Salon on Diebold, Et. Al.

Salon is running an interview with Bev Harris, a writer who has spent a great deal of time investigating the electronic voting industry for her upcoming book, “Black Box Voting.” In the course of her investigation, she uncovered confidential memos that Diebold has attempted to copyright rather than disavow; this is most disturbing, since they describe a level of security I wouldn’t use for Nogators, let along our country’s voting systems.

Oh yes: these things are already being used in 37 states. This has got to stop. Any voting system MUST be both tamper resistant and auditable; Diebold offers no features in either department, and is aggressively attempting to avoid doing so. Moreover, there’s an utter lack of security in their product that they know about, but refuse to fix. People need to know this.

How to Follow That Saturday with a Questionable-and-Expensive Monday

In Which We Discover that Rain Man Lives in My Shower Spigots
When the water to the hot-water heater is turned off, the pressure failsafes in my shower and tub faucet mechanisms (designed to keep me from scalding myself, presumably to avoid the eponymous “hot water burn baby” scenario) prevent any water flow, which means that showers are an all-or-nothing affair. No amount of determination on the theme of “fuck it, I’ll take a cold shower” will result in a shower, cold or otherwise.
Presumably, the Balance of the Name is still Accurate
Nick’s Plumbing is not actually owned by anyone named “Nick”.
Home-office Advantages in the Realm of Chronologically Challenged Plumbing Personnel
The plumber was set to arrive at 0730 this morning. The morning plumber, a tall hipster-sideburn guy, showed up about an hour later.
If We Must Allow Electrons Spontaneous & Unfettered Movement from Pipe to Pipe, The Terrorists Have Already Won
Electrolysis is the enemy. You want brass nipples on those, you see, not galvanized.
I’ll Bet They Won’t Let You on a Plane with Either One
I’m not sure if “brass nipples” would be funnier as a previously-unknown gangland fighting tool (perhaps employed primarily, but not exclusively, by female gangs), or a brand-new-fad from the world of body modification.
A Discussion of the Failings of the Morning, Hipster-Sideburn-Plumber and His Silent Sidekick, Part 1
Diagnosis and follow-on discussion were quite brief (as the problem and solution were pretty obvious), whereupon he stated it would take “about an hour or so” to get a heater and return. He and his silent sidekick left. About two hours later, I heard from the main office. It appears hipster-plumber has told them I want the work done on Wednesday. Would it be okay for someone else to come on back and do the replacement this afternoon instead? Why yes, yes it would.
A Discussion of the Failings of the Morning, Hipster-Sideburn Plumber and His Silent Sidekick, Part 2
Despite what the hipster morning plumber said, my water heater is from 1997, not 1988. This is obvious from the most cursory examination of the serial number, a point not lost on the Afternoon, More Conventional Plumber Guy or the crack NoGators Plumbing Team. This is, coincidentally, the year the house was built, and is therefore not nearly as puzzling as the alternative date supplied by Hipster Guy.
Wherein the High End of Water-Heating Devices is Considered, Albeit Briefly
There exist tankless water heater devices that create hot water on demand. This means you can’t run out. This is good. They cost $2,000 and up. This is bad. NoGators HQ has elected for a conventional pressurized-container-of-scalding-water instead.
Wherein We Ascertain the Cost of This Particular Affair
Conventional water heaters cost $650 (installed). This includes the brass nipples.
A Discussion of the Failings of the Morning, Hipster-Sideburn Plumber and His Silent Sidekick, Part 3
Despite what the hipster morning plumber said, they do not in fact take American Express.
In Which We Ascertain, with the Help of the Afternoon-Conventional-Plumber, Which Payment Methods Are Acceptable
Checks are fine.
Lest We Be Unfair, a General Discussion of Why We Like the Afternoon-Conventional-Plumber
I now know what to do to keep my water heater happy for 15 years or so, though the methods involved (“open the valve at the bottom and drain it into your yard about once a year”) imply a level of water waste bound to be unpopular with certain other NoGators personnel. Oh, and the brass nipples help, too.
And Then There’s This
When I turned the breaker back on, he waited in the garage with the heater “in case anything blows up.” We are not sure if he was joking.
Don’t Leave Us Hanging Like That
No, nothing blew up.
A General Discussion of My Hygiene Standards
I will shower immediately, despite plans for exercise in an hour, as I am too dirty to sweat.
A General Discussion of Why My Hygiene Standards are Silly
I last showered not quite 24 hours ago.
In Which we Acknowledge Generous Offers Made Elsewhere
My Attorney’s offer of late-night plumbing assistance is greatly appreciated, though perhaps unvetted by the likes of Mrs Attorney and ~, and (even more likely) may be based in part on a poorly worded initial draft of the earlier entry. A cocktail instead?

