screeners aren't just going to take it away from you. They're going to call the police, and you're going to be stuck for a few hours answering a lot of awkward questions. You may be arrested, and you'll almost certainly miss your flight. At best, you're going to have a very unpleasant day.
This is why articles about how screeners don't catch every -- or even a majority -- of guns and bombs that go through the checkpoints don't bother me. The screeners don't have to be perfect; they just have to be good enough. No terrorist is going to base his plot on getting a gun through airport security if there's a decent chance of getting caught, because the consequences of getting caught are too great.
Contrast that with a terrorist plot that requires a 12-ounce bottle of liquid. There's no evidence that the London liquid bombers actually had a workable plot, but assume for the moment they did. If some copycat terrorists try to bring their liquid bomb through airport security and the screeners catch them -- like they caught me with my bottle of pasta sauce -- the terrorists can simply try again. They can try again and again. They can keep trying until they succeed. Because there are no consequences to trying and failing, the screeners have to be 100 percent effective. Even if they slip up one in a hundred times, the plot can succeed.
The same is true for knitting needles, pocketknives, scissors, corkscrews, cigarette lighters and whatever else the airport screeners are confiscating this week. If there's no consequence to getting caught with it, then confiscating it only hurts innocent people. At best, it mildly annoys the terrorists.
To fix this, airport security has to make a choice. If something is dangerous, treat it as dangerous and treat anyone who tries to bring it on as potentially dangerous. If it's not dangerous, then stop trying to keep it off airplanes. Trying to have it both ways just distracts the screeners from actually making us safer.
A TSA screener at Newark helped himself to thousands and thousands of dollars worth of goods, including a $47,900 camera from an HBO crew.
When investigators raided Brown's home last week, they seized a trove of contraband, according to an affidavit signed by Thomas Adams, an agent with the U.S. Department of Homeland Security's Office of Inspector General and the lead investigator on the case.
Among the items seized were 66 cameras, 31 laptop computers, 20 cell phones, 17 sets of electronic games, 13 pieces of jewelry, 12 GPS devices, 11 MP3 players, eight camera lenses, six video cameras and two DVD players, the affidavit said.
According to the affidavit, Brown confessed that he began stealing two to three items per week from the airport beginning in September 2007. He told authorities he put most of the stolen items up for sale on eBay, it said.
Online acquaintance JeffreyP has this to say about airline fees:
If it’s really the case that airlines can’t make money in the current environment without resorting to these pricing practices, how come Southwest, one of the most consistently profitable airlines in the country, doesn’t charge anything to check a second bag? And how is it that Continental can possibly get away with serving free meals on its flights?
Also: Fifty bucks to check a second bag, Delta? Seriously? Seven bucks for a fruit plate, Northwest? You guys are douches.
Tacking on all these little charges is cheesy. It’s yet another thing (in addition to abusive airport security and interminable delays) that makes me not want to fly at all. Anytime you can’t express the price of something in a sentence or less, there’s nearly always something predatory and possibly crooked going on. Anytime you can’t express the price of something in a sentence or less, there’s nearly always something predatory and possibly crooked going on.
AA, in an apparent race-to-the-bottom with United and Delta, is now charging their FF program members to use their accumulated miles.
Once again, thank GOD I live in Houston, where I'm served by airlines that actually treat their customers like humans (Continental and Southwest).