How to Ruin a Perfectly Good Saturday

Sleep late. Make breakfast with Erin. Watch TV. Get hungry. Go eat. Go to Surly Table. Talk to Joy. Go see a movie. Go to a bar. Visit friends. Drink vodka. Go to a restaurant. Eat. Enjoy. Laugh. Talk. Moan about Alabama. Joke about weddings. Make fun of show tunes. Deconstruct movies. Express dismay, again, that you enjoyed Underworld. Get tired. Get the check. Split the check. Pay the check. Go home.

Turn into driveway. Open garage door. Notice loud noise. Assume it’s the car. Pull into garage anyway. Turn off car. Notice noise again. Open car door. Notice you’re getting wet. Notice geyser shooting from top of water heater. Assume this is bad, since “containment” is a core attribute of the object “water heater.”

Take off shoes. Take off shirt. Toss inside. Close valve to water heater. Put car back in driveway. Begin moving Erin’s stuff. Realize how much water is involved (it’s running into the street). Realize you’ve been gone since 3:00. It’s midnight. Wonder how many of those nine hours involved a mini-Old Faithful in the garage. Keep moving Erin’s stuff. Notice lowest level of boxes occasionally soaked. Take inside, give to Erin to unpack and dry.

Finish moving boxes — the ones you can — out of harm’s way. Have creeping realization that there’s a closet opposite the water heater. Rush inside to find Erin already there, moving things into the office, drying boxes. Be very glad modest comic book collection is all in mylar bags, as box itself is wet-but-not-soaked. Mop closet floor.

Move more boxes in garage. Call Joy, who is still at the restaurant, for plumber referral. Realize midnight-on-Sunday is not a good time to call plumbers, as their rate-o-meters are doubtless set to “obliterate” for anything between the evening news and football on Sunday. Settle things as best you can. Move boxes around. Put car back in garage. Sit on couch, wet, tired, and sort of hung over. Fall asleep on couch watching Tivo and drinking ginger ale. Be thankful water heater, at least, was not in an improved area of house. Wonder how much water heaters cost.

And to think this is partly our fault.

Underworld, the Kate-Beckinsale-vampires-vs.-werewolves film, topped the box office this weekend at $22 million. N.B. that when I say “partly our fault,” I mean approximately 0.000082%.

Critics seem to loathe it, but I had a much better time than I expected, and I’m notoriously hard on films. It’s certainly not high art, but at least it seems to care about whether it makes sense within itself or not. I’ve seen much, much worse vampire movies. I’ve seen much worse movies that didn’t even have vampires in them, in fact. And this one has Beckinsale in goth fetishy clothing, of which she seems to have a bunch, and what’s not to like about that?

It’s marketed, sorta, as a Romeo-and-Juliet kind of thing, but that’s a real stretch — not every story about (potential) lovers from warring clans is a rehash of R&J. A better case can be made for a racial politics theme, but even that is subordinate to “run, fight, shoot, jump, and look fancy in black leather or latex, pausing occasionally to reveal more of the plot and backstory” (and thank God for that).

Beckinsale is easily the best of the cast; most of the rest seem to have been hired for look rather than talent, but fortunately Beckinsale is (usually) the only one who’s called upon to do anything that really looks like acting. What ultimately saves the film is a more-intricate-than-you’d-expect plot that isn’t over-explained (though the Exposition Fairy does make some unnecessary visits early on).

Oh, I was going to link to the official film site, but it’s a nasty full-screen all-Flash thing. The Sony site, though, includes a link to an Underworld Half-Life game mod, which is a marketing tie-in I’ve not seen before. Clever.

Passage

Today, Galileo is scheduled to end its 14-year mission by plunging into Jupiter — deliberately. NASA believes that the massive subsurface ocean on Europa could harbor life, so pains must be taken to ensure there is no chance of contamination with Earthly bacteria.

Data will continue to arrive for about another hour — since that’s how long it takes for light to get from Jupiter’s neighborhood to us — but the craft is most likely breaking up as I type this at 2:00PM Central Time. Galileo showed us Shoemaker-Levy 9 crashing into Jupiter in 1994; more tantalizingly, Galileo gave us evidence of the only other liquid water in the solar system (on Europa), which forces us to re-evaluate what a life-supporting planet might look like (heretofore, we assumed they’d need to look pretty much like Earth).

Have a drink to Galileo, the little-engine-that-could of space probes; it’s exceeded all reasonable expectations, particularly given its rocky beginnings.

Galileo being deployed from Atlantis, 1989.

Political Generals, Cincinnatus, and Wesley Clark

“Now hold on a minute, Mr. Gator Man! Who the hell is this Cincinnati person?”

Well, I’ll tell you. Actually, I’ll just point you at this article, and all will be revealed. Therein you will find this bit as a footnote, which provides a convenient rundown of the generals in our history who have sought or achieved the Oval Office:

The president generals are George Washington, Andrew Jackson, William Henry Harrison, Zachary Taylor, Franklin Pierce, Ulysses S. Grant, Rutherford B. Hayes, James Garfield, Benjamin Harrison, and Dwight Eisenhower. Unlike the other six, who were famed for their battlefield achievements, Pierce, Hayes, Garfield, and Harrison were not known for their military records. Generals who have lost general elections include Lewis Cass, Winfield Scott, George McClellan, and Winfield S. Hancock. Douglas MacArthur and Al Haig are among the generals who planned presidential runs but never got close to the November ballot.

Slate on the 9th Circuit Ruling

Everybody, I reckon, knows about the 9th Circuit’s ruling halting the California recall, and how their ruling cites Bush v. Gore. Slate’s running this commentary, which is pretty darn funny without being terribly partisan either way.

PAY ATTENTION

The voting machine fight is heating up. This time, the IEEE committee charged with creating the standard has become badly politicized, and is working to create a situation where actual performance metrics — you know, like on accountability and auditability — aren’t part of the picture. Diebold, et. al., badly want these standards in place quickly, and with a minimum amount of fuss — but if we get machines without adequate safeguards, fair elections will become a thing of the past. These firms are also lobbying to have the mechanisms of their electronic voting machines labeled trade secrets, which means “trust us; it works just fine.” Does this strike you as a good idea?

The Electronic Frontier Foundation has a petition. Go there, read, and sign if you agree. You can read more about this via this BoingBoing post and this post from JWZ’s livejournal; both link to other stories as well.

This is important, people. Pay attention.

Dept. of Market Research, Military Division

Okay, so it’s not really market research; it’s actually feedback from soldiers in the Iraq war on their equipment — weapons, vehicles, uniforms, etc. It’s oddly fascinating — in many cases, soldiers opted for aftermarket modifications or even nonstandard equipment (for example, Camelbacks instead of canteens) when something better than standard issue was available.

Note: if you’re at all squeamish, skip the (enthusiastic) paragraph about the XM-107 Barrett .50 caliber sniper rifle. Suffice it to say that the snipers were very, very pleased with its ability to lethally (and dramatically) “engage” both vehicular and human targets at 1,400 meters, though they felt that with better optics, targets as far as 2 kilometers would reasonable as well.

Holy Crap.

This is absolutely the best use of Flash/Shockwave I’ve ever seen. It’s rich and lush, surreal, and interactive in a Myst sort of way. Give it a few minutes of your time.

Dept. of Weasels, Aviation Division

Heretofore widely admired low-cost, big-seat carrier JetBlue has apparently been passing the full travel histories of many of its fliers on to a private security firm as part of the CAPPS II program, and then denying it after the fact.

This sensitive travel data was then turned-over to a private security contractor for analysis, the results of which were presented at a security conference earlier this year and then posted on the Internet.

If you fly JetBlue, please stop if you believe privacy is something worth preserving.

Rummy admits no Saddam-9/11 link

Yup, it’s true, despite the fact that many Americans believe otherwise. Where might they have gotten that idea, I wonder? From the endless War-on-Terror rhetoric coming from 1600 Pennsylvania? From Bush’s own nebulous, bait-and-switch cassus belli where Iraq was concerned? Naah. Couldn’t be that. It also couldn’t be that such obfuscation was deliberate, and designed to distract pretty much everyone from the fact that the overwhelming majority of the 9/11 hijackers were Saudi, and that Saudi money underwrote the whole operation, right?

Right?

As it turns out, Gates may not be COMPLETELY evil

Some months ago, I read story in the auto press about how a guy in California was finally able to get permission to US-certify Porsche’s legendary and ultra-rare 959, the supercar never legal to drive here. Only 226 original production cars remain from ’87-’88, plus another 4 built from parts in ’92. Quite famously, Bill Gates is said to have had one imported that he couldn’t drive legally. Rumor has it that Ralph Lauren has one, too, that’s illegally titled as a conventional 911 Turbo. This is a car that introduced all sorts of amazing features only now trickling into the “regular” Porsches, and that boasted a then-stunning 400+ horsepower, all-wheel drive, and an absurd SIX speed transmission.

Well, Gates must’ve noticed that he was in fact the richest guy around, because as it happens it’s Microsoft money that was behind the project to upgrade-and-certify the 959 (the logic for the upgrade boiled to to “well, we’re doing so much anyway, why not make it exceptional again?” on the grounds that 450 HP just isn’t that exceptional anymore).

Autoweek has a great story on this, if you go in for that sort of thing. The final result, though, is a “new” 959 turning 600+ HP — for the low, low price of, well, just about half a million dollars. For a used car. But damn, it’s a 959, and 15 years on, it’ll still run with the best of them.

But Gates? Your software still sucks.

Dept. of CSS Shenanigans

I’ve added a [categories] link above, which should produce, if you gesture at it, you’ll get a list of our current categories here at Miscellaneous Heathen (they’re noted at the bottom of all the links now). Select one to show only entries from that category.

The basic functionality should work for any browser, but it’ll work best in a modern browser. It works most well in IE 6 or Safari; Moz does pretty well. IE 5 is, of course, continuing to ride the software short bus, but since this is a personal site, I don’t have to humor its fucktard ways.

Dept. of Evil

Apparently, some folks are playing the Star Wars Imperial March (1.5M mp3) whenever Ashcroft appears publically. I love those guys.

This may be why Ashcroft is no longer talking to print journalists (who presumably tend to ask hard questions), and has been speaking in support of PATRIOT only in front of very specific groups.

In any case, his DOJ has been given seminars to local law enforcement on how they may use the USA PATRIOT act to prosecute drug crimes as terrorist acts, which can presumably produce lots of good law-and-order press for reelection time. Before PATRIOT, making crystal meth was merely a silly, stupid thing to do; now, it’s terrorism! (more)

Say, who’s that dork on the left?

This Apple advertisement from nearly 20 years ago includes three computer industry luminaries. The middle one is Mitch Kapor, designer of Lotus 1-2-3 and current leader of the Open Source Applications Foundation, currently hard at work on a true Open competitor to Outlook. The one on the right is Fred Gibbons, whose company has essentially disappeared.

The real question, though, is “does the dork on the left still have that shirt?”

Open Source 101

I know some of my readers are just as geeky as I am (if not moreso!), but many of you aren’t. Maybe you don’t know what all this fuss is about over Open Source software, or why it matters, or why it might be a good idea even for your business or home. Most people outside the tech business world probably don’t understand any of this, and that’s not surprising.

Fortunately, the Economist is running this piece, which paints a pretty fair picture of why OS software is appealing to businesses and government, and why proprietary (i.e., closed) software is seen as undesirable in some contexts no matter what the cost. In no small part, it has to to with control and flexibility: if you’re using OS, you’re free to do as you please with your software. If you’re tied to a vendor, then that vendor’s business plan will start dictating your own business plan. It’s not a long piece, so its coverage is limited, but it’s as fine a rundown for the lay person as I’ve seen yet.

More on PATRIOT

I know I post about this all the time, but dammit, it’s important. Another weblog has a fine rundown of a recent Nightline segment wherein Ted Koppel examines PATRIOT and questions its supporters and critics. Frankly, it’s some astounding stuff. The blog author, Lisa Rein, has some trouble with punctuation and spelling in her transcripts, but she’s also providing some fine clips from the show. Please take a few minutes and read, if nothing else, the transcript of Barbara Comstock’s defense of the act, and note — as Koppel does — how she seems to keep forgetting that those “terrorists” she mentions are actually only “suspected terrorists;” none have sat for any trial.

Koppel closes with this, which is as clear an evisceration of Ashcroft’s DOJ as any I’ve seen:

The men who drafted our constitution, who framed our civil rights and protected our various freedoms under the law would, I suspect, retch at some of the bone headed, self-serving, misinterpretations of their intentions that they so often use these days to undermine the very freedoms they pretend to safeguard. The miracle of American Law is not that it protects popular speech, or the privacy of the powerful, or the homes of the priviledged, but rather, that the least among us, those with the fewest defenses thoses suspected of the worst crimes, the most despised in our midst, are presumed innocent until proven guilty. That remains as revolutionary a concept now as it was in the 1780s. It makes protecting the country against terrorism excruciatingly difficult, but we cannot arbitrarily suspend the rights of one catagory of suspects without endangering all the others.

Food for thought, kids. Remember, too, that on this past 9/11, our president was insisting that PATRIOT didn’t go far enough.

Why the War on Terror is Bogus

This commentary — by a member of Parliament, no less — from The Guardian, a British newspaper, says nothing we haven’t seen before, but it does say it all at once, and very clearly. Why journalists on this side of the pond aren’t also saying this is beyond me, especially since the PNAC documents are widely avaiable, and the events of the last two years match PNAC’s goals awfully closely. Even if you don’t agree with his points, at least consider his comments.

The Man in Black joins the Excitable Boy: Johnny Cash, 1932 – 2003

American icon and music legend Johnny Cash passed away early today. The stated cause of death was complications from diabetes, but we ought not dismiss the obvious: his wife of 35 years, June Carter Cash, passed away earlier this summer.

Cash’s career spans decades, and includes a myriad of collaborations of the type typified by his last recording contract, with Rick Rubin. In the sixties, he worked with Bob Dylan on Nashville Skyline; his ’69 – ’71 TV show included guests such as Dylan, Joni Mitchell, and Louis Armstrong. Another famous guest on that program was Merle Haggard, who first saw Cash from the audience at Cash’s 1958 San Quentin show. Over four decades, he had 48 singles on the Billboard pop chart and won 11 Grammys, including a lifetime achievement award and the 1998 Country Album of the Year. CNN notes that “it’s said that more than 100 other recording artists and groups have recorded ‘I Walk the Line,'” and it’s easy to believe.

At 48 (in 1980), Cash became the youngest living inductee to the Country Music Hall of Fame. In 1992, he added the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame to his accomplishments. Two years later, his relationship with Rick Rubin began, and he entered a sort of creative renaissance. Rubin stated he wanted Cash to sing and record whatever he wanted, and Cash obliged, including new recordings of his own work as well as almost shocking reinterpretations of songs by Soundgarden, U2, Danzig, Depeche Mode, and Trent Reznor. What could have been jokes — “old country artist does hard rock and roll” — turned out to be startling and affecting, thanks no doubt to Cash’s inimitable baritone and style.

Last year, Sony put out a previously unreleased recording of a 1969 show at Madison Square Garden. Along with Cash, it includes performances by Carl Perkins, the Carter Family, the Statler Brothers, and others; he’s at the height of his power and popularity. It’s been in heavy rotation at Nogators HQ for several months. It’s a fine piece of work, and of course, it begins the same way he started all his concerts: “Hello, I’m Johnny Cash.” We here at Nogators believe you might enjoy it, too.

John Ritter Claimed by Celebrity-Death-Trilogy Rule

John Ritter collapsed on the set of his current show yesterday before dying at a Burbank hospital, apparently succumbing to a heretofore undiagnosed heart ailment. He was a week from turning 55, which is entirely too young, particularly considering the dramatic work he’s turned in over the last ten years (beginning with Sling Blade). Ritter was the youngest son of western hero and country artist Tex Ritter, which I didn’t know until today.

Dept. of Navelgazing

This is a list of all the search terms people have used to find this site so far this month. My favorites: “antibiotics or pitying or performer or counterpart or imposing” and “a list of things auto mechanics do.” I have no idea why either led those poor fools here.

Fantastically, the list also includes “they say that the road ain’t no place to start a family” and “work hard to get my fill everybody wants a thrill.” I’m used to Journey-based searches (what with hosting this and all), but actual Journey lyrics are new.